Fearless (Pier 70 #2) (17 page)

“I want to propose a toast,” Michael continued, glancing over at Cam and Gannon once more. “To a lifetime of happiness. Together.”

A chorus of “cheers” sounded, glasses clinking together, and Noah joined in, not thinking when he clinked his glass against Dare’s, their eyes meeting momentarily.

For a brief second, he allowed himself to travel down the
what-if
road.

What if
he and Dare had stayed together?

What if
he and Dare had gotten married?

What if
…

“Are you okay?” Dare asked, his voice soft, but loud enough to interrupt Noah’s thoughts.

Noah nodded, clearing his throat. “I’m good.”

Thankfully, Gannon saved the day when he got to his feet, smiling at everyone.

“I have to say, I never thought I’d see this day.” Several people laughed, and Noah noticed Gannon was still a little pale, but far better than he’d been on the first day. “First of all, I’m on a cruise, and I can honestly tell you that if it weren’t for the fact that this man means more to me than dry land, I probably wouldn’t be here.” More laughter. “But I am, and because he’s by my side, I know that I can overcome my fears, of which I have many. So, I want to thank each and every one of you for coming, because tomorrow will, no doubt, be the best day of my entire life, when I finally get to call this man my husband.”

Applause erupted and then conversation picked back up.

Only then did Noah excuse himself, suddenly in desperate need of air.

Nineteen

Okay, Dare had to admit that Noah’s vanishing act was getting a little tiring. He wasn’t sure what had caused Noah to run out of the room, but sure as shit, he’d taken off like his ass was on fire.

As he drank his beer, he noticed Hudson was looking at him, a question on his face.

Dare shrugged. He didn’t know what Noah was up to, didn’t know what had caused him to jet, and he didn’t know whether or not he should go after him.

Things were getting way too real between them. To the point that Dare wasn’t sure digging into Noah’s personal feelings was a good thing right now. As it was, he felt a little abandoned due to Noah’s disappearance earlier in the day and now…

He didn’t know what to think.

Hudson signed:
You want me to go check on him?

Dare shook his head. No, if anyone had to check on Noah, it needed to be him. Mostly because Dare didn’t want it to be anyone besides him.

After downing the rest of his beer, he excused himself from the table and headed in the direction Noah had gone.

For the second time during the trip so far, Dare spent nearly half an hour searching for Noah. Unlike last time, though, he didn’t find Noah on the rock wall attempting to burn off his frustration. This time he found him leaning on the rail overlooking the dark ocean. He paused, wanting to take in the sight of him before he approached. The man still managed to make his heart skip a beat even though he knew that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

Taking a deep breath, Dare made his way over to Noah, rested his arms on the rail beside him, and mirrored his stance.

“You okay?” He glanced over briefly.

Noah nodded.

“You sure?”

More silence, this time without the nod.

Dare turned around and leaned back against the rail. “Talk to me, Noah. What’s going on?”

Noah looked over but didn’t answer. Dare knew there was something on his mind, he could tell by the pained expression on his face, but he didn’t know what. He tried to replay what had been said right before Noah had dashed out of the room, but he couldn’t recall.

“Is it me?” He hated the insecurity in his tone, but he couldn’t help but ask.

Noah met his gaze briefly. “Maybe a little.”

Okay, that hurt.

“But not in a bad way.” Noah’s smile was sad.

“Then in
what
way?”

Dare watched as Noah’s attention returned to the water.

“I was just thinking about my father.”

A sudden sadness settled in Dare’s gut. He hadn’t yet heard the specifics on what had happened to Noah’s father, but he knew he’d died sometime within the few months after they’d broken up. He wanted Noah to open up to him, to share what had happened, but he refused to force him. Up to this point, although the sexual tension was like a rubber band stretched to the max, the emotional connection between them was lacking. Noah hadn’t yet let Dare in and he was beginning to think he wouldn’t.

Figuring it wouldn’t hurt to spur the conversation, Dare decided to admit what he knew. “Milly told me your father died when you were twenty-three.”

Noah nodded, then cast a sideways glance at Dare. A strange sense of foreboding washed over him, and he suddenly didn’t want to know any more.

“If I’d known, I would’ve been there for you.” No way would he have wanted Noah to go through that alone. “How did he die?”

“Car wreck.”

“I’m so sorry. When did it happen?”

Noah’s expression hardened. “My father died the day after you left. That night, actually.”

Oh, fuck.

Noah stood up straight, his hands tightly gripping the railing. “In fact, my father died coming to see me because I was so fucked up from you walking away, he was worried about me.”

Oh, fuck
suddenly didn’t begin to describe the horrible sensation consuming him. If what Noah was telling him was true—and Dare couldn’t think of any reason for Noah to lie about this—then that meant…

“Oh, my God.” He could hardly breathe. His chest felt as though there were a ten-ton weight sitting on it.

He
was responsible for Noah’s father’s death. It was
his
fault.

Dare swallowed hard.

And that…

No matter how much he wished it weren’t true, that meant no matter what had transpired between them these last few days, Noah would never be able to forgive him.

And Dare couldn’t blame him.

Noah couldn’t remember the last time he’d talked about his father with anyone. Even his mother had given up trying years ago. The guilt he lived with made it damn near impossible to discuss, but what he told Dare was the truth. His father had been on his way to Noah’s apartment the night after Dare had left, but he’d never made it there.

“God, Noah, I’m so sorry.”

The familiar anger he felt when he thought about his father’s death, about the cruel way the universe had taken the most important man in his life from him choked him. For the longest time, he had pushed aside the guilt and blamed Dare for everything. If Dare hadn’t left, Noah’s father would probably be alive today. If Noah hadn’t called his father that night, completely devastated because he’d lost the man he loved, his father would probably be alive today.

Even after years of therapy—something his mother had insisted on after he’d fallen into a deep depression—it was sometimes hard to remember that it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t Dare’s fault, either.

“I really don’t want to talk about this,” Noah finally said, his fingers cramping as he gripped the railing.

“Of course you don’t.”

Noah’s head snapped to the side as he stared at Dare. The comment was said with malice, not sympathy as he’d expected. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means you’re not willing to open up to me.” Dare stood up straight, his hands balled into fists, his anger evident on his face. “It’s no different now than it was back then.”

“Fuck you, Dare.” Noah didn’t know what to say to that. He hadn’t expected Dare to turn this into an argument, but he should’ve known better. “And you’re not much different, either, are you? Picking a fight when this isn’t even about you.”

Dare nodded, but Noah wasn’t sure why.

“I’m sorry about your father. I didn’t know. Had you bothered to reach out to me, I would’ve been there for you.”

Noah’s anger intensified. “If you hadn’t walked out on me, it wouldn’t have happened.”

Shit. He hadn’t meant to say that.

The way Dare stepped back as though he’d been slapped was proof that Noah’s words were harsher than he’d intended.

“I get it. It’s my fault.” It wasn’t a question. “That’s clear.”

“It’s
not
your fault,” Noah blurted, needing Dare to know he really didn’t blame him, no matter what the hell he was saying. He had, sure. At one point. For a really long time, actually, but not anymore.

“Oh, but it is. I can see it in your face. If I hadn’t left, your father would still be alive today.” Dare turned as though he was going to walk away, but he stopped and turned back. “There are a lot of things in my life that I regret, but walking away from you has always been the biggest. But this explains a lot. And I’m sorry, Noah. I’m truly fucking sorry.”

Dare turned and walked away, taking another piece of Noah’s heart with him. He hated to let him go, but he didn’t know what to say, didn’t know if there was anything to say that would salvage this.

The memories of that horrific night swamped him.

“Noah, talk to me.”

“I don’t feel like talking, Dad.” He didn’t feel like doing anything. Well, nothing except drowning his sorrow in the bottle of whiskey he’d been chugging for the past few hours.

“Talk to me, son.”

“Nothin’ to talk about.” His words were coming out through numb lips. “Dare’s gone. It’s over.”

“When did he leave?”

“Last night sometime.” Noah wasn’t sure exactly when. He only knew they’d gone to bed together and he’d woken up alone.

“Have you called him?”

Noah took a swig from the bottle. “Nope. Not goin’ to either. Fuck him.”

“Noah.”

“What? It’s cool, Dad. I’ve got my whiskey; I don’t need anything more.”

“Why don’t I come get you and you can stay the night here with your mom and me?”

Even intoxicated, Noah could hear the concern in his father’s tone. “I’m not leaving my apartment. I’m gonna sit right here and drink myself stupid.”

“Noah…” His father sighed. “Then I’ll come stay with you. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”

For some reason, that small offer made tears form in Noah’s eyes. He’d fought the urge to cry since the moment he’d woken up to find Dare and the few things he’d had at the apartment gone. His toothbrush, his razor, the few pairs of boxers Noah had washed and left on top of the dryer … all of it gone.

A sob tore free from his chest and Noah put the bottle on the table. “He’s gone, Dad. He left me.”

The dam broke and the tears came flooding out of him.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes, Noah. Stay right there, son.”

Noah hung up the phone and let it drop to the cushion as he folded in on himself and let the tears fall. He hated to admit it, but he needed his father right then. He needed someone to console him, to assure him that his heart wasn’t going to come out of his chest, because the pain was unbearable.

The next thing Noah knew, he was waking up in the same spot he’d obviously cried himself to sleep in. He heard the phone ringing, but didn’t know where it was coming from. Forcing himself to sit, he dug around in the cushions until he found the handset.

“Dad? What time is it? I thought you were coming over.”

“Noah.”

The fuzz from the alcohol and sleep disappeared instantly when he heard the anguish in his mother’s voice.

“What’s wrong, Mom?”

“Oh, God, Noah. It’s your father…” She choked on the words. “He’s … dead.”

And just like that, his entire world had started spinning out of control. From that phone call, Noah had developed an anger so deep, so immense, he hadn’t been sure he would ever be able to lay eyes on Dare again. It didn’t matter that Dare wasn’t at fault. The man they assumed had fallen asleep at the wheel and had been driving on the wrong side of the road—hitting his father head on and killing them both instantly—was responsible.

And it sucked because they didn’t even have complete closure on that. The autopsy proved the man who had hit his father hadn’t been drinking, and the only information they had was from the man’s wife, who said he’d been driving back from a business trip. It had been a tragedy, on both sides, and, yes, ultimately the man who had been too tired to drive was responsible.

But it had been so much easier to blame Dare.

Truth was, from the minute he’d laid eyes on Dare a few days ago, he had intended to never share that little detail with him. He didn’t blame Dare. He didn’t blame himself, either.

Not anymore.

His chest ached and it was hard to breathe. Here he’d been thinking about the what-ifs ... about what their life could’ve been like. Although nothing would ever bring Noah’s father back, he had been given a second chance with Dare.
They’d
been given a second chance.

But just like the first time, Noah had gone and fucked it up.