Forever (Cruiser & Lex, Book 3) (17 page)

Lex gazes up at me, her eyes shining with that undying love she has for me. I don’t care that we’re in Carter’s office. I lock an arm around her waist, yank her to my chest, and plant a passionate kiss on her lips. I feel her body soften against me.

“Okay,” Carter says. “Get out of here before I have no choice but to report you to VP Rayer.”

I step back from Lex, releasing her. I give Carter a cocky grin. “Your fault.”

She laughs, then shoos us away with her hands.

Lex takes my hand as we head to our lockers. Swings it. “I’m very proud of you. You were open with your feelings. I didn’t think I could feel any closer to you than I already did. But I do.”

“Thanks. I feel the same.” Peering to my right and left to make sure no teacher is looking, I give her another passionate kiss. Feel her once again melt against me.

When the bell rings again, we reluctantly pull apart. “I’ll help you carry your books to your next class,” Lex says.

Lex

My parents are out on a date. I was so surprised when they asked me to look after Rosie when I came home from school. They haven’t been out on a romantic date in weeks. I’m so happy I can sing until I lose my voice.

Things are still a little strained between them—some nights I hear them arguing in hushed whispers about Jamie’s procedure and what it means in regards to Rosie—but the fact that they’re spending time together shows that we’re not going to have a repeat of what happened last year. My parents want to work on their relationship.

Rosie’s in the middle of doing her homework on the living room couch. I’m sitting next to her with my computer. I opened a Google page a few minutes ago, but I have no idea what I’m looking for exactly. I twist my lips, then raise my fingers over the keys. I type “Repairing a model cruiser ship” in the search bar.

Cruiser’s comment in Ms. Carter’s office lit a fire inside me. I don’t want him to give up on the Navy because his ship was destroyed. It’s not a sign. It was an accident. I refuse to let him give up.

I guess we’ll talk about it tomorrow morning in Ms. Carter’s office. I’m nervous about it, of getting everything out there in the open. I know what I want the conclusion to be, but I’m not sure Cruiser will agree with me. I need to push my own feelings and hopes aside and support him with whatever he chooses.

No matter what, I still want to find a way to repair his cruiser ship. Even if he doesn’t join the Navy, I know it’s important to him. I just don’t know if there’s a way to fix it. A few days ago, I searched online for a replacement model, but I couldn’t find any. Maybe there’s nothing I can do.

“What are you doing?” Rosie stretches her neck, trying to get a glimpse of the Google page. “Why are you researching cruiser ships?”

“Cruiser’s ship broke.”             

Her eyes widen. “What?”

I nod. “I thought I could find a way to repair it or a replace it, but I don’t know.”

“Can I help?”

“Sure.” I slide the computer onto her lap. “You’re the internet whiz.”

She starts typing different things into the search bar, then clicks on link after link. She’s going so fast that I grow dizzy. “Here.” She faces the computer to me. “You see this? I think they repair model ships.”

“Really?” I take the laptop and scan the website. It’s a small store that specializes in repairing model ships. “How did you find this?”

She has a proud smile on her face. “Because I’m awesome.”

I hug her. “You are more than awesome! I think we might be able to fix Cruiser’s ship. He’ll be so happy. I’m going to call Rey. Thanks so much!” I kiss her cheek.

She makes a face as she wipes it.

I text Rey, asking if I can call him. I tell him that we need to speak in private because I don’t want Cruiser to overhear. He tells me Cruiser is in his room listening to music. Perfect. I dial Rey.

“Hey,” he says. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I want to talk to you about Cruiser’s ship.”

“Oh.” The guilt in his voice can practically swallow both our houses.

“I think I found someone who can repair it. But I want to talk to you about it first. Do you know anything about model ships? I mean, I don’t know if I can trust the guy.”

“Hmm. Well, to be honest, the ship looks beyond repair.”

I feel my heart deflate like a balloon. “You want to give up just like that?”

He sighs. “No. I don’t know anything about model ships, though.”             

“Can you talk to your grandparents? I’ll send you the link of the website I found. Please, Rey. I really want to do this for Cruiser. He’s been devastated ever since he lost his ship. He won’t join the Navy.”

“It’s not because of his ship. It’s because of…” He voice trails off.

“I know,” I say, my heart constricting. “Because of me.”

He’s quiet for a few seconds. “I don’t want to get involved in this. You guys gotta figure it out. But if my opinion is worth anything, I think you shouldn’t pressure him to join.”

Shock shoots throughout my body. “What? I thought you were always on board with his dream to join the Navy.”

“Dunno. It was always so far away…”

“So you’re saying that because it’s a reality now, you don’t want him to join?”

“C’mon, do you really want to see him months at a time?
Months
, Lex.”

Tears start to gather in my eyes. “Please don’t make this any harder than it already is. Cruiser and I…we’ll figure it out.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to my grandparents and let you know what they think.”

“Thanks. By the way, how are the repairs on his bike going?”

“They’re going. Won’t be done for a while, though.”

“Okay. But we need it to be ready by the time Cruiser’s cast comes off. I can’t wait to surprise him with it.”

“Me, too. Don’t worry, it’ll be just as good as new.”             

***

Cruiser seems more nervous than yesterday. He keeps twitching in his chair and tapping his shoe. Ms. Carter hasn’t come in yet.

“Maybe we should bolt,” he says.

“We need to talk about it.”             

He nods, then twitches again.

“So about the double date with Rey and Melody…”

“Yeah?” He looks relieved to focus his mind on something other than Ms. Carter and what will go down at this session.

“Any ideas? It needs to be romantic.”

“Hell if I know.”             

“Cruiser, you are like the most romantic guy on the planet.”

“Sure.”

“Seriously. Remember our one-month anniversary?”

He smiles. “Of course. I’ll never forget it.”

“So use your special romantic powers and figure out something special for their first date.”

“We’ll figure it out together, darlin’. But right now, all I can think about is Carter and all this crap we’re gonna have to talk about it.”

I lay my head on his shoulder. “Please don’t call it crap. It’s important. Very important.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just really nervous.”

I take his hand. “I’m nervous, too. It’ll be okay.” I kiss his cheek.

Ms. Carter walks in with her umbrella, splattering water everywhere, and on me and Cruiser. It’s been raining all morning. “Sorry,” she says. “I hate the rain. Just give me a few minutes to settle down.”

Cruiser’s and my hands remain interlocked as we wait. Instead of taking only Cruiser’s file out of the drawer, she takes another one, too. “Is that mine?” I ask.

She lowers herself onto her chair. “Yes. There are some things I’d like to write down.”

Cruiser makes an indistinct sound in the back of his throat. I try to hold back a smile—I know how much he hates when Ms. Carter constantly takes notes.

“Okay.” She clasps her hands over the files on her desk. “Who wants to start?”

“Me,” I say. “If that’s okay with you, Cruiser.”

Cruiser waves his hand.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay.” I face Cruiser. I hope I’ll be able to keep my eyes on him during my speech because I want him to understand how serious I am. “The thing is…I know how much you want to join the Navy. It’s been your dream since you were ten years old. Whenever the Navy was mentioned, your whole face lit up in a certain way. It didn’t matter if you were having a bad day, if you were upset with your parents or school or whatever. Whenever you talked about the Navy or looked at your ship, it made you feel better.”

Cruiser’s twitching is more intense. I don’t know if he wants me to continue.

“Are you done?” Ms. Carter asks.

“I, um. I don’t think Cruiser looks very comfortable,” I tell her.

She looks at him. “Are you uncomfortable?”

His leg shakes. “I feel naked.”

“Do you want to talk about this?” I ask. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to. We have time.”

He shakes his head. “Might as well get it over with.”

“I don’t want to force you, Cruise.” I touch his arm. “We don’t have to do this.”

“It’s okay, darlin’. Like you said, we need to talk about it.”

“Okay. So, um…I know how much the Navy means to you. I don’t want you to have to give it up because of me.”

His eyes trek to Ms. Carter for a few seconds before focusing on me. “You’re the most important person in my life. Screw the Navy. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t. We can have a wonderful life together. You joining the Navy won’t take any of that away.”

He looks away from me and shakes his head.

“Cruiser, tell her how you feel.”

“She knows.”

“She wants to hear it.”

He keeps his gaze on his shoes. “I love her to death. When I close my eyes at night, I have all these images in my head. Of me running off overseas. Not seeing her for months. The look on her face when I leave. The look on her face when I return. All those nights where she’d cry herself to sleep. Missing me, wishing she can touch me. Kiss me. Hold me. Hugging our kids close as they cry for their daddy.” When he raises his eyes to me, I see there are tears in them. He lowers them back to his lap. “My mom was so against me joining because she knows what it’s like. Her words used to mean crap to me because I didn’t have anyone in my life worth anything. Didn’t have anyone to cry over me. Hell, I used to joke to myself that it wouldn’t matter if another ship or submarine would blow up my ship, because no one would even care if I was killed.” He lets out some air. “But now I have someone. You don’t get what it was like, Carter. How much I wanted Lex. With the accident…” He swallows. “I thought I lost her forever. And then I came back from New York, determined to patch things up with her and ask her to be mine forever. But she was with Rey. It made me feel like total shit.”

“Language,” Ms. Cater says.

“Sorry. Now I have her, and she’s the best thing to have happened to me. And I’m supposed to throw that away because of some stupid dream I had when I was ten years old?”

My vision is so blurry because of the tears that are spilling from my eyes. I grab a few tissues from Ms. Carter’s desk and wipe them away.

“Those are very heavy words,” she says. “Do you guys want a minute to think things over?”

I nod. Ms. Carter gets up, pats both our shoulders, and leaves.

Cruiser takes my hand and leads me over to him, sitting me on his lap. His lips press into my temple as he hugs me close. “It’s okay, darlin’.”

“I’m sorry. I’m a mess.”

“Don’t worry about it. Cry as much as you need.”

I don’t know how long I remain in his arms, softly crying on his shoulder. But after a while, Ms. Carter returns. I realize that we’re running out of time. I don’t want the bell to ring without us concluding anything.

I return to my seat. “Can I talk now?” I ask.

Ms. Carter nods.             

I turn to Cruiser. “We have so much baggage. The accident, and Rosie, and Rey. But all of this has made us stronger. We have a strong bond that’s not easily broken. I don’t know if anyone or anything
can
break it.”

Cruiser nods.

“I saw the look in your eyes when you tried on your grandfather’s uniform. I know you want to join. Deep down, you do. Please admit it to yourself, Cruiser. It doesn’t mean you’ll love me any less, or that you’re sacrificing me for the Navy. I just want you to be honest with yourself.”

Cruiser looks at Ms. Carter, then at his shoes. He’s quiet for a long time before he says, “It’s like I’m being pulled by both sides. I don’t know what to do.”

“You’ll resent me a few years down the line. I know you will.”

“I’d never resent you, T. Rex. I want to build a life with you.” He laughs awkwardly. “We’re too young to be talking about this.”

“This is a mature discussion,” Ms. Carter says. “Not many kids your age have to deal with this.”

Cruiser looks at me. “I’m sorry I’m putting you through this.”

I quickly shake my head. “Please don’t apologize. You’re not putting me through anything.”

He squeezes my hand before facing Ms. Carter. “What’s the smartest thing to do?”

“Only the two of you can know what’s best for you.”

“Aren’t we here for you to ‘guide’ us?”

She nods. “Yeah. By helping you guys talk it out, I’m guiding you.”

Cruiser looks at me. “What do you want me to do? I’ll do whatever you want.”

“No. I’ll support you with whatever you want to do. Just know that I’m mature enough to handle the military life. I’m not saying it won’t be hard. I can’t promise that I won’t cry myself to sleep when you’re at sea. I can’t promise that a few years down the line when we have kids, I won’t hug them tight and miss you like crazy. But what I can promise is that I will try to make our life together as best as possible. We can do it, Cruiser. I know we can.”

“I don’t know…”