Finding Us (22 page)

Rex comes storming through my front door, “You have to stop this fucking shit and just tell her what the fuck happened Knox! Enough already!”

I finish typing up my email to a supplier on the West Coast and then close my laptop. “Nice to see you too Rex.”

Rex sits on the couch directly across from me, “Knox, seriously you have to tell her the truth, and all of it. Stop running from the fucking problem and fix it. I get that you wanted revenge for what happened but it’s not going to happen. Not now.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. These brotherly chats are basically daily now. Most of the time it’s because he’s had a fight with Summer.

“I’m working on it.” I tell him the same thing I’ve been saying for weeks.

“You’re not doing a good job.” He snarls back. “Your bullshit is affecting my life. All Summer and I do is fight.”

My head rests against the back of the couch. “What do you want me to do, Rex? March my ass over there, spill my guts to her and rip her heart out in the process? Rex, I love her but how is she ever going to love me back when she knows everything that I know?”

I’ve laid awake in bed for hours trying to figure out how I’m going to explain all this to her and every night I come up with nothing. It’s been four weeks and the only thing that is making this separation bearable is because I can watch her through the cameras. I know it’s creepy and stalkerish but it’s all I can have right now.

“Knox you have to give her a chance to decide if she can love you after this all comes out. I don’t want see any of this happen to her, or you, but the only way to move forward is by coming clean and starting over. I love her too Knox, she’s like a sister to me, but this has to stop. You can’t avoid her anymore.”

Of course my baby brother is right. I can’t avoid her any longer, but how do I rip her world apart when all I want to do is protect her from it?

Summer is pacing back and forth and it’s raking on my last nerve. She’s been biting her fingers and mumbling to herself since I hung up the phone with Marie.

“Summer!” She stops for a second before shaking her head and continues pacing. “Would you please sit down? You’re driving me fucking crazy!” I snap.

She sighs dramatically and plops down on the couch. “Look, I’ve got something I need to tell you before you go home.”

Damn!
What is it now?

“Summer?”

She gets up again and starts pacing, finally she stops and looks up to the ceiling and shakes her head. “You have to talk to Marie.”

I roll my eyes, “I am. That’s why I’m going over there early.”

Summer shakes her head again, “No you have to talk to her, like really talk to her.”

I walk up to her and grab her face between my hands. “I do not understand Summer’s babble so well these days. What are you talking about?”

“Marie called my parents a while back asking about you. I don’t know why, my mom said it wasn’t important but I know my mom. Whatever Marie talked to her about was and I know it’s about you, but that’s all I know.”

My hands drop from her face and my shoulders slump. Why, why in the hell is my life spiraling out of control all of a sudden?

I turn to walk to my bedroom, “Thanks Summer.”

Our girl’s night was officially over. I changed into shorts and a sports bra, grabbed my iPod and left without another word to Summer. I need to run to clear my head.

When I come back a few hours later I’m soaked with sweat and completely exhausted. Summer must be sleeping or she left and went back to Rex’s apartment. I jump into the cool shower and quickly wash my body off. After my shower I climb into my bed without even getting dressed. Saturday can’t get here soon enough.

I toss and turn all night long until finally the sun starts to rise. The last few days pass by in a blur and I just want to get this visit over and done with so I can march my ass over to Knox and demand answers, but first I must make sure that he isn’t working for my dad.

Summer is standing in the kitchen making coffee when I emerge from my room. “Morning,” she greets me.

“Morning,” I reach into the fridge for an apple and take a seat at the kitchen table.

“When do you leave?”

“In an hour.” I take a bite of my apple. I’m in a horrible freaking mood because I’m dreading going back to visit my parents and the fear that Knox might be involved is only making it worse.

“Want me to come with you?”

She’s asked me every day and every day I tell her the same thing. “No thanks. I need to do this on my own.”

Summer nods and reaches above her for two coffee cups from the cabinet. She fills both our cups and takes a seat across from me.

“You know I love you, right?” She asks with a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

“I know.” I get up and toss my apple in the trash and then sit back down.

I know she is trying to be supportive but I really just want to be left alone and I wish that she wasn’t fighting with Rex so that I could have some alone time. I love my best friend but sometimes a girl just needs to some time away from everything and everyone.

We finish our coffee in silence. Summer finishes first and rinses her cup before grabbing her purse off the table. “Call me if you need me. I’ll be here waiting for you.”

I stand and hug my best friend. “Love you Summer.”

“Love you too.”

My hands are sweating and keep slipping from the steering wheel when I pull into the driveway at my parent’s house. They aren’t even here and I’m acting all crazy.

“Get a hold of yourself Jas.” I say to myself.

I park my car around the circle driveway. I look at myself in my rearview mirror, “It’s only Marie. Get your shit together.” I take a few deep breaths before finally getting out of the car.

Before I even get to the door Marie opens it with open arms. I step into her embrace and she begins to cry. “Oh my sweet girl,” She squeezes me tighter, “I’ve missed you.”

I sniffle a few times trying to keep the tears at bay. “I’ve missed you too.”

She rocks me side to side a few times before stepping back, “You look too skinny. Let’s go get you some pancakes.”

I laugh a real laugh for the first time in a month. She was always saying I was too skinny and I should eat more when all my mom did was bitch and complain that I was going to gain too much weight.

We eat breakfast and catch up on all that has been going on in both of our lives.

“I’ve met someone but it didn’t seem to work out so I’m just throwing myself into my work, keeping myself busy.” I shrug and take another bite of my pancakes.

“Well he must have been something special if he caught your attention.” Marie winks at me then grabs her orange juice.

I set my fork down and look down to my lap. “Knox Mitchell definitely caught my attention. He really didn’t give me a chance to blow him off.”

Marie spits her orange juice out and starts coughing like crazy. I knock my chair over and pat on her back. “Marie! Are you ok?”

She coughs a few more times before picking up her napkin and wiping her face. She clears her throat, “I’m sorry, must have gone down the wrong pipe.” After I know she’s ok I sit back down. “So tell me about Knox.”

I instantly tear up and look down at my hands resting in my lap. “I love him Marie.” I sniff, “He just walked into my life and swept me off my feet. I fought him for the longest time until I just couldn’t anymore. Things were great until about a month ago.” I take a shuttering breath. “We slept together for the first time and then when I woke up in the middle of the night he was gone and I haven’t heard from him since.”

Marie comes over and wraps her arms around me. She kisses the top of my head. “Let’s go talk in the living room, sweetie.”

I follow Marie out into the living room and get comfy on the couch. I can feel it; I’m about to head into something I’m not sure I want to know about. Marie never wanted to talk; she would always listen but never really ever talked to me about much of anything.

She sits on the other end of the couch and crosses her legs. Marie is so pretty, chocolate hair, the same color as mine; her eyes are green, just like mine but darker. She’s short with little curves, probably barely five feet tall but she’s got a darker Italian complexion. Her husband died a long time ago and she never remarried after that, hell I don’t think I’ve ever seen her go out on dates either for that matter.

“I’ve missed this place, well not really, but I’ve missed you being here.” Marie says as she looks around the living room. There is a family portrait hanging over the fire place from when I was about ten or so. Those were the easy days. “I’m not really working for your father anymore. I’m only here twice a week and work all the holidays since there isn’t much for me to do here. I got myself a little place not too far away.”

It’s about time Marie started living her life.

“So where is this new place of yours? Maybe I could actually come visit you since you aren’t living here anymore.”

Marie nods, “You remember those cute little apartments near the high school?”

“The brick building that is shaped like a U with the pretty flowers in the middle of the court yard?” I always remembered the little old lady that was out there every day in the garden.

“Those are the ones.”

Marie is quiet for a few minutes, just staring out the window. The longer she’s quiet the more my anxiety grows. I know something is coming. My teeth start to chatter. Marie looks over at me with sad eyes.

“Sweetie, I need to tell you some things but I need you to listen to everything I tell you first. This isn’t easy,” Marie wipes away a tear. “But it’s about time you know.”

My stomach rolls and I want to scream that I don’t want to know. I like the way my life is but I want Knox back. I have questions I want to ask my dad and then I want to leave and go home. Go back to the bubble that I’ve created.

I don’t respond to Marie so she takes that as her answer and just starts to tell me the story that will probably change my life in some way.

“You know that I lost my husband years ago, shortly after I started working here. Well one night your father found me drinking a bottle of wine alone in the kitchen. I was crying because I missed my one true love and the only way I was actually getting by at night was to have a glass or two of wine to help me relax. Well that night I finished off the whole bottle myself while Michael listened to me go on and on about my husband.” Marie takes a deep breath and continues. I just sit back and listen, imagining that I’m reading one of my books back home curled up in bed.

“Michael and I made a huge mistake that night and it should have never happened. I was vulnerable and one thing led to another and Michael and I had sex.” My sharp intake of my breath has Marie snapping her head in my direction. My nanny and father slept together? He cheated on my mother? How could he do that?

Marie wipes another tear from her eye, “I’m so sorry sweetie.” She cries.

Is Marie the reason my mother drinks so much? Does she know what happened?

“It was only that one time.”

I flinch. I don’t want to hear anything else about it.

“When two months had passed and I still didn’t get my period I knew our lapse in judgment would forever change my life. I went to the store and purchased a pregnancy test even though I already knew what the answer would be. I guess I just needed to see it for myself. When it came back positive I knew I had to quit. Michael could never find out that I was pregnant; my only problem was I had nowhere to go. My parents both passed away early on in life leaving me and my sister to fend for ourselves. My sister had a one year old daughter and a new marriage. I couldn’t put this on her.” Marie huffs, “Michael found the test in the trash before I could quit. He knew our one night just destroyed his family but he demanded a test to see if the baby was really his. Seven months later I gave birth to the most precious little girl.” Marie smiles lovingly at me with tears flowing down her cheeks. “The paternity test came back positive as I knew it would since I was only with one other man in my entire life aside from my husband.”