Fear of Falling (29 page)

“Yes. You?”

“Yeah, I am.” I knew this was the best time to ask her about her relationship with Dom and Angel. I didn’t know when I would get another chance. And if she admitted to being more than friends with them, I could easily jump in my truck and drive away from the situation before my temper got the best of me.

“So you’ve known Dom for a long time, right?” I asked, opening the conversation I had been dreading.

“Yeah. About five years.”

“And Angel? You two are close too.”

“Yeah? Why?”

I was done rubbing sunscreen on her back but I kept massaging her shoulders, thankful she couldn’t see my face and I couldn’t see hers. “It’s just…you three seem really close.”

“We are close, Blaine,” Kami replied with a hint of suspicion.

“No. I mean,
close
-close. Like, not-normal-close.”

Kami spun around to face me, disconnecting the comfort of contact we had just seconds before. “What are you getting at?” she asked with narrowed eyes.

I ran a hand through my slightly sweat-dampened hair. “It’s just…the way the three of you are, Kam, it’s weird. Not bad weird, just weird. How it seems like you always need to be touching one another. Or how you always need to be together. And how affectionate you are. I don’t know… even the way you move around each other, like it’s choreographed. Like you’ve been spending every second of every day with them for years. Like you know them inside and out. Like you aren’t whole without them.”

I picked up my beer and downed most of its contents in one gulp, suddenly dying of thirst. “Kami, I don’t want to be jealous. But, shit, I am. I am, ok? I can’t help it. Hell, I want my movements to be synchronized with yours. I want you to always need to touch
me
.”

Without thinking about it, I reached out and brushed the back of my hand against her cheek. “I wanna be weird, too.”

Kami stared back at me, expressionless. Hell, I couldn’t even tell if she was breathing. But at that very moment, I hated my need to always speak my mind. With each silent moment that ticked by, I felt like someone had dropped me in the middle of Lake Norman and left me to drown. And for a second, that scenario seemed much more comfortable.

“Take your shirt off and turn around,” she finally muttered.

Confused, I did as she requested, happy to escape her disapproving gaze. Fuck. Had I just totally messed up everything?

Kami grabbed the sunscreen, and seconds later, her small hands were massaging my shoulders gently. Even though the tension was as thick and unforgiving as quicksand, I couldn’t help but be wholly aroused.

“Dom was there for me when I had no one. When I wanted to give up and lie down and die, he wouldn’t let me,” she said quietly, her hands still working the lotion into my skin. “He helped me learn to put one foot in front of the other. He still helps me. We help each other.”

Whoa. I didn’t know what explanation I was expecting, but I sure as hell wasn’t expecting that. I kept my mouth shut though. I knew she needed my silence right now. Anything I would say would be misconstrued as a judgment.

“And Angel… Angel was rejected by the people who were supposed to love her the most, simply for being who she is. She can’t help that. She did nothing wrong. She has no one, just like me and Dom. Those two are my family. Their love is the only kind that is safe enough to accept and return.”

She was alone? Safe enough? I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from interjecting.

“Blaine, I told you before that I was unlovable. That hasn’t changed. But I know we all need love. Even people like me. And those two have found a way to give me just enough to keep me waking up in the morning. Without it, I don’t know where I’d be. So no, we don’t have some freaky poly-amorous relationship. There is nothing sexual between any of us. They are my family. Nothing more, nothing less. And while we may be a fucked up family to the outside world, we are a family nonetheless. I’m sorry if you can’t understand that.”

Fuck it.

I turned around to face her, grasping her lotion-slicked hands in mine. She lifted her head, revealing the pain that she tried to keep hidden right underneath the surface. I had hurt her feelings. I was being a jealous asshole and made her feel bad, like the insensitive prick that I was.

“Baby, I understand, ok? You don’t have to explain anymore. They’re your family. I accept that. And I love that they care about you so much. Ok? Don’t you dare apologize. I should be the one apologizing to you for being such a douchebag.”

A small smile crept onto her face. “Well, I wouldn’t call you a douchebag…”

“Oh yeah?” I jibed, trying to bring back our lighthearted banter. “Then what would you call me?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Ok, maybe a tad bit douchey.”

I chuckled, pulling her close, so I could plant a kiss on her forehead.

“Ewww, stop, Blaine! I’m sweaty!” she squealed.

“Well, lose the cover-up, and come swimming with me.”

“No thanks. You go ahead,” she said shaking her head.

“You’re not going to swim? It’s scorching, and we’re at the lake. What did you plan to do?”

Kami reached into her beach bag and retrieved what looked to be a big ass smartphone. “I’ve got a date with my Kindle.”

I took the eReader from her and powered it on. “So let’s see what kind of smut you read while fantasizing about me.”

“Smut? I don’t read smut!” she giggled. Once again, my dick was straining against my shorts.

I pointed to one of the book cover icons and held up the Kindle. “What’s this one about?”

A sly smile spread across her pouty, pink lips. “A con artist and a sexy tattoo artist with lots of ink and piercings. Lust, deceit, redemption. All very tragic and beautiful. And hot. Very hot.”

I licked my lips and peered down at her heated expression. “So you like guys with tattoos and piercings, huh?”

Sucking her bottom lip into her mouth and capturing it with her teeth, Kami gave me a naughty look that had my balls aching. “Oh yes. I find them to be extremely sexy…on the right guy, of course.”

“And what’s the right guy?” I didn’t know where this game was headed, but I sure as hell wanted to play.

“Hmmm, tall, tan, brown eyes, gorgeous smile. A hard, chiseled body. And hair that looks like he just had crazy hot sex with someone who likes to pull it. Know anyone like that?”

Fuck.
Me
.

“Babe, if you don’t stop it, I’ll be forced to take you out in that water and help you out of those bikini bottoms.”

Kami laughed, but I was dead serious. I had no plans for our first time together to be in public, but if she kept this up, I would be driven to betray my good southern manners.

“Ok, ok,” she chuckled, holding up her hands in surrender.

I diverted my attention from the way her breasts bounced when she laughed, and looked back down at the Kindle, which was the only thing keeping me from adding an indecent exposure charge to my rap sheet.

“How about this one?” I asked, pressing another icon.

“Mafia romance. Good guy with a rough past meets a nice girl with her own demons. He tries to leave
the family,”
she explained, as she made air quotes with her fingers. “But, of course, it’s not that easy. She tries to break it off, but they can’t live without each other.”

I pointed to another, thankful that blood had started to flow to my other extremities. I just had to keep her talking.

“Oh, you’d like this one. It’s about a motorcycle club. Well, actually about this one girl who falls for the head of an MC and all the crazy drama their lifestyle bring. Really gritty and just…
ugly
. I mean, it’s beautifully written, but some shit is just not pretty.”

“Like life,” I murmured, not even realizing I was saying the words aloud.

Kami nodded appreciatively. “Yeah. Like life.”

Handing her back the eReader, I let my fingers linger against her hand, brushing tiny circles against her knuckles. “Life may not be pretty, but it’s always beautiful. We may only see the ugliness on the surface. The shit that only the world chooses to notice. But, if we dig deep, if we get to the heart of life, where there’s no pain or fear, where we can just be who we are and love freely without judgment, it’s really beautiful.”

She cocked her head to one side and narrowed those dazzling green eyes. “There you go with the words, Blaine Jacobs. Always tempting me to break my own rules.”

“What’s the fun in following the rules?” I shrugged. “Breaking them has always been much more appealing, if you ask me.”

“That’s the problem; you may end up breaking me instead.” The slight smile on her lips didn’t match the intensity of her gaze. She was serious. She actually thought I had it in me to hurt her when all I wanted was to protect her.

“I could never break you, Kami. Not unless you wanted me to.”

Heat surged between us, elevating the already scorching temperature and causing our conjoined hands to become damp with sweat. Before any more words were exchanged, CJ came bounding up, smacking me on the back. “Come on, B! Get your ass out there!” Then he and Mindy/Misty raced into the water.

“Go ahead, Blaine,” Kami waved towards the lake. “Go swim. I have a book I really want to finish.”

“You sure?” I asked, already standing. It was hot as hell and I was sweating bullets.

“Yes, I’m sure. Go. I’ll be right here waiting when you get back. I need to work on my tan.” Then she eased her dress down past her hips and thighs, kicking it off when it reached her ankles.

I knew Kami’s body was amazing, but…
damn
.

“Well, how do you expect me to leave you
now
?” I needed to though. If I stood there any longer, I was liable to poke her eye out.

Her gaze blatantly roamed my torso and arms, as she slowly licked those plump lips. “Well, I was hoping to get a glimpse of you dripping wet…” she cooed with a devilish grin.

“Yes, ma’am,” I nodded, turning just in time to conceal the sight of my swell that was aching to be released. Maybe I should’ve let her get an eyeful. It was, in fact, her fault.

Moments later, I was cooling off in the refreshing lake water, letting the chillier temperature alleviate my stiff predicament. The majority of the female employees and A.D. were scantily clad in teeny tiny bikinis, splashing and flirting with the guys. CJ had Mindy/Misty wrapped around his waist while she kissed his neck. Even Dom and Angel were chatting up with some cute chicks. I was happy for all of them, but I couldn’t help but feel a bit lonely. Yeah, Kami sat only yards away, but I wanted her wrapped around my waist. I wanted to hear her squeal when I splashed water at her. I wanted to flirt and kiss her while my hands roamed the exposed skin that her itty-bitty yellow bikini couldn’t cover. Shit, maybe even dip inside that bikini under the water.

“Hey, B, watch this,” CJ murmured suddenly beside me, sans date. He trudged out of the water, casually making his way over to the beer cooler. But instead of grabbing a brew, he changed course and crept up behind Kami who was still engrossed in her eBook. Aw, hell. I knew what he was up to and that Kami would be pissed. I should have warned him, but I secretly wanted to see her reaction. If she hauled off and punched CJ in the face, it would serve him right.

Before she even knew what was happening, he snatched the Kindle out of her hand and flung it on a towel. In the next instant, her slight body was slung over his shoulder, and he was running towards the water, laughing like a madman.

“No, CJ! No, please!” she shouted. But the roar of his laughter obscured the seriousness in her voice. Even I was chuckling at the sight of Kami’s tight little ass in the air.

Instead of letting her down next to me, CJ tossed her into the chest-high water a few yards away, sending her crashing in with a splash.

“No!” came Angel’s shrill scream the next moment. She and Dominic were frantically wading towards the scene, both donning furious expressions.

I looked to Kami. She still hadn’t surfaced from the water. Shit. Was she just joking around? Or maybe she couldn’t swim?

“Kami! Babe, just stand up. It’s shallow,” I called out, wading towards her. Still nothing.

“Do you know what the fuck you’ve done?” Dom hollered, shoving CJ as he reached Kami just as she finally floated to the surface.

Face down and unmoving.

Alarm bells wailed in my ears, as I struggled to get to her unresponsive body. Fuck! Had she hit her head on a rock at the bottom of the lake? Had she choked? What the fuck was going on?

Dom scooped her up into his arms, her limbs flailing limply like a ragdoll. I reached out to take her from him, my protective instincts kicking in. Dom angrily shoved me with his shoulder. “Get away from her!” he barked, his hostile glare bringing me up short. What the hell?

The rest of our group was making their way to shore as Dom laid Kami’s limp body on a beach chair. She was pale and eerily still, and her body looked frail and tiny. The back of my eyes prickled with fear and I took a step back, frozen in panic. This wasn’t happening. Not again. I couldn’t do this shit again.

Angel wrapped a towel around her wet body while Dom checked her vitals. He opened her mouth with the tips of his fingers and pressed his lips to hers. I understood what he was doing, I knew he was trying to save her life, but I couldn’t help the sudden flash of jealousy that flooded my chest. I pushed my way through the onlookers to her still motionless body.

“There’s no way she could’ve drowned; she was only under for a few seconds,” I said, kneeling in front of her. But I couldn’t touch her. I was…scared. I was scared that history was repeating itself.

Dom worked to bring her to consciousness, talking to her, shaking her, opening her eyes for any sign of coherency. “Don’t you think I know that?”

“We need to call 911,” one of the waitresses said.

“No!” Angel shot back. “Nobody call. She’ll wake up in just a second. Just get back! Give her some damn room!”

I helped her push back the crowd before turning to a shame-faced CJ, his frightened eyes rimmed with tears.

“Dude, I had no idea. I was just being a dick.
Oh my God,
did I kill her?”