Forever (Cruiser & Lex, Book 3) (8 page)

Cruiser

Lex’s Mom texts her that she’s waiting outside. After Lex says good night to Rey and my Dad, I walk her to the door. I don’t open it, though. I gently press her to the wall and kiss her. Nonstop. I don’t want her to leave.

“Cruiser,” she whispers between kisses. “My mom’s waiting.”

I don’t care. Let her wait until the sun comes out. My lips slide to Lex’s temple.

“Cruiser.”

“I don’t want to let you go.”

“I’ll come over after school tomorrow. I promise.”

I reluctantly loosen my arm from around her. Wrap my hand around the back of her neck and just gaze into her eyes. “My beautiful T. Rex.”

We’re in the dark, but I see her cheeks get red. She’s so cute when she blushes. I kiss her nose.

She brushes some hair out of my eyes. “Good night, Cruiser.”

“’Night.”

Her eyes drop to my left arm. It’s wrapped in a blue cast and has a few signatures on it in black marker. Rosie Posie’s stands out the most. She wrote “Rosie Posie beats Cruiser Muser in
Dawn of the Damned
” in large letters, then underneath: “Still thinking of a better name!” It takes up almost the whole thing.

Lex bends toward my arm and lightly presses her lips to the sling. Then she straightens up and smiles. “So it’ll heal faster.”

“I think you made it fall in love with you,” I joke.

She laughs.

“Come here.” I stretch my arm around her and haul her closer to me. Until she’s tucked into my side. I rest my cheek on hers and just hold her. But I can’t for too long because her phone rings. Her mom.

I kiss her one more time before I let her go.

Rey’s in the room when I get back. Throwing his stress ball against the wall. Kind of useless because it doesn’t bounce. It just goes splat and then slides down the wall. I sit on my bed and…I got nothing to do. “How about a game?” I ask Rey.

“How are you gonna play with just one hand?”

Hmm. Good point. “I’ll make it happen.”

Rey shrugs. He loads in a shooting game. Hmm. Yeah, this isn’t easy. Hell, it’s impossible. I throw my controller aside and watch him play. After a few minutes, I say, “How long you plan on staying here?”

He keeps his eyes on the screen. “I don’t need a babysitter, Cruise. You wanna be closer to Lex? Move back in with Mom.”

I lean back in my chair. Rub my eyes. “I’m gonna go where you go. You need me.”

He snorts.             

“Seriously. Out here all by yourself? Where you don’t know anyone?”

“Dad’s here.”

“Ain’t the same. Come back to South Beach High. Patch things up with Derek and Jared. Rejoin your lame clubs.”

He doesn’t move his gaze from the screen.

“Go back to how things used to be.”

He sighs and pauses the game. “I want to go back, but…” He shakes his head.

Twin telepathy tells me what he’s afraid of. “They’ll forgive you,” I say. “They miss you.”

“I just feel like such a moron. I’m embarrassed by how I’ve been acting. All the kids there will—”

“Screw them. How do you think I came back after being away for a year? It wasn’t easy. Last they remembered, I was some loser who got stoned or trashed every night and fooled around with girls. No one took me seriously. Just saw my past hanging over my head.”

He lowers his elbows on his knees. Rests his chin on his hand. “I don’t know how you did it.”

“Because all those people weren’t important. You were important.” I swallow. “Lex was important. Everyone else was just background noise.”

“Easier to just run away.”

“Sure is. But it’s not the right answer.”

“Yeah.” He shakes his head again. “You got no clue what I said to some of my teachers. Damn, I was so messed up. I still am.”

“So am I. Everyone is. Just gotta learn from it and move on.”

He rubs the back of his head. “What about Mom? She’ll be all in my business. She’ll try to get me back into the violin.”

“That a bad thing?”

His eyes lower to his shoes. “I’m not ready yet. I don’t think I ever will be. I don’t know if I want to be.”

I get up and head to the closet. Where we dumped everything we don’t really need. I curse as I try to move stuff around with only one hand. Then I find it. I walk back to Rey and hold it out.

His eyes widen. Mouth falls. “My v-violin. Where did you get it from?” By the look on his face, I know he wants to grab it. Maybe hug it and tell it how much he loves and misses it. But then his face changes. Looks like he wants to smash it against the wall.

“Mom sent it over.”

“I didn’t realize you were playing
my
violin the other day.” A few hours before Jake and his crew attacked me. I saw the longing in his eyes then. But he ran away.

“Play it,” I say as I throw him the bow.

He shakes his head so fast I see double. “No way.”

“Rey. Play the damn violin.”

“
No
.”

“Fine.” I hold it over my shoulder. “Guess I’ll just slam it into the wall. Maybe I’ll be able to sell some of the wood.” I turn toward the wall.

“Cruise, what the hell!” He jumps to his feet.

I chuckle. “Knew you couldn’t handle it.”

He narrows his eyes. “Just stash it back in there.”

“Play it.”

“I said no!”

“One song.”

“No.”

“Just one.”

“No!”

“I’m not moving until you play a fucking song,” I say.

“Then I guess you’ll fall asleep standing.”

“How about I slam it into the wall?”

“Oh my god. You’ve lost it.”

I chuck it on his bed. Dammit. He won’t play. “You have no dick.”

He folds his arms and juts out his chin.

“Only a guy with no dick would refuse to play his damn violin.”

“Guess you had no dick when we were twelve.”

“Rey, we’re talking about
you
. Forget me.”

He slams his ass down on the bed and huffs.

“You’re acting like a little kid,” I tell him.

“Do you really think my playing the violin will fix everything? Because it won’t!”

“It might.”

“It
won’t
.”

I throw my hand up. “I don’t know what to do with you.”

“Welcome to the club,” he mutters.

Maybe I’m going about this all wrong. Maybe the guy really is traumatized by the violin. Maybe the best course is to take his mind off things. Maybe find him another hobby.

“Rey.”

“I’m not playing the damn violin, Cruiser. Just leave me alone. Wish I had my own room.”

“Okay, screw the violin. How about we find some other hobby?”

He lifts his eyebrows. “
We
?”

“I was gonna join some clubs back at South Beach High. To help with college. We can find one we both like.”

He scoffs. “Who are you and what have you done with my idiot brother?”

He’s laughing like the thought of me being part of a group or activity is the most ridiculous thing in the world. Which shouldn’t be too surprising. I’m not one to do things with other people.

“I was thinking theater,” I tell him.

He bursts out laughing. “You on stage? You’d wreck the whole show.”

Item number two added to the Payback List. “I meant backstage.”

He blinks at me. “You’re actually serious.”

I shrug. “You want me to join one of your old lame clubs? Law or debate or some other crap? ‘Cuz I will if you will.”

“What are we? Siamese Twins?”

“It wouldn’t hurt to do something together.” Ever since I quit the violin, we haven’t really done anything together. Sure we hung out a lot and played video games and talked. But we didn’t do a project or hobby. Rey got so busy with his violin and middle school clubs and his friends, and all I wanted to do was hang out with Lex. Then the accident happened and all went to hell.

Rey’s mouth shuts. He looks at me. “I guess it wouldn’t be too bad to do something together. All your interests suck, though.”

Now I scoff. “Don’t forget that I’m the cool twin and you’re the loser twin.”

He snorts. Then frowns.

“I was kidding.”             

“I know it’s true,” he says. “You’ve always been the cool one. Always the good looking one.”

“We have the same face. Sort of.” We’re not identical, but we look similar. Some people couldn’t tell us apart when we were kids. If I were to chop off all my hair, we’d look a lot alike.

“Maybe if I was cool like you, I wouldn’t have focused every second of my life on the damn violin. It gave me no life.” Then he says so low I almost miss it, “Maybe I would have a girlfriend.”

I sit near him on his bed. “Spending all your time on the violin is cool. Look how far it got you.”

“Useless now.”

“We are not going to do this again. You’ll play the violin soon. Mark my words. And you’ll get a girlfriend, too.”

It looks like he doesn’t believe a word that left my mouth.

We don’t say anything.

Then, “Are you really going to join theater?” he asks.

“Something wrong with that?”

He squints at me. “I don’t see it. You being on stage and acting.”

“Hell no. I told you I want to do backstage.”

He squints at me again. “I don’t see you moving props, sewing clothes, or paining sceneries.”

I shrug.

“Is Lex gonna join, too?”

“Nah. She’s got no time because of dance.”

He twists his mouth. “So you want to move back with mom and go back to our old school.”

“Our life is there, Rey. Not here.” I gesture around. “We’re like in another dimension.”

He looks at his lap. “Yeah. You’re right. I don’t know if I can face everyone, though.”

“They won’t give a damn about you. They’ll all just be happy I’m back and they’ll fight to sign my cast.”

Rey grabs the back of my head and shoves me down on his bed. “You’re so full of it.”

“You’re attacking an injured man!”

“A man? I don’t see a man here. Just a little boy with a big boo boo.” He straddles me and pushes my face into the bed. “I’m getting you back for all the times you wrestled me.”

“Not my fault you’ve got no muscles.”

“I think I like you with one arm. I can do whatever I want you with. Muahahaha.”

“Rey, you’re going to choke me to death.” I try to push him off, but I’m no match with only one arm.

“Cool. Now I’ll have Lex all to myself.”

I go still.

“Relax, I’m joking.” He climbs off of me. “You think Dad’ll be upset that we’re leaving?”

“You gotta think about yourself, Rey. Stop trying to please Mom or Dad. You’ve been doing that your whole life. What do
you
want to do?”

He looks at me like I asked him the most difficult question known to man.

“Well?” I ask.

“I have no idea.”

“Well, bro, it’s time you find out.”

Lex

The first thing I do when I wake up the next morning is text Cruiser and tell him I have something to show him after school. I was up all night, trying to come up with something special to do for him. He’s been through a lot and I want to show him how much I love and appreciate him. After throwing aside one suckier idea after another for three hours, I finally came up with the perfect thing. I called Dani—the girl doesn’t go to bed before 2 AM—and she helped me plan it. It’s going to be amazing. The only problem is that I have to get through a whole day of school.

My phone beeps.

Morning, darlin’             

Did I wake you?

Nah, was up. Can’t sleep. Arm’s been acting up a bit, but I’m cool now. Want to wish you a good day. I’ll be thinking about you and missing you to death.

I feel so warm inside.
Me, too. I’ll count down the hours until we’re together.

What do you want to show me?

It’s a surprise.

Can’t wait. Giving you a PG-13 rated kiss.

Only PG-13?

Mmm. Okay, I’m giving you a rated R kiss.

I laugh, feeling even warmer and happier.

As I’m getting dressed, I hear Mom yelling from downstairs. My stomach knots and my throat chokes up. I gather my hair into a ponytail and shove on my shoes before rushing downstairs. I stop short when I see the sight in front of me. Milk is spilled on the table, Rosie is in tears, and Mom looks like she wants to throw herself off a bridge. Dad already left for work.

“What’s going on?” I step inside.

“Don’t let her make me take the bus!” Rosie sobs, fresh tears pouring down her cheeks. “Don’t let her make me!”

“I don’t have time to drop you off at school every morning, Rosie.”

“But I won’t take the bus! I won’t, I won’t. I’m not going to school.”

Mom’s hands fly to her temples, where she massages them roughly. “I can’t take this.” Her eyes flash to mine. “Couldn’t you have gotten your license like every other teenager on the planet?”

It feels like she threw fifty darts at me. I back away, as if the more distance I put between us, the less her words will hurt. But that doesn’t happen. If anything, they only hurt more. Maybe because they’re sinking in. Mom knows how badly I feel about the accident, so much that I’m scared to drive. I always tell myself I’ll learn one day, but I never seem to feel ready.

Mom must realize what she just said because she says, “I’m sorry, Lex.”

“It’s fine,” I say. The truth is, having my license would come in handy. But I can’t bring myself to do it. Not yet. It’s too soon.

I walk over to Rosie and get down on my knees in front of her, taking her hands. “What’s wrong with your bus? Is it because Jamie won’t be with you?”

“Everyone always stares at me! It’s not fair!”

I rub her hands. “What do you mean they stare?”

“When the stupid van lowers me to the street! They all stare and point and laugh and I don’t want to go on the van!”

“I don’t understand, Rosie. They don’t stare when Mom drops you off?”

“No! She just helps me onto the wheelchair and it’s not such a big deal. Some people stare, but not everyone. But the bus makes such a big show! I’m not going to school! You can’t make me! No one can make me.”

I raise myself off the floor and envelop her in my arms. She fights me, trying to push me away, but I tighten my hold. After a few seconds, she relaxes and her arms come around me. She weeps on my shoulder. My own tears roll down my cheeks. Poor Rosie. I can’t take all of this, how much she’s suffering, all because of me. No kid should go through this. I suck. I really do. I would do anything to go back in time, to the night of the accident, and prevent it.
Anything
.

I stand up, wiping my eyes. “I’ll get her to school, Mom.”

“How exactly will you do that?”

“I’ll ask Dani or Holly if they mind dropping her off. Go to work, okay? Don’t stress.”

She faces my little sister. “Rosie, you need to learn to live with this. Not everything in life is easy.”

“Mom, I’ll get her to school.”

“We can’t treat her like a princess, Lex. This is only the beginning. She will encounter many obstacles in her life. We need to teach her how to be strong.”

“I don’t want to be strong!” Rosie cries. “I want my stupid legs to work!”

“Rosie—” we both start.

“I’m going to my room.” She wheels away.

Mom collapses on a chair and buries her face in her hands. I sit down near her. “Go to work. I’ll get her to school.”

“Don’t you have to be at dance practice soon?”

“I’ll miss it. It’s no big deal.”

She lifts her head. “Of course it’s a big deal, honey. Coach Lewis spoke to me after your meet. I didn’t realize the scholarship was between you and one other student.”

I shrug. I don’t care about the scholarship right now. I mean, I sort of do because I want to fulfill my dream of going to Juilliard, but Rosie’s more important.

“You can’t afford to miss practice,” Mom says.

“Rosie needs us, Mom.”

“She needs to grow thick skin.”

“She’s only a kid!”

“Unfortunately, she’ll never be a regular kid.”

I’m about to tell her how untrue that is, but she puts her hand on my arm. “I know you want her to have as normal life as possible, but it can never be like that. You need to understand that. And you need to stop your guilt from clouding your judgment.”

“Stop talking about me!” Rosie yells from her room.

I stand. “I’ll get her to school.”

It looks like Mom has no energy to argue. She nods, then kisses my forehead. “I’ll call the school and tell them not to send the bus.” She goes to Rosie’s room to wish her a good day at school before walking out. I head to Rosie and find her sitting in her chair, staring at the walls.

“Hey, Rosie,” I say.

She looks at me, her eyes still wet from her tears, but I also see relief in them. “Will you really take me to school?”

“I will.”

“I won’t have to go on the bus anymore?”

“We’ll think of something, okay? If you don’t want to take the bus, I won’t force you.” Maybe I am being too soft on her, but I can’t help it. I wouldn’t be able to stand forcing her to do something that makes her so unhappy.

“Thanks, Lexi.”

I kiss the top of her head. Then I text Dani, asking her if she’s cool with driving Rosie to school. After a few minutes, she responds. I sigh in relief. She agrees to drive her, but she won’t be here earlier than twenty minutes. We’ll probably be late, and I will most likely miss practice, but I want to do this for Rosie. I need to make her life as easy as possible.

While we wait, I sit down on Rosie’s bed and pull her chair closer to me. She’s not crying heavily anymore, just sniffing and sweeping her arm across her eyes and nose. “You okay?” I ask.

She nods.

“It will be okay.”

She shakes her head. “Jamie’s gonna walk. I’ll be the only wheelchair kid in school.”

“Sweetie, I know it’s hard, but you have to accept it. There’s nothing you can do about it, so there’s no point in getting upset. You’re just making yourself unhappy.”

“I don’t have friends.”

“That’s because you don’t give the other kids a chance. Whatever happened to that sleepover you wanted to have with your old friends?”

She keeps her eyes on the floor.

“I’m sure they want to come over.”

“No, they don’t! They don’t want to be friends with the weird wheelchair girl.”

I reach for her hands, but she places them on her lap. “You need to open your heart, Rosie.”

“I don’t want to!” A new batch of tears well up in her eyes. “I want Jamie to be in a wheelchair and for us to be best friends. Forever.”

“That’s selfish.”

“It’s not selfish that he gets to walk and I have to stay in this thing?” She slaps her hands on the wheels, then winces.

“Don’t hurt yourself. Please.”

She continues to cry.

“Rosie, try to focus on the good things in your life instead of the bad.”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact that you have a loving family. Like the fact that you are alive.”

She shrugs.

“You’ll get through this, okay? You have me, and Mom and Dad, and you have Cruiser. And you have Jamie, too. It’ll be okay, I promise.”

She doesn’t say anything, but her expression softens a bit. I hope I’m getting through to her. She’s the only one who can help herself. She sees a therapist once a week, but I’m not sure how helpful that is.

My phone beeps. Dani’s here. I wrap my hands around the wheelchair handles and roll Rosie out the door, down the ramp, and to the car. Dani pops open the trunk and helps me get Rosie in the backseat. “Thanks so much for doing this,” I tell her.

“No problem.” She smiles to Rosie, who returns a hesitant one.

I get in the back with Rosie, putting my arm around her. Dani starts the car and heads to the elementary school. Rosie’s eyes are downcast and she sniffs every so often. I squeeze her closer to me.

The ride is quiet. We reach the school in twenty minutes and settle Rosie in her chair. The place is empty, so I guess class has already started.

“Wow, I haven’t been here in forever,” Dani says as I wheel Rosie toward the entrance.

“Miss it?” I ask.

“Hell yeah. I had my best memories here.”

“To be a kid again,” I say, my voice laced with longing.

“Yeah. But I don’t want to go through all that shi—I mean, crap again. You know, Jimmy and everything.”

And I don’t want to go through the accident again, and the months that followed.

“We should come late all the time,” Rosie says, her tone more cheerful.

“I doubt your teachers will appreciate that,” I tell her.

Dani opens the door for us, and I roll Rosie inside. A woman who’s been sitting on one of the chairs in the hall runs over. Her name is Jess, and she’s the woman the school hired to assist Rosie. Whether helping her get to class, carrying her books, getting her lunch, or anything else she might need.

“Hey. I called your mom but she didn’t answer,” she says. “I wasn’t sure if Rosie was coming in today.” She smiles down at her. “Hi, Rosie.”

“Hi.”

Despite how Rosie feels about her wheelchair, she adores Jess.

“Sorry, we had a slow morning.” I step aside and let Jess take hold of the handles. “Bye, Rosie. Have a good day.”

She gives me a face like “Suuuuure.”

I nod to Jess, and she gives me a smile. “I’ll make sure she has a good day. Bye.”

I watch her wheel her away, to the elevator. Rosie looks back at me. She has an expression in her eyes, one I can’t pinpoint exactly. It’s a mixture of sadness, hopelessness, and loneliness. Every part of me hurts and I bite down hard on my lower lip to keep myself from crying. Once the doors close and they’re out of sight, I blink, letting the tears fall.

Dani hesitantly touches my back. She’s not one to be mushy. “You okay?” she asks.

I nod. “I will be.” I glance at the time. “Maybe not. Coach Lewis is going to fry my butt.”

Dani nods. “That, she will.”