Fighting Me (13 page)

“It’s seems like I’ve been fighting with myself my entire life,” I say, blowing out a breath. I try to find the words to answer some of the questions I see in her eyes, but I come up empty handed. “I don’t want to keep hangin’ on, but I can’t make myself let go.” Brushing her damp hair over her shoulder, I lean down and inhale the sweet smell of her skin. “I don’t know what it is about you, Rae, but kissing you, touching you… it makes it easier to breathe.”

“What’s stopping you?” Her tongue darts out to taste her bottom lip. “I want you, I’m not denyin’ that, but I can’t take you being hot then cold with me. I’m also not standing here as some added duty to attend to. That’s one thing I’ll never allow myself to become. Not to anyone, ever again, that’s just me and my shit.”

“You’re not an obligation to me, Rae.” Yanking the towels away, I throw them to the floor, leaving her standing naked in front of me. Cupping her ass, I pull her flush against my body so that as I lift her off the ground, I can feel every inch of her body against my chest until her face is level with mine. “The last thing I need is another one.”

Wrapping her legs around my waist, she slides her hands up my arms. Ripping off my sunglasses, she tosses them to the vanity before slamming her lips to mine. My hands fly into her hair, yanking at the damp strands. Her taste is so fucking sweet, so addictive. Her lips just aren’t enough. I need more and I can’t wait.

As if reading my mind, she opens her mouth. Without hesitating, I dive and take what I want. Pressing her back to the wall, I fight with her for control of the kiss, desperate for more. Rae’s fingernails scrape down my back and I lose it. A growl rips from my chest and it’s like she’s unleashed an animal.

Releasing my hold on her hair, I fumble with my shorts to free my cock. I need to be inside her, to feel her clamp down on my dick. “God yes,” she moans, rocking her pelvis into me.

Shoving my pants down my thighs, I grab her hips and slam her down onto my dick without so much as a warning. Any other time, I would work her up and make her come at least once so she was nice and wet for me first, but fuck I can’t wait another minute. Rae screams, her nails digging into my back, no doubt leaving marks and drawing blood.

It’s nothing to do with emotions, or the questions left hanging in the air about the demons that we both have. This is about release, plain and simple. It’s about taking what we need from each other and that’s all that matters. Her eyes burn into mine; they could easily destroy me if I let them. The brown is sizzling hot and I can see how much she wants me, but beyond that are things that I can see, but can’t begin to comprehend. She is concerned for me and isn’t afraid to show it. If the group worries about me, they keep it to themselves out of fear of me snapping. Not Rae. She’s gone toe-to-toe with me from day one. I’m not used to that.

Rae arches her back, leaning more into the wall. “More,” she pants, sliding her hands up to grip my shoulders. “You’re not going to break me, Henry. Get lost in me. Give me more, please.”

Sliding one hand up to the middle of her back, I grip her ass with my other hand and drive into her balls deep. Her eyes roll back in her head before closing as she gasps my name between breaths. Unable to help myself, I bend down and capture her nipple between my lips and suck hard, flicking the little bar with my teeth as I slam into her relentlessly.

Those piercings are so fucking sexy.

Thrusting my hips, my cock pistons in and out of her, unapologetically milking every ounce of pleasure from her body. Rocking her hips, she silently begs for more friction. Her tits bounce, slapping into my face with every thrust and I fucking love it.

My dick is throbbing painfully and the way her pussy clamps down on me has my knees about to buckle. My balls tighten, slapping her ass, the sounds echoing off the walls with every sexy as fuck moan she makes. I go off like a fucking rocket. Rae screams my name, her orgasm causing her whole body to jolt.

Gripping her tightly, I turn so that my back is to the wall and slide to the floor. The minute my ass hits the cool tile, I begin thrusting upward into her. Arching her back, Rae grinds down on me, palming her tits in her hands. It sends me over the edge. Grabbing her behind the neck, I slam my mouth to hers, swallowing every cry she makes as I fill her with my release.

Rae melts into me. Sliding her hands up to cup my face, she kisses me deeply. Wrapping my arms around her tightly, I hold her to me so that I can feel as much of her body as possible. My heart thumps violently in my chest, even though my breathing is normalizing. I smile against her mouth, breaking the kiss. Burying my face in the crook of her neck, I laugh. My entire body shakes violently with every breath. The fuck? I haven’t let loose and laughed like this in so long.

I’m damned near in a fit of hysterical giggles like the girls have.

Leaning back, Rae brushes her thumbs over my cheeks, staring at me with wide eyes. “You okay?” she asks, biting her lip to keep from laughing right along with me.

“Yeah.” Sliding my hands into her hair, I pull her to me for another kiss. I can’t get enough of her taste. It’s addictive. No one has ever gotten to me this way, not even Jenn. I have always been able to separate myself from what needs to be done versus what I want. Rae? She leaves me in a constant state of confliction. It’s like she is slowly pulling every ounce of control from me, leaving me powerless to do anything but drown in her.

By the time Rae and I get cleaned up and dressed, my phone is going off letting me know that the girls need me to help on the beach. Rae packs up the bag for the kids, and, after eating and checking her blood to make sure it’s leveled back out, I walk her down to the beach to get on with our day.

I
can’t help
but get emotional at weddings. It’s something that has always pulled at my heartstrings. The coming together of two people to create one, the love that surrounds the entire ceremony… it’s a beautiful thing.

Yesterday morning was a bit hazy. When my levels get too low, it’s a crap shoot. My moods are all over the place, I get shaky, and honestly, no one except Joshua would willingly handle me when I get like that. I can remember Henry arguing with me and then the explosive sex in the bathroom. After that, my day was busy on the beach with the kids while wedding decorations were being put up and the girls went through the menu list.

Today has been more of the same; hectic and busy as everyone gets ready for Hunter and Chase’s wedding. Chase’s mother, Audrey, walked in last night and banished all the men to the back house, immediately calling for traditions to be followed. This morning, she caught Hunter trying to sneak into bed with Chase and I swear his screams woke up the entire island.

Henry and I haven’t seen much of each other let alone talked about what is going on between us, and I didn’t expect to. Whatever is going on in his head, is something he is going to have to be ready to share with me. I’m not going to go digging when I want him to trust me with it. I want him to let me in. That isn’t something you can force, it just has to happen. I can’t forget the look in his eyes; there was something softer there as he moved inside me.

Blowing out a breath, I take my seat and adjust a dozing Brannon on my lap. The sun is beginning to set and it couldn’t make the scene more gorgeous. I don’t blame Hunter and Chase for wanting something small and private; this couldn’t be more perfect.

The music begins to play and Cam and Daisy walk down the aisle in long, flowing hot-pink dresses before taking their seats in the front row beside their husbands. Strapless and beachy style, absolutely perfect, just as every detail is. Tiger Lilies line the sand, along with lit hanging lanterns forming the aisle. Hunter stands with the preacher, just beneath the beautiful altar decorated in small white twinkling lights, white silks, and lace with more Tiger Lillies. Beside him is Henry wearing his shades, a white shirt, and tan cargo shorts.

Jazzie starts walking, throwing fists full of pink and purple petals on the sand as she swishes her long pink dress, the tutu making her look like a bell as she makes her way down the aisle. Her face is lit up brighter than any lantern on the beach. Her smile is priceless, only growing wider as she makes it to her Daddy.

Hunter grins at her, holding out his arms. The minute her basket is empty, she tosses it to the sand and runs for him, leaping into his open arms. “I love weddings! Marry me, Daddy.”

Tears threaten to fall immediately. Hunter picks up Jasmine and kisses her cheeks, earning him chuckles and plenty of “awww” from all of us. Tears spill over my eyelids at the sweet moment between Daddy and daughter. It hurts my heart in bittersweet ways that fall somewhere between agony and elation. The moment is wonderful, but the things it makes me feel hurt if I let them come bubbling up right now.

“Look, there’s Mommy!” Jazzie squeals, pointing down the aisle. Everyone turns as Chase, arm and arm with her brother, Luke, begin to walk down the aisle. All eyes are on her, but her eyes are locked on Hunter and Jazzie. The bottom of her long, strapless, ivory gown blows around in the breeze, her long red hair is pulled into a braided up-do framing her face with a few loose curls at the end. She is a beautiful bride; her entire body is glowing with her happiness.

Stopping just before they reach Hunter, Luke turns and cups her face with one hand, his thumb brushing away a tear. “Baby girl, I’ve always been the one to look out for you. It’s been my job, as your big brother, to wipe your tears and patch up scraped knees,” he starts, making Chase hiccup, another tear streaming down her face. “I no longer see this as giving you up. It’s an honor to be the one to walk you down the aisle to Hunter and Jazz, because I know they’re the pieces that complete you. I love you, Chase.”

Taking her hand, Luke steps closer before placing it in Hunter’s. His other hand ruffles Jasmine’s hair as he places a kiss on her cheek. “You have two amazing girls, Hunter. Take care of them.”

Hunter nods and Luke turns to take his seat beside Kionna. Wrapping his arm around the back of her chair, she curls into him immediately.

“Do you see this beautiful fucking woman, right here?” Hunter asks, holding his hand out, gesturing to Chase. “I’m marrying this woman. Holy fuck! I’m such a lucky bastard.”

“How about I get on with it then?” The preacher asks, chuckling. Flipping through the pages of an old Bible, he clears his throat. “Jasmine has asked you all here today to share in the joining of her family. Hunter and Chase have vowed to join their hearts and lives as one,” he begins to speak as Hunter eases Jazz to her feet and she takes one of each of Hunter and Chase’s hands. “This is a joyous occasion. This ceremony is far from traditional, but as I’ve quickly learned, Hunter and his girls are far from ordinary.” That has another round of chuckles coming from everyone, before the pastor begins reading a few verses and says a prayer. “Now, Hunter, I believe you have decided to write your own vows?”

“I did,” he replies, grinning at Chase before dropping to one knee. Swatting at a tear slipping down his cheek, he just shakes his head, the look on his face one of complete awe and adoration. Chase’s eyes widen, her hand flying to her mouth as Hunter stares at her then at their daughter. “Jazz, I love you more you’ll ever know. You and Mommy are the most important things in my life, you make everything worthwhile. I want to be more, to be better, all because I want you two to be proud of the man that I have become. I promise to be the best Daddy I can be. I’ll never be perfect, but I’ll always take time to play with you and be silly. I want to hear you laugh, knowing that I make your world a better place, simply because you and Mommy do that for me every single day. You’re my heart.” Looking up at Chase, Hunter smiles. “The only reason it beats, is for you.”

Reaching into his back pocket, Hunter pulls out a locket on a gold chain. Pushing Jasmine’s hair out of the way, he puts it around her neck. “Are we married now, Daddy?” Jazzie asks, bouncing on her heels.

“Almost, baby,” Chase sniffles, kissing the top of her head. “Now it’s my turn.”

Hunter stands to his feet, he looks down at Chase as Jazzie goes over to where Daisy sits before Aiden reaches out and pulls her into his lap. “Hunter, you make me so happy. I never knew that I’d ever feel so content in my life. Luke said it, you two are the pieces that complete me. Our road hasn’t been easy, but nothing as great as what we have should ever come without a fight. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, knowing that everything we face, we do it together.”

“If anyone here objects to this uniting of souls as one, please speak now, or forever hold your peace,” the preacher says once Chase finishes.

Hunter turns to face us all, a smirk on his face, before turning back to the pastor. “I thought we agreed not to include that in the ceremony? I’m not giving someone the opportunity to be a matrimonial cock-blocker. To have and to shaft, it’s pretty simple.”

“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss your bride.”

“My wife!” Hunter’s grin widens into a full on smile as he faces Chase again, one arm slides around her waist, the other slips into her hair. “Finally! Get your ass over here, Tiger Lilly,” Hunter growls, slamming his mouth to hers.

Lifting her from the ground, Hunter pulls her tightly against him while everyone claps and shouts. When Mack whistles and begins shouting for them to get a room, Henry walks up and claps Hunter on the back.

“There’s a bacon and booze filled reception waitin’.”

Placing Chase on her feet again, Hunter breaks the kiss. Turning toward the tent sent up for the reception, Hunter grins. “I’ll be right with you, bacon.” Hoisting Chase over his shoulder, he runs for the water. Chase screams as Hunter laughs wickedly before throwing them both into the waves. The crowd laughs and cheers, but they couldn’t care less right now who is watching them. This moment is theirs. Chase wraps herself around Hunter as the waves slam into them, his mouth sealed over hers as they celebrate their “I dos”.

Wiping my eyes, I stand to my feet and make my way down the aisle as everyone begins to head to the tent set up for the reception. Jazzie immediately walks up and takes my hand when I reach them. Daisy takes Brannon from me, curling him into her chest. “I’ll take him for a bit,” she says, brushing her fingers over his unruly hair.

“Did you see me, Miss Rae?” she asks, excitedly, looking up at me with her big brown eyes.

“I did,” I reply. “You look beautiful.”

“Hey, Jazz, let’s go get cake,” Mack says, swooping Jasmine into his arms. My hand slips from hers as he settles her onto his shoulders. “I heard from a very reliable source there’s cookies too.”

“Yay!” she squeals, flailing her arms.

“I’ll just be a minute,” I say, wanting a moment to myself.

Walking around the altar, I kick off my sandals and head towards the water, passing Hunter who is carrying a completely soaked and happy Chase as they head for the tent.

The cool ocean water rushes over my toes as the tide washes in and out. Since my purple halter dress is only knee length, I step out a bit farther into the water, letting it rush over my ankles and calves while memories flood my mind.

Josh…

“I’ll make it real simple, let’s hop a plane to Oahu. We can grab a preacher, a few strangers on the beach for witnesses, and just do it, babe. I don’t need anything else, just you, wearing my ring, and having my last name. The rest is just details.”

Now, all I have are the memories.

Looking down, my hands blur through my unshed tears. My memories of Joshua are happy, mostly. I look back and smile at the time we shared, but nothing hurts more than knowing you can’t get that back.

There was a long time where I didn’t attend weddings. I used to love them so much, but losing Joshua made them close to impossible for me to sit through. If this had been just two years ago, I’d be holed up in my room crying into his pillow, reliving every happy memory, before the painful ones come crashing down on me. It took hitting absolute bottom before realizing that the life I was living was anything but. I don’t understand why life throws the curves at us that it does, or why karma likes to ass rape some of us without lube, but surviving it all has only made me stronger. I couldn’t be the person I am today without Josh, and I wouldn’t trade anything for the time he loved me.

“Hey.”

I don’t turn around. Instead, I close my eyes and blow out a breath when another wave rolls into me, splashing up and wetting the hem of my dress. “Hey,” I reply, not wanting him to see me like this. I’m too vulnerable to tell Henry all about my haunting past right now without losing all my composure.

I can feel him coming closer and I tense, feeling the questions in the air that I know he has to be wanting to ask. His arms wrap around me from behind and he just holds me to him, not saying a word. He doesn’t push for answers when I swipe at the tears as I sob silently. Henry holds me and simply lets me have my moment.

Once the tears stop falling, I turn in his arms and wrap my own around his waist. Hugging him to me tightly, I look up into his eyes, a bit surprised to see his sunglasses not on his face, but tucked into his front pocket instead. He doesn’t say a word; he doesn’t have to. Henry says everything he could ever need to say to me in right now with his eyes. Bending down, he presses his lips to my cheek, kissing away a stray tear before brushing his lips over mine. It’s soft and slow, but just as hungry. I can feel how much he needs this too. Moving my hands up, I grip his arms and push up on my toes, wanting to feel his mouth on mine, needing to forget the ache in my chest.

“Take me somewhere,” I murmur against his lips. “I need to feel you.”

“I don’t do quickies, Rae.” Lifting me out of the water, Henry carries me up the beach toward the tent. Stopping at the altar, he settles me to my feet before kneeling to help me put on my shoes. “Tonight, though, and the next night, and the next, you’re sleeping with me in my bed or me in yours. It’s your choice, baby, but I want to fall asleep holding your soft, warm body.”

“Okay,” I say, causing him to look up at me.

Slipping my sandal on, he stands to his full height again, his jaw ticking as a grin spreads across his face. “Good. Now, it’s my turn to dance with you.

Taking his hand, I let Henry lead me into the tent where Hunter and Chase are lost in their own little world on the dance floor. Mack and Jazzie are eating at a table with Audrey, Brannon, and Daisy, while everyone else is at the bar joking and toasting.

A few people arrived on the island today, hired for last minute decorating and to handle the food, cake, and pictures while everyone celebrates the day. Chase and Hunter wanted everyone to be able to have as much fun today as possible. That didn’t mean Henry wasn’t meeting them all at the dock to do a cell phone and camera sweep before handing them non-disclosure agreements to sign along with giving them detailed instructions on how things were expected to go. The two women have been scurrying around all day; setting up the tent and dancefloors, along with trays of food, and filling the shot glasses that Hunter demanded instead of champagne flutes.

Henry steers us toward the dance floor. Taking my hand, he spins me out before pulling me into him. We probably look awkward, him being so much taller than me, but it doesn’t seem to bother him at all. Moving his hips in time with the music, Henry guides my body as if he owns it.

I close my eyes. Pressing my cheek to his chest, I absorb his warmth. The world stops for me. I only breathe in and out while Henry holds me close and the music plays. The lyrics of the song echo through my head. The words of a woman who openly admits she isn’t perfect. How life changes you to the point that it tarnishes your innocence. It leaves scars. She is now a different person, forever changed, but yet he loves her anyway. Not because he looks over the faults she has, but because he sees each and every one and loves her even more for them, because he has his own.