Forever (Cruiser & Lex, Book 3) (5 page)

Cruiser

Bright lights. Cars in the distance. The sound of snickers crawling into my ears like maggots. A punch to my gut. My face. One time, two times, three times. Everything around me spins. Blood splatters everywhere. A foot slams into my ribs.
“Rot in hell.”

My eyes snap open to the familiar hospital room. My heart thumps in my chest like it’s made of stone. The voice of Jake echoes in my ears.
“Rot in hell.”

I rub my eyes. Dammit, a dream.

The floor by the door creaks. Rey stands there. When he sees I’m awake, he walks over and scratches the back of his neck. “Hey, Cruise.”

My heart rate is starting to slow down. It was just a dream. Damn Jake and his jackass crew.

I blink at the clock. It’s ten PM. “What you doin’ here?” I ask Rey.

He sits down. “Dunno.” He looks troubled.

I sweep my arm across my eyes to get rid of the sleep and that stupid dream. “Whatup, bro?”

His shoe taps the floor. He swallows a few times. Body twitches.

“Seriously, Rey. What’s eating you?”

He rubs his hands down his thighs. “Everything.”

That’s all I’m getting. Rey and I have always been close. Always told each other things. Ever since he got back from L.A., I felt like I was pulling his teeth to find out even the smallest info. “Is it Jake?” I ask.

He looks at his fingers.

“It’s over,” I tell him. “He won’t come after us anymore.” At least, I hope so.

“It’s not that. I mean, yeah, I am scared he’ll try to hurt you again. Or me. But…” He puffs out some air. “All this happened because of me.”

“Rey. We spoke about this. It’s cool.”

“It’s not!” He stands, turns around, and grabs his head. Then he whirls around. “I wrecked everything. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

“It’s not your mind. It’s your heart.”

He looks at me. “What?”

“You lost something you love. Except, it’s not a girl. It’s your violin.”

He scoffs.

“Don’t scoff. You know it’s true. Violin has been your life. Was your dream to become a famous violin player. Now you don’t have that anymore. You feel like you have no purpose.” Kind of like how I felt when Lex pushed me away after Rosie’s accident. My whole life has been about her and Rey. I was positive I’d be with her for the rest of my life. When she pushed me away, I didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know who I was.

“Okay, fine,” he says. “I’m broken hearted because I can’t play violin anymore. What do I do?”

“You don’t get it, Rey.
You’re
the one who broke up with the violin.
You’re
the one who gave up.”

He turns around. Grabs the back of his head again. “No,
you
don’t get it. It’s not the same. It never will be.”

“Why? Explain to me why you can’t just pick up from where you left off. You can attend another music school. You still got a chance at being a famous violinist. You don’t need to give up on your dream.”

His back still faces me. “It’s like being hurt by a girl. Even though you love her, you feel betrayed. That she let you down. And no matter how much you want to be with her,
really
want to be with her, you just can’t. Because it hurts too much.”

I watch his shoulders heave. Like he’s crying. I think I’m starting to fully get how he feels. When I was a kid, I felt like the violin betrayed me, too. I liked it a lot, but I felt like it failed me. Or that I failed it. It’s a whole different level for my bro.

“Rey, you gotta talk to Mom and Dad. They’ll help you figure out what to do.”

He shakes his head. “You know how Mom gets.”

“She’s changed.”

“Maybe to you. She still sees me as the perfect one.”

“Look, Rey. This is going to eat you up until you figure out what to do. I don’t want to see you down a bad path. Look where it’s got you.”

He turns around. “Yeah, with you in the hospital.” He’s got tears in his eyes.

“You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to be a fuckup, either. There’s a middle between the two extremes.”

“I don’t
know
how to be anything but perfect.”

“Yeah, I get that. But with the help of your family, maybe you can.”

He sits back down and breathers heavily. In, out. In, out. Five seconds pass. “I wish I never left for L.A.”

Can’t say I feel the same. Yeah, I missed him like hell, but I got close to Lex. Really close. I don’t think that would have happened if Rey stuck around. I would have felt like a dick being with her with my brother close by. He says he’s over her, but any idiot knows he’s lying. He’s still got feelings for her. Even though he tells me she’s good for me, even if he believes it, he still has feelings.

“Screw Kelman’s, Rey. They’re just a bunch of stuck-up dickheads who can’t spot talent a mile away. You.” I point to him. “Are the shit, okay? Keep telling yourself that.”

“I’m not good, Cruise. Maybe compared to you. Maybe compared to average violin players. But compared to the kids at Kelman’s? I’m the average one.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit! You weren’t there.”

“Quit being a pussy and play the damn violin until you’re better than them.”

That seems to shut him up. He stares at me like I told him the cure for cancer. Then he shakes his head. “I can’t do that.” He shakes it again. Faster. “No. I need to find something else. Something to replace it.”

“I don’t want you to give up on the violin.”

“Cruise—”

“When I’m out of this place, you and I are going to play the damn violin. I won’t let you give up on it.”

“Cruise—”

“Shut up, Rey. I should have done this weeks ago. You’re hurting. And it’s okay. You told me not to give up on Lex. When I lay on the street all bloody and broken, she was the only thing on my mind. I didn’t know if I would survive. Hell, I felt like I was moments away from death. But I promised myself that if I lived, I would do anything to get the girl of my dreams back. Because when someone—or something—means something to you, you can’t just give up on it.”

His hands fist on his knees. “It’s not the same.”

“Sure is. You’re too much of a loser to get a girl, but at least you can have your violin.”

He doesn’t laugh at my lame attempt at humor. Damn.

“I’m gonna be lame as hell now, okay?” I say. “Open your heart and let the violin back in. Okay, I’m done.”

He stares at his shoes. I can see my words sinking in. He better take them to heart. I don’t know how else I can get through to him. He needs to give his violin another chance. Needs to get his life back together.

“Wish I could sleep here,” he says.

I raise my eyebrows. “Too lonely in your own private room?”

He laughs lightly.

I nod at the chair next to the wall. It’s a bit more comfortable than the one he’s sitting in. “
Mi casa es su casa
,” I tell him.

He twists his lips as he studies the chair. Yeah, it doesn’t look comfortable. “Okay,” he says. “I’ll text Dad to let him know I’m spending the night.”

Once he does, he settles down on the chair. Leans his head back.

“Don’t blame me if you have a stiff neck tomorrow,” I tell him.

He waves his hand.

Knowing my twin bro is sleeping in the same room as me helps me relax. I don’t feel so alone anymore, and I know I won’t have another dream about Jackass Jake.

Lex

Cruiser’s coming home tomorrow!

He’s been in the hospital for a week and is finally being discharged. I’m so excited. He and I didn’t have much time to
talk
because we didn’t have a lot of privacy at the hospital. I can’t wait to finally have the chance to sit down and just talk.

When I come downstairs for breakfast, I find Dad sitting at the table. He’s reading the paper while munching on some toast. “Hey. Good morning. I thought you left for work already.”

“I’m going in a little later today.”

“Where are Mom and Rosie?” I ask.

“Your mother dropped her off at school.”

I feel my eyebrows furrow. “What happened to her bus?”

Dad turns the page before lifting his eyes to me. They look defeated. “Your sister pulled a little bit of a tantrum this morning.”

“She did?”

“She refused to go on the van without Jamie.”

Poor Rosie. She’s gotten so used to having a friend who is in a wheelchair. She must feel all alone now.

“Was Mom mad?”

He shakes his head. “Just frustrated.” He drops the paper and rubs a hand down his face. “I don’t know what to do anymore. Neither does your mom.” Before I can say anything, he picks up the newspaper and continues to read.

I know what he means. We want so badly to make Rosie feel better, but is there anything we can do? Rosie needs to accept the fact that she may be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. I hoped it would be easier once my parents accepted it, but I guess not.

“Dad?”

He looks at me.

“What’s going on between you and Mom?”

He puts on an innocent face, but he must figure it’s not going to work on me because he sighs. “Nothing too serious, honey. We have issues like any other couple.”

“It’s the procedure, isn’t it? Mom wants to do it.”

Dad closes the newspaper, giving me his full attention. “You remember how determined she was after Rosie’s accident. The only thing she saw in her eyes was her little girl walking again.”

I sit down near him and nod.

“I think she was ready to put it all behind her and accept things for what they are. But now with Jamie’s procedure…”

“It’s like she’s back to that person.”

He nods.

“Dad, if there’s a slight chance Rosie can walk again—a
slight
chance—would you let her do it?”

“Lex—”

“I don’t want another speech about how it’s impossible to repair a damaged spine and how these doctors are filling the poor kids with false hope. What if Jamie’s procedure
is
a success?”

He sighs again. “We need to take one step at a time. Even if it is a success, there’s no telling how long it will take for him to start moving his legs again, or what effect it will have on him. I don’t want Rosie having false hope in her heart.” He leans closer to rest his hand over mine. “I want to continue living the way we did before, before Jamie signed up for the procedure. If it is a success, we’ll deal with it then. Okay?”

“Okay. But can you and Mom please stop arguing? It’s not exactly making Rosie feel good. She notices more than you think.”

“I know.” He rubs my hand again.

My phone beeps. Holly is outside. “My ride’s here.” I get up and kiss Dad’s cheek. “Bye.”

“Have a good day.”

Holly talks about the meet tomorrow on our way to school. I’m really nervous, but it’s easy to push those feelings away and focus on other things, like Cruiser coming home tomorrow. He told me he wouldn’t miss my meet for anything, but he’s weak and I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for him to come. I wanted to ask him if he’s going back to his Dad’s or if he’ll move back in with his Mom, but I didn’t think it was a good idea to bring it up. I guess I just have to accept whatever choice he makes.

My teammates are talking excitedly as Holly and I enter the gym. Some of them are reviewing a few of the hard moves in our routine. I change into my gym clothes and start stretching. My mind should be on dance, but it’s on Cruiser. Now that he’ll be out of the hospital and back in the real world, the gravity of what happened to him will probably hit him hard. Maybe he’ll be a little scared. I mean, he was
attacked
.

“I want nothing but perfection,” Coach Lewis says. She plays our track and off we go. As the beat of the music travels through my body, I force myself to get rid of any thought that is not related to dance. It’s not easy because I can’t help but think about Cruiser like twenty-four-seven, but dance is my future. I really want to have that as my career. I won’t think about how hard it’ll be for Cruiser and me to make it work, because we
will
make it work. I hope. No, I
know
.

“Focus, Lex!” Coach calls. “You’re missing your cues.”

I shove all my thoughts aside and focus on dance. One of my poms splats in my face. Coach gives me a disappointed look.

“Sorry.”

“Come on, Lex!” Holly encourages.

A little voice in my mind reminds me that I’m in the running for the scholarship, which means I
have
to put my head in the game.

When practice is done, I’m all sweaty and gross. I take a quick shower and head to my locker for my books. Dani’s leaning against it. “Hi,” I tell her.

“Hey. Haven’t seen much of you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been spending like every second at the hospital. Do you know Cruiser’s coming home tomorrow?” I bounce on my heels.

“You only texted me that information like ten million times.”

I laugh. “Sorry. I guess I’m a little excited.”

“I don’t blame you.”

Once I gather my books, Dani and I head to class. “So…” she says.

“So what?” I ask.

“Did you guys reclaim your status or what?”

“I think so. I mean, we didn’t really have the chance to talk about, you know,
stuff
.” The only time we had privacy, we ended up rolling around in his bed. My cheeks flame at the memory. “He kind of hinted to me that he wants me to be his girlfriend.”

We settle down in our seats. “So how do you feel about that?”

“You know I want him.”

“What happened to letting go of the Dalton Twins and learning about yourself? Didn’t you say that’s what you wanted to do?”

I rub my forehead. “I thought I did. Because when I was with Cruiser, all I did was hurt him. But when I saw him lying in that hospital bed, I knew I made a big mistake. I don’t care about Cruiser’s past. I think I’m ready to accept everything about him. Even the ugly parts.”

She looks doubtful.

“What? You think I shouldn’t get back together with him?”

“No, I do. I think the two of you belong together.”

“So why are you making it seem like you don’t want us to get back together?”

She shakes her head. “It’s not that I don’t want you to be happy. I just think you get a little too obsessive about Cruiser.”

For a second, I feel hurt and betrayed, but then I realize that she’s right. I love Cruiser to death, but I can’t revolve my life around him. It’s not healthy. “I’m just scared I’ll lose him again,” I whisper.

“I know. But being too obsessed can cause you to lose him, too.”

She’s right. I blew up on him for the whole Erica Sandford thing for no reason. He didn’t do anything wrong. I have to let go of my fear of losing him and let things run their course. I don’t want to be a crazy girlfriend. Cruiser is really sweet for putting up with me. I don’t know if anyone else would.

“Thanks, Dani. And I promise we’ll hang out more.”

She narrows her eyes. “You better.” Then she smiles and playfully slaps my shoulder.