Finding Infinity (16 page)

Aiden chimes in. “It’s the same reason that you want to know about my relationship with Rachael.”

“That’s not true.” I defend myself. “I want to know about your relationship with Rachael because she’s my best friend, and you’re Colin’s. I care about you guys.”

“That’s exactly how Colin’s fans feels about Colin. They think that they know him,” Mark says.

“Then why do they want to tear him down? Why was the press so relentless about the prescription drug abuse allegations?” I shake my head in disgust because it doesn’t make sense to me.

“Because there’s nothing that the public loves more than to see their hero struggle, fall down—and then get back up again.”

* * * *

We spend the next two hours brainstorming on how to deal with the situation at hand. Even though I don’t think Mark and Colin will ever be tight again, I can tell that Colin still values his opinion. He even asks for Mark’s advice on particular points.

The strategy that the guys and I agree on is for Colin to take the Hugh Grant approach to dealing with the issue. I mean, thankfully, Colin didn’t get caught with a prostitute, but this monster has definitely taken on a life of its own, like Hugh’s story did.

Colin will go on a late-night talk show. He’ll let the comedian make a few jokes at his expense. Then, Colin will explain why we walked out of the Espy Awards. The questions will not be hard-hitting or provocative. He’ll touch on the painkiller abuse allegations, but he won’t be drilled for answers. This is more of a way to keep his sponsors happy, and hopefully shut up the detractors, who are calling him a spoiled, drugged-up athlete. And, with training camp just a couple of weeks away, the timing couldn’t be better.

Mark has connections with most of the producers for the late night shows, but Colin is actually friends with one of the hosts. Mark thinks it would be better if Colin made a personal call, and arranged the interview himself.

The idea of Colin doing another interview and exposing himself to the public even more makes me uneasy, terrified, queasy—all of these adjectives will work. However, there doesn’t seem to be any other option. His team is putting pressure on him. His sponsors want him to defend himself. The people who buy his jerseys want to hear what Colin has to say. This seems to be the best way. The story is obviously not going to go away on its own.

I fix the four of us dinner—nothing fancy, just some grilled steaks and vegetables with a salad. Over dinner, the guys talk about Colin’s charity golf tournament next weekend. They’ve played in it every year, but this is my first time attending. Colin started it up after we broke up.

Apparently, it’s one crazy weekend. The guest list is the who’s who of the sporting and entertainment world. Even a former president attends every year. There’s a sponsor’s dinner that’s held Friday night, then Saturday is the golf tournament. On Saturday night, at one of the hottest clubs in Dallas, is the after party. Finally, on Sunday, Colin invites his closest friends and family to the house, and Colin’s mom makes everybody a Texan brunch. The rest of Sunday is spent swimming and playing in a legendary Dominoes Tournament where the prizes include bragging rights for the year, and a trophy that resembles the Vince Lombardi trophy. The loser has to drink beer out of Colin’s running shoes, make a dance video and upload it to YouTube, and buy everyone dinner on Sunday night.

The three guys regale me with stories from past tournament weekends. It really does sound like a blast. It’s nice to see Colin laughing with Mark. I have hope for their relationship.

Mark is staying at a nearby hotel, which is probably for the best. I’m assuming that he didn’t want to press his luck. Aiden takes one of the bedrooms upstairs.

Colin and I say goodnight to everyone and head to our room. I’m anxious to have some alone time with him, and hear his thoughts on doing another interview. Here’s what I’ve learned about Mr. McKinney: what he says in front of others are half-truths. He’s not lying. He just holds his cards close to his chest. But, when we’re alone, I can usually get his honest thoughts on whatever was discussed.

“What do you think about doing another interview?” I ask, as I slip out of my jeans and tank top and into one of Colin’s T-shirts.

He’s in the bathroom brushing his teeth when I ask, so he makes all kinds of funny garbled noises with a mouth full of toothpaste. When he spits, he asks, “Did you get that?”

“Loud and clear. You said ‘garbarelidngsojeghatit,’” I reply, while I run a makeup remover wipe over one eye then the other before splashing warm water on my face.

“Exactly!” Colin walks into the closet to take off his clothes and put them in the dirty clothes basket, because God bless that man, he knows that I can’t stand his clothes left lying on the bathroom floor. “Why is it that I sleep naked, yet you start out every night in one of my T-shirts? Have you ever thought about skipping the middle man and just coming to bed nude?”

“You will not get me off track with your naked talk, McKinney.” I smooth my moisturizer over my cheeks. “How do you feel about doing another interview?”

I watch him in the mirror, in all of his naked glory, walking toward me. He stops behind me and wraps his arms around me to hold my breasts. I see this for what it is. He doesn’t want to discuss the interview with me, and he’s using his fingers to attempt to distract me. I continue rubbing my moisturizer into my skin, doing my best to ignore Captain Distraction.

It’s hard—God, that feels amazing—but I hold out. “Fine,” he says, dropping his hands in defeat. “I want everybody to go the fuck away and let me play football. I want you to go back to practicing medicine, because I’m ready for you to be happy again—not this forced shit that you keep pulling on me. I want Brad to get his house finished, because I’m tired of listening to his DIY project updates. I want Jenny to decide on a hair color. I want Aiden and Rachael to either figure their shit out or leave each other alone, because Aiden’s chick drama is annoying.” I raise my eyebrows in surprise. Colin has Aiden and Rachael scoop, and I want to know what it is. Before I can ask, he continues.

“I want Mark to quit trying so hard to be my buddy again. I want my parents to get off my back about us living in sin. I want you to pick a fucking date to marry me. That’s what I want. What am I going to get? None of it, because I have to do another fucking interview to try to patch the gaping wound that is my life with a Band-Aid.” He drops his hands in defeat, and stalks out of the bathroom.

Sometimes, brutal honesty sucks.

I walk out of the bathroom and see him sitting in the formerly red chair. It doesn’t match the décor of Colin’s bedroom, but it’s been so important in our relationship that its function trumps beauty. I’ve already decided to have it re-covered for Colin’s birthday. It might have to go back to red.

“Are you mad at me?” I ask, quietly, as I lean against the doorjamb, and watch him from afar. The room is semi-dark casting Colin in a shadowed light. He’s staring out the bay window seemingly at nothing.

“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at me. If I could have kept my hands off of you for another week, and properly ended things with Sasha, maybe all of this wouldn’t have happened.” He makes big gestures with his arms, without looking at me, as if all of our problems are spread out before him like a fix-your-own-salad bar.

I walk over and sit on the edge of the bed. We’re maybe eight feet apart, but I still feel like he needs his space. It’s interesting that he’s bringing this up, because I’ve thought about it a lot, too. “If Sasha hadn’t granted the interview, we’d be fighting about where I live. You’d be manipulating me to move to Dallas. I’d be explaining to you that I can’t uproot my life in Houston to move in with you. We’d be burning up the road between Dallas and Houston, trying to see each other as much as possible, until your mistress came calling. You’d be frustrated, and angry that you can’t see me when you want. I’d feel guilty that I’m making you feel that way, and ultimately, we would’ve broken up again. Either I would have decided that it was for the best, or you’d have done something outrageous to get me to Dallas, and I’d have broken up with you anyway.”

Colin finally turns his head towards me and he looks like I just punched him in the gut, but then I see his face soften as the reality of my statement hits him. He knows that I’m right. Right now, our life really is a mess, but we’re together. No, it’s not ideal. But at least we have each other.

We sit in silence in our dark bedroom for a long time. I have nothing else to say, but I don’t want to move because I’m afraid he’ll think I’m pulling away from him, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

He finally stands up and walks to me. He reaches down and grabs my hand, pulling me to my feet. “Doctor Collins, you are my world. I take it all back. Everything that I said. As long as I’ve got a healthy you next to me every morning, the rest of this shit is just that—shit.”

We kiss, and his tongue begins to explore my mouth with just the right mixture of need, love, and lust. There’s a desperate edge to Colin, but it’s not the cold domineering man of the past week. I can tell my alternate universe scenario threw him off kilter. I try to reassure him with my tongue that we’re good, and that everything has turned out for the best.

He mumbles a quick apology as he enters me. I momentarily question what he’s apologizing for and then yelp from the sudden fullness. I reach down and still his hips giving me a moment to adjust to his sudden intrusion.

“You okay, baby?” he mumbles and he nibbles on my neck.

I begin to slide back and forth on his erection showing him that I’m more than okay. He flips me on top of him.

“That’s it, sweet girl. Ride me. Show me how much you need me.” His words slay me. I do need him. I need him to be my strong Colin. The man who loves me fiercely and keeps the rest of the world on his I don’t give a fuck list.

He tilts his hips up and allows me to rock back and forth on him – finding my own rhythm – bringing both of us to bliss.

When we’re both sated and I’ve snuggled into his side, Colin pulls me tightly against him. I rest my head on his muscular arm while we both stare at the ceiling. “Told ya to skip the middle man and just come to bed naked,” he says in his cocky, teasing voice.

I playfully punch him in the chest and choose to change the topic. “So who’ll be here at the brunch on Sunday?”

“You mean after the golf tournament?” He begins to play with my hair, which makes me want to purr.

“Yeah. Who usually comes?”

“Well, this year it’s a little different, because I’ve got you.” He kisses my temple. “Jenny sent invites to your mom and sisters. The Souths’ usually come. Aiden, of course. He asked if he could invite Rachael. Liza and Ty love the Domino Tournament, so they come. My parents. Some of my close friends on the team. Remember Quinn and Jennifer, from college?”

I nod my head. “They always come with their kids. You can invite anyone else that you want. I think Brad’s a given. Jenny comes and usually beats all of us, and goes home with the trophy.”

An idea that had been percolating in my brain since dinner takes form. “So basically it’s all the people that are the closest to us.”

Colin sounds almost defensive. “Well, yeah. It’s only the people that I consider family.”

“Here’s an idea.” I pause to collect my courage. “Feel free to tell me no, but what about if we get married at the brunch.” I drop the idea out there and wait for him to respond. I say it as if I’m proposing a trip to the grocery store, followed by the dry cleaners. I know that Colin’s already had the big church wedding, and I could care less about all the wedding trimmings. It seems like a great idea to me.

He’s quiet for a moment, before he says, “You mean get married at our house, that you hate?”

“I don’t hate our house. It’s just ostentatious and cold. But at least it’s our place, where we live. If we got married at a church, it would just be a building. We’ve started making memories here.” I reason.

“Would you wear a wedding dress?”

“I don’t know. Look, it was just a thought. If everyone’s already going to be in town who we’d invite to our wedding, why not do it on Sunday? We can keep it a surprise, so there’s no chance of the paparazzi crashing it.”

“Let me think about it,” he says. I can hear the trepidation in his voice. I glance at his face, and see the lines tighten around his eyes. After a few minutes, he says, “I guess I always thought I’d give you a dream wedding. A no expense spared kind of evening. Getting married at home just seems like I’m shortchanging you.” Colin rubs my arm, as if to soothe me.

I lean up on my elbow so I can see him. “Colin, it’s like Rachael said. I’m missing the wedding gene. When I look at bridal magazines, I want to throw up. The thought of everyone staring at me while I walk down the aisle literally is enough to make me have a panic attack.” At just the mention of a big wedding, I can feel my heart rate increasing. “I will not feel shortchanged if we get married here. In fact, I’ll be more relaxed, so I might actually enjoy it, instead of counting down the hours until I can leave. Besides, if I do regret not having a big wedding, we can always have one celebrating our ten-year anniversary.”

I watch his eyes soften from concern to happiness. “Oh, Doctor Collins, I love the sound of a ten-year anniversary.” He kisses my mouth, and picks up my left hand to kiss my ring. “You really feel that way? You know you’ve got about twelve days to pull it together.” If he’s trying to talk me out of it, he’s failing. The more I think about it, the more perfect a wedding at our home sounds.

“The best assistant in the world, Jenny and I can do it. I’ll have to tell my dad what’s going on to ensure that he’ll come, and I might have to tell Rachael also. Let’s do it, Colin. This is the one thing in our lives that we can own. This can be our story. This is the wedding that I want,” I say, as I crawl up on top of him, straddling his waist.

“If you’re happy, I’m happy. In twelve days, you’ll be Doctor Caroline McKinney. I like it.”

That leads to us playing Colin’s favorite game. Each part of me is sampled, and my new names are tried out against my skin. For the first time, in a very long time, I fall asleep excited about tomorrow.