Finding the Center Within: The Healing Way of Mindfulness Meditation. (12 page)

But the inner dialogue of someone who is using conscious breathing is different. There may be the same emotions, but without the agitation, helplessness, and despair. The inner experience of such a person may be more like this: “There is sadness happening in me. I am sitting here, breathing in and out, and feeling the sadness. There is a strong feeling, as I continue to breathe, of wanting this sadness to go away. But I know I can be with this sadness, and breathe with it. I know it will not stay forever.”

Cope with Sleepiness

If you feel sleepy, there are three things you can try. If you want to continue meditating without falling asleep, you can take several deep, slow breaths, or get up and practice walking meditation for a few minutes. You can also try a third solution: Go to sleep.

In some ways, the best answer is to go to sleep, if circumstances permit. This is most in keeping with the premise of honoring all that you are into the sacred space of meditation. It is also in keeping with the spirit of Zen: When I’m hungry, I eat; when I’m tired, I sleep. As a rule of thumb, if your mind is overactive, focus on the abdomen as you breathe in and out. If the mind is dull or sleepy, focus on the point where the breath enters the nostrils.

Be Patient with Anxiety

As we discussed in chapter 1, our fragmentation and disconnection have made ours a culture of anxiety. So for some people, the moment they slow down and tune into themselves, the first thing they become aware of is their anxiety and worry.

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clearly what is happening with you. What you need at this point is some way to touch this anxiety, to be present with it, without being swept away by it. You do not try to fix the anxiety. You do not try to make it go away. In fact, you adopt a willingness to be present with it, to let it hang around as long as it needs to. This takes a little courage and persistence, but it is the best way. It is cow-taming meditation, allowing it to be just what it is and to run freely in the large pasture of big mind. When you become perfectly willing to experience the anxiety just as it is, without trying to change it, it has a way of calming down, all by itself.

Sound difficult? It does take persistence and patience. But you really can do it. What makes it difficult is that we have been taught that we are slaves to our emotions. It is as though we somehow think we must always express and act out our emotions, or we are in denial. The truth is somewhere in between. We cannot “control” our emotions, but we can learn to work with them. Between acting them out in destructive fashion and denial lie a wide range of alternatives. When difficult emotions like anxiety come up in meditation, imagine your mind becoming as open and spacious as the sky. The sky can embrace many clouds. It is vast and untroubled, whether many clouds appear or none at all.

Practice Returning

Over time, your meditation will deepen. So will your ability to concentrate on the breath or whatever focus you are working on. However, if you become too goal oriented—if you are continually tracking and evaluating your progress—you are interfering with that which you are seeking. The best results come from not seeking results. When we use language to describe meditation, inevitably some misunderstandings are created. To talk about getting better at or improving your meditation or achieving enlightenment sets one up for struggle. If we are improving or achieving, then we are not being. We are struggling. And almost inevitably, one can start to worry about whether one is meditating correctly.

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Meditation strength is the strength of water, not stone or steel. It is the strength of returning again and again, of gradually wearing down the harder elements. From time to time, you may notice that the hardness in you has been softened. You are like a shard of glass found on the beach, worn smooth by the waves.

Until we fully realize our Buddha nature, the task is really about practicing this gentle return. It does not matter whether your mind wanders a thousand times during a half hour of meditation, or just one time. It doesn’t matter whether you wandered away for a second or for many minutes.
What matters is returning.

Encourage Yourself

Cognitive psychology teaches the importance of giving ourselves realistic encouragement. Use positive messages to encourage persistence in meditation. Notice that these examples are realistic; it is not a matter of telling yourself, “Everything is always wonderful.”

•

I can worry about this now, but I can also worry about this later if I choose to.

•

All I have to do right now is be with my breath.

•

My mind wandered, but I found my way back to my breath.

•

All of these thoughts and feelings are okay just as they are.

•

I know that my mind will race for as long as it needs to, and calm down when it is ready.

•

The best meditation sessions are not always the easy ones.

•

It does not matter how many times I return (to my breath). It only matters that I do so.

•

I am giving myself a wonderful gift by meditating.

•

I accept all of my thoughts and feelings just as they are.

•

Breathing in and out, help is already here.

•

Even one minute of mindfulness is a miracle.

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A Word about Words

Words are powerful. In the Bible, God created heaven and earth and everything in it by speaking. Adam was allowed to name all the animals, thus giving him power over them. Jesus is called “the Word of God.”

Magicians and sorcerers have always known the power of words as incantations and magic formulas. Words can be powerful for good or for evil. Politicians know the importance of putting the proper spin on things. As a profound example on the dark side, the Nazis knew the power of words when they referred to the murder of millions as “the final solution of the Jewish question.”

Cognitive psychologists also know the power of words. In research that examines how memories are interconnected in light of different moods, researchers in this field have developed word lists that induce a mild, transient depression or euphoria. Just having someone read a positive or negative list of words temporarily changes his mood. The thought patterns of depressed people involve a lot more of the words linked with depressed mood than the thought patterns of nondepressed people.

It is no surprise, then, that spiritual teachers past and present have taught helpful ways of using words.

Use Gathas

Gathas are short poems that you can use to help achieve more focus in meditation. Gathas are a lot like mantras, but instead of being words chosen for their sound properties to evoke certain moods and energies, gathas are used more to focus attention. Since it is the nature of the mind to think about something, you can respect the nature of the mind by giving it something to do. One of the best gathas was taught by the Buddha:

Breathing
in,
I know I am breathing in.

Breathing
out,
I know I am breathing out. After the first time or two, you just use “in” on the in-breath and

“out” on the out-breath. It is also helpful to return to the full form and 03 BIEN.qxd 8/18/03 12:25 PM Page 67

[Text not available in this electronic edition.]

Again, after the first time or two, just use the words in italics, and come back to the full version when your concentration wanes. This is not about saying the words mechanically, but about using the words to keep focusing your attention. After you have tried working with some of these gathas for a while, try making your own. Often our own gathas are ultimately the most useful.

Dwell with a Word or a Phrase

A Christian tradition of contemplative prayer is to simply dwell with a word or a phrase. Unlike gathas, the words are not coordinated with the breath. In the traditional usage, these were often words or phrases drawn from Scripture, such as from the Psalms. For example, “The Lord is my light and my salvation.” Alternatively, you can use any words that appeal to you, such as “peace” or “light”—simply repeating the word or phrase whenever you wish to or when it begins to fade or lose substance.

If you can draw from your own heritage, that is wonderful. Don’t be caught by concept and paradox and terminology. Don’t be confused, for example, by the fact that what Eastern religion calls meditation, Western religion calls contemplation, and vice versa. Look to the practice. Breath, Body, Thoughts, and Feelings

The
Anapanasati sutra
outlines a natural progression to follow in meditation. It starts with the breath, then moves to awareness of the body, then to thoughts and feelings, and so on. You may enjoy following this 03 BIEN.qxd 8/18/03 12:25 PM Page 68

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progression. Begin your meditation with a focus on the breath. Become one with your breathing.

After you have used the breath to become centered, then focus on the body. You can begin by visualizing your breath being transported to every cell of your body. Notice the sensations in your body. If you wish, conduct a body scan, focusing on each part of the body for a few breaths, giving thanks for that body part. Create a short gatha to help with this, such as

Breathing in, I am aware of my left hand (or eyes, ears, heart, etc.).
Breathing out, I am thankful for my left hand.
Be sure to
sense
your body, rather than just
think
about it. Once feelings of calm begin to emerge, you may wish to use the
calming/smiling
gatha on page 67. Good body awareness is very important. How can you ever hope to calm your thoughts and feelings, if your body is not calm, and if you are not grounded as a physical being?

It is perfectly fine to let just this breathing/body awareness be the subject of a meditation period. It can even be helpful to stay with this theme for a period of days or weeks. However, you can also move on, if you wish. You can let yourself become aware of your thoughts and feelings. The idea is to experience your thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them. If you find yourself worrying about paying the rent, the attitude is:
I am sitting here, breathing in and out, and worry-
ing about the rent.
In this way, you are awake and aware of your worry. You are recognizing it without trying to push it away or make it change. You are learning that you are larger than your worries, plans, thoughts, and emotions.

When you get caught up in your thoughts and emotions, you may wish to refocus on your breathing for a moment, and come back to the attitude above:
Here I am, breathing in and out, and feeling sadness/embar-
rassment/ happiness/pride, etc.
If you tend to berate yourself for losing concentration, see if you can take a lighthearted attitude as you return to the object of your meditation. Laugh at the playfulness of the mind. Employ a coping thought, such as “Good going! I found my way back to my breath!” Be encouraging and positive with yourself, as you would with a small child taking her first steps.

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Minds (Brahma-viharas)

The brahma-viharas, or four immeasurable minds, are another helpful way to practice. The word
brahma-vihara
is composed of the word
vi-
hara,
meaning abode, and
Brahma,
a Hindu term for God. Thus the brahma-viharas are the abodes of God or divine dwelling places. The four brahma-viharas are
love, compassion, joy, and equanimity
. The Buddha promised that those who practice these “will feel secure, strong, and joyful, without afflictions of body or mind.”

Love, in the sense intended here, sometimes translated as lovingkindness, means the intention to offer joy and happiness to other beings. Compassion means the intention to offer skillful help to relieve suffering. The
brahma-vihara
of joy is filled with peace and contentment. Some traditions emphasize joy in the good fortune of others rather than of oneself, but in the light of interbeing, it does not matter whether joy is for ourselves or for another. Equanimity is the capacity to see things clearly and without attachment or reactivity. It is a kind of peace that comes from not insisting that things always go as we would prefer them to. It is letting go and letting be.

To meditate on
love,
use this gatha: “Breathing in, I radiate love to all beings. Breathing out, I smile to all beings.” After saying it to yourself this way once or twice, then just use the words
loving, smiling
. As you do so, stay in touch with your breathing. Imagine yourself as radiating light outward toward all beings, with an intention to offer them joy and healing. To make this concrete, it helps sometimes to think of specific people. These can be people you feel close to and love, or, as a more advanced practice, people with whom you have difficulty. You yourself can also be the object of this intention. For in love, there is no discrimination between self and others. So offer yourself the same loving intention. Then do the same with
compassion
—remembering that compassion means the intention to relieve suffering. To work with
joy,
use the following gatha from Thich Nhat Hanh:

“Breathing in, I feel joyful. Breathing out, I smile to my joy.” After the first time, just say “Joyful, smiling.” Joy is always there. No matter what is happening in your life, it is possible for you to contact the joy that is within you and nourish it. There are always joyful elements available. 03 BIEN.qxd 8/18/03 12:25 PM Page 70

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