Flat-Out Love (26 page)

“I think that’s a good plan. I’m glad you thought of it.”

“I like talking to you,” Julie mumbled.

“I like talking to you too. Most of the time. I’ll see you when you get back.”

“G’night, Matty.”

Julie looked at the clock. It was only seven thirty in the morning, and she felt like hell. The expression “death warmed over” came to mind. She had slept horribly, tossing and turning, trying to control the nausea that had woke her up several times. Not to mention the excruciating headache.

Champagne sucks
, she thought.
And my father and stupid New York still suck
.

She might as well get up, since there was no use lying around stewing about things. She dragged her hungover self from the bed and plodded to the kitchen, clutching her head with one hand in a futile attempt to keep her brains from smashing against her skull. She grabbed a carton of orange juice and sat down on the couch in the living room to watch TV.

Reporters recapped last night’s celebrations and replayed footage of midnight displays and cheers from around the world. Watching this, these masses of happy people, made her feel small and unimportant. Probably the way her father saw her.

She could see it now.

It was quite clear to her that she barely registered on his radar. It was rather unbelievable. She was his daughter, his only
child, and he had screwed her over time and again. And she had let him.

Asshole
.

Her head was spinning. She flipped through the channels and landed on a local news reporter who had been stuck with the unfortunate job of filming on a windy beach in South Boston. Julie squinted at the television. Why on earth was a crowd forming at the freezing beach at this time of day? Oh my God, they were going swimming!

The reporter yanked her hat down as a gust of wind swirled. “Even with water temperatures predicted to be a painful forty-one degrees, dozens of men, women, and even children are preparing to take the annual Polar Plunge this morning at ten o’clock in Boston Harbor.”

Finn had told her about this event.
These people are crazy
, Julie thought.

“Many swimmers will experience an involuntary bout of hyperventilation that can last up to three minutes,” the reporter continued. “And these daredevils won’t be wearing any protective clothing to combat the icy water. No wetsuits here, folks. Just bathing suits and bravery!”

Julie made a pot of coffee and popped a few pain relievers. She stood by the window, which looked out onto a deserted street. Hardly anyone was out this morning, as if the sullen gray sky had forbidden people from leaving their homes. Julie took a sip from her cup and gagged. Her stomach was a wreck. Every part of her hurt, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been in such a terrible mood.

She put the cup down and made a decision. She sent Finn a message, quoting one of her favorite In Like Lions’ songs, “Shallow Cars.”

That should be cryptic enough. In case she backed out.

Matthew Watkins
thinks that occasional, in-the-privacy-of-your-own-home binge drinking is unfairly maligned in the media and romantic comedy chick flicks
.

Finn Is God
Can you always do something sometimes
?

Julie Seagle
I had a dream about starting a dating service for fish called solemate.com. In unrelated news, I will never drink again
.

Julie looked around and wondered why everyone was smiling. This was not fun. It was sleeting now, and the wind had picked up. She looked down at her bare legs and questioned what she’d been thinking coming down to the beach. And the only bathing suit that crazy Dana owned was nothing but a small handful of fabric posing as a bikini. Julie felt like an idiot. At least other people in the Polar Plunge crowd looked just as silly, she supposed; the three guys with Red Sox logos painted on their chests, an elderly man in a cowboy hat, the mother dressed as a lobster, and a trio of teen boys dressed as leprechauns all stood out more than she did. Hopefully.

Damn, it was cold, and she wasn’t even in the water yet. Julie looked out at the ocean, the waves dark and ominous. Powerful. She didn’t understand the crowd’s enthusiasm for what they were about to do. It was a chore. A test. A way to prove something. It was scary and awful. But Julie needed to do this. She tried to focus, determined that she would not stop when her foot hit the water. What if she stopped breathing? Stopped moving? What if she panicked and her knees went weak? The force of the waves would push her below the surface,
holding her down on the frozen ocean floor.
That is not going to happen
, she told herself. It was mobbed here. Someone would either see her fall or trip over her. She would just have to plow through the first cold shock. She’d run in and out of the water, and then it would be over. Just a few minutes out of her life.

That reporter had said something about involuntary hyperventilating. Yup. Julie was already involuntarily hyperventilating. And who the hell ever
voluntarily
hyperventilated?

Julie caught sight of a girl wearing a Princess Leia outfit and stared at her. Even in her foggy state, something was ringing a bell about this. In fact, screeching, horrible, major-panic kind of alarm bells started going off…

Suddenly the crowd rushed forward, and Julie found that she was running across the cold sand, her feet digging into rock. While she could vaguely hear the whoops and yells from other swimmers, mostly she heard the sound of her ragged, scared breathing. What had Finn said to her?
As much as you’re terrified, you’re also starting to feel the rush, the thrill you get from being on the brink
.

Julie ran harder, faster, yelling as she hit the ocean, but didn’t stop. The water stung her legs, then her waist, making her gasp and struggle for air. The cold was so jarring that she couldn’t make a sound. She thought about Finn again:
It’s a calm like you’ve never known before, and you don’t want it to end
.

She got it now. As she bent her legs and threw her whole body under water, she got what he meant. Her feet found the ground, and she pushed up, soaring back into the frigid air. She could swear she heard Finn call her name as she went under again. The way her body went numb so quickly was enthralling. Soothing. She was drawn into the sensation. Maybe she could just stay here, here in this euphoric ice water where it
felt timeless and peaceful and clear? When she hit the surface again, she turned her back to the beach and stood silently as the salt water splashed against her.

Julie! Julie!

The sky was even darker now. Too dark to be only ten in the morning. The sleet continued to fall. It must be hurting her skin. Her body felt weightless and infallible, and that unfamiliar feeling was riveting. The allure of the deadening ocean was calling her again. She let her legs bend and watched transfixed as the skyline in front of her changed.

Julie!

Someone grabbed her arm. “Girl, you gotta get out. Come on.” A burly man took hold of her arm and pulled her up, stopping her from sinking. “Now. That’s it. Come on. Make yourself run.” Julie noticed he had long, gray hair that he wore in a ponytail the same way her grandfather did. And a full beard. Her legs were moving, but she sensed that she was not going fast enough. As if her steps were in slow motion. She watched fascinated as the man put his arm around her and effortlessly scooped her up. Why was he doing that?

Julie!

The man carried her from the water, then across the sand. “You’ll be OK. You just froze up. First time, huh?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

The man set her down on her feet, and she leaned forward into a thick blanket. She knew this blanket. The smell and the texture felt like home. As someone swaddled her up in the softness, her body began to shake violently.

“Oh my God, Julie! What were you doing?” She also knew that voice.

“Matt? Did you see me?” she asked without looking up. Her voice sounded far off.

“Yeah. I saw you,” Matt said. He did not sound happy.

“Did you see Santa Claus too?”

“That wasn’t Santa Claus. That was one of the L Street Brownies who rescued you from certain death. It was considerate of him, after you crashed their event.” Matt tightened the blanket around her and started furiously rubbing her back and her arms. “We have to get you warmed up. Dummy. Hey, can you get her sweatpants and socks and boots on? Hurry.”

Julie felt someone lift up her foot. “I saw you, too, and I thought you were brilliant! Really stupendous!”

“Celeste?” Julie tried to turn her head. Matt had covered her so thoroughly with the blanket that she couldn’t see a thing.

“I’m here!” Celeste said excitedly. “I’m attending to your blue feet!”

Julie’s skin felt as if it were burning. “Why are you here? How?” she asked Matt. Her teeth were chattering wildly.

She stood there shivering helplessly, fully aware that she was practically naked. Damn Dana’s bikini. At least she was too cold to blush. Matt didn’t say anything as he dropped the blanket for a quick moment, pulling a long-sleeved shirt and then a thick sweatshirt over her head. Wow. He looked exceedingly pissed off. She let him swaddle her in the blanket again and wrap his arms around her as he tried to get her body temperature back to normal.

“Finn figured it out. He sent me to get you,” he whispered into her ear. “What the hell were you thinking? We could see you standing out there in the ocean, not moving. You’re lucky you’re not dead. God damn it, Julie. Why would you do that? Why are you here and not in California with your father?” He sounded unreasonably mad.

Julie dropped her head forward and leaned into him. Her toes throbbed. She couldn’t control the way her body was
trembling. “Because he’s a jerk, and I’m a liar.” She felt herself choke on a sob. And then she couldn’t stop.

Matt didn’t say anything, but he kept rubbing her back. Celeste moved behind her and pressed her body against Julie’s, hugging her tightly, so that she was pinned between brother and sister. They stayed like that for a few moments, the numbing effect of the cold beginning to wear off and the deep pain setting in.

“Please don’t cry, Julie. You were simply wonderful out there,” Celeste said.

“She was not wonderful, Celeste. She was a dope,” Matt said. “But we’re glad you’re OK. You are OK, aren’t you? I mean… physically?”

Julie nodded. Fine, he obviously thought that
mentally
she was whacked. She knew her crying was making Matt uncomfortable. At least her hangover was significantly less prominent now. The upside to near death. She turned her head to the side and saw the girl in the Princess Leia getup again. Something flashed through her mind. A fuzzy blip…

Uh-oh
.

She closed her eyes. Thank God she still had her face hidden. “Matt?”

“Yeah?”

“Did we talk on the phone last night?”

He paused. “We did.”

Oh, no
. Julie was starting to remember.

This was unbelievable. Maybe she was making this up. “Did I ask you…?” She swallowed hard. “Did I ask you if you were a
skilled lover
?”

Matt cleared his throat and paused again. “You did.”

Celeste burst out laughing.

Julie tucked her head down lower. “Sorry.”

“Let’s get you into the car. It should still be warm.”

“Celeste, can you grab my bag?” Julie pointed from under the blanket to the benches on the other side of the beach.

“Absolutely. Hey, Julie?”

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“I’m glad that you’re here.” Celeste beamed. “Home.”

“Me too.”

“Meet us at the car, OK?” Matt stepped away from Julie and turned her in the direction of the street.

Her feet were regaining some feeling. She pulled the blanket more tightly around her shoulders and let Matt guide her across the beach. “So, Matt,” she started and looked up at him, smiling. “Last night? What was your answer?”

“I’m not going to tell you. Now maybe you won’t drink so much again.”

Julie sighed. “Believe me. Lesson learned.”

Matt got her into the front seat and cranked up the heat. Celeste bounded into the car with Julie’s bag, and they started the drive home. Periodically, Julie shuddered as sharp chills ran through her, and she held her hands in front of the lukewarm vents and rubbed them together.

Matt frowned and fiddled with the controls, finally hitting the dashboard. “Come on! Come on, you piece of crap!” He slammed his hand down again.

“It’s all right. Calm down. I’m warming up,” Julie insisted.

“No, you’re not fine.” Matt sounded angry again. “That was a stupid thing to do. It was reckless. Seriously, what would possess you?”

Julie leaned back. “I don’t care. I’m glad I did it.”

“It’s called a
plunge
. It’s not a
stand-in-the-dangerously-cold-water-and-stare-fixedly-at-nothing
event. A plunge means
exactly that. You plunge in and get the hell out. Not that you should have even been doing that.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’m not fooling around, Julie. That was stupid. Stupid.” He hit the gas and passed a few cars.