Finding the Way (The Amish Millers Get Married Book 5) (4 page)

“Know what?” Sarah asked with growing
apprehension. She could feel a hard knot form in the pit of her
stomach.

“They
are
your cousins. I’m sorry; I
had no idea you didn’t know,” Nash said coyly. “Benjamin didn’t
tell me that you didn’t know. He didn’t say it was a big secret or
anything.”

Sarah momentarily put her hands to her head.
The world spun. She grasped one side of the seat with both hands
and tried to fight the growing nausea. “I don’t know what you
mean,” she managed to say.

“Sorry. Forget I said anything.” Nash turned
and made to leave.

Sarah stood up. “Nash! Wait; what’s going on?
You have to tell me.”

Nash turned around, and Sarah saw the
calculating glint in his eye. “Your father, well, your
step
father Samuel Beachy, was from my parents’ community, didn’t you
know?”

Sarah shook her head. The confusion was
giving her a throbbing headache, and she was worried she’d be
physically sick.

“Well, I shouldn’t be the one to tell you,”
Nash continued, unable to keep the smugness out of his voice, “but
your father was Mr. Miller’s brother.”

Sarah gasped.

“Isn’t that a coincidence,” Nash continued,
his voice seeming to Sarah to come from far away, “and the Miller
family and Benjamin didn’t even bother to tell you. I wonder
why?”

Sarah pushed past Nash and ran away, the
muted sound of Nash’s cruel laughter following her. She ran blindly
down past the B&B, down past the ruins of the old stone
cottage, until she lost her footing and fell heavily, landing on
her sore knee. Sarah picked herself up, and burst into tears.

At once, her arm was grasped by a strong hand
and she was helped gently to her feet. She looked up into the
concerned eyes of Benjamin.

“Are you hurt?”

Sarah shook her head and dusted the dirt from
her apron.

“You’re trembling.”

Sarah shook her head again and hurriedly
wiped the tears from her eyes.

The next thing she knew was that she was
pulled against Benjamin’s hard chest and he was stroking her hair.
She reveled in his manly scent and strong arms. She wanted to stay
there forever, safe and warm.

Yet Nash’s words rang loudly through her
ears:
Benjamin didn’t tell me you didn’t know
, and,
Benjamin didn’t even bother to tell you
.

She pushed Benjamin away and clapped her
hands over her ears, as if that would make the thoughts stop.

“Why did you tell Nash?” she snapped.

Benjamin frowned, clearly puzzled by Sarah’s
accusatory words and her abrupt change in attitude. “Tell Nash
what?” he asked, scratching his head.

“How could you, Benjamin? I thought I could
trust you; how could you do this to me?” Sarah ran from Benjamin,
leaving him staring after her in bewilderment.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy
or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own
way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at
wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things,
believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love
never ends.

Chapter
8

Sarah reached the Miller
familye
buggy
just as Mr. and Mrs. Miller were about to leave.

“Don’t you want to stay with the
youngie
for the afternoon?” Mrs. Miller asked, clearly
concerned about Sarah’s red, puffy eyes.

Sarah shook her head. “
Nee
, I just
want to get home, and then there is something important I want to
ask you.”

“Whatever has happened, child?”

Sarah dabbed at her eyes and said, “Please,
can it wait until we are back in the
haus
?”

Mrs. Miller nodded and the short journey was
spent in tense silence. When they arrived at the
haus
, Mr.
Miller promptly made himself scarce, while Mrs. Miller and Sarah
went into the
haus
.

The soft, puffy clouds and the blue sky were
being replaced by rolling, threatening clouds, and the sun was
already behind billowing, black clouds.
Just like my mood
,
Sarah thought.

Mrs. Miller made herself and Sarah a hot,
meadow tea, and then sat at the kitchen table, her face white and
drawn. “What is this about, Sarah?” she asked in a kindly tone.

Sarah wondered where to begin, but then
thought she might as well blurt it all out. She took a deep breath,
and then launched into her explanation. “Nash Grayson told me that
Mr. Miller’s
bruder
was my real
vadder
.”

At this, Mrs. Miller gasped and her hand flew
to her mouth. Sarah was concerned that Mrs. Miller might faint, and
forgot her own problems for the moment. “Mrs. Miller, are you
okay?”

Mrs. Miller clutched at her throat and waved
her on. “Tell me what he said,” she said in a hoarse voice.

“Nash said that Mr. Miller’s
bruder
was my biological father, and that my
daed
, well that is,
Samuel Beachy, the
mann
I thought was my
daed
, was
from Nash’s community. That’s all. Isn’t that bad enough?” she
added defiantly.

The color was returning to Mrs. Miller’s
cheeks somewhat although she was wringing her hands restlessly.
“You deserve a full explanation,” she said.

Sarah sat in silence, waiting for Mrs. Miller
to continue. “My husband Abraham’s
bruder
, Shem, was your
vadder
,” she said. “He married your
mudder
, Mary
Lengacher, and they had you. Abraham and Shem were close, but your
mudder
never really got on with any of us. Shem died when
you were still a little
boppli
. Your
mudder
was from
southern Indiana.”

Sarah knew where her
mudder
was from,
and could contain herself no longer. “Why wasn’t I told?”

“I’m getting to that,” Mrs. Miller said
patiently. “Like I said, our
familye
did not get on well
with your
mudder
, Mary Lengacher. We saw her at Shem’s
funeral of course, but then did not see her again until you were
six months old. She brought you here and said she was getting
remarried. We were surprised, of course, so soon after your
vadder
had died. It was not our place to judge,” Mrs. Miller
added primly, the corners of her mouth turning down.

Sarah waited with baited breath to hear what
else Mrs. Miller had to say.

Mrs. Miller cleared her throat, had a sip of
meadow tea, and then pressed on. “Your
mudder
told us that
you were too young to remember your
vadder
, so she was going
to raise you as her new husband’s
dochder
. Abraham and I at
first did not realize what she meant, but she made us promise that
we would not tell you. When we realized that she had no intention
of telling you that your
vadder
was, in fact, Shem Miller,
we had a falling out, and that was the last we ever saw of you. We
knew that they had changed your name to your new
vadder’s
,
to Beachy and not Miller, as would be expected, and we heard that
they had no children of their own, but that was all.”

A loud clap of thunder made both women jump.
Mrs. Miller hurried over to shut the kitchen window before the
first drops of rain fell.

Sarah was hard put to process all this
information at once. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this when I
arrived here?” she asked.

The color drained from Mrs. Miller’s face
once again. “It wasn’t our place. Abraham and I discussed it, but
we considered that it was your
vadder’s
place to tell you.
As he hadn’t told you, we felt it wasn’t the right thing to do for
us to tell you. We felt
Gott
had blessed us by sending you
to us after all these years,” she added with emotion in her
voice.

“So, did you ever meet my
vadder
,
err
, Samuel Beachy?’

Mrs. Miller shook her head, just as another
clap of thunder sounded. “
Nee
. Your
mudder
made it
clear that we were not invited to the wedding.”

Sarah sipped her tea and thought things over.
Her
mudder
had been a very strict woman. Her
vadder
was strict, but her
mudder
more so. Perhaps her
vadder
had not told her the truth out of respect for his
fraa’s
wishes. Samuel Beachy may not have been her
biological
vadder
, but he was the only
vadder
she had
ever known.

Sarah was upset that so many people had lied
to her, by keeping the information about her birthright from her.
Sure, she could see why Mr. and Mrs. Miller had done so, in order
to respect her
mudder’s
wishes, but what was Benjamin’s
excuse? She looked up to see Mrs. Miller regarding her
carefully.

“Are you all right, Sarah?”

“
Jah
, but it’s a lot to take in. It’s
a terrible shock.” Her voice was quiet.

“
Jah, jah
.” Mrs. Miller nodded with a
sympathetic expression on her face. “I’m so sorry we kept the
information from you, but we felt we had no choice, since your
vadder
himself hadn’t told you.”

Sarah nodded. “But why didn’t Benjamin tell
me?”

“Benjamin?” Mrs. Miller’s face went
blank.

“
Jah
, Benjamin Shetler. Nash said that
it was Benjamin who told him that my
vadder
was Mr. Miller’s
bruder
.”

Mrs. Miller’s face turned as black as the
clouds outside. “
Phsaw
,” she kissed. “That no-gooder! Do not
listen to likes of Nash Grayson, child. He would not know the truth
if it fell upon him from the skies above. I fancy he said that
simply to cause trouble between you and Benjamin, who is a
gut
mann
, by all reports. Unlike that Nash,” she
added with annoyance.

Sarah just wanted to crawl into a hollow log
and let the world go by. This was all too much for her. She had
just found out she was a Miller, which she considered to be a
gut
thing, but what was not so
gut
was that her
vadder
and
mudder
had kept this from her all her
life, and she had found out only by accident. And what was more,
she had made a fool of herself with Benjamin and wrongfully accused
him of lying. Would he ever forgive her?

John 13:34-35.

A new commandment I give to you, that you
love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love
one another. By this all people will know that you are my
disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Chapter
9

Nash and Jessie were once more down by the
ruins of the old stone cottage, where they now met most mornings,
while Jessie smoked a cigarette.

Jessie had, in fact, given up smoking several
days earlier, but Nash had not noticed.
Too self-absorbed
,
Jessie figured.

Today Nash was complaining once again about
his parents. “They’ve given me the worst room at the B&B,” he
complained.

“Well, it’s free, isn’t it?” Jessie
snapped.

Nash was used to Jessie’s forthright manner,
and was not offended.

“Yes, but I’m their son; they should look
after me.”

Jessie shrugged. “Whatever. Well, you should
at least clean up your own room.”

Nash folded his arms. “Why should I? That’s
what they pay
you
to do.”

Jessie rolled her eyes. “They pay me to clean
rooms for
guests
,” she said. “You’re not a guest; you’re a
freeloader.”

Nash laughed. He enjoyed their banter, even
if he was on the receiving end of insults, as usual. He found all
other girls boring, but Jessie was far from boring, and what’s
more, she kept him on her toes. “I’m getting a job,” he announced
out of the blue.

Jessie’s mouth dropped open. “What, you? A
job? Doing what?”

“Construction, gazebos mainly,” Nash said
smugly. “I’m going to work for Amos Troyer.”

“Has he met you?” Jessie asked, her face
clearly showing her disbelief.

Nash snorted rudely. “What kind of question
is that? Yes, of course; I went for the interview and he offered me
the job. I want a steady job with steady income.”

Jessie snickered rudely. “You?”

Nash narrowed his eyes at her. “Yes, me. Why
are you so surprised?”

Jessie laughed outright. “I thought your only
income was betting on the horses. Besides, you seem the lazy type
to me.”

“Well, I’m not,” Nash snapped, disappointed
the way the conversation was going, and a little hurt by Jessie’s
attitude. “And I haven’t gambled for ages. I owe money and I have
to pay it back, since my parents couldn’t be bothered to pay it for
me.”

“Why should they?”

“What? Well, I’m their son.”

Jessie walked over to stand in front of Nash
and jabbed her finger into his chest. “Where do you get this sense
of entitlement from? You’re acting like a spoiled brat. You’re not
ten years old; do you expect them to still look after you when
you’re thirty or forty?”

Nash opened his mouth to say something, but
Jessie continued. “And what would
Gott
think of that? But I
suppose you turned your back on
Gott
when you went on
rumspringa
.”

Nash was highly offended. “I did not!” he
said. “That’s a stupid thing to say; people don’t leave God when
they go on
rumspringa
, even if they’re on a long one.”

Jessie merely shrugged, and turned to look
over the fields. “Are you ever going to return to the
community?”

Nash walked over to stand beside her. “Dunno.
It depends.”

Jessie looked up at him. “Oh what?”

Nash pulled a face and shrugged one shoulder.
On whether you’ll be my girlfriend
, he thought. Thinking of
Jessie as his girlfriend brought up thoughts of jealousy over
Benjamin, so he asked, “How was the singing last night?”