Finding Infinity (15 page)

“Shit! I forgot about Mark. Let me go see what I can do. Make yourself at home, Aiden. I’m not sure how long I’ll be.” I toss the words out over my shoulder, as I go inside the house to find Colin.

When I walk into the bedroom, I see him sitting in the formerly red chair from my town home. He’s still in his bathing suit, with the towel wrapped around his waist. His forearms are resting on his legs, and his head is hung low.

I walk over and sit on the floor, Indian style, in front of him. “Baby, I’m worried about you,” I say softly.

“I need time, Caroline,” he says in a dead voice, without looking at me, “and space. I need everyone to leave me the fuck alone. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“No, what you need is for someone to take our spot on the most Googled list.” I try to make a joke, but it doesn’t garner the reaction that I was hoping for.

“That too,” he replies, still staring at his feet.

“Can I sit on your lap?” I secretly cross my fingers that he’s not going to tell me no.

He picks his head up, and gives me a small half smile. “Like you have to ask.”

He leans back in the chair, and I crawl on top of him, straddling his legs. I can feel the dampness of his towel through my jeans, but I don’t care. He’s letting me love him.

I begin to softly trail kisses along his cheeks, feeling his day-old stubble prick my lips. I work my way down his neck and to his collarbone. He drops his head back, giving me better access to his sweet spot, just where his neck meets his shoulder. Colin reaches up and wraps his arms around me. “My love, my life,” he breathes.

When I started, I only wanted to kiss him and try to take some of the hurt away. However, I sense how much he needs me in this moment. Maybe Colin just needs to be loved and cared for? Maybe I can be the one to make him better.

I kiss my way back up to his left ear. I whisper, “You are my heart.” Then I trail kisses to his right ear. “You’re my soul.” I kiss my way to his lips. “You are mine, and I am yours. Forever. Infinity.”

I take his lips and begin to kiss him, softly and gently. This is about making love to him. Reassuring him that I’m not going anywhere unless we go together. We’re a packaged deal. This is not going to cause me to leave him, or to get sick again. I need to show him how much stronger I am.

I feel his hardness against my behind. It’s the reassurance that I need that he wants this also. I leave his lips, and kiss my way down his neck to his chest. I lovingly nip and bite both of his nipples. He lets out a very gratifying moan, and he gently grabs my hair that’s pulled back in a ponytail. I feel him working to get the rubber band out of it. When he’s accomplished his goal, he begins running his fingers like a comb through my hair. It feels so good that I’m momentarily distracted from my journey south.

I slide off his lap and onto my knees, so I can kiss his taut stomach. He continues to massage my head and play with my hair. It feels like, for the first time since we walked out of the awards ceremony, Colin’s back. He’s engaging with me. He’s loving me back, not just claiming me.

I tug at his towel, releasing it from his waist, then, I begin to work his damp swim trunks down. He lifts off the chair, so I can slide them over his muscular behind. “Dear God, Charlie. Do you have any idea how much I love you?” he whispers.

I smile up at him as I finally deposit his trunks on the ground next to the chair. “If it’s as much as I love you, then I have an idea.”

I lean over and take his erection into my mouth. There’s something so hedonistic about the combination of his hardness, encased in the softest skin imaginable. I lick up the underside and sweetly sample his drop of dew that is sitting on the tip. His pleasure moans are driving me crazy. They’re foreplay for my sense of hearing. The more he moans, the more I get into sucking and licking him. I’m lost in the sensation of him.

I sheath my teeth and take Colin all of the way to the back of my throat as I suck with all my power. Colin frantically grabs my hair. In a deep throaty voice, he says, “I’m about to come. Let me inside of you.”

I release my mouth’s grip on him, and peek up at Colin through my eyelashes. “You don’t really want me to stop. Do you?”

He gives me a sexy half smile that’s saved just for me. I haven’t seen it since the walk out. “Rain check me, baby.”

With that, he scoops me up and gently lays me on the bed. He glances over at the formerly red chair. “I love that chair,” he says giving me a knowing wink.

I smile as he takes my lips, showing me just how much he does love me. We lie there, kissing and enjoy exploring each other’s mouths while the world debates whether or not Colin and I did the right thing by leaving. We’ve once again found our cocoon, and it’s perfection.

I’m a bit surprised when I feel Colin unbuttoning my pants and pulling down my zipper. I’m still dressed, which I’ve completely forgotten. He breaks our kiss long enough to remove my jeans, panties, and make my tank top and bra disappear. I’m naked, which is my favorite way to be with Colin. He looks like a starving man eyeing a steak when he sees my breasts. I grip them in my hands and begin to tweak my nipples.

For the second time in so many minutes, I get my special half smile. “I believe that those are my play toys, not yours.”

I continue to knead my breasts while I give my nipples extra special attention. “Oh Mr. McKinney, I’m quite sure that you can share.”

He dives on me, sweeping my hands off my breasts, and pins them against my side. He gives me a very serious look. “I’ve told you. I don’t share. I especially don’t share you with the world. I don’t even share you with you.” Then he releases my hands, and grabs my breasts. “I fucking love your tits. These are the world’s best.” I watch his face become shadowed and dark. “Don’t let my shit take these away from us.”

I get it. Colin’s not this upset over the media’s reaction to us leaving the awards. He’s this upset because he thinks that I’m going to get sick again. My scare weeks ago shook him more than I’d realized.

I scoot away from him and scramble to my knees, taking his beautiful face in my hands. I look into his piercing green eyes as I speak. “Baby, listen to me. I’m sorry that you’re worrying about me. I’m okay as long as you’re okay. We’re seeing Doctor Benson every week. I’m better, and this hasn’t been a setback for me. I need you strong, though. I need for you to fight for us. Quit worrying about me, and stand up and defend what we did. We don’t deserve the shit that’s being slung our way.”

I watch his demeanor change. The metamorphosis is staggering. His shoulders are rolled back again, and he looks like my quarterback ready for the big game. The lines around his eyes have relaxed which makes him look so much younger. But, what I notice the most is his aura. Instead of the negativity that he’s been radiating for the last week, he now has a sense of calm that washes over me. I keep my hands on his face, afraid to let him go. Maybe, if I release my touch, this moment might not really be happening, and I’ll have my shell of a man back.

“Every single day, I wake up worried that I’m going to do something to make you sick again. Then, here I go. I can’t keep my shit in check. I didn’t want to share you with the world on the red carpet, so instead, I take a great big fucking spotlight as bright as the sun and point it directly at you. I’m a selfish asshole.” He’s obviously disgusted with himself for walking us out of the awards ceremony. I can tell by the grimace on his face as he’s talking.

I kiss him desperately on his lips. “No, you’re not. You stood up to a small bully who was trying to take your lunch money. You did the right thing. The world wants to hear you stand up for yourself, not have to read it through your statement.” I try and reason with him.

He laughs and pulls away from me breaking the spell. “Don’t kid yourself, sweetheart. I might have issued a press release spewing all that bullshit, but I walked out of there because that SOB insulted you.”

I launch myself at him. He catches me as I begin to passionately kiss his mouth again. We tumble back onto the bed and become a mass of frenzied arms and legs. As he enters me, I gasp, and dig my nails into his back. I’m briefly sorry, but not enough to apologize at the moment. I’m too consumed with him. The feeling of him inside of me is perfection. We’re indescribable. I let go, and give myself over to my orgasm; it’s a full body release. The stress melts away, the worry disappears. Colin follows me a few strokes later. We are one—complete and infinite.

We lay there neither one of us wanting to let go. He whispers his sweet epitaphs to me. “I love you. You are mine. So beautiful.” My lover is back. The cold, dominant man of the last week is gone for now.

But, unfortunately, all wonderful moments must end.

“Hey, baby. Let me up. Since you flew Aiden out here, I should really go talk to him.” Colin gently kisses my forehead and strokes my hair.

“Umm…hmm…”

“Is that the best response that you can give me?” he teases.

“Umm…hmm …”

“Charlie, the house is on fire!”

“Umm…hmm…”

He swats my leg. “Get dressed, and come join us. I’m sure that you’re going to want to be a part of the discussion.”

Oh! Mark. “I need for you to remember that Aiden is your best friend, and he’s worried about you,” I say in my cutest voice, while I bat my eyelashes at him.

Colin sits up and looks at me with alarm. “Why?”

“Promise me that you’re going to play nicely.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” he asks. His amusement of earlier is gone.

“Aiden invited Mark to join us, and he might already be here,” I reply sheepishly, but hurry to continue before he cuts me off. “Aiden thinks that Mark is innocent. Mark has experience dealing with these sorts of situations. Let’s at least hear what he has to say. You don’t have to take his advice.”

“Have I ever told you that you and Aiden are the most meddling motherfuckers that I know?” he says it with a smile, so I’m hoping that we’re not in too much trouble.

* * * *

I procrastinate in the bathroom. I assume that Colin and Aiden would like some time without me around. Then, I check my email. Nothing but spam and more outlandish job offers. I forward the latter to Brad. I also send him a note with one of the job offers. “Let’s get together tomorrow to discuss my options.”

I don’t bother to check my phone. The phone company put a forward on my old number. I’m sure that my voice mail is full of messages from reporters, hoping to get a quote. I do see that I have a text from my dad. We’ve spoken a couple of times since our falling out. He apologized for sending an email card for my birthday, and a day late, at that, and told me he loved me. I took it as a step in the right direction.

I open the text, and read. “I’m sorry that you have to go through this. I’m proud of CM for not letting anyone verbally abuse my daughter. I love you. Call when you’re free.”

There’s a part of me that instantly wants to send him a message back, but I don’t. I need to think about what I want to say. I was hurt by my dad’s actions and words. I need to tread carefully and not set myself up for heartbreak a second time around. But, I am very happy that he’s reaching out to me.

I follow the sound of voices and find Colin, Aiden, and Mark sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen. Aiden is beside Mark, and Colin is on the other side of the bar. I walk over and give Colin a sideways hug, which causes him to pull me to him, holding me tighter. “Hello Mark. Glad that you could make it.”

Mark has his politician face on giving me his huge, fake smile. “Hope that I can help, Caroline.”

“I have a question that’s been bugging me for a while.” I shoot Colin a look. “A very long while.”

“Ask me anything,” Mark replies, obviously happy to be in a position of knowledge.

“Why does the media care so much about us? I mean, I don’t get it. Yes. Colin is a handsome guy. He’s a great athlete. But, why does the press seem to care so much about our personal life? We’re really not all that interesting. When we were together previously, his fans were an issue. I hated that we couldn’t go out in public without people wanting pictures or autographs. But, now, that’s not even close to being a problem. I can’t go to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription without being photographed.” I glance at Colin, and he gives me a reassuring smile that makes me feel better about asking the question. It’s bothered me for a long time, but I didn’t want to ask him, because I was afraid that he would find it insulting.

Mark throws back his head and laughs. “Good question. Let me give you some behind the scenes info. Colin’s games are the highest-rated for the week. They have an extra camera that is focused on him the entire time. He’s been asked by the NFL to remove his helmet on the sidelines. The people that track this kind of thing say that the more that Colin is shown during the game, the higher the viewership.”

I look at Colin to gauge his reaction to what Mark’s saying. Colin just shrugs and kisses my head. “Brad Pitt of football,” he says with a smirk.

Mark replies, “That’s actually not true, Colin. You’re more the Michael Jordan, or David Beckham of football. There hasn’t been another American athlete since Jordan who has managed to have as successful of a business career off the field as they’ve had on the field. The argument can be made that, because Colin’s team hasn’t won a championship, he’s actually more successful off the field.”

Colin flinches. It’s a touchy subject.

“Here’s the deal. Colin has brought female viewership to the NFL like no other player ever has. There are women who get together to watch Colin’s games. His jersey in female sizes outsells most of the other quarterbacks’ male jerseys. He’s the damned Pied Piper of football. Bringing the women to football in droves.”

I lean over, and kiss Colin’s forehead. He’s got a smug look on his face that makes me laugh. Cocky bastard. “That’s fine. I get it. He’s good for ratings, and any company that’s lucky enough to get him to endorse their product, but what’s with the fascination over our relationship?”

“Simple. The public feels like they know Colin. He’s their friend. He’s been this successful because he’s been able to endear himself to his audience. Plus, they see him on their televisions, in their magazine, and on their computers,” Mark states.