Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy (33 page)

D
AVID:

Okay, now let’s see if we can write down some answers to your negative thoughts in the Rational Response column. Can you think of any answer based on what we talked about last session? Consider your statement “I am inadequate.” Would this in any way result from your all-or-nothing thinking and perfectionistic standards?

The answer might be clearer to you if we do a role-reversal. It’s sometimes easier to speak objectively about someone else. Suppose I came to you with your story and told you that I was employed by my wife’s father. Three years ago we had a fight. I felt I was being taken advantage of. I walked out. I’ve kinda been feeling blue ever since that time, and I’ve been tossing around from job to job. Now I’ve been fired from a job
that was purely on a commission basis, and that’s really a double defeat for me. In the first place, they didn’t pay me anything, and then in the second place, they didn’t even figure I was worth that much, so they fired me. I’ve concluded that I’m inadequate—an inadequate human being. What would you say to me?

H
AL:

Well, I … assuming that you’d gotten up to that point, say the first forty years or more of your life, you obviously
were
doing something.

D
AVID:

Okay, write that down in the Rational Response column. Make a list of all the good, adequate things you did for the first forty years of your life. You’ve earned money, you’ve raised children who were successful, etc., etc.

H
AL:

Okay. I can write down that I’ve had some success. We’ve had a good home. We’ve reared three outstanding children. People admire and respect me, and I have involved myself in community activities.

D
AVID:

Okay, now those are all the things you’ve done. How do you reconcile this with your belief that you are inadequate?

H
AL:

Well, I could have done more.

D
AVID:

Great! I was certain you’d figure out a clever way to disqualify your good points. Now write that down as another negative thought: “I could have done more.” Beautiful!

H
AL:

Okay, I’ve written it down as number five.

D
AVID:

Okay, now what’s the answer to that one? (long silence)

D
AVID:

What is it? What’s the distortion in that thought?

H
AL:

You’re a tricky bugger!

D
AVID:

What is the answer?

H
AL:

At least I did more than most people.

D
AVID:

Right, and what percent do you believe that?

H
AL:

That I believe one hundred percent.

D
AVID:

Great! Put it down in the Rational Response column. Now, let’s go back to this “I could have done more.” Suppose you were Howard Hughes sitting up in his tower, with all those millions and billions. What could you say to yourself to make yourself unhappy?

H
AL:

Well, I’m trying to think.

D
AVID:

Just read what you wrote down on the paper.

H
AL:

Oh. “I could have done more.”

D
AVID:

You can always say that, can’t you?

H
AL:

Yeah.

D
AVID:

And that’s why a lot of people who have won fame and fortune are unhappy. It’s just an example of perfectionistic standards. You can go on and on and on, and no matter how much achievement you experience, you can always say, “I could have done more.” This is an arbitrary way of punishing yourself. Do you agree or not?

H
AL:

Well, yeah. I can see that. It takes more than one element really to be happy. Because if it was money, then every millionaire and billionaire would be euphoric. But there are more circumstances that involve being happy or satisfied with yourself than making money. That’s not the drive that paralyzes me. I’ve never had a drive to go after money.

D
AVID:

What were your drives? Did you have a drive to raise a family?

H
AL:

That was very important to me. Very important. And I participated in the rearing of the children.

D
AVID:

And what would you do in raising your children?

H
AL:

Well, I would work with them, teach them, play with them.

D
AVID:

And how did they come out?

H
AL:

I think they’re great!

D
AVID:

NOW, you were writing down, “I’m inadequate. I’m a failure.” How can you reconcile this with the fact that your aim was to raise three children and you did it?

H
AL:

Again, I guess I wasn’t taking that into account.

D
AVID:

So how can you call yourself a failure?

H
AL:

I have not functioned as a wage earner … as an effective money-maker for several years.

D
AVID:

Is it realistic to call yourself a “failure” based on that? Here’s a man who has had a depression for three years, and he finds it difficult to go to work, and now it’s realistic to call him a failure? People with depressions are failures?

H
AL:

Well, if I knew more of what caused depression, I would be better able to make a value judgment.

D
AVID:

Well, we’re not going to know the ultimate cause of depression for some time yet. But our understanding is that the immediate cause of depression is punitive, hurtful statements that you hit yourself with. Why this happens more to some people than others we don’t know. The biochemical and genetic influences have not yet been worked out. Your upbringing undoubtedly contributed, and we can deal with that in another session if you like.

H
AL:

Since there is no final proof yet of the ultimate cause of depression, can’t we think of that in terms of a failure in itself? I mean, we don’t know where it’s coming from … It must be
something wrong with me that caused it … some way that I have failed myself that causes the depression.

D
AVID:

What evidence do you have for that?

H
AL:

I don’t. It’s just a possibility.

D
AVID:

Okay. But to make an assumption as punishing as that …
anything
is a possibility. But there is no
evidence
for that. When patients get over depressions, then they become just as productive as they ever were. Seems to me that if their problem was that they were failures, when they got over the depression they would still be failures. I’ve had college professors and corporate presidents who have come to me. They were just sitting and staring at the wall, but it was because of their depression. When they got over the depression, they started giving conferences and managing their businesses like before. So how can you possibly say that depression is due to the fact that they are failures? Seems to me that it’s more the other way around—that the failure is due to the depression.

H
AL:

I can’t answer that.

D
AVID:

It’s
arbitrary
to say that you’re a failure. You have had a depression, and people with depression don’t do as much as when they are undepressed.

H
AL:

Then I’m a successful depressive.

D
AVID:

Right! Right! And part of being a successful depressive means to get better. So I hope that’s what we’re doing now. Imagine that you had pneumonia for the past six months. You wouldn’t have earned any dough. You could also say, “This makes me a failure.” Would that be realistic?

H
AL:

I don’t see how I could claim that. Because I certainly wouldn’t have willfully created the pneumonia.

D
AVID:

Okay, can you apply the same logic to your depression?

H
AL:

Yeah, I can see it. I don’t honestly feel that my depression was willfully induced either.

D
AVID:

Of course it wasn’t. Did you
want
to bring this on?

H
AL:

Oh boy, no!

D
AVID:

Did you consciously
do
anything to bring it on?

H
AL:

Not that I know of.

D
AVID:

And if we knew what was causing depression, then we could put the finger someplace. Since we don’t know, isn’t it silly to blame Hal for his own depression? What we do know is that depressed people get this negative view of themselves. And they feel and behave in accord with this negative vision of everything. You didn’t bring that on purposely or
choose
to be incapacitated. And when you get over that vision and when you have switched back to a nondepressed way of looking at things, you are going to be just as productive or more so than you’ve ever been, if you’re typical of other patients that I’ve worked with. You see what I mean?

H
AL:

Yeah, I
can
see.