Finding Us (19 page)

“Let’s get you washed up so we can grab something to eat before it’s all gone.” Knox says as he lets go of my hands and reaches for shampoo. I reach for it but he doesn’t let me have it. He opens the lid and pours some on his hand; I lean my head back so that he can wash my hair. When he’s done he piles it on top of my head and reaches for the bar of soap. The smell of Dove soap always brings back the good memories of being younger and not having a care in the world. Dove was always Marie’s favorite soap. Knox starts at my shoulders and then moves down my arms to my hands. He dips the soap in the water and then scrubs gently at my chest, rubbing the soap in circles around each breast and my nipples pucker. Knox chuckles and I shiver. He washes my stomach and then slips the soap between my legs, he rubs up and down a few times before the soap slips from his fingers and he hits the sensitive bundle of nerves between my legs. He cups me, adding a little pressure to alleviate the ache, and then when I think he’s going to reach for the soap he slips a finger inside me.

“Knox,” I moan and try to keep my legs open for him.

“Hmm,” He kisses my earlobe and then gently bites it as he slips another finger inside me.

He starts pumping, long and slow at first and then as I start to wiggle around he pumps faster until my hips arch and I moan his name loudly.

“Jesus.” I pant as I comeback down for the bliss.

Knox chuckles and removes his fingers. “Feel better now?”

I nod, too exhausted to even talk from the amazing orgasm he just gave me. Now that I’ve settled a bit I feel his throbbing cock against my back. I try to turn so that I can face him and help him with his problem but Knox reaches down between my legs again but grabs the soap this time and finishes washing my legs. When he’s decided that I’m clean he places the soap back in the holder and gently pushes me down so my head is in his lap so that he can wash the soap out of my hair. Once all the soap is washed out, we stand and turn the shower on to rinse our bodies and my hair of all the left over suds.

Knox rinses me first; when I’m clean I finally turn to face him. His eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen, almost a midnight blue. I reach up and cup the side of his face and take a step closer to him. I place a kiss to his kissable lips and let my hand trail from his cheek, down to neck, his chest. When I reach his stomach I slow just a little but continue down.

Knox rests his forehead against mine, eyes opened and staring intently at me. I feel like he wants to say something but he’s holding back.

I follow the valley of his V and down over his hard length. Knox hisses and his eyes squeeze shut. A sly grin slides on my face.
Payback’s a bitch.
Grabbing a hold of him, I let the water help me slide my hand down his shaft. Knox’s hips jerk forward, wanting, needing more.

“Jasmine,” he moans.

It doesn’t take Knox long to find his release. My strokes are tight and slow, I get to the head and loosen my grip just a little and as I go back down I tighten my grip harder. He pants, legs rigid and he’s sucking hard on my shoulder. I’m sure there is going to be a mark there but I don’t really care. I pick up my speed and a few minutes later Knox wraps his hand around mine as he releases himself on my stomach and it’s just as quickly washed away by the water.

“Damn, you’re gonna kill me.” He pants out.

Right back at you!

I almost told Jasmine about
her
. Almost. I wanted to but I couldn’t.

After watching Jasmine and Ava all day on the beach and then her giving Ava a bath had me missing her. The crazy thoughts crept in and thought that maybe one day I could have this with Jasmine then I quickly pushed that far out of my head. I must have got too much sun. I can’t ever go there again.

When Knox and I come down we grab a bite to eat and join everyone on the back deck. The sun is starting to set and I want to make sure I catch this one since I missed the others.

I grab Knox’s hand, “Want to go watch the sunset with me?”

Knox places a kiss on my lips, “Yeah.”

We get up and throw away our trash. We have to sneak past Ava so that she doesn’t follow us.

Knox wraps his arm around my shoulder and I wrap mine around his back. We climb up on the lifeguard stand and I snuggle into Knox’s side.

I’m really going to miss this when we go back home.

“So where did you grow up?” Knox asks after a long few minutes.

I watch as a seagull swoops down to a piece of trash out of the garbage can. I guess it’s time to share a little of my past with Knox.

“In a little town in South Jersey with my parents,” I huff, “I don’t get along with my parents, at all. My mom’s a drunk and my dad’s an asshole.”

“Sounds like the perfect family.” Knox chuckles.

“Oh yeah, real winners,” I say sarcastically. “Whatever my parents said went. There was no disagreeing with them. I had no life until college, Knox. As soon as I graduated and got my trust fund from my grandfather I was out of there. I couldn’t live like that anymore. Everyone I ever met was fake and I hated it. The only true friend I’ve ever had was Summer.”

“Sorry you went through all that.”

I shrug my shoulder, “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m done with them.”

Knox’s hold on me tightens. He kisses my head again just as the sun touches the ocean. It’s so beautiful. The sun has a yellow glow around it that fades into orange. The sky is clear and turning dark as night falls upon us.

When we go back up to the deck to join everyone else Ava latches onto me again. She’s playing with my hair and Knox is handing her the brush when she asks for it. Jeremy is leaning back against the railing, sipping on his beer and watching us. I smile at him and he winks back at me.

“Uncle Knox?” Ava’s little voice whines.

“Huh?”

Ava sighs dramatically, “The brush.”

Knox chuckles. “Sorry little lady.”

Ava runs the brush through my hair and a firework goes off in the distance and it causes her to jump.

“Jeez.” She says

I start laughing, I can’t help it. She really is three going on thirty. Ava jumps down off the bench and runs to her dad. Jeremy picks her up and places her on his shoulders. She runs her hands in his hair while waiting for more fireworks to go off.

Knox slides up behind me and wraps his arms around me. I turn my head and steal a kiss. “Thanks for inviting me here this weekend. I had a great time.”

Knox nuzzles his face into my neck, “You’re welcome. We’ll come back in a few weeks for Labor Day.”

I nod and watch as another firework lights up the sky. Everyone joins us on the deck, including Cade. This is the perfect ending to a perfect weekend.

Later that night Knox takes me to bed. He helps me rid myself of clothes and I do the same to him. We climb into his bed and lie facing each other. Knox pulls me closer to him and puts my arms around his neck. I cradle him to my chest, content in this moment.

“I’m falling hard, Jas.” Knox says with so much emotion in his voice it makes me want to be a girly girl and cry.

My heartbeat picks up. I run my hand through his hair, comforting him. “Me too.”

“I’m still trying to find my way out of this nightmare I’ve been living in.” Knox sighs deeply.

“I’m still trying to find my way in life.” I place a finger under Knox’s chin and tilt his head up. What I see in his eyes is like a mirror of my own. “We’re both lost. We’re trying to find our way and we’re working on finding us.”

Knox’s breath hitches before he crashes his mouth to mine. “We’re finding us.”

I bite down on my bottom lip and Knox reaches up and releases it with his thumb before he kisses it. Something in this moment changes between us. We both admitted that we are finding us, finding our way to be with each other. This road is going to be bumpy as hell but it will be worth all the damage once we get to the other side.
I hope.

Knox and I don’t speak the rest of the night, we don’t need to. We hold each other. Kiss each other like this is going to be the last time. Worship each other’s bodies without having sex like we are committing it to memory. We watch the sun rise over the ocean and with it brings closure to the night before and a brand new day.

Summer, Rex, Knox and I pack up all our stuff and load up his Range Rover. Ava hasn’t left my side once since I came downstairs this morning. She’s asked me a hundred times if I have to go and each time it makes me want to break down and cry. Jeremy tries to take her out but she kicked and screamed the whole time. I told him it was fine and I would talk to Ava.

“Ava, what’s the matter?” I ask when I find her crying upstairs in Jeremy’s room.

“I want to go with you.” She cries.

I walk over to her, pick her up and sit down on Jeremy’s bed. “I’ll be back in a little while. I’ve got to go home for a little bit but I’ll be back.”

She throws her arms around my neck, “No!”

“I’ll make you a deal. If you’re a good girl for daddy I’ll see if he can bring you to come visit me.” I smooth her hair down with my hand. She is still sniffling but eventually stops.

“Ok.” She says when she lifts her head from my shoulder.

I kiss her forehead and give her one big squeeze before setting her down. “Remember, you have to be a big girl for daddy and he’ll take you to see me in the big city.”

“I’m a big girl.” Ava says as she walks out of the room. I love how little kids can bounce back from such an emotional breakdown.

I follow her downstairs and say goodbye to Rhea, Tanner, Cade and Jeremy. Everyone whispers a thank you for bringing their best friend back to them. I’m almost in tears by the time I get to Jeremy.

“Thank you for everything, for Ava and Knox.” Jeremy says as he has me wrapped in his arms.

“You’re welcome. Make sure you and Ava come to visit me. I’m going to miss the hell out of you two.” I say as the dam breaks down.

Jeremy thumbs away my tears and kisses my forehead. “We will.”

I nod and give him one last hug goodbye. Ava stands next to her dad; I kneel down so I can be face to face with her. “Why you crying?” she asks.

I smile through the tears, “I’m gonna miss you.”

Ava flings her arms around my neck and I hold her for a minute. She lets go and I kiss her cheek, “I’ll see you soon.”

Knox is there waiting for me. I manage a half smile and wipe the tears from my face.

“Ready to head home?” Knox says as he throws an arm around my shoulder.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

I never thought saying goodbye to people I just met a few days ago would be so hard. They became like family to me overnight.

On our way back to New York I feel like everything is falling apart rather than coming together. I feel like I left a part of my heart back in South Carolina. There is nothing tying me to New York, why did I pick New York to live in? I feel so out of place, so lost, right now.

When we left the house Knox had to be touching me somehow. Now, I feel him slipping away the closer to home we get. He’s no longer holding my hand; he’s holding my pinky but just barely. I keep sneaking glances at him but he’s been staring straight ahead the whole time.

When we arrive back in New York, Knox drops Rex off first at his apartment and then takes Summer and I home since he lives in the next building. He helps us get our things from the trunk, when everything is out Summer wheels her suitcase inside and gives Knox and I a minute alone.

Knox wraps his arm around me and kisses me on top of my head, “I’ll see you later.”

I nod, not able to talk. I’m barely hanging on.

Knox kisses the top of my head again and walks back towards his car. He rounds the front and I call out, “Knox?”

He stops and looks my way. “I…” my voice fades out. I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with him. We stand there both staring at each other with the city screaming all around us.

I turn to walk away and Knox calls after me, “Me too.”

I’m not sure if he knows that I wanted to tell him that I love him but I don’t care. I smile and run into his opened arms. I kiss him with everything I am and he takes it. When the kiss ends he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, “I’ll see you later.”