Finding Me (10 page)

“I . . . I don’t know what you’re doing to me, Bella,” Owen stammered as he ran his thumbs back and forth over my cheeks.

My head spun as my lips touched his. If only he knew what he was doing to
me.
I already wanted him again. My tongue burned to retrace its path across his muscular chest and continue over his entire body, still wet and naked. Trepidation and insecurity kept getting in my way. The constant ache between my legs and heat coursing through my veins didn’t allow for fear—not anymore.

“All I know,” Owen whispered in a shaky breath against my lips, “is that I don’t want you to stop.”

Bella

“WHAT TIME IS YOUR FLIGHT
tomorrow?” I lounged on Owen’s bed, my head snuggled into his chest. I draped my arm around his waist as he ran his fingers through my hair. My eyes fluttered every time he grazed my scalp.

“Nine o’clock.” He sighed and crinkled his nose at me as I peered up to meet his gaze. The semester was over and Christmas was in three days. I came to his apartment after I packed my bags back at my dorm. I wanted to squeeze in as much time with him as I could. I was headed back to the city on an eight o’clock train in the morning. I’d only known Owen since August, but going home felt as if I was leaving a limb behind.

“Soooo.” I jumped up and sat on my knees. I faked enthusiasm to fight the sadness seeping into my bones at leaving Owen for almost a month. “Want your Christmas present?” I reached into my purse on the floor next to his bed and waved an envelope in my hands.

“Aw, City . . . you didn’t have to get me anything.” Owen tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, then snatched the envelope out of my hand. “But I love presents.” He kissed my cheek before he tore the envelope open. The smile faded from his lips as he opened the card.

“How did you get these?”

“My friend Barb is a PR intern for the New York Rangers. I asked her if she could get us tickets for a game against the Avalanche, and her boss gave me a great discount. Only thing is, you’d have to come home with me that weekend. Is that okay with you?” I pursed my lips as I awaited his reaction. We’d been inseparable these past few weeks, but offering to take someone home with you was a small but significant—and scary—step forward.

Owen grabbed me by the waist and pulled me on top of him. “Thank you so much. I would love to go home with you.” He grabbed the nape of my neck and pulled my lips to his for a soft kiss.

“My family will love you. Even my dad, who will
act
like he hates you, and will
try
to scare you as much as he can.” I took his face in my hands as he laughed.

“I can respect that.” He kissed my forehead. “I guess you want your present now, too.” He reached into his nightstand drawer and pulled out a tiny black box with a silver bow.

I lifted the small lid, and gasped when I found a diamond star on a silver necklace.

“Owen . . . this is . . . thank you.” I took the necklace out of the box and ran my fingers over the star. I put it around my neck and felt around for the clasp to put it on.

Owen reached over and fastened the necklace for me. “You like it?” He whispered in my ear as he pulled away.

“Like it? Owen . . .” I traced over the star on my neck. “It’s too much.”

A slow smile spread across his face as he shook his head. He leaned over and planted a soft kiss on my collarbone. “It’s perfect. You’re my sky full of stars, remember?” How the hell was I getting on that train
not
a blubbering mess tomorrow? I flung my arms around him and buried my face in his neck.

A faint ring coming from the kitchen broke the silence.

“I left my phone in the kitchen. That’s probably my mother calling for my flight number. I’m twenty but still her baby boy. I’ll be right back.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead and sprinted out of his room.

The apartment was eerily quiet. Andy and Ethan already went home and Owen and I were all alone. The realization that no one would be coming home to interrupt us, or hear us, both excited and terrified me. Owen and I still hadn’t had sex, but we had accomplished mostly everything but. Time limits and roommates coming home always cut us off at the pass. We could have just shut and locked the door, but whenever we got there, something always held me back. My eyes darted to his hockey jersey draped over the folding chair in the corner. My heart raced as an idea came into my head. I popped off his bed to grab his jersey and jetted into the bathroom.

I shut the door and started stripping.
Underwear on or off? What was sexier? Off, right?
I moved fast as my hands shook. I was doing this. Fear wasn’t ruling me anymore. I loved Owen. I wasn’t sure when that happened but it was real. Even though neither of us had said the words out loud, I thought Owen loved me, too. I wasn’t trying to prove anything, but I had enough of being too afraid to take what I wanted. And what I wanted, more than anything else in this world, was Owen.

I’d already said good-bye to Laura and I didn’t have to run back to my dorm. If I was up all night, I could sleep on the train. I took a deep breath and gazed into the mirror. Owen was so much larger than me that the sleeves of his jersey draped past my hands and the hem brushed over my knees.

“Bella? Hey City, are you okay?” Owen knocked on the door as I gripped the edge of the sink.

I opened the door and gave Owen a small smile. I wanted to be seductive, but considering I had to hold onto the doorknob to keep my hands from shaking, I focused on staying upright.

A smirk tickled the side of his mouth until his eyes went to the heap of clothes behind me. His brow furrowed as his jaw dropped. “You’re completely . . .”

“Naked under here? Yep.” My lips made a popping sound at the p.

My chest heaved as I tried in vain to control my breathing. A cluster of emotions rushed through me; fear for opening myself up to someone again, anxiety over disappointing Owen since I was dumped after the only other time I ever had sex, and anticipation. I had wanted Owen for so long, and the ache intensified with each passing day. Now, nothing was stopping us. It was a heady but frightening feeling.

I closed the short distance between us and let my hands drift down Owen’s chest. His eyes locked with mine as a heavy silence passed over us.

“You’re sure?” Owen caught my hands and laced our fingers together.

“Yes, but there’s a few things I need to tell you first.” I took in a deep breath before I continued. “I’m not a virgin, but I’ve only done this once.” I gripped his hands tighter and licked my parched lips. “And I was dumped soon after. I have this worry in the back of my head that maybe it was because I’m not . . . very good at it.” I cringed as I waited for Owen’s reaction. I didn’t expect him to laugh.

“Not good at it?” He shook his head and pulled me closer. “
Im
possible. Your ex was the world’s biggest asshole. Is that why you came all the way up here instead of going to school in the city?”

I nodded. “It’s a long story that I don’t want to spoil tonight with, but yes, what happened made staying close to home unbearable.”

Owen wrapped his arms around me. “I’m sorry for whatever happened, but I’m glad it brought you here,” he whispered against my lips before giving me a soft kiss. “You’re supposed to be mine, no one else’s. So he did us a favor.” My body relaxed as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“You’re really naked under my jersey?” Owen murmured against my lips.

I grabbed his hand and inched it up my pantiless hip. A groan escaped Owen’s throat as he lifted me up by the waist. I snaked my legs around him as our lips tangled together.

He lay me on the bed and ran his thumb across my bottom lip. “You’re full of surprises.”

I squinted my eyes at him as I felt for the hem of his T-shirt. “Good surprise?” I yanked his shirt over his head and dragged my nails down his chest.

“Very, very good surprise.” He brought his lips back to mine, and the kiss became frantic. My fingers fumbled around his waist for his belt buckle while Owen pulled the jersey up to my neck. I finally unbuttoned his pants and he opened the zipper and kicked them off.

Owen climbed on top of me and looked down at me with hooded eyes. “Arms up,” he whispered. I raised them as he pulled the jersey over my head. I turned my gaze from his and closed my eyes.

“No you don’t, City. Eyes on me.” Owen put his finger under my chin and turned my head to face him. “You have no idea how beautiful you are. I was a goner from the first moment I saw you. And now, you’re all mine.” He dragged open-mouthed kisses over my collarbone and traced the thin chain along my neck with his fingers. “This looks even better on you now, like this . . .” Owen ran his hands down my chest and cupped my breasts. He sucked a nipple into his mouth as his thumb traced circles around the other. My hips bucked off the bed as I pulled his hair.

Owen gazed up at me and chuckled. “Do you know when you get really turned on, you make your own little noise?”

“I do?” I sat up on my elbows, panting. “What noise?”

Owen nodded with a devious smile. “It’s a cross between a growl and a moan. It’s a sound you can’t fake, guttural . . .” Owen dipped his tongue in my belly button as he held his gaze on mine. “It’s the sexiest sound in the world.” He dragged his lips down my stomach until he was between my legs, and ‘the noise’ tumbled from my lips.

This
I’d never done before. Christian was either intimidated or waiting for me to do it first. Owen’s mouth at the apex of my thighs was a heaven I never expected. He kissed, sucked, and licked until I came apart on his tongue. My legs were still shaking when Owen crawled on top of me.

“You’re even sweeter than I thought you’d be.” He opened his nightstand drawer and felt around until he pulled out a condom. I blinked away the nasty twinge in my stomach at the notion of him already having condoms in his bedroom. That was before me; no sense in dwelling on what didn’t matter. Owen rolled it on and raised his eyebrows in a silent question. I nodded and braced myself when he slid into me inch by inch.

“Doing okay?” Owen whispered as he eased himself deeper inside me.

I choked out a “Yes,” and wrapped my arms tighter around him. I was sore but full—deliciously and gloriously full. Owen stilled inside me and on instinct I raised my hips to try to get him to go deeper.

He pulled all the way out and slid back in fast and deep. I dug my nails into his back, urging him to go faster. Sweat dripped down his cheek as his eyes locked with mine. He reached a spot deep inside that made my legs go rigid. I dug my heels into his mattress and cried out. Owen tensed and groaned soon after, and his head collapsed on my chest.

“How am I supposed to leave you now?” Owen panted as he lifted his head to face me.

I swiped away the matted hair from his sweaty forehead and shrugged. “I was asking myself that even before
this
.”

“
This?
Do you mean when you used my own hockey jersey to seduce me?” He dragged his finger down my cheek and rested his forehead against mine.

“Seduce you? Not like I had to try very hard.” I nibbled on his bottom lip and chuckled.

“You could seduce me in a potato sack, Bella. God, I’ll miss you so damn much.” Owen kissed my lips and then settled on his side, pulling me into his chest.

“Before we know it, we’ll wake up and it will be morning. I don’t even want to think about it.” I pressed a kiss to his chest and snuggled into his shoulder.

“Then we won’t go to sleep. I’m not tired. Are you?”

I grinned and sat up on my knees. I lifted my leg to straddle Owen’s waist. “No. You have more of . . .” I nodded to his nightstand. “Those?”

Owen’s eyes grew wide as he shook his head. “Full of surprises . . .” He sat up and grabbed the nape of my neck to bring my lips back to his.