Finding the Center Within: The Healing Way of Mindfulness Meditation. (11 page)

Remember to Smile

From early on in my meditation practice, I meditated with a little Buddha smile on my face. I had not heard or read anything that instructed me to do this; it just felt right instinctively. Many years later, I read about the importance of smiling while meditating. This confirmed my original instinct.

Smiling calms the muscles in our body, and helps put us in the right mental attitude. In fact, I would go further: When you meditate, pretend you are the Buddha and are already an enlightened person, full of joy and peace and wisdom. If you smile like a Buddha, you tap a little more deeply into your Buddha nature, your true self. And your meditation will be much better. It is so important to touch joy and happiness when you meditate. When you touch joy in your meditation, your meditation becomes easy. When you cannot touch joy, meditation can be very difficult. So go ahead. Smile!

Use a Timer

Some people have a kind of romantic notion that they can just meditate for whatever feels comfortable at the moment. But for formal practice, it is good to set a specific time. This is a way of honoring your intention to keep coming back to your mindfulness, whether meditation on a given day is easy and peaceful, or whether you are very distracted. With a timer, you do not have to worry that you might be late for work or whatever you should be doing next. You can let the timer take over that worry for you.

When doctors prescribe antidepressant medication, they follow the principle “Start low and go slow.” You begin with a low dose to see how it is tolerated, monitoring for troublesome side effects. Then you gradually increase the dose. Similarly, in our program, we have you gradually increase the length of your meditation time. There are two considerations to keep in mind. First, if you overwhelm yourself by trying too hard and lengthening your meditation too quickly, you may give up altogether. Second, however, if you stay stuck in only brief meditation periods, you do not reach the fruit of your meditation practice. The first fifteen or twenty minutes of meditation 03 BIEN.qxd 8/18/03 12:25 PM Page 57

Of the two dangers, we think the first outweighs the second. Above all, don’t overwhelm yourself. For if you stop meditating, the whole venture is lost right there. So above all, keep your meditation enjoyable. Maintain a positive spirit about it. And increase your sitting time slowly and gently.

Move Mindfully During Meditation

Some meditation teachers strictly forbid movement during meditation. While there is a lot to be gained from cultivating stillness, we feel that if you prohibit yourself from moving, you may get caught up in a struggle between your desire to move and your intention not to. This is a frustrating way to spend your meditation time, and actually
prevents
the stillness you are seeking. So go ahead and move if you need to. When you move, however, do so
mindfully
. Resist the temptation to move as a kind of reflex. Slow the process down a little, so it is less automatic. Be aware of what is making you want to move, be aware of your decision to move, and be fully aware of each movement. Then notice the result: How do you feel after moving in that way? For example, if you are sitting in a position and suddenly become aware that your back is hurting, you might respond something like this (putting a nonverbal experience into words): “Hmm, pain in my back. Let me just take a minute to breathe in and out and be aware of this pain. Do I need to shift position or stretch? I think that would be good. Let me do this slowly and with full awareness, breathing in and out. There, that’s better.”

If you do this mindfully, you learn when moving is helpful and when it is not. For example, if you use a timer for your meditation period and are tempted to peek at it from time to time, try to do this mindfully. Notice for yourself what effect this has and whether it is helpful or not. Does peeking at the time make you more or less anxious, or more or less rooted in the present moment? Or are there times when it is helpful and times when it is not? In this way, you are not just imposing an arbitrary rule on yourself, but you are learning by experience what helps. Since meditation is about awareness and experience, no one’s experience is more important in your practice than your own. 03 BIEN.qxd 8/18/03 12:25 PM Page 58

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I’m Sitting: Now What?

Some meditation traditions answer this question very simply: What you must do when you are sitting, is
just sit!

In practice, however, most find it helpful to give the mind a focal point. The mind will be doing something, after all, and if we don’t give it some job to do, chances are good it will run off in its familiar patterns of worry, fear, planning, scheming, reviewing the past, and so on. And if that happens, your meditation will probably not be enjoyable or healing.

The degree to which your mind is busy is a matter of individual personality. Some people have minds like a cat curled up by the fire. They settle comfortably, sensually, easily, into whatever circumstances they find themselves in. Many more people have minds like a sheepdog. Sheepdogs are most comfortable when they have a job to do. They become uneasy without a task. The more you are like comfortable tabby, the more you can “just sit.” The more you are like the sheepdog—the more you need something to do—the more you need a focal point for your meditation.

There are many focal points that you can choose. You can meditate on a flower, on Buddha, or on Christ. You can meditate on a mantra—

a kind of prayer or chant that you say to yourself, such as
om mane
padme hum
or the famous Hare Krishna mantra
(hare Krishna, hare
Krishna, Krishna Krishna, hare hare, hare Rama, hare Rama, Rama Rama,
hare hare)
. Mantras are usually chosen because of their harmonious, healing sounds, and not so much because of their meaning. So from this perspective, it does not matter whether the mantra is in Sanskrit, Japanese, or English. Sometimes the simplest are the best, such as “om” or

“ah,” drawing the sound out long and resonantly. However, if you want to use English and employ your own spiritual background, that is also a wonderful practice. In the Judeo-Christian tradition, you can choose a line from the Psalms (“The Lord is my shepherd”) or the Jesus prayer (“Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me”). The Christian mystic Julian of Norwich’s triple refrain, “. . . all will be well, and all will be well, and every kind of thing will be well,” is a wonderfully positive focal point for meditation. Jews may choose the Shema, a meditation on unity and the oneness of God: “Shema Yisrael, Adonai Elohenu, Adonai echad”

(“Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is One”). These are all great mantras.

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There are many other discoveries about the breath that you can make as you work with it, but it is best to leave that for your own developing insight. You will see, if you use this means of practice, that the breath is a very good thing to work with. Conscious, aware breathing is very healing and calming. More than that, in the Buddhist sutra (discourse) on the full awareness of breathing
(Anapanasati sutra),
the Buddha shows how awareness of the breath is a very deep practice, one that can in fact take you all the way to enlightenment. Let go of fixed ideas about how you should practice, and find the ways that work for you. Your practice may change from week to week or month to month. The important thing is to not be trying to live up to any idea or image of how a “spiritual” person should do this. Adopt a joyful, pragmatic attitude. If you feel light and happy when you practice, you are doing it right. So Here’s What to Do

Once you are sitting, take a moment to just let your body relax. Let your mind ease its grasp a bit on whatever you’ve been thinking about. If you like, spend a few moments visualizing divine light all around you—a light that is completely loving, that seeks your total happiness and fulfillment, that wants to give you all that you seek. Then gently turn your attention to your breathing. Feel each breath all the way in, and feel it all the way out. This is called “following the breath.” Can you see that breathing is enjoyable? One meditation 03 BIEN.qxd 8/18/03 12:25 PM Page 60

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student complained that following the breath was boring. So one day her teacher grabbed her, covering her mouth and nose so she couldn’t breathe for a short time, then asked her if the next breath she took was boring or not! The student realized how wonderful it is to breathe. THE EXPERIENCE (TOM)

Okay, I’m sitting. So what am I supposed to do? Oh yes, become aware of my breathing. In, out. In, out. But actually, I notice I’m not feeling my breath; I’m
thinking
about feeling my breath. How can I come back to the experience, the sensation of the in-breath, of the out-breath? There, there it is. Ahh! It is good to be sitting, just breathing. It is a pleasure. I notice there is a profound difference between thinking about the breath, and being in deep contact with the breath. And there are shades between these extremes, with more or less thinking about and more or less actual experiencing. I see, too, that each breath is different. This time, my body seems to need a deep breath. Now it needs a shallower one. The pause between breaths can be short or long. I don’t interfere with any of this, but just let my body determine how it wants to breathe. I can feel my breathing gradually calm down, and with it, my body and my mind.

Common Problems in Getting Started

Become Aware of Your Active Mind

Once you have started to meditate, you may immediately become overwhelmed at the busyness of your mind. You may feel that you simply cannot do this, that you have no aptitude for it whatsoever. But don’t give in to this feeling. If you have reached this point, congratulations on how well you are practicing! All that has happened is that you have become more aware of the activity of the mind. And that’s great. Becoming aware is very important. In fact, becoming aware is the main thing. This mental overdrive is going on all the time. Only now, you are aware of it. That’s all. This may feel a little humiliating if you have a vision of yourself as already a calm and spiritual person. But inner peace is not about having a constant, unchanging mood of peace 03 BIEN.qxd 8/18/03 12:25 PM Page 61

When I work with clients who are addicted, one of the things we inevitably discuss at some point is how to handle urges. Clients often believe that if they are experiencing no urges, they are doing well, and if they are having urges, they are doing poorly. They can be so convinced of this that they even try to deny that urges are occurring, believing that this means they are a failure or at least on the way to failure. Sometimes they are shocked when I tell them that whether they are having urges or not is unimportant. People cannot control whether or not an urge occurs; urges are involuntary. To make yourself responsible for what you cannot control is the essence of self-defeating neuroticism. What you do have control over is how you
respond
to the urge. And this is what really counts. Of course, the client may feel a lot more comfortable when urges are not occurring, but what really counts in being successful in changing an addiction is what you do about it when they occur. That is something that is within your control. Similarly, you cannot control whether your mind will be restless or restful. You are no more a success as a meditator if your mind is calm than if it is restless or agitated. What matters is what you do. If you give up, then, of course, you are not being successful. But if you continue despite the fact that the mind is restless, letting it be and not struggling, willing to experience whatever is there, that is already success. By doing this, you are honoring your deep intention to hold calmly to the center even in the midst of the storm. What is more, sessions in which you gently persist despite mental agitation can be far more important and healing than sessions that are easy and peaceful.

So if your mind is agitated or restless, just come back to your intention to persist and accept. You’re doing just fine. And if your mind is peaceful, don’t worry: It will pass.
Practice Mere Recognition

Though you are not ultimately in control, there are ways to work with a restless mind. The first thing to do, is come back to your breath, and 03 BIEN.qxd 8/18/03 12:25 PM Page 62

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just watch these changing thoughts and feelings. This is called mere recognition. It is as if you are walking down the street, and you see a number of people that you know. “There’s Harry. There’s Sally. There’s Mitch.” You nod and greet each one, smile, perhaps say hello. Then you move on. Or in the case of your feelings, it’s: “Hello, sad feeling. Hello, happy feeling. Hello, my anger. Hello, planning and thinking,”

and so on.

The most important thing is not to get into a struggle with all of this. Though not cold or analytical, you are a little like a scientist of your own psyche, just watching, observing. If you get angry because Sally comes along and you don’t want to deal with her, then you are in a fight—a fight with yourself. At this point you get all entangled. That is why it is important that you take the attitude of welcoming all that you are into the sacred space of meditation—so you don’t get into a fight with yourself. However, even if you do get into a fight with yourself, just breathe in and out, and watch. “Now I am struggling with myself. I want to feel peaceful, but instead, I am feeling anxious. And I am struggling to try not to feel anxious.”

Many people, many moods, and many thoughts pass you on the sidewalk. You don’t have to get stuck in a full conversation with each one. Often it is enough just to smile and say hello. However, just as some people insist on getting your attention, so do some thoughts. When that happens, it may be something you need to pay attention to. Remember,
anything
can be the object of your meditation. If you are trying to focus on your breath, but you keep thinking about your relationship, then meditate on your relationship. Do not struggle. Just breathe in and out in such a way as to gently calm the feelings, and observe all that comes up about it. Do not try to fix anything, just shine the light of simple awareness on your relationship. You thought you needed to meditate on your breathing, but that day, you really needed to meditate on your relationship. Meditation on your relationship or any other concern is no less holy than meditation on the Buddha or Krishna or other overtly religious topics. If you are mindful, the Buddha is there in your mindfulness.

The breath gives you the power to hold the center. The breath is an anchor. All thoughts and feelings stream by in the river. Sometimes this current is very strong. Sometimes these thoughts and emotions are so strong, they threaten to sweep us away. With the breath as anchor, however, we are not swept away. We are able to stay in place as we 03 BIEN.qxd 8/18/03 12:25 PM Page 63