Finding Me (12 page)

I chuckled as I folded my legs under me and rested my head on my hands. “I’m happy, too. It was liberating walking past his house and not feeling a damn thing. I’m not looking forward to running into him, though.”

Barb shrugged. “If you do, nod a hello and keep walking. Or don’t acknowledge him at all. You owe him nothing. I’d
love
for him to run into you when Owen is here.”

“Christian would be at school anyway. It’s a random weekend in March.”

“Oh, that’s right. You don’t know.” Barb leaned back and folded her arms.

I sat up and peered at Barb. “Know what?”

“Christian is living back at home. He flunked out of school and has to make up credits at Queens Community College. No hockey, no frat parties. Just home and school. His parents are so pissed they’re making him work with his dad in construction on weekends to pay his own tuition.”

My mouth dropped open. “Holy shit! Are you serious?”

“Oh yes.” Barb stood and put her hand on my shoulder. “Karma comes through once in a while, and it’s glorious when she does.” She kissed the top of my head and made her way out the door. “I’ll call you later. You have family time to catch up on. Maybe we’ll do something tomorrow?”

“Sounds good. You know, for the first time in a while, it’s great to be home.”

“And it’s great to have the old Bella back.” Barb winked before she ran down the stairs.

I leaned back on my pillows and shut my eyes.

Yes, it was great to be back.

Bella

“HERE, BELLA. TRY THIS ONE.”
Joey handed me random LEGO pieces as we sat on the floor trying to build a robot. He was so excited to have me home, the only place he didn’t trail me was the bathroom.

“Did you watch this when you were little?” Joey pointed to the TV on the wall with
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
on the screen.

I chuckled. “This show is so old, I think
Dad
watched it when he was little.” I gazed at Dad lounging on the couch and smirked.

“Oh really? Let’s see how old your dad really is.” Dad rushed over to where we were bent over the partially finished creature Joey swore was a robot. He scooped me up by my waist and flung me over his shoulder as I yelped.

Joey shot up from the floor and attempted to jump up and pull my hands down.

“Save me, Joey!” I reached for Joey as he giggled and managed to leap high enough to grasp my leg.

“So the rough-housing starts up again now that Bella is home?” I gazed over at my mother as I still hung from Dad’s shoulder. She shook her head at us as she fought a smile.

The doorbell chimed and Dad dropped me to the floor. “First round is over! And I won!” Dad exclaimed and threw his arms up like a champion.

“I’ll get the door.” Mom shook her head at Dad. “You’re such a bully.”

I caught him wink in her direction as she made her way to the door. Their flirting was cute, even if it weirded me the hell out. This was why I always had headphones in my nightstand for when the flirting . . . continued.

“Bella?” Mom frowned at me. “Christian is here to see you.” My stomach dropped as I stood.

Dad stormed toward the door. “The hell he is. Stay here, Bella.”

I grabbed Dad’s arm and shook my head. “No, Dad. I’ll handle it.” I made my way to the entry and grabbed my coat off the hook. I wasn’t letting him inside. Whatever he had to say, he could say on the porch and then go back across the street, but I needed to face this demon head on to get rid of it once and for all.

“You tell me if he gives you a problem and doesn’t want to leave. I’ll make sure—”

I kissed Dad’s cheek and shook my head. “I’ll be okay.” I smiled at Dad, but all he did was clench his jaw. “Go back in the living room and watch Rudolph with Joey. I’ll be right back.” Dad huffed but nodded as he turned around.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. Christian leaned on the railing with his hands in his pockets. A smile spread across his face as he met my gaze.

“Hey, Bella.” Christian crossed the length of the porch and reached for me. “Wow. I forgot how beautiful you were. I missed you so much.” I stepped back before he could touch me.

“Yeah, not too long ago you forgot
all
about me. What do you want, Christian?” I wrapped my arms around myself to get warm. I had nothing but a flimsy T-shirt on under my coat.

Christian sighed as he tried again to close the distance between us. “I’m so sorry things happened the way they did. I came here today to get you back. I’ve been so lost without you.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and I pushed him off me.

“So, now that you flunked out of school and are stuck at home, you have time for your clingy high school ex-girlfriend? You’re unbelievable.” I shook my head in disbelief. Thanks to the anger burning my insides, I wasn’t cold at all anymore.

“I made an awful mistake. No one is you, babe. C’mon, Bella. It’s always been us. We belong together.”

I had to laugh. How stupid did he think I was? “You mean now that Heather or whoever isn’t around, we belong together? It hasn’t always been us. You outgrew us, remember?”

Christian let out a deep sigh and dragged his hand over his face. “I got carried away. I’m human, Bella.”

“Wait a minute.” My brain tried to absorb what I just heard and my fists clenched in response. “You got
carried away
? You humiliated me and didn’t even have the decency to warn me first. I asked you about it and you acted as if I was wasting your precious time. No sorry, no good-bye. You knew the hell I was going through afterward and didn’t do a thing to stop it.”

Christian rolled his eyes and darted his gaze away from me. “I don’t want to dwell on what went wrong with us.”

“
You’re
what went wrong! We didn’t just have a little disagreement. You were cold and distant for weeks before that picture posted on Facebook—the one
everyone
saw before me. The only reason you’re here is because Heather or whoever is still up at your old school and probably moved on before you even left campus. Please just go. We have nothing to talk about.” I rubbed my now aching forehead and turned to head back in the house.

Christian grabbed my wrist and shook his head. “Don’t you see? No one gets me like you do, Bella. I had to lose you to really see how much I loved you. You’re all I think about.” Christian cupped my cheek but I swatted his hand away.

“Love to me is more than being someone’s last option. I’m with someone else now. I think you should go.”

“Someone
else
? Where? Up in bumblefuck upstate where you go to school?” Christian snickered. “He’s probably with his real girlfriend now, anyway. Those kind of hookups aren’t real.”

I glowered at Christian as I stepped closer. “Maybe
your
hookups aren’t real. But my time with Owen surpasses anything I ever had with you. We’re done. You need to leave.”

I turned to go back inside when Christian moved in front of me to block my door. “No. We are
not
done. I love you, Bella. Doesn’t all the time we spent together mean anything to you?” Christian raked his hand over his buzzed hair. He was bigger since the last time I saw him, probably from all the hard labor he did these days to pay for his tuition.

“No, Christian.” I pushed him out of the way. “It actually doesn’t. Have a good Christmas.” I opened the screen door and stepped back inside.

I bumped into Dad fumbling in the coat closet next to the front door.

“What are you doing in the closet?” I pulled my brow together as I gazed at him. For the first time since I could remember, he looked unsure of himself.

“The news announced snow for tomorrow. Just getting my boots out so I don’t forget in the morning.”

“You mean those boots?” I pointed to his Timberlands next to the front door.

“Oh, that explains why I couldn’t find them.” He gave me a sly grin. Like I didn’t know he was eavesdropping on every word, waiting for the excuse to pummel Christian against the white Christmas lights on the railing.

“Keep your day job, Dad. You’re a lousy actor.” I pursed my lips at him.

“And you’re too smart for your own good.” Dad kissed my forehead and put his arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go back inside. You have a robot to finish.”

My response to Marc’s email stayed in my drafts folder for two weeks. I’d rewritten the same three lines about six times.

Marc,

I do have a lot of questions, such as why it took you almost thirteen years to ask to see me. I get back to school on January 14. If you still want to meet me, we can talk about when and where.

Bella.

I sure as hell wasn’t calling him ‘Daddy’ and was having trouble figuring out how to start and end the message. ‘Hi’ and ‘Love, Bella’ seemed off. ‘Sincerely’ was too formal for someone who shared half your DNA. I tried telling Mom and Dad a dozen times about Marc contacting me, but I didn’t want to upset either of them. It felt like sneaking behind their backs, but I didn’t want their reactions to cloud my judgment. I was the one with the permanent connection to this man, and it was my choice whether I spoke to him or not. Unfortunately, it was a choice I couldn’t seem to make.

The Skype icon bounced on my screen as the familiar chime sounded from my laptop. I clicked on the incoming call and lay back on my bed.

“Hey, gorgeous. Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” Owen laid back on his bed in the exact same position I was in, only shirtless. My HD laptop screen made every bicep and ab appear with flawless clarity.
Sweet Jesus.

“Right back at you. Run out of clean shirts?”

Owen chuckled and tucked his arm behind his head. “Nope, just thought I could encourage you to lose your shirt, too.”

“My family doesn’t respect privacy boundaries like yours does. Last thing I need is my little brother storming in asking why I have my shirt off.”

“What's wrong?” Owen pursed his lips and leaned forward towards the screen.

“What? Nothing’s wrong.”

Owen shook his head and raised an eyebrow. “I can tell when something is wrong—you have the face.”

I crinkled my nose at the screen. “The face? I have a noise
and
a face now?”

Owen smirked with a shrug. “You tend to hold my undivided attention so, I notice these things. You get this little line in between your eyebrows when you worry.” Owen's index finger pointed at the screen. “You had it when I first met you, when you were trying so hard to pretend you didn’t like me, and then all through midterms and finals. But, you didn't have it when I left you.” The smile faded from his face as he narrowed his eyes at me. “Did something happen when you got home?”

My indecision about whether to reply to Marc was taxing as hell. But I didn’t want to say it out loud to anyone. Even Owen.

“Yeah, but it’s a long story. Family stuff.”

“So talk to me.”

My eyes darted away. This was something only I understood, and only I could decide. Until I figured it out, the knots would grow and tighten in my stomach, but no one could help me. I was in a lonely and aggravating place in my head.

“I'm not just eye candy, you know.”

I burst out laughing and shook my head at the exaggerated pout on Owen's face. “I know. You're much more to me than just that.”