Finding the Way (The Amish Millers Get Married Book 5) (3 page)

“Yes, you and I know that,” he said in a
conciliatory tone, “but Sarah obviously doesn’t. She has a huge
crush on him.”

“So?” Jessie’s mouth formed into a pout.
“What does that have to do with me?”

“Do you want to help me cause some
trouble?”

Jessie looked thoughtful, and Nash’s spirits
rose. At least she had not rejected his suggestion outright.

“What do you want me to do?”

Nash chewed on a fingernail. “You could flirt
with Benjamin a bit in front of Sarah, to annoy her.”

Jessie appeared to be thinking it over. “If I
agree to do this, how far do want me to go? Should I kiss him?”

Nash didn’t like that idea at all. He was
very much attracted to Jessie, who was just the sort of girl he
liked. Nash was a little hurt that Jessie wanted to kiss Benjamin.
What did Benjamin have that he didn’t have? He was sure he was just
as good looking as Benjamin, and just as tall, and what’s more, he
wasn’t an irritating do-gooder and a boring one at that.

“Well?” Jessie prompted. “Do you want me to
kiss him?”

“Sure,” Nash said quickly, to hide his true
thoughts. It would seem suspicious if he said he didn’t want her
to, but the truth was, he did not want Jessie Yoder to kiss
Benjamin Shetler at all. In fact, the only person he wanted Jessie
to kiss was himself.

* * *

Jessie Yoder crushed the cigarette under her
foot. It was about time she gave them up. She had only taken up the
habit to annoy her
mudder
. After her initial satisfaction in
succeeding in horrifying her
mudder
, she was now left with a
bad habit.

Yet that did not concern Jessie at this
moment. What concerned her was that Nash Grayson wanted her to kiss
Benjamin Shetler. She had thought that Nash was growing interested
in her, but now she realized that it only been because he wanted to
use her as a pawn in his game of amusement. How wrong could she
have been? She was a fool to have let herself have feelings for
Nash. She’d had crushes before, sure, one of them being Jacob
Hostetler, but she had been much younger then, and unwise.

She found Nash exciting, with his dangerous
looks, his tattoos and piercings, and she found his sneaky ways
intriguing. Now, for the first time, Jessie discovered what it was
like to be on the receiving end of tricks and plots. She didn’t
like it at all, not one little bit. In fact, it suddenly brought
home to her all the hurt that the tricks she had played on others
over the years had caused. She felt truly remorseful for the first
time.

Ephesians 6:1-4.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for
this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first
commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that
you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your
children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and
instruction of the Lord.

Chapter
6

Sarah sat on the hard, wooden benches in the
large reception room at the Flickingers’ B&B, as this was where
the biweekly church meeting was being held that day. She was
wondering why things could never be easy for her. Her
mudder
had died, and then her
vadder
had told her that he was not,
in fact, her biological
vadder
, but that her biological
vadder
had died when she was a
boppli
. And as if that
was not bad enough, she had run away and had gotten mixed up with
the wrong crowd, and had been arrested.

She thought her life had turned around when
she had met Martha Miller and then had been welcomed with open arms
by the Millers, but then her
vadder
had sent Benjamin
Shetler to talk her into returning home—Benjamin, the only
mann
she had ever loved, but who did not love her in
return.

Could things get any worse? Sarah turned her
attention back to the ministers. The thirty minute initial
preaching had ended, and the people now kneeled for the silent
prayer. Sarah absently thought that her knee hurt where she had
tripped over a rock the other day. She shifted her weight to
relieve the niggling pain.

Sarah was relieved when everyone stood for
the reading of the chapter from Martin Luther’s German Bible.
I
must ask Mrs. Miller for some arnica cream for my knee
, she
thought, while sneaking a glance at Benjamin. The minister started
by reading from the lectionary about the Gospel of Matthew, and
then went on to say that we should all submit to the will of
Gott
. The minister also said we should be patient while we
wait for the will of
Gott
to unfold.

Sarah sent up a silent prayer that she would
be able to submit to the will of
Gott
; after all, she
wanted
to; she would just have to try a little harder.

Finally, the long service was over, and Sarah
went to the kitchen to help Mrs. Flickinger and the other ladies
prepare the food. She was just as quickly shooed back out, and told
by the kind ladies to join the other
youngie
.

Sarah made her way over to Martha and Moses,
but saw they were joining their
schweschders
and
bruders
, Hannah and Noah, and Esther and Jacob, and their
kinner
. Sarah didn’t want to intrude, so walked over to sit
by herself on a wooden and iron bench under a weeping willow. There
was a little garden bed nearby, and Sarah breathed in the sweet
scent of the trumpet-shaped honeysuckles, the spicy fragrance of
the prolific Sweet Williams, and the pungent scent of the
beautiful, blue hyacinths.

So engrossed was Sarah in looking at the
flowers, that she did not hear anyone approach. “Oh, it’s you,” she
said, and then instantly regretted her tone.

Benjamin loomed over her. “May I sit with
you?”

“Of course, please do.” Sarah made her tone
sound inviting.

“Have you given any thought to coming back
home?”

Sarah’s heart sank. She kept hoping that
Benjamin was in love with her, despite all evidence to the
contrary. Again, her heart soared when he sat next to her, only to
plummet when he asked the question.

“
Nee
,” she snapped. “I am not going
home, not ever, and that’s final.”

Benjamin turned his warm gaze upon her, and
moved a little closer along the bench to her. “I’m so sorry, Sarah;
I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I wasn’t pressuring you,
truly. I just wanted to know if you intend to stay here or go
back.”

Sarah was bewildered. He wasn’t trying to
pressure her? But surely that was his only reason for being
here?

Benjamin must have suspected what she was
thinking, for he continued, “That’s not the only reason I came
here.” He hesitated, and a slow flush traveled up his face. “It
was…” he began, before he was rudely and abruptly cut off by Jessie
Yoder.

“
Hiya
, you two,” she said. “Can I sit
down?”

Before anyone could answer, Jessie planted
herself on the bench between Sarah and Benjamin, and then moved a
little closer to Benjamin. She completely ignored Sarah, and turned
to Benjamin, asking him how he had liked the church meeting.

It seemed to Sarah that Jessie was flirting
outrageously, and giggling quite loudly and often. Benjamin was
making no attempt to get away from Jessie.
I wonder what
Benjamin was going to say to me?
Sarah thought. Again, she had
gotten her hopes up only to have them dashed.
Just face facts;
he doesn’t like you
, she scolded herself silently.

Sarah got up and walked away. As she did, she
saw the tall, brooding figure of Nash Grayson standing in front of
the B&B front porch, staring at Jessie and Benjamin. A chill
ran up her spine.
He’s up to no good
, she thought.

* * *

Nash stared at Jessie flirting with Benjamin.
She’s got a nerve, flirting with him like that
, he thought,
but then remembered that he had told her to.
Well, she doesn’t
have to be quite so enthusiastic about
, he thought, with
growing irritation. He walked back inside the B&B and slammed
the door as hard as he could.

* * *

Jessie knew that Nash was watching her.
I
hope he’s jealous
, she thought, and she flirted with Benjamin
all the more. She could see that Benjamin was uncomfortable with
her behavior, but she didn’t care. She figured she was not hurting
Benjamin’s feelings at all, and if she could use him to make Nash
jealous, then she would.

When Nash stormed off and slammed the door of
the B&B, Jessie’s spirits rose.
Perhaps he is jealous after
all
, she thought with satisfaction. She abruptly left the
puzzled Benjamin and walked over to speak to Sarah.

* * *

Sarah watched Jessie approach her with some
apprehension. She knew Jessie well enough to know that she wasn’t
going to make small talk.

When Jessie reached Sarah, she came straight
to the point. “I have a confession.”

“You do?” Sarah was concerned; she did not
trust Jessie after the things she’d heard about her, and wondered
if this was perhaps part of some game Jessie was playing.

Jessie nodded. “
Jah
. But if I tell
you, you can’t tell anyone.” When Sarah looked at her blankly, she
continued, “Agreed?”

“Oh,
jah
. I mean,
nee
. I won’t
tell anyone.” Sarah was somewhat intrigued.

“I’ve told
Gott
that I won’t hurt
anyone’s feelings any more,” Jessie said, without any trace of
embarrassment. “So I have to tell you this. Nash asked me to flirt
with Benjamin.”

“He did?” Sarah’s voice rose to a high pitch,
so Jessie took her by the arm and guided her down to a row of
trees.

“
Shush
. Yes he did, but this puts me
in a difficult position as I don’t want to betray Nash either.”
Jessie sighed dramatically. “That’s why you can’t tell anyone.”

“But why?” Sarah was more puzzled than
ever.

Jessie shrugged. “He’s bored, I guess. He
could see you and Benjamin like each other so he wanted to cause
trouble.”

“But we don’t,
err
, he doesn’t…” Sarah
began, but her curiosity overcame her. “Why would Nash want to
cause trouble?”

“How should I know? I’m not a therapist.”
Jessie’s tone grew less tolerant. “Look, I didn’t want to tell you,
but I don’t want to hurt your feelings. You can’t tell anyone,
okay?”

“Sure.”

“All right then, you and Benjamin can go live
happily ever after.” Jessie looked Sarah up and down, and then
walked away, leaving a bewildered Sarah behind.

Could this all be true? It certainly would
explain Jessie’s recent behavior, and it was something Nash was
likely to do, from what Rebecca had told her of the goings on at
the B&B when she had worked there prior to her marriage to
Elijah.

More importantly, could Jessie be right about
Benjamin liking her? It seemed that both Jessie and Nash had
assumed that Benjamin liked her. Sarah had been over this a
thousand times, usually at night when she was trying to sleep.
Sometimes she thought that Benjamin liked her, but then the normal
thing for him to do would be to ask her on a buggy ride, and he had
not done that.

More than anything, Sarah wanted to be
Benjamin’s
fraa
. Just as she was coming to terms with the
fact that she never would be, her hopes had been raised again. Was
this the will of
Gott
, or a cruel trick? Sarah had no
idea.

Psalm 23:1-3.

A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I
shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me
beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of
righteousness for his name’s sake.

Chapter
7

The young people filed into the large
reception room for their turn for the meal. Church spread, made up
of marshmallows and peanut butter, was everywhere, as were bowls of
a mixture of potato chips, corn chips, popcorn, and crackers, as
well as numerous trays of dessert bars and cookies. Jugs of water,
and pots of
kaffi
, meadow tea, and cocoa were placed around
the table at intervals.

Sarah was still puzzled by Jessie’s
confession; she wanted to tell the Miller
schweschders
all
about it, but they were all still consumed with helping with
Hannah’s and Esther’s
kinner
.

Sarah sat at the table and helped herself to
bread and church spread, thinking with a giggle that she was glad
these sandwiches were not made by the kindly Fannie Graber.
Although she was surrounded by other girls, she felt all alone, and
left the meal early to have some time to herself outside. Besides,
she wasn’t particularly hungry.

Sarah walked back to the bench under the
weeping willow again, hoping that Benjamin would seek her out,
while at the same time telling herself that such thoughts were
foolish.

This time, it was not Benjamin who approached
her, but Nash Grayson. Nash made no attempt to sit next to her, but
stood in front of her, towering over her, his arms folded, and the
corners of his lips turned up. “Why are you sitting out here all
alone?” he asked with narrowed eyes.

“I wanted time to myself,” Sarah said, hoping
that would not sound rude.

Nash laughed. “I can take a hint,” brushing
her protestations aside. “Anyway, I thought you’d be over with your
cousins.” He gestured to where the Miller
schweschders
were
playing with the
kinner
at the far end of the garden.

“They’re not my cousins,” Sarah said.
“They’re
gut
friends, but not relatives.”

Nash put his hand to his mouth in a manner
which looked to Sarah to be entirely fake, and at the same time,
made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. “Oh, I’m sorry; you
don’t know.”