Finding Grace: A Novel (38 page)

"I’m wonderful at the moment,” she replied.
“I was sick those few times in the morning, and even though I hoped
it was good news, I was scared to believe it. You'll never know how
shocked I was when the doctor confirmed it was a baby." She smiled
and chuckled at the memory. "I know it won't be long now before I'm
dealing with swollen feet and backaches, and all the other joys of
pregnancy." She paused, letting out a little sigh, and yet she
smiled still. "But even that, I don't think I'll mind, especially
when I think of the end result.”

Grace leaned against her sister-in-law,
sharing in her joy, while deep in the depths of her own. She let
out her own little sound of contentment, which Alice took note
of.

"You sound as happy as I am," she declared.
"And I, being a clever creature, have to wonder if my suspicions
are correct. You are a woman in love, aren't you?"

Grace nodded, and Alice tilted her head in a
little triumph. "I saw it on your face when you came home. So will
we be planning a wedding as well as a baby shower?"

Sitting a little straighter, Grace’s joy
lessened. “I don’t figure that far ahead. I’m almost afraid
to.”

“
Because of the other
women?”

She nodded. “I want to believe him when he
says he cares for me. But I’m no fool. I don’t know much, but I
know that all men aren’t loyal like my brother. And I can’t help
wondering. Did Henry say the same things to me that he said to all
the others?”

Alice put an arm around her, drawing her
close for comfort. “You know, sometimes you just have to go on
faith.”

She sighed again. “Maybe. Or maybe I should
just enjoy it while it lasts.” Now the sunshine came back, warming
her expression. “He does make me happy.”

Alice smiled. “You deserve that, sis.” She
kissed the top of her head and withdrew, bidding her good
night.

"Good night," Grace replied. She watched
Alice go, and as the door closed behind her, she leaned back
against the pillows again. Burrowing down a little under the sheet,
she opened her book again. She came to the last words of the
chapter, and read...

My future husband was
becoming to me my whole world; and more than the world: almost my
hope of heaven. He stood between me and every thought of religion,
as an eclipse intervenes between man and the broad sun. I could
not, in those days, see God for His creature: of whom I had made an
idol
...

She knew it was silly to imagine Henry as
her husband. But then again, it was just that…her imagination.
Anything was possible there. And besides, who knew what the future
might bring? Stranger things had happened.

And I’m living
proof
, she said to herself.

* * * * *

A memory came to her as she stood behind the
stage curtain, watching the dancers in their glory. Not so long
ago, she had been wandering where she did not belong, seeing these
people prepare for their work, and she had tried to imagine what it
was like to be among them. Now she knew the excitement of seeing
people she was coming to know as family, in their element on the
stage and bringing the full crowd to their feet at the end of each
performance. Would she have that power over the people, when she
took the stage in only five days? She might have been more
frightened, were it not for the thought that Toby would be there.
Sweet, wonderful man. With his constant spirit and encouragement,
he was quickly becoming a dear friend to her. If only Henry could
see it that way.

This morning, when she’d been on the stage
with Toby during rehearsal, she’d seen Henry standing as he had
before, in the shadows behind the curtain. But his face had not
been soft and loving. His look was troubled. Maybe even a little
angry. She didn’t understand why he looked so, until she was
sitting at the edge of the stage, and he came to stand just before
her. His face had softened. He even smiled a little, as he talked
to her about her work. They were both all politeness and civility,
as they had to be in the public eye. It seemed he was trying even
harder now to be a gentleman. In the brief moments they’d stolen
earlier that day, he’d told her that he’d changed his mind about a
secret meeting. It was too risky, he declared. And though she was
disappointed, he had promised to think of something more sensible.
That put her at ease, knowing that he was being so considerate.

As he stood there in front of the stage, he
asked her how she felt about her upcoming debut, and if she thought
she was ready.

"I think I'll be fine. Everyone is so sweet,
just like a big family. And you're here, even when I can't see you.
I know you're around, thinking of me." He smiled at that, and she
returned the gesture. "Toby will be next to me for support, so I'm
not as scared as I was."

She did not see it at first, but his
expression darkened. "Hmm," he said, low and almost bitterly. That
little sound made her look up. His mouth was set in that familiar
line, the one he wore when he wasn’t happy. A womanly instinct told
her what that meant.

"I think there’s a
green-eyed monster in the room.” She kept her tone casual, for who
knew what ears were listening? But she knew
he
was, and if he needed soothing, she
would give it. “Slay that beast, white knight…Because there’s only
one Lord for this Lady." She looked in his eyes, reassuring him
with a smile.

After a long moment, she finally saw the
corner of his mouth turn up, and she felt a great triumph in his
reply.

"One Lord for the Lady, and one Lady for the
Lord."

"That’s right," she declared. "Now go, good
sir, and let me be."

He seemed reluctant, but left her side. She
could sense the resistance in him, for she felt the same pull of
frustration in her own breast. If not for watching eyes, she could
easily have fallen into his arms and reassured him of her love in a
much more pleasant way. And she knew he would have done the same.
But he was gone from her sight in a few moments, and she hardly saw
him the rest of the day.

Now it was the middle of a busy evening, and
she wondered where he was. Likely he was mingling among his guests,
shaking hands and greeting familiar faces as he always did on busy
nights. She longed for a look at him, and moved from the backstage
to the hall, where she stood looking for his face among the crowd.
She did not see him, but she smiled when she saw Jack and Alice at
a table. They waved when they saw her, and she went to them. She
kissed each of them on the cheek and sat with them, listening to
the music. The selection was a slow one, a selection of stringed
instruments and piano that was romantic and soft. As she sat there,
listening, she wished that Henry would come and ask for a dance.
She was still not very good at dancing, having only done it a few
times, but she knew he was strong and could lead her, and the
thought of being in his arms was thrilling. If only he would come
to her. But still she did not see him, and disappointment filled
her through.

Then a cheerful voice came near, and she
looked up to see Toby at their table.

“
Hi Gracie. Won’t you
introduce me to your company?”

She smiled, and though still longing for
Henry’s company, she was happy to see her friend there. She
introduced him, and he shook hands with Jack. Taking Alice’s hand
in both of his, he greeted her warmly.

“
A pleasure, truly. Beauty
runs in both your families, I see.”

Alice grinned, a knowing look in her eyes.
“You’re a smooth one, aren’t you?”

He flashed a rascal’s smile. “I was born way
before whipped topping,” he replied. “Can I have your sister for a
minute? I’m on a break, but I think I can get one more dance in
before I go back. Do you mind?”

Jack just shrugged. Alice nodded, but Grace
hesitated for a moment. She looked once more for Henry, but a
moment later Toby was leading her out to the dance floor, and she
felt she had to turn her attention to him to keep from hurting his
feelings. She smiled politely as he moved with her, helping to
watch that she didn’t miss her steps, and she did enjoy his light
conversation and usual charm. But it was Henry she thought of, and
she wondered where he could be. Surely he wasn’t hiding. As the
number ended, and she stood with Toby, applauding the band, she
sighed. He looked at her, concerned.

“
Are you all right?” he
asked. “You look a little down. I didn’t step on your feet, did
I?”

She shook her head, trying to put on a happy
face. “No, you didn’t. You were just fine. And thanks for the
dance. I think I’m getting pretty good at it.”

He smiled, looking at his watch. “I better
get back. I’ll see you later, Gracie.” He gave her hand an
affectionate squeeze, and left her side.

Her smile fell away as he went. She turned
to go back to the table. And as she did, she came eye to eye with
Henry. Dressed in his best suit, he took her breath away, and she
could not keep the deepest smile from coming across her face.

“
And where have you been?”
she asked.

“
Around,” he replied.
“Watching my patrons enjoy themselves. Watching my lady dance with
someone else, while I have to wander about shaking hands and
putting on airs.”

She smirked. “Jealous, are you?”

“
I think we established that
earlier.”

“
We did,” she said. “And I
told you there wasn’t any reason to be. So should you ask me to
dance, or should we stand here and talk about it?”

He did not ask her to dance. He simply took
her hand and drew her to the floor. With his arms and hands guiding
her, somewhat closer than they should have been, he seemed to be
saying without words that she belonged to him, and no one else.
Even though so many were around them, they seemed the only two in
the whole world. In the circle of each other’s arms, on the dance
floor, they could be together, and for several glorious moments
they savored the closeness of each other’s company.

Words seemed incapable of expressing how it
felt being held. And the way he was watching her, his eyes and
smile full of fire, it seemed he felt the same. But in the back of
her mind, she knew their heated expressions were on public display.
Even in the whirl of romance, her better sense remained.

When the dance ended, and they stood giving
applause, she took a breath to steady her nerves, so she might
speak clearly. Still her tone was soft.

“
Will you do something for
me?”

He looked delighted, smirking in that way of
his. “Maybe.”

“
I want you to find the
prettiest girl in the room and dance with her.”

His response was a shrug, and a cheeky grin.
“If you insist.” He took her hand as the next number began, but she
rolled her eyes and withdrew from his grasp.

“
I mean it, Henry. Find the
prettiest girl. I know you’re good at that. Dance with her, flirt
with her. Put on a good show.”

He looked baffled. “Are you serious?”

She nodded. It wasn’t easy pushing him away,
but it had to be done. “They all need to be fooled. And we’re in
show business, right? It’s what we do.”

Without waiting for a response, she turned
towards the table. A sharp hurt rose in her breast. She tried to
suppress the feeling, but it only dug itself deeper as she watched
him do as she’d asked. Her manner was low as she sat there…the
sting of jealousy biting bitterly into her heart. Jack and Alice
came from the dance floor to sit with her, and both saw her morose
expression.

“
Well,” said Jack. “You two
looked mighty cozy out there. If you’re trying to hide your
romance, you’re doing a hell of a lousy job.”

She sighed. "That's why I sent him
away.”

Both Alice and Jack looked out and saw Henry
with a petite little blond.

Alice snorted in disgust. “Who is that
tramp?”

Grace couldn’t resist a chuckle. Alice
certainly had a way with words. "I don't know who she is.”

Jack scoffed at such thoughtless behavior.
"What a romantic," he sneered, "Flaunting other women right in
front of you. If he were a real man, he would be shouting out to
the world who his girl is. He wouldn't give a turkey what other
people thought."

“
I made him do it,” Grace
insisted. “It has to look like I’m no one particular. Just the girl
he happened to dance with once, and that was it.”

To that, Jack just shrugged. "If you say
so."

"You know it, but you still look so down,"
Alice declared. "Are you really all right with the method to this
madness?"

Grace sighed. "I suppose I have to be…but
knowing it is one thing, and seeing it is another." For a long
moment, she kept her eyes cast down, not wanting to look over and
again and see Henry with someone else. Then, she took a deep breath
and squared her shoulders.

"Maybe I'll do better with some fresh air,"
she declared, rising from her seat.

"Do you want us to come with you?" Alice
asked.

But Grace just smiled and shook her head.
"No, I'll be fine. I always do fine on my own."

Being careful to stay away from the dance
floor, she made her way downstairs to the lobby, and outside to the
sidewalk in front of the club. The street was calm and quiet,
compared to the hustle and noise found inside. For several long
minutes she walked up and down the sidewalk, looking at the lights
and sometimes looking up at the summer sky that twinkled with
bright stars. The serenity of the night calmed her, and she thought
of Henry and what had occurred just now. And she shook her head at
her own silliness.