Fix You (14 page)

“Well, it’s nice to know your cancer hasn’t affected your intelligence.”

Zoey glanced over to find Georgie lugging a chair toward her.

“Why do you say that?” Zoey asked with a grin.

“You’re smart enough to take advantage of this sunshine. It’s supposed to rain the next four days. We’ve got to work on our tan lines while the gods are smiling down on us. Literally.”

Georgie set up her chair and plopped down with a long sigh that spoke volumes.

“Long day at the flower shop?” Zoey asked.

Georgie’s Garden was one of the most prosperous shops in town. Georgie was well known for her unusual arrangements and beautiful roses.

“Today was my day off. One of the perks of owning your own business. If you’ve got the right people in place, you can say fuck it on mornings when you don’t want to get out of bed.”

Zoey leaned her head against her chair and closed her eyes. Even with her sunglasses on, the sun was too bright. “I obviously chose the wrong career path. Paralegals are expected to go to work every day on time. Unless, of course, you have cancer. Then you’re allowed to skip occasionally.”

Georgie picked up a large-brimmed hat and plopped it on her head. “Nick’s not giving you shit at work, is he? About missing time?”

Zoey’s boss, Nick Hammel, was one of Georgie’s three ex-fiancés. Sometimes Zoey got a kick out of living in a small town where everyone knew everyone else. At other times, it could get sticky.

“Oh my God, no. Nick is the absolute bomb as a boss, you know that. I swear to God, I’m buying him the biggest Christmas gift on earth this year. He’s been super cool about everything.”

“That’s good.” There was a tinge of hostility in Georgie’s voice, but Zoey was used to that anytime the subject of Nick arose. She wasn’t sure what had gone down between them, but of all her friend’s exes, Nick was the one who got under Georgie’s skin the most.

“Speaking of Nick, how is the second-chances goal going?”

Georgie raised her hand as if to ward off the question. “Ugh. Don’t even mention that stupid vow. There’s a reason why people don’t go back. Hindsight is supposed to be twenty-twenty, but that perfect vision seems to have missed me. I should have kept looking forward. The past sucked when I was living it and it sucks now.”

“I assume you weren’t wrong to give back the rings?”

“Not only was I
not
wrong, I was utterly and completely brilliant to break things off. At least in Phillip’s case.”

“Only Phillip? So you’ve really only confirmed about a third of what you set out to accomplish?”

Georgie narrowed her eyes. “Don’t lecture me, sweetheart. One third was more than enough to prove to me my second chance really
doesn’t
lie in the past.”

Zoey wanted to argue, wanted to say she’d always thought Nick was the perfect guy for her friend, but it was clear Georgie was finished with the conversation. Her headstrong friend was in stubborn mode today.

“So how are things with you and Rob? I was damn glad you two took off the blinders and finally hooked up. Is he as awesome in bed as I fanta—er, imagine he is?”

Zoey laughed. “You’re having sex fantasies about my boyfriend? Awesome, Georgie. Completely disturbing.”

Georgie’s face showed no remorse. “I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a single woman on Losers’ Lane who hasn’t done some dirty daydreaming about that man.”

“That’s it,” Zoey joked. “We’re moving.”

“You’d have to get by a barricade of wine girls first.”

Zoey had told her friends about Robbie dubbing them the wine girls. They’d embraced the nickname and made it their own.

“Things with Robbie are perfect. And complicated.”

“Sounds like a pretty normal relationship. Just to keep my sex fantasies intact, the perfect part
is
in bed, right?”

Zoey nodded. “God, yes. That part may be more than perfect.”

“Bitch.”

Zoey laughed.

“So what’s the complicated part?”

Zoey leaned forward to brush away a grasshopper that landed on her knee. “All the rest.”

Georgie narrowed her eyes. “Enough with the vague. Give me details.”

“He came home in January. I told him I had cancer and we immediately started having sex.”

“I know there’s never a perk to getting that disease, but damn if you didn’t come close to finding one.”

Zoey loved Georgie. She was sarcastic, irreverent, prone to saying whatever she wanted and funny as hell.

“He missed the last three shows on the concert venue. The plan for after the tour was to come home and write new music.”

Georgie nodded. “Which he’s been doing. He sang me part of a song a couple months ago to get my feedback. It was really good. He’s an incredible songwriter.”

“He’s amazing. Anyway, the band is back in the studio recording, which means another tour can’t be far behind.” Zoey’s stomach ached as she considered how lonely the townhouse would be when Robbie was gone.

“I suppose that’s what life will be like if you and Rob keep dating.”

“Yeah.” Zoey sighed. Georgie had hit the nail on the head in one.

“So are you going to stick it out?”

Zoey nodded, then hesitated. “I want to be with Robbie, but…”

“But you don’t like being home alone.”

Zoey shrugged. “I got used to it last year when he was gone for so long, but no, I’m not crazy about it. The thing is, I’ve been in love with him forever and he’s been a musician for about that long too. I’ve known since we were kids his path was an unconventional one. He’ll never be the white picket fence guy.”

“Ask him to stay.”

Zoey shook her head. “No. I’d never ask him to give up something that’s so much a part of him.”

“So instead, you’re the one who’ll sacrifice? Spend months alone?”

Zoey bit her lower lip. “He’s worth it. A few months with Robbie is better than a lifetime with anyone else.”

Georgie stuck out her tongue. “Rub it in, why don’t you?”

“Sorry,” Zoey said with a wicked grin that proved she wasn’t the least bit sorry.

“So color me confused. You’re in love with the guy, the sex is great and you think you can deal with him leaving to pursue his career. Where’s the complicated part again?”

“I don’t know where Robbie stands on any of this. Like I said, we just sort of dove in without discussing the consequences or the future.”

Georgie scowled. “The man’s been home and in your bed for six months and you haven’t talked about the relationship? Not once?”

Zoey lifted one shoulder in a hesitant, guilty shrug. “We’ve been sort of preoccupied with other stuff.”

“Don’t blame cancer, Zoey. That shit doesn’t define you. It’s a big part of your life right now, sure. But so is Rob.”

“I know that. At the beginning, I was so grateful to have him there. It was easy to fall into his arms because that was where I’d always wanted to be. It was natural and right. I was terrified by the diagnosis and falling fast. At the time, it was taking all the strength in my body to keep my head above water. Robbie caught me and held me up.”

Georgie leaned closer. “I get that. And I’m so freaking glad he was there for you when you needed him the most. But that was January. It’s now June.”

“I’ve tried to start the conversation a thousand times, but the words keep getting stuck.”

“What words?”

Zoey lifted her sunglasses and rubbed her eyes wearily. “I love him and he loves me. I’ve never questioned that. If he wants to keep the relationship going while he’s out on the road, I won’t like it when he’s away, but I’ll try it. Because I would never dream of taking away something that’s so much a part of him. But…”

“Again with the but,” Georgie prodded when she fell silent.

“But eventually, I’m going to want more. These past few months have taught me that life’s meant to be lived, not wasted. I was walking around like I had all the time in the world. I don’t. All of this could be gone tomorrow. I want to get married, Georgie. I want kids, a house, the whole shebang.”

“And Rob doesn’t want that?”

Zoey shrugged. “He never has before.”

“You think his feelings about starting a family have changed?”

Zoey shook her head. “I have no idea. I’m afraid to ask.”

Georgie leaned forward and picked a dandelion, twirling the stem in her fingers. “Afraid?”

“What if I ask him and he says he doesn’t want the same thing?”

Georgie was never without an answer. “What if you ask him and he does?”

“God,” Zoey groaned. “Don’t start talking sense to me. I’m in the mood to be dramatic and sulky.”

“Haven’t you had enough drama these past few months?”

Zoey nodded. “Enough to last me a lifetime.”

She was surprised when Georgie’s usual droll expression turned serious. “I don’t think I’ve ever said it, but you’ve been really amazing, Zoey. A true survivor.”

Zoey scoffed and shook her head. “No. I’m not surviving. I’m barely tolerating.”

Georgie laughed. “Same damn thing, sweetheart. But, seriously, I look at you all the time and wonder if I could be as strong if I was in your shoes.”

Zoey sat up and took Georgie’s hand. “Of course you could. But I hope to God you never have to find that out.”

“What the hell is going on?” Josie called out from her back porch. “It’s only Tuesday. Are you girls sneaking in an extra happy hour?”

“Do you see any booze out here?” Georgie yelled back. “We’re working on our tans.”

Josie threw her hands up. “And I suppose it didn’t occur to either of you that you can do both at the same time. I picked up a new bottle of white at the store yesterday. Let me change into some shorts and I’ll be right out.”

Georgie leaned back and groaned. “So much for that heart-to-heart talk. No doubt we’re going to spend the next hour listening to Josie fill us in on her latest Howl List adventure. It was a full moon Sunday night. Jesus. I’m getting sick and tired of listening you girls talk about all the great sex you’re having with hot guys while I’m languishing in vibrator-land.”

“I have to admit, I don’t miss my vibrator at all.” Zoey unsuccessfully dodged the dandelion Georgie chucked at her, the flower hitting her right cheek.

Georgie crossed her feet in front of her. “Slut.”

“Jealous bitch,” Zoey tossed back playfully.

“I’m going inside.” Georgie made no move to leave.

“No, you’re not. Josie promised us wine.”

Georgie grinned. “That’s right. She did. And since I’m the one who needs to drown her sorrows, I’m taking your share of the bottle too.”

Zoey returned to lounging on the chair. “Whatever.” These women were good for her soul. After enduring long, pitying glances from strangers in the grocery store or in restaurants, it was comforting to come home, to a place where she was still the same old Zoey before cancer changed her outward appearance.

Josie returned with not only a bottle of wine, but with Shelly in tow as well. They set up chairs and Josie poured out the wine in clear plastic glasses. They drank and talked about their week, planned Kristen’s surprise fortieth birthday party and discussed Shelly’s weight-loss and her hot trainer at the gym. Laura appeared about an hour into the impromptu spring party with another bottle of wine. Kristen was the last to join them after working late at the office.

It was nearly dusk when Robbie returned home from the studio. He stuck his head out the back door and found them all tipsy and laughing. “Did I miss a memo or something? I thought wine night was Thursday.”

“We’re starting the weekend early,” Kristen announced.

Robbie shook his head. “Might make for a long week, Kris, considering it’s only Tuesday.”

Kristen shot him a dirty look. “You’re spoiling my buzz, Rob Granger.”

“Sorry about that. I picked up a couple steaks on the way home, Zoey. Thought we could have a little celebration if you feel like it. You want me to throw them on the grill or save them for another night?”

She rose slowly. She’d nursed her glass of wine, not liking the way the alcohol made her feel these days. “Steak sounds great. I’m coming in now. Sort of getting tired.”

Laura stood as well. “I should probably start figuring out my own dinner. We still on for Thursday or are we skipping this week?”

“I’m not skipping,” Josie announced. “I’ve had a hell of a week already and something tells me I’m going to need a double dose of you girls.”

Laura nodded. “Sounds good to me.”

The small group broke up as each of them drifted back to their houses, dragging chairs and empty wine bottles along.

Robbie was still standing at the back door when she came in. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “You got some color. Looks good on you.”

“As opposed to the glamorous gray tinge I’ve been sporting for months?”

“You look pretty in any color.”

She blushed, though by now she should be used to Robbie’s kind words. He constantly complimented her, building up her struggling self-esteem. He walked out onto the back deck to start the grill.