Finding Jess (First Wave) (13 page)

“Wow, they are doing great! How
long have they been at it?”

Maggie tried to hide her annoyance
when Tarvok got up and walked over to the children as soon as she sat down next
to Jess and Amun. That man was an ass and seriously needed a smack upside the
head. And if he wasn’t careful, she was going to be the one to give it to him.

“They’ve been at it for hours, and
I can’t believe they haven’t stopped yet. We were just getting ready to call
them, over so we can go to the dining hall for lunch. Why don’t you come with
us, and we’ll fill you in on what you missed?” Jess offered in the hopes of
easing her friend’s frustration at Tarvok.

Jess had asked Tarvok a dozen times
why he didn’t like Dr. Maggie and each time he just grunted at her. When she’d
asked Amun if he knew what the problem was, he admitted he was also in the dark
as to why Tarvok seemed to have such a dislike for the sweet natured woman.
Tarvok wasn’t exactly the kind of man who was into sharing his feelings, even
with Jess.

“Honestly, I’m just really tired
right now and could probably use some sleep. I’m going to say hi to the kids
before you take them to lunch and hit the sack.”

Maggie pulled herself stiffly to
her feet with a groan, her back and leg's sore from the long hours on her feet
last night. Everyone was going to pull through with no complications, but if
she hadn’t had the new technology that the Valendran’s brought she didn’t think
Jax would have made it. Her leg had been almost severed, and it had taken hours
to stabilize her, so she could start the natural healing process.

Ignoring the scowling Tarvok, she
hugged each of the children and commented on how wonderful they were doing. She
stumbled slightly as she tried to stand from her kneeling position after hugging
Justin; one of the technicians caught her and steadied her. Before she realized
what was happening, she was grabbed away from the technician and held firmly
while Tarvok walked her to the door.

“What the hell are you doing, you
ass?” Maggie spit out from between her teeth so the children wouldn’t hear her.

“Since you didn’t have enough sense
to put yourself to bed, I’m doing it for you before you hurt yourself or one of
the children.” Tarvok growled at her.

“Get your hands off of me, you
jerk!” Maggie fumed as she tried to jerk her arm out of his firm grasp,
accomplishing nothing more than to anger him further. Which was fine with her!
How dare he say that she could hurt one of the children!

“Stop fighting me before you cause
a bruise!” Tarvok readjusted his grip so that he held her more securely as she
flailed her arms to try to break his hold.

“Let go of me before YOU cause a
bruise you idiot!” Maggie was close to spitting fire at the arrogant ass that
was still dragging her down the hallway towards her room.

She was fighting so hard that
Tarvok was losing his grip, and his patience with the stubborn woman when he
spun her around quickly, dropped his shoulder and threw her effortlessly over
his shoulder; his long strides eating up the hallway to her room.

Momentarily stunned at his
Neanderthal behavior, Maggie lay unceremoniously over his back with a perfect
view of his flawless ass and all she wanted to do was bite the hell out of him
for embarrassing her like this.  

“Put me down.” She gritted out
between her clenched teeth, her hands inadvertently clutching his hips to stop
her body from swaying. At least, she told herself that was the reason why.

Deciding to save her strength for
when he put her down, she lay unmoving as he quickly strode down the hallways
until he reached her room. He stopped abruptly, wrapped one arm tightly around
the cheeks of her butt and the other opened the door.

In what seemed to her as one fluid
motion, he kicked the door open and threw her forward and onto her feet. Her
head spun slightly as she held on to his forearms, grateful for his hands on
her hips helping her to steady herself. The moment her head stopped spinning,
he suddenly let go of her and slammed the door shut. 

Sucking in an angry breath, Maggie
grabbed hold of the door and stopped short when the knob wouldn’t twist in her
hand. She tried again and still the knob wouldn’t turn. Shaking with anger and
frustration, she screamed out at the locked door. Balling up her fists she
started to pound on the solid metal door.

“Stop that or you will harm
yourself. Go lie down and get some rest you are a danger to yourself and your
patients if you stay up any longer.”

Tarvok’s calm and rational voice
from the other side of the door only seemed to infuriate Maggie more, and she
pounded harder on the door, her hands hurting from the effort.

“If you do not stop trying to harm
yourself, I will have you medicated to sleep.” Tarvok should have already
considered her reaction and brought something with him. He’d think ahead next
time and make sure he was prepared. The sound of her hands pounding hard on the
door caused him to wince in sympathy at how it must be hurting them on the
solid metal.

How dare he threaten to knock her
out! Let him open the door to try; Maggie thought as she pounded the door with
her fists and now her feet; her anger numbing her mind to some of the pain. So
caught up in her anger, she was completely unprepared when the door was flung
open abruptly, and she was caught against a hard, unyielding chest pressed
tightly against her own and the wall next to the door.

“You are over tired and over
reacting. You must calm yourself before you are injured. Shhhh… just relax and
breathe for a moment. Just breathe.”

Maggie stood unmoving in his
embrace too stunned to speak as Tarvok whispered gently to her as he stroked
her hair. The change in him from his caveman tactics just minutes earlier to
this kind and gentle man was stunning. Completely different from the cold and
indifferent man he’d been towards her since the moment they met. 

“You cannot work so hard and then
get so upset that you cause harm to yourself. You must take better care of
yourself, if you are to help others. You must rest.”

Tarvok was careful to keep his tone
quiet and as peaceful as possible not to upset Maggie further; at odds with the
anger and confusion coursing through his body like a live wire. He had to get
away from her, stop touching her soft skin and the silky strands of her hair.
His inner strength warring with his beast to step away from her when he’d
finally walked her across the room and laid her on the bed, the covers pulled
up to her chin.

He couldn’t resist sitting on the
edge next to her and looking into her pretty eyes, smiling at the confused look
in them. He felt just as confused as she looked.

“I do not know. I ask that you try
to bear with me while I attempt to understand it.” He didn’t feel the need to
explain further; she was a very intelligent woman and knew what he meant; which
she confirmed when she nodded her head at him.

“It will change now. I can’t accept
the way it was before, not now…” Now that I’ve touched you; he finished in his
head, unwilling to expose himself that much to her right now. He watched her
eyes widen slightly before she nodded her head, a curious yet nervous look on
her face.

“You must rest now. We will talk
later.” Tarvok couldn’t resist caressing her hair one last time before leaning
down and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. Ignoring her stunned
expression, he stood up and walked out of the door. Somehow she knew he hadn’t
locked it this time.

Tarvok leaned against the door to
her room and fought down the urge to go back inside and take her into his arms
again. He knew the first time he’d seen her that she belonged to him; and he
fought it the whole way. Denying it and trying to debunk his feelings for her.
He couldn’t fight it any more, or his beast who raged at him daily to claim the
gift that was his. The final straw had been carrying her over his shoulder.

He wasn't sure if he’d held the
door handle to her room, so she couldn’t get out, or so he couldn’t get in. It
had been a moot point though when he thought of her hurting her small hands
beating on the door. He hadn’t known what he was going to do at the time, and
even if he had, he didn’t think he would have changed it.

The feel of her in his arms was the
greatest joy of his life. Her silky skin beneath the rough pads of his fingers
had made him feel more alive than he had in years, his own body humming with
energy as if in response to hers. He could still feel it; he thought with
surprise as he looked down at his hands feeling the tingle of energy. As if a
part of her was now a part of him. He hoped if that were true that she also
felt a part of him still with her.

Knowing her exhaustion would take
hold of her shortly, and she’d fall asleep, he walked slowly back to Amun and
Jess contemplating how he needed to switch gears from ignoring the beautiful
Maggie, to seduce her. His mind immediately set about formulating a plan to
storm her defenses before she had a chance to put up a fight. The warrior in
him automatically assuming victory would be inevitable.

Maggie lay in bed fuming. That
insufferable jerk thought all he had to do was decide HE thought it was time to
play nice, and she was just supposed to play along with his decision like a
good girl? If that’s what he thought, then she was going to show him that she
wasn’t a knick-knack he could pull off a shelf when he decided he wanted to
look at it! The nerve of the man to think that just because he said so she was
going to accept things were different now!

After weeks and weeks of being
ignored and subjected to his sarcastic comments she was not going to just bow down
to his wishes and pretend like he’d hadn’t hurt her feelings all those weeks
because he thought it was time to stop!

Maggie tried not to think about how
the spot on her forehead still radiated heat from the kiss he’d placed there
before he left. Or how his green eyes almost glowed with passion when he’d
looked down at her and said things will change now. That smoldering look had
melted her insides and made her want nothing more than for him to lower himself
to her bed with her. That unfamiliar tingling coursing through her body was
wreaking havoc on her senses and her determination to stand firm in her resolve
to not make this easy on him.

She fell asleep remembering his
soft lips gently pressed to her face.

Chapter
Eleven

“Are you sure?” Jess asked with
doubt.

“That’s what Jax told me when I
went to check on her progress.” Amun said grabbing another spoonful of ice
cream from the container Jess was holding in her lap.

“So he finally decided he wants
her, and she’s giving him hell. Good for her!” Jess said grinning at Amun as he
licked his spoon.

“What do you mean by that? He’s
done an excellent job of containing his emotions in order to be certain she was
his mate.” Amun gave Jess a surprised look when she snorted at his comment.

“What? He was being a jerk by being
mean to her all the time instead of telling her why. At least if he had told
her, it would have given her a chance to think about it too instead of making
the decision for her when he made up his mind. You really think that’s fair?”
Jess asked rather surprised that Amun would defend Tarvok’s behavior towards
Maggie.

“I do not agree with the way he
spoke to her, but I do agree with the fact that he put her needs ahead of his
own while he determined if she truly was his mate.” Amun thought what Tarvok
had done was very honorable. In fact, he thought Tarvok had shown the utmost in
restraint not to take Maggie much sooner than he had. If Jess hadn’t been so
badly injured he didn’t think he could have held out this long. Even now his
beast was clawing at him to kiss the drop of ice cream on her lower lip.

“I can’t believe you can even say
that! Don’t you think she should have had a say in how this was supposed to go?
What if she didn’t want to wait while he figured it out by himself? What if she
doesn’t want him the way, he wants her? Does the woman have no say in this
mating thing?” Jess was becoming unreasonably frustrated over Amun’s opinion of
Tarvok and Dr. Maggie. She knew this even as she over reacted, but for some
reason, she couldn’t seem to stop herself from saying things she knew Amun
didn’t mean.

“You know that is not what I meant.
Jess, what is wrong?” Amun asked with concern. It was not like Jess to speak in
such an accusing fashion.

Frustrated with herself and the
fact that Amun had figured out something was wrong so quickly, Jess put the ice
cream container on the nightstand and stood up to pace her room. What was the
matter with her?

Everything had been fine until Amun
had told her about how Dr. Maggie had told Tarvok to go pound sand when he
tried to carry her tray in the dining hall and had left him standing there with
his mouth open when she walked away. Something about how Maggie had stood up to
him had set off her emotions somehow, she just couldn’t figure out what it was.
Even so, it made her want to pick a fight with Amun.

Amun sat on the edge of her bed
while he watched Jess pace the room wringing her hands in front of her. By the
look on her face, he didn’t think she even remembered he was in the room. He
ran through the conversations since he’d come into her room and knew that
nothing had been said that would cause her distress. This was something that
must be bothering her on a deeper level, and this was the outlet.

Unsure of what to do he sat and
waited for her to work through it well enough in her mind, so she could talk to
him about it. He knew that sooner or later she would; he trusted in the bond
that he knew they shared. However, nothing could have prepared him for what she
said.

“Are we mates?”

“Yes.” It didn’t even occur to him
to lie about it, until he saw the pain flicker across her face. Was she upset
about it?

“How long have you known?” She had
turned away from him when she asked so he couldn’t see the look on her face,
which bothered him.

“Since Cari was rescued.”

“I see. I’m really tired; I think
I’d like to go to sleep now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jess still wouldn’t turn
around to look at him, but there was no mistaking the pain in her voice.
Whatever was wrong, Amun was not leaving her alone and in pain.

“Jess, what is wrong?” Amun walked
up behind her, and as he tried to put his arms around her, she visibly flinched
and moved away from him.

“I’m fine Amun, just tired. Could
you please leave now?” She did everything she could to stop it, but her voice
broke on a sob.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me
what is wrong.” Amun said roughly as he grabbed Jess and pulled her into a
tight hug. The moment his arms wrapped around her, Jess broke into
heart-wrenching sobs.

Amun maneuvered them both across
the room, and to the bed where he sat down and folded Jess into his lap while
he cradled her to his chest. His own heart was breaking over her sobs, but he
knew the only way to get her to talk to him was to let her get it out and calm
down.

He held her silently until she’d
seemed to cry herself out and went limp in his arms. The only sign that she’d
not fallen into an exhausted sleep was her hand still clutching the back of his
shirt as she held him to her. He waited a few moments more for her to speak and
calmingly stroked her hair.

“I understand why you don’t want
me. I really do…” Amun never let her finish the sentence.

“What the hell are you talking
about? Why would you even think such a thing?” Amun demanded as he held her at arm’s
length and stared into her beautiful but sad eyes. When she looked away from
him, his beast rose angrily, and he shook her slightly until she looked at him
again.

“Don’t you ever say such a thing
again. Not to me and certainly not to yourself. Do you understand me?” Amun
almost shook from the depth of his emotion. How could she possibly think he
didn’t want her? He’d fought to save her life; he’d fought himself to give her
time to heal mentally and physically. Now he had to fight her fears.

“Why would you think such a thing?
Answer me, Jess.” Amun held her gently in front of him so that she couldn’t
move away from him again and hide her emotions. He saw the pain on her face,
and his stomach knotted at her sadness.

“Tarvok claimed Maggie… it may have
taken him a few weeks, but he did.” Jess looked down at the floor, afraid if
she said more the tears would flow again.

Amun stood there confused and tried
to figure out what she was trying to say. What did Tarvok and Maggie have to do
with him and Jess? Why would it upset her so much that Tarvok claimed Maggie?
Was it that he had waited so long? Then it hit him… he didn't claim her
officially. He’d just assumed she knew how he felt, and that he was giving her
time to heal. He felt like an idiot.

He should have known she wouldn’t
understand what he was doing, unless he explained it to her. She had no idea
about how love and mating worked with their people. And they knew even less
about how mating worked with the hybrid women. She’d have no clue about that either
since she’d been away from their people almost her whole life. He should have
said or done something sooner. He had to fix this… and quickly.

“Jess… look at me please.” He
waited until he knew he had her attention even though she would not look
directly into his face.

“Jess, the only reason I didn’t
claim you sooner was because I wanted to make sure you were healed. You’d been
through so much that I didn’t want you to feel like you traded one captivity
for another as a mate. I should have told you how I felt, and how much you mean
to me. There is no excuse for that, I know.”

“Jess, I have never loved anything
more in my life than you. These last few weeks have been hell for me not to
take you and claim you as my own; but I wanted to make sure you were ready, and
that you had feelings for me as well. Do you understand Jess? I want you more
than anything and would be honored if you would be my mate.”

Amun couldn’t judge her reaction
since she still wouldn’t look up at him; however, her continued silence ate at
his soul.

“Jess, please say something.”

“Thank you Amun. But you deserve
better than a Relian whore for a mate.” Amun was so stunned that it took him a
moment to realize she’d run from the room, and he took off out of the door and
down the hallway after her. His much larger stride brought him to her quickly,
and he scooped her into his arms while she was still at a dead run.

He held her tightly as she fought
him half-heartedly, while he headed back to her room; hoping he could calm his
anger before they reached the room and shut the door. It didn’t take long for
him to realize she was sobbing quietly against his chest, and his heart broke
for the pain she must be feeling.

He shut the door to her room and
sat on her bed, scooting back until his back was propped against the wall, he
settled her gently onto his lap and held her until she stopped shaking, and he
knew her sobs had subsided. Then his anger returned.

“Jess, I want you to listen to me
very carefully, because I will never say this again. If I ever hear you call
yourself that once more I will take you over my knee and spank you until you
can’t sit down. Then I’ll heal you.”

“There is
NO ONE
, and I mean
NO ONE
who thinks that of you, and I won’t allow you to think of
yourself that way. You were a child! And there was no way even as an adult,
that you could have done anything to stop them from hurting you. You have never
been, nor will you ever be a whore. Relian or otherwise. And you will never
refer to yourself as one again. Do you understand me?” By the time he finished
speaking he was fighting his beast not to shake her and make her answer him.
When several minutes had passed, and she still hadn’t answered him, he did
shake her a little.

“Do you understand me?”

“I understand.” Jess whispered quietly
against his chest. She wasn’t sure, which had shocked her more, his anger over
her calling herself a whore or the fact that he still had wanted to claim her
knowing what she was and what had happened to her.

“Jess, listen to me. You have to
know that you weren’t responsible for what happened to you. You were a child
who had your innocence ripped away from you by much larger and stronger people.
There was nothing you could have done to stop it. It wasn’t your fault, and you
have to stop thinking that it was. You were a victim, just like all those girls
you saved.”

“If it had been Jax, who’d been
kidnapped and raped, would you call her a whore? Or True? What about any of the
others you helped to escape? No, you wouldn’t.” Her sharp intake of breath and
the way she jerked her head up to look at him with anger told him she would
never have considered those other girls whores if they’d been raped.

“Jess, you have to stop thinking
that way about yourself. You know that it’s not true. Please, Amalaya no more
of that word or any word like it. It doesn’t apply to you and never will.”

Amun gently brushed a lock of hair
behind her ear and gave Jess a beautiful smile. A part of her knew that he was
right, that there was nothing she could have done to stop them from hurting
her. However, another part of her still didn’t think she was worthy of the
amazing man who was trying to make her feel better.

“Jess, talk to me please. Don’t
shut me out like this.”

“I don’t know what to say, Amun. I
know that it wasn’t my fault, but I can’t seem to let go of how I feel inside.
How dirty and horrible I feel.” Her voice broke on another sob, but she forced
herself not to cry this time.

“Jess, there is nothing dirty about
you. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met; inside and out. Your
capacity to love and give to others after everything you’ve been through is
incredible. And your bravery is something those other women, our warriors and
even those kids admire. You should be proud of what you were able to do. I’m very
proud of you, Jess.”

“I’m a fraud Amun.” Jess did break
down and sob this time; she couldn’t stop the rush of tears.

“How are you a fraud? What would
make you think that?” Amun asked calmly while he held her close as she cried.

“I didn’t save them because I
wanted to keep them safe. I did it because I was hoping the Relian’s would kill
me. I’m no hero and there is nothing about me that anyone should admire. My
reason for helping anyone was selfish.” Amun could barely make out her
whispered words as she continued to sob; even so, the words did not surprise
him. He and Tarvok had both assumed she’d been reckless at times in the hopes
that they would kill her and end her suffering and pain. Tarvok had told him a
lot of captives had done the same; most to ensure they wouldn’t be able to
reveal anything that could harm their people.

“It doesn’t matter why you did it.
The fact is you did; and those women are alive because of it. It took a lot of
courage to decide at such a young age that you would rather die than remain a
captive. It took a lot more to save those girls thinking you would be killed
each time you did.”

“And what you’ve done for Lily, and
the other children, is nothing short of amazing. You are the most loving and gifted
person I’ve ever had the honor to meet, and I would be proud to call you my
mate Jess.”

Amun rubbed her back in slow,
gentle circles as she continued to cry softly against his chest. The beast in
him was quiet while he tried to comfort his mate.