Forever Is Over (87 page)

Richie and I both loved walking in the countryside. When you are
cooped up in a caf
é
all week, the last thing you want to do at weekends
is go shopping, you want to be out in
the open air. One sunny spring
Sunday, Richie drove us up to Ambleside and from there we had a
wonderful walk up Loughrigg Fell. After a couple of hours walking, we
sat down on a bank, looking down upon Loughrigg Tarn and Richie
opened a wicker picnic basked he had brought our lunch in. He took out
two plastic champagne glasses and a min
i
ature bottle of champagne.

“
Wow! You
’
ve come prepared, Mr Billingham! I am impressed!
Look at this view, isn
’
t it amazing!
”

“
It is,
”
said Richie, he looked red faced and a few beads of sweat had
gathered on his forehead,
“
but it needed to be after lugging this picnic
basket up here!
”

“
Be a man! It
’
s a picnic basket not a suitcase!
”

“
I
get no sympathy from you, do I?
”
Richie said in an amused tone.

I lay back on the bank so my whole body was resting against it and
put my hands on my head.

“
This has got to be the most beautiful spot in the whole world!
”
I
said as Richie forced the cork off the champagne bottle. It flew up in
the air and down the bank, Richie ran down after it, keen not to litter
such a clean and picturesque place. He strode back up with the cork in
his hand.

“
I
’
m glad you said that, a bit of an exaggeration maybe, but I
’
m glad
you said it!
”

“
Well, it
’
s definitely my favourite place in the world!
”

“
It might be mine too, in a minute.
”
Richie replied cryptically. He
passed me a plastic glass of champagne.

“
Cheers!
”

“
Cheers!
”

“
It is just an amazing place to be though, isn
’
t it? It makes you
appreciate how lucky you are to be alive and to have the freedom to
come somewhere like this. Look how the tarn reflects the trees and the
clouds in the water and everywhere is just so green and bursting with
life. It just gives you a brilliant buzz being here, doesn
’
t it?
”

“
That
’
ll be the champagne!
”
Richie responded with a giggle.

“
Don
’
t be daft! I just think it
’
s fantasti
c. In a way, it makes me think
about everything that
’
s gone on in my life so far. Vomit Breath was an
idiot but I didn
’
t help the situation being a hardnosed, stroppy little
madam either. When she was using my
face as a punchbag, Kelly, Tut
and I should have thrown a sack over her head, bundled her into Tut
’
s
car and driven her up here. We could have shown her this view and tried
to educate her that there
’
s more to life than fighting, fags and booze.
”

Richie shook his head.

“
Your Mum was beyond educating, Jemma. If you
’
d have brought
her here, she would have taken out a bottle of whiskey and a pack of
fags, drank and smoked herself silly, then gone in search of the nearest offie, leaving her bottle and fag packet behind. She was a nasty piece of
work and she was never going to change.
”

“
She didn
’
t deserve to die though.
”

I had thought about Vomit Breath a million times since she died.
She was a horrible woman but I blamed myself completely for her
unnecessary death. Although I sometimes tried to kid myself that I was wrongly punished for Kelly
’
s misdemeanour, the reality was somewhat
different. If I had not been waving a knife at Vomit Breath that evening,
that sorry episode would never have happened. The guilt and responsibility
lay squarely at my feet. I should have r
un away or reported her to the
police. On reflection, I fully deserved the punishment I received.

“
No,
”
said Richie after a pause,
“
but if she hadn
’
t been a child
beating, evil cow of a woman, she would still be alive. Anyway, nothing
can ever change history. You can regret what happened, but you can
’
t
change it.
”

“
True, but it can change me. It has changed me.
”

I decided the conversation could become too morbid and the huge
high I was feeling could be taken from me if this conversation continued.

I changed the subject.

“
Do you think we
’
ll bring our kids up here?
”

Richie smiled the broadest smile I think I had ever seen him smile.

“
I
’
m not supposed to know yet whether you
’
d marry me and here you are talking about our unborn children!
”

“
You can have children without getting married, you know!
”
I
joked.

“
I can
’
t! Stand up.
”

“
Why?
”

“
Don
’
t question me, just do it. Stand up.
”

I was a little worried.

”
I
’
ve not been lying in dog poo or anything, have I?
”

I stood up. Plastic glass of champagne still in my hand.

“
No, nothing like that. Put your glass down.
”
Richie insisted as he
got to his feet too.

I did as I was told. This was the moment for me that everything
changed. The moment that drew a line under the
‘
Agony Years
’
and
started the
‘
Ecstasy Years
’
. Richie went down on one knee.

“
Jemma Watkinson,
”
Richie looked right into my eyes, his pupils
were enlarged,
“
will you do me the
immense honour of becoming my
wife?
”

There were no doubts. Nothing to ponder. I just had an intense
feeling of joy.

“
Definitely. Nothing could make me more proud!
”

Richie had a box in his hand. My immediate feeling was one of fear.
Richie was not the most artistic of men, I could imagine his choice of
engagement ring being something unconventional but not necessarily
something pleasant on the eye. I did not have too long for fear to set
in, Richie flicked the box open and inside was a hula hoop crisp. He slipped it on to my ring finger.

“
I didn
’
t want to choose an engagement ring for you. I thought,
seeing as though you
’
d be wearing it for the rest of your life, you should
choose it yourself. Get something you really love. For now though, this
will have to do. If you
’
re hungry, you can always eat it!
”

I started to laugh and cry simultaneously. Everything was perfect. The
sun shone brightly, we sipped champagne, I trembled with delight.

“
One thing I forgot to ask!
”
I said once my jangled nerves began
to settle.

“
What
’
s that?
”
Richie enquired.

“
Have you asked my father
’
s permission?
”
I questioned, keeping a
poker face.

Richie looked at me with a furrowed brow.

“
Your father? I have no idea who your father is!
”

“
Neither have I and neither has he!!
”

“
Do you want me to show you how he did it?
”

“
Did what?
”

“
Created you!
”

“
Here?
”

“
Why not?
”

I looked around there was no-one in sight.

“
True! Why not?
”

So the first thing we did as an engaged couple was make love on
Loughrigg Fell. It was also the second thing we did and the third! I told
you, we were frequent back in the day!

It was a Wednesday night.
“
Caffeine Corner
”
had been quiet all
afternoon, it had been deadly boring and I was due on. Richie had been
working on one of the cashier tills in the Building Society because two
of the women had been off sick and there was a one hundred pounds
discrepancy on his till. It was short too, which he said was worse. Thus,
we were ripe for a row. Coronation Street had just finished, we we
re in
the lounge at Mill Street and before the next programme started, I just
mentioned matter-of-factly, that we needed to book Christ Church soon
otherwise it may be booked up for the big day. Cue, argument!

“
No way, Jemma, absolutely no way!
”

“
What do you mean,
‘
no way
’
?
”

My legs had been resting on Richie
’
s on the settee, I took them off!

“
I refuse to get married in a church!
”

“
Hang on a second, who
se
wedding is this?
”
I enquired, upset that
Richie was making unilateral decisions.

“
Ours,
”
Richie replied reluctantly, before adding,
“
not just yours!
”

“
I didn
’
t say it was just mine, but sho
uld we not be making decisions
together, compromising on certain things, to keep each other happy?
”

“
Jemma, I
’
ll compromise with you about everything, in fact,
there is
no need for us to compromise, when it comes to this wedding, you can
do exactly what you want and I
’
ll go along with it, with one exception.
I am not saying my vows in a church. If you make me do that, I
’
ll be
carrying a placard with
‘
Here Under Protest
’
written on it!
”

“
Why?
”

“
Jemma, you know why! I
’
m an atheist!
”

“
But I
’
m a Christian!
”

“
No, you
’
re not! You
’
re a half hearted Christian! When was the last
time you went to church?
”