For Your Heart (Hill Dweller Retellings) (26 page)

    
I swallow.  I’m certain that’s not the best approach.  Seelies, by principal, don’t meddle in human affairs and doing this?  Removing the ability for a human to exert their own will?  It borders dangerously on an UnSeelie action and goes entirely against the principles of one who carries the Talent for Bending – not that she has not broken that principal many times with Tamrin.  But how can I tell her that? 

    
I can not.  Once Roxel makes up her mind about something, it’s nearly impossible to turn her around.  I can tell her the truth…but that will only get me in trouble for lying – and most likely cause more hardship for Tamrin.  If she knows he loves someone more than her?  I cringe to think what she’ll do to him.

    
I bite my lip and tip my head in thought.  Roxel
is
right about only having a short amount of time left with him.  He should be here with us.  So, perhaps Roxel’s plan is a good one?  If she makes it so this Jean-girl folds to Tamrin’s advances then maybe she’ll hate him for breaking his vow and taking her maidenhead?  If Jean hates him, he’ll come home again. 

    
I smile to myself.  Yes, that can work.

Jeanette

    
Tamrin hands me my history book and I put it on the shelf in my locker.  “What are we doing tonight?”

    
I glance over my shoulder.  “I don’t know.  I’m supposed to go to Amber’s meet this afternoon.”

    
Tamrin’s face falls, then he knits his brow in hope.  “After that?”

    
I try not to grin at his desperation.  “What did you want to do?”

    
“Your dad gave us allowance this morning.”

    
I roll my eyes.  I don’t need reminding.  I’ve come to accept Tamrin in many aspects of my life, but him weaseling into Dad’s good graces is still a bruised and swollen area.  “I’m saving mine for AniCon…If I can manage to get Dad to let me go.”

    
The crooked smirk emerges, dimpling his cheek.  “You don’t need to worry about that.  It’s already taken care of.”

    
“What do you mean?”

    
He shrugs.  “Well, I suggested to your dad that, since you did so well on your make-up test for Spanish, he might cancel your grounding.”

    
I stare at him, jaw dropped.  “Dad never goes back on a grounding no matter how good I am.”  Then an awful thought occurs to me.  “Oh no, now what did you do to him?”

    
“Nothing.”  He crosses his chest, still grinning.  “I swear to you, Jean.  I haven’t had anyone do anything else.  I haven’t even left the house.  You
know
that.”

    
I eye him, suspicious.  It would almost be easier to accept him screwing around with that Bender chick for another spell than accepting that Dad might genuinely like Tamrin.  He’s practically the son Dad never had. 

    
“So,” he says, drawing my attention back to him, “since I’ve got some cash, I wanted to take you out.”

    
“Out?”

    
“Yeah.  Like a date?”

    
“Oh!” I breathe.  Then, “
Oh
.”

    
Something in my expression must look unpromising because he quickly says, “If you don’t want to, it’s okay.  I mean, I figured that after what happened the other day and with how you’ve been acting, maybe you were mad at me for not properly courting you or something.  So, I thought this was a good start.”  He looks a little uncertain and endearingly out of his element.  Tamrin could make any girl do anything for him simply by looking at her the right way, but he’s trying not to be like that with me and I have to give him credit for that.

    
I close my eyes.  “It’s just fast, everything is too fast.  And I don’t know how I feel.”  It’s a lie.  I know exactly how I feel about Tamrin, but the feelings are scary.  What happened in my room the other day is proof of that.  I am weak to Tamrin’s charms, too weak to control my feelings for him.  Admitting my feelings to him will make it easy to end up in the same situation as last week, except in the future Tamrin won’t stop to make sure I love him because he’ll already know.  Tamrin’s uncertainty is the only thing standing between me and my virginity and I intend to keep it that way.

    
I hear him sigh.  “I don’t know how much more time I have, Jean.  Roxel’s already mad about me not going home enough.  And she’s bound to find out about the rose soon.”

    
I open my eyes, meet his.  “I thought you were going to go back home more to make sure she didn’t get suspicious.”

    
He looks down at the floor between us, then takes my hands.  “I can’t,” he admits to the floor, color rising in his cheeks.

    
I tighten my grasp around his fingers.  “Can’t or don’t want to?”

    
After a moment of thought he says, “Both.  I can’t be with anyone else, Jean.”  He steps closer, closing the distance between us, and placing a hand to my cheek.  “I can’t even think it.” His words are a whisper of pain and fear and promise over my forehead. 

    
I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, holding him close to me, trying to quell the desire to promise he’ll never have to go back.  But I can’t guarantee that.  His world is not my world.  He’s not even the same breed of being.  The rules that bind him are not the ones I play by, as much as I want them to be.  What do I do?  Change the game?  How do you play against a faerie queen?  Who has magic?

    
Tamrin’s lips brush my forehead.  “We shouldn’t talk about this now; it’s not the right time.  You have to be uplifted and cheery for Amber, right?”

    
Stepping backward, I nod.

    
“Come on.”  My hand still in his, he turns to lead me to the field.

    
I tense.  “No.”

    
Confused, he turns back around.

    
“I–  you don’t have to come.”

    
He smiles.  “I want to come.”

    
I shake my head.  “No.  I mean, she’s my friend and it’s not your responsibility to support her.  It’s mine and mine alone.”

    
He cocks his head.  “But I want to share your burdens.”

    
A laugh escapes me, I can’t help it.  “She’s not a burden, Tam, she’s my friend,” I reason.  “
My
friend, not yours.”

    
He bites his lip.  “You don’t want me.”

    
Stepping toward him, I say, “It’s not that.  I like spending time with you, but I think it would be good to have time apart, too.  Time for ourselves – to be with our friends and family on our own.”

    
“But I don’t want to go back to Summer Court.  I want to stay here with you.”

    
I drop my shoulders, loving the words and hating I can’t give him what he wants.  But this is important.  “I understand that, Tam.  And I’m not saying you have to go home.  I’m only saying that it’s not healthy to be together so much.  We each need our own lives.  That’s what makes us who we are as individuals, right? And,” I pause and take a deep breath, “much as I appreciate you helping me out with Dad and stuff, I’d prefer if you left it alone.  These are my issues.  I want to deal with my own problems – I want to learn how to deal with them on my own, I don’t want to be coddled.”

    
He frowns.  “But it makes you unhappy and sick.  I don’t want you heartsick anymore.”

    
Smiling, I go up on tiptoes and give him a peck on the cheek.  “It’s nice of you to want to make me happy, but it also makes me unhappy when you take on everything by yourself.  You don’t have to be a knight in everything you do, Tam.  I don’t need to be saved all that time.  I’m capable of dealing with things on my own, feeding myself, passing my own classes, being a friend and a daughter.  Being Jeanette.  That’s mine, not yours.  You understand that, right?”

    
He narrows his eyes at me and twists his mouth in sour humor.  “You’re calling me a domineering male, aren’t you?”

    
I grin at him.  “Something like that.”

    
His eyes turn sad.  “That’s not good.  I don’t want to be like that.  And…I’ve made you unhappy.”

    
I pat his chest, trying to comfort him.  “Not yet, but I can see it progressing into an issue if we don’t address it early.  You have to have faith in me that I can be strong enough on my own.  Deal?”  I offer my hand.

    
Tamrin takes my hand and shakes it.  “I’ll try to be less of a…What did Marc call me?”

    
I grin.  “A dick-head?”

    
Tamrin gives a curt nod.  “I vow not to be a dick-head.”

    
Laughing, I step around him and pat his back.  “Good boy.  Now try to make friends of your own.  You’re going to need them if you want to stick around.”

“So your dad is gonna let you go now?” Emily asks.

    
I nod.  “Yeah.”

    
She shakes her head in disbelief.  “Wow, I wish I had a boyfriend that awesome.”

    
A blush creeps up my cheeks.  “He’s not my boyfriend, Em.”

    
She purses her lips.  “Well, he should be,” she reasons.  “Don’t you like him?”

    
I shrug, trying not to look obvious. 

    
“Look,” she says, “he’s hot, smart, and totally into you.  From what you’ve said he’s an amazing kisser and should probably insure his fingers.  Plus, he’s got some kind of voodoo charm over every person of authority around here.  He got you to take that Spanish re-test – which you aced ‘cause he helped you study.  He got your dad to not only drop your grounding but let you go to AniCon, too.  He’s a total keeper, Nett, so explain why you’re not all up on that shit?”

    
I giggle at her.  It’s weird hearing Em talk like this.  She lifts her chin, insistent on getting the truth and not letting me derail the topic by making fun of her. 

    
“Don’t you think he’s a little – I don’t know, intense?  Like this whole thing with Dad?  You don’t think that’s a little too over-protective?  He’s all up in my business, like some busy-body patriarch.  You know, he even wants to make sure I eat heart-healthy?  How weird is that?”

    
She gives me a sidelong glance.  “Funny, it never seemed to bother you when Timmy did it.”

    
“What?”

    
“He was like that, too.  Or have you forgotten?”

    
I bite my lip.  Was he?  I never noticed.  Would a little girl notice something like that?  Or would she think it was a good quality, like a prince charming?  Hmm.  “Well, it’s been a long time since then,” I reason.  “And if I ever was someone who liked that, I don’t like it now.  Sometimes, maybe, but not all the time.  That’s controlling.  I told Tam all that and he’s cool with it.”

    
Em’s face turns wistful.  “I tell ya, if I had a guy like him, I’d lock myself in a room with him and never come out.  Screw my friends.”  She giggles.  “No offense.  But seriously, Nett, I wouldn’t blame you for spending every second you could with him.  He’s amazing.”

    
Smirking in sarcasm, I say, “I’ll ask if he has a brother.”

    
Emily is silent for a moment.  “Okay, tell me this then.  Which one of you is the Dom?”

    
“Dom?”

    
“Who is dominant in the relationship?” she clarifies.  “Think hard about it.  It might seem one way at first, but look beneath the surface.  The person who is more driven to please the other is the subordinate.”

    
I lower my eyes and think about it.  At first glance and maybe in the beginning, it was obviously Tamrin.  But now?  Even though he still likes to be bossy, all I have to do is sass him and he backs down. 

    
These days he does anything I tell him to do.  He tells me the truth when I confront him, asks me what I want to eat for dinner, he tries to do as I ask – vows it even, he asks permission more than he used to.  He even stopped sleeping around because it made me uncomfortable. 

    
Tamrin is still someone with a dominant personality, that’s obvious.  But he’s willing to lose ground when it comes to what I want.  It’s only when I don’t clearly tell him what I want that we end up in a tiff.  And even then?  His reason for doing it is that he wants to please me.  And isn’t he always going on about being afraid he’s upset me?  All this, for me.  And have I ever even thought once about what might make him happy?

    
I stop short.  “Holy crap, I’m a Dom.”

    
Emily giggles.  “See.  I told you.  Strap on your leather bustier, sister, you’ve got that guy whipped and you don’t even know it.  Now, explain to me why he’s a bad boyfriend?”