Faster! Faster! (11 page)

“The point of it being, really, that you want to get right away on your own?”

“Partly that. Three grown-up women in one house would be a mistake, don't you think? Though I expect Sylvia will marry quite early.”

“Perhaps she will. But couldn't you get away, on your own, without going quite so far as America?”

“I could, in a way. There's no question of my having to live at home and do nothing, when I leave school, or anything bloody like that—sorry—but you see, I don't want to live in London either, and I don't want to go to an English University, where everybody rides a bicycle and the food is filthy and it's always cold and people go all earnest about the Great Problems of the Day. I'm quite willing to work, but I want to enjoy myself too. Aunt Anna could give me a perfectly marvellous time. And girls do have fun in America, don't they? There was a girl from New York at school with me.”

“I scarcely know New York,” Frances said, “but I agree with you that American girls have much more fun than ours, in a good many ways, especially when their parents have money.”

“Naturally,” said Taffy. “Well, you see, I know
exactly what I want. And—which is probably just as important—what I
don't
want. Amongst other things, I don't want to marry an Englishman.”

“I think perhaps you're right about that,” Frances murmured.

Taffy shot her a look of mingled gratitude and approval.

“I should hate not to marry at all, and I think experimental marriages are rather silly and antisocial—but at the same time, I hate the English domestic ideal. The only men I'm ever likely to meet, if I stay in England and get a job somewhere, are sort of upper-middle-class young men, who either can't afford to marry at all, or else expect one to live in a bungalow somewhere, and have a daily maid and go all deft and home-making, like the ghastly young matrons one sees in advertisements. Unless they expect one to go on in a job, and help keep them.”

“I thought that was the modern ideal.”

“It isn't mine. There's heaps of lovely fun going in the world, and I want to have it—not just spend my youth worrying about expenses and bills and how I can educate my children—if I can afford to have them at all. Look at Mother!”

“Yes, I see,” Frances said thoughtfully.

“I want to work out a
totally
different life-pattern,” said Taffy emphatically. “I think Aunt Anna—and America—are my best chance.”

“On the whole, I'm inclined to agree with you. You do thoroughly know what you want, don't you?”

“Absolutely.”

“From what I saw of America, and Americans, you're much more likely to get it over there. Of course there are plenty of people there who aren't well off—though their standard of comfort and enjoyment
is
much higher than ours. I expect you've realized, too, that the young matron of the advertisements is a very, very well-known figure in the Middle West? I'm not sure she didn't come from there in the first place.”

Taffy laughed appreciatively.

“That's the whole point of Aunt Anna and Uncle Adolf,” she explained. “He's got a place in San Francisco, and they rent an apartment when they're in New York. It wouldn't be Middle West young matrons, or Middle West young men, with them. Aunt Anna knows all the amusing people— the rich ones—the kind that I want to know, in fact.”

“You really mean, don't you, the kind that you eventually hope to marry?”

“Yes, I do,” said Taffy. “Naturally, I shouldn't say this to everybody—it sounds a bit blatant— but you're being
most
understanding and kind. I definitely intend to get married eventually—but I won't marry an average Englishman, and lead the kind of life that Mother's led, and work myself to death for the sake of my husband and children. Of course, the obvious answer is that one falls in love with somebody, and then it's all too marvellous, and seems worth it over and over again.
But it isn't really.
Not when the glamour's gone, and there are all the years and years ahead. Falling in love is just simply Nature's frightfully cunning way of keeping
the race going, isn't it? It's no use waiting till one's fallen into the trap. I'm not going to take any chances—that's why I've thought it all out beforehand.”

Frances was touched, and also slightly awed, by the girl's outlook, of which she doubted the sincerity not at all. Looking back involuntarily into her own unsuccessful, muddled history, she felt how very far her generation had been from such ruthless candour, such devastating clarity of purpose.

“Do you think I'm just hard-boiled and horrible?” said Taffy. The mixture of wistfulness and of unconscious hopefulness in her tone—as though the thought of being considered “hard-boiled and horrible” would not be wholly without its gratification—suddenly made her seem much younger again.

Frances Ladislaw smiled.

“I don't think you in the least horrible, and if to be honest with yourself about your own motives, and your own wishes, is hard-boiled, then it seems to me quite a good thing to be. You're luckier than you know to have been brought up to think for yourself.”

“And will you talk to Mother some time or other?”

“Yes I will if you want me to, but you know, I'm only here for a day or two.”

“You'll come again, though. You must. Where are you going to live in England?” asked Taffy suddenly.

“I don't know. My husband and I had been travelling about for years, before he died, on account
of his health, and we had no fixed home. My furniture is stored in London. I want to get a flat, or a tiny house, there.”

“Couldn't Mother find you something?”

Maurice came rushing past them, wet and shining, and turned a cartwheel on the sands.

“He's showing off,” said Taffy. “I can do that too, much better.”

They rejoined the others.

Sal Oliver, who had already resumed her striped white-and-green washing frock and miraculously restored the shining smoothness of her black hair, strolled beside Mrs Ladislaw as they took their way back to the car.

A sudden thought struck Frances.

“How are we all going to get back to Arling?” she enquired. “There won't be room.”

“Probably Claudia has thought of that, and arranged something. She practically never fails on organization.”

“I suppose not. Isn't it rather wonderful to combine the literary side and the practical as she does? People don't, as a rule, do they?”

“No,” Sal agreed, “they don't. I always feel that the literary side is natural, with Claudia, and the practical, acquired. Which on the whole makes it even more to her credit.”

“In the old days Anna was the practical one. At least, she was more practical than Claudia. As a matter of fact neither of them was really brought up that way, as you can probably guess. Mrs Peel, then, was very much what she is now—only a good deal more cheerful.”

“What was the father like?”

“I never really knew,” admitted Frances, shaking her head. “One stayed with them, and saw him at meals, and he always made the same joke about having heard us—Claudia and me—talking in her room at night, when we'd been talking all day—and that was all. He was kind. Not very clever, I don't think. Very good-looking. Anna is like him in appearance.”

“Anna is clever, though. In a way of her own—not Claudia's way.”

“I should like to see her again. She's in London now, isn't she?”

“Yes. They spend about half the year over here. Sometimes they come down here for lunch, or tea, and go back the same day. Not often, though.”

Frances became silent.

She was thinking of Claudia's devotion to her younger sister years ago. And now Anna motored down from time to time with her husband from London, and had lunch or tea at Arling, and then went away again. She didn't stay, or even remain for very long.

Frances remembered, too, what Claudia had said on the previous afternoon.

“I've lost Anna”

A pang of pity went through her. Claudia had loved Anna so much! Why should she feel that she had lost her?

But through all her compassion and startled regret, Frances kept a very clear recollection of the three prim Edwardian schoolgirls, with long beribboned tails of hair and serge skirts flapping
against their ankles, that she and Claudia and Anna had once been.

And it was Claudia who had led, Claudia who had—sometimes—bullied, Claudia who had completely dominated the other two, and Claudia who, on the rare occasions when Anna had tried to assert herself, had always reduced her to submission again by the tempestuous declaration that Claudia wanted nothing—
nothing
—except what was best for them all.

Sal Oliver had not over-estimated the talent of her hostess for organization.

Quarrendon drove the four elder ladies back to Arling in his car, and Copper, his dog, and his three children were left to make use of the bus, passing close by, and taking them to a point only a few minutes' walk away from the gates.

Only Taffy grumbled as this arrangement was announced by her mother.

“Have we got to walk all that way?” she demanded, in the injured tone of a spoilt child.

“It'll take you ten minutes, my dear. Probably less. I really think you can manage that,” said Claudia, laughing a little.

“I hate the bus. I'd have come on my bicycle if I'd known.”

“Well, you can go in the car if you like, and I'll take the bus.”

Taffy turned away, and Claudia took her place —in the back of the car this time.

“I think the present generation will lose the use
of its legs altogether,” said Sal, looking over her shoulder from her seat beside Quarrendon. “They can't bear the idea of walking anywhere at all.”

“Except ‘hikers,' ” said Mrs Peel plaintively, as one referring to a noxious collection of insects. “Oh dear!”

Claudia was quietly and frankly putting a problem for the consideration of Frances Ladislaw.

“What am I to do with Taffy? You heard her just now. She's a splendid walker, really—she doesn't mind how far she goes—but there's this odd kind of antagonism to any suggestion of mine. I've never been up against it with either of the other two, and it's only a recent development with her.”

“Girls get like that. I'm sure, darling, you were
very
difficult often enough, yourself,” said Mrs Peel plaintively. “I remember lying awake at night, again and again, and wondering what to do with you.”

“Well, I don't lie awake at night wondering what to do with Taffy. I'm much too sleepy by the end of the day.” Claudia's reply to her mother was offered with cheerful good-humour, but as she turned to Frances again she became once more serious.

“I do want to face the facts, and not be a typical, sentimental, self-deluding mother. My relation with the other two has been so wonderful, always, that I suppose I've got spoilt. Can you see where I go wrong with Taffy? If so, I can't tell you how grateful I'd be if you'd tell me quite frankly.”

Mrs Peel moaned a quiet protest at this strange
reversal of the customary order of things, but said nothing clearly.

Frances, on the contrary, felt that perhaps the moment had come—although sooner than she had either expected or desired it—for helping Taffy's cause, if any words of hers could really hope to influence so clear, so judicial a spirit as that of Claudia.

“Taffy seems to me extremely intelligent and— and definite in her views,” she began timidly.

Claudia interrupted her at once.

“Oh yes. She is. I think she's inherited my mentality, although at the moment she's going through a phase of self-consciousness—I suppose most schoolgirls do—Sylvia was an exception. But that doesn't worry me—she'll outgrow her little poses and self-dramatizations. It's really her attitude towards me that's troubling me.”

“It must be very disappointing——”

“Oh, it's not on my own account that I mind. At least, I'm nearly sure that it isn't. Not more than is inevitable,” said Claudia with her careful candour. “If one does mind—it's all in the day's work. The real point is the effect on Taffy. We've got to face the fact that I may, with the very best intentions, be the very worst person for her.”

“No, no—don't say that. But perhaps——”

“Frances, haven't you found out yet that I'd
rather
face things quite honestly? It's the only way by which one can ever hope to put them straight, after all.”

“I think it's very brave of you.”

‘No,” said Claudia judicially. “It's my nature.
I haven't any temptation to shirk an issue, or to let my emotions run away with my judgment. I can see, and accept, the fact that Taffy—like a great many girls—is antagonistic towards me simply, I imagine,
because
I'm her mother. It's nothing reasoned or specific. These things have their roots far below the level of conscious thought. And probably, in some way that I haven't yet understood, I'm to blame—if you can talk about blame, in these cases. What I want to do is to get at the fundamental mistake—find out where I've gone wrong, and put it right.”

Claudia drew breath, and in the infinitesimal pause, Frances had time to reflect that she need not, after all, commit herself just yet to her own opinion, for it was evident that Claudia, lost in her own earnest and dispassionate analysis, had temporarily quite forgotten having asked for advice.

The evening was hotter even than the one before. As soon as dinner was over, everyone drifted to the hall where the door stood wide open to the breathless, scented night.

“How quiet it is!” Sal said.

Claudia turned to Mrs Ladislaw.

“It's like the old days, isn't it? One could almost think oneself back, away from the age of hustle.”