Finding Grace: A Novel (51 page)

Alice rose to her feet. It was clear from
her tone she was flustered. But she was calm when she spoke. "How
long will you be gone?"

All she could do was shrug. "I don't know.
However long it takes, I suppose. I just need to be by myself.”

"But what about Henry?" asked Alice. “You’re
not leaving him behind forever, are you?”

Grace shook her head. “I hope not. Maybe.
Good Lord, I don’t know.” Her head fell back in her hands. “I
thought about it all night long. Maybe I should just give him
up.”

“
Give him up? Why?” Alice
came to sit beside her.

“
I don’t want him feeling
like he has to be bound to me. The poor man’s had enough trouble in
his life. Why should I cling on to him and make his life more
complicated?”

Just as Alice was about to say something,
the doorbell rang. Grace’s expression paled, knowing who was on the
other side of the door. Alice turned and looked at her.

“
Do you want me to send him
away? You look a little pekid.”

Grace shook her head. "No, don't send him
away. Let him come in so I can talk to him. It's better to say what
I have to say and be done with it." She looked down at the floor.
Alice nodded and went to let him in.

As he stepped across the
threshold, his eyes immediately met with hers. Alice left them
alone, and he came to stand before her. She felt a great melding of
excitement and fear at the sight of him. In his hand he held a
bouquet of flowers. She felt a little part of her heart sink at the
sight.
Oh Lord
, she
thought.
How can I go through with
this?

She tried to smile as he came close to her.
He bent down and pressed his lips, warm and tender, to her temple.
He handed her the flowers.

"They're beautiful," she said. "Thank you."
She buried her nose in them for a moment, and then set them down on
the table in front of her.

He sat beside her, and thinking about what
she knew she had to tell him, she was suddenly nervous. Unable to
know just what to say, she began with the first thing that came to
mind.

"How are things at work?"

His face turned rather glum, and she
wondered at that downturn of expression.

"My partners are pushing me to fill your
place. I told them they should wait and see how long your recovery
will be, but they're insisting on finding someone else right away.
Selfish bastards."

“
But you can't afford to
lose money, can you? And all because of me.”

He took her gently by the arms and turned
her to face him. “Don’t blame yourself for that. Besides, it’s my
business. They're just partners in the investment. I can do
whatever I please, and I say they can wait until you're well
again."

She couldn’t hide the frown that came, and
she couldn’t hide it from him.

"What is it?" he asked, looking
concerned.

"I think you should find someone else.”

She looked up at him. His eyes were bright,
almost fearful, seeking explanation. "I don't think I can go back
on that stage,” she told him. “Not after what happened. And not
without Toby being there." A look of great pain came to her face,
and she felt it in her heart as well.

"Are you sure?”

She nodded sadly, looking down at the
floor.

He sighed. “Very well, if that’s what you
want.”

For a few moments they were both quiet, and
sensing that a change of subject was necessary, he gave it. "So
what happened with your mother and father?"

She let out a slow, deep sigh. Her tone was
calm, but sad. "Nothing like I hoped, but just about what I
figured. But Jack agreed to bring the baby home for a visit at
Easter. He wants to be a good father.”

Henry shook his head as he looked at her.
“There you go again, trying to deflect the attention from yourself.
I didn’t ask about your brother. I asked about you.”

Without quite thinking about it, she leaned
her head against his shoulder. She sighed, a slight tremble in
it.

“
I think they’re over my
‘rebellious streak’ as they like to think of it. So now, we’re
right back where we started. I’m their daughter, and to them,
that's a wrong that won’t ever be righted. So it's just something I
have to learn to live with.”

He said nothing to her words. What good were
words, anyway? He put his arms around her, and she let herself lean
against him, taking comfort in his warmth and strength. She felt
the sudden urge to break into tears, but a deep and cleansing
breath kept her from it. Her head against his chest, she took in
the scent of him. He smelled of soap and the slight spice of his
cologne. His presence was so calming, his fingers lightly rubbing
her back, so soothing. She didn't want to think of her parents or
any other troubles. She certainly didn't want to think about
leaving him. But she knew that if she didn't go, if she stayed
here, with all the memories so fresh in her mind, she’d soon go
mad. She took another deep breath.

"Henry?”

"Hmm?" he replied, seeming very content to
remain in silence and just hold her, rather than talking. But she
knew she had to speak while the thought was strong in her mind.

"I have to go away for a little while.”

At that, she felt him tense a little, and
she feared what he would say. It hurt her to think that she would
wound him in any way, but she knew it was something she could not
keep from doing, and she hoped he would somehow understand. But
when he pulled away from to look at her, his eyes were so full of
pain that she almost hated herself.

"Go?" he asked. "Go where?"

She wasn't sure how she managed it, but
somehow she answered, her voice more calm than she would have
thought it would be.

"I'm taking up your Aunt and Uncle's
invitation. I'm going to Key Largo for a little while."

"When?" he asked, almost demanding it.

"In a few days. As soon as I see the doctor,
and he gives me my medical clearance."

He slowly rose to his feet. She watched as
he turned away from her and went to stand before the window. He
drummed his fingers on the sill, almost as if he were angry, and
she wanted so much to know what he was thinking. For the longest
time he was silent, and she feared she had made him so upset that
he wouldn't talk to her at all…and that she did not want.

"I promise, it's not forever," she said. "I
just need to get away from everything for a little while. A
complete change of scenery. I need a place with no memories of any
kind. And I need to do that on my own."

Still he said nothing. He just brought his
hand up to cover his mouth for a moment, and he let out a tense
kind of breath.

"Will you say something to me?" she asked.
"I feel like you're about to walk out of here in a fit of temper
and never come back."

He scoffed at that. His voice was cool and
calm, but full of bitterness. "I’m not Charlie. I’m perfectly
capable of controlling my temper, even when someone is about to
walk out on me."

She had known this moment would come. She
told herself that she was strong enough to see herself through it.
But now she felt close to tears, so remorseful was she for hurting
his feelings. "I'm sorry, Henry.”

And then she found she could say no more.
The lump in her throat had grown much too large, and she put her
head in her hands. Then, a few moments later, she felt his presence
before her. She felt him take her hands and move them gently away
from her face. He sat beside her, and she found herself trying to
look down and avoid his eyes, as the guilt she felt threatened to
overwhelm her. Then she felt his hand on her chin, and he lifted
her face to make her meet his eyes, which were shining with tears.
He gently cupped her cheeks with his palms, placing a soft kiss on
her lips. He looked at her with a tender and loving gaze.

"Do what you have to do," he said softly.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be here waiting when you get back." He
smiled slightly, brushing away a tear that had escaped her eye.
Gently he brought her head to rest under his chin, and for a long
moment he just held her close.

"Will you promise me one thing?"

She could not speak, but she nodded in
reply.

"Let me take you to the train station when
you go. At least give me the chance to see you off. To say
goodbye."

She nodded again, words failing her. All she
could do was press her burning eyes against his shoulder as her
silent tears fell. She felt herself growing calm as he held her
close, and soon her tears had ceased. She sighed against him, glad
to have her fears subsided by his tenderness and understanding.

"I was so worried that you would be
mad.”

In his reply, there was a hint of amusement.
"You think I'm that insensitive?"

"No," she said. "But I was worried that
you’d think I was being like…” She paused, anxious about the
thought on her mind, but she made herself go on. "Like Mary."

They had hardly spoken about his wife. She
knew it was a painful subject for him, and rightfully so. And for a
few chilling moments, she’d worried what he would think of her.
Would he think she was like that? Just another heartless woman?

But he was every bit the good man she knew
him to be. He proved it even now, replying to the confession of her
fear.

"Don’t compare yourself to her, not ever
again. Mary was good-hearted, but she was a child in so many ways."
He set her back a little in his arms, and looked down at her with a
serious expression. "You're more of a woman than she could ever
be.”

She looked into his eyes, nodding. She
started to smile. But then, she saw a flash of pain cross his
features. The look was only there for a moment, but she had seen it
just the same, and she felt a sharp ache in her heart. She had
caused that hurt - she knew she had, and guilt began to shake her
again. She started to speak, but he gingerly pulled himself from
her embrace and turned away from her. For a moment she was afraid
that he would turn and rush out, wounded and crushed, and leave her
there to suffer in her shame for hurting him. But when he moved
away he was strangely calm, his movement smooth and unhurried. She
didn’t know what to make of him.

"I should be going," he said. "I have some
business matters to attend to, and a meeting with my
accountant."

She wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth
or not, but that didn’t mean much to her at that moment. She didn’t
want him to go, and as he went to retrieve his hat, she hurried to
move close to him.

"Do you have to go so soon?"

He nodded his head. "I'm sorry I can't
stay.” He wore a half-hearted smile, and he reached out and
caressed her cheek with his palm. "I'll see you soon." Then he
turned, and in a few moments more he was gone.

Chapter 25

“At Last”

Lying on her side, she closed her eyes and
gritted her teeth as she felt the stitches being taken out. The
pain was only momentary, and she was thankful, because it was a
sign that soon, the only pain she would have would be a memory. A
small part of her independence had been given back to her. Despite
the gloom that had been with her for these long weeks, she felt
some comfort in knowing she was no longer confined. The doctor
smiled down at her.

"You're a fast healer, young lady. There
will still be some soreness, but as far as the physical aspect
goes, you've healed over quite nicely. There will be a scar, of
course, but I don't think it's something to make a fuss about.”

She said nothing to his comment, remaining
quiet as he applied a healing salve and a fresh bandage. When he’d
finished, she quietly thanked him for all he had done. Then Alice
led him out of the room, leaving her alone.

She did not take much time to dwell on the
doctor or his comments, or even on the prospect of her recovery.
She rose almost immediately from the bed and went to her closet,
taking out the dresses hanging there. Laying them on the bed, she
went to her dresser and emptied it. As she went about the room,
collecting her things, there was a knock on the door. Jack appeared
behind her a moment later. In his hand, he held a leather
suitcase.

"I brought you this," he said. "I think it
would be better than that old flour sack you came here with."

She smiled, for the first time in a long
while, and took it from his hand. "It's very nice, Jack. Thank
you." She took it and put it on the bed, opening it. "So you didn't
like the poke I brought from home?" A little grin turned up in the
corner of her mouth.

"Well, I think a lady needs proper travel
gear. And you’re a real lady now I think. Not that you weren't one
before, mind you. But I think…” He paused, searching for the right
words. "Well, I don't think of you as that little country girl who
came here a while ago. I think you've turned into a grown woman
somewhere along the way. I don't know if I like it much, but what
can I do?"

She smiled. Then a light of mischief came
into her eyes. “You’re not going all soft on me, are you?”

He snorted. “Hell, no.” But still he was
smiling.

She found great comfort in seeing him more
pleasant than he’d been in some time. He was starting to seem more
like the old Jack, and she was glad of it. Now, it seemed, it was
her turn to go find that part of herself that she’d lost.

Jack stood just at the door, looking at
her.

"Are you sure you don't want me and Alice to
go with you to the station?"

She shook her head. "I promised Henry that
he could take me. But now I'm not sure if he'll even want to. I
haven't seen him or talked to him in a week. It makes me wonder if
he's changed his mind.”

"I don't think he'll miss the chance to say
goodbye," Jack replied. "I saw him in town a few days ago. He
didn’t look so good. And when I told him what day you were leaving,
I swear his face lost every bit of its color.”