Falling for Your Madness (23 page)

“Now hold on. When do classes start?”

“January fourteenth.”

“Wow. That soon. So, we have to get you there by the fourteenth.”

“Well, no. I would actually need to be there on the tenth for administrative and departmental reasons.”

“Okay, so you fly into England on the ninth.”

“Then there’s the issue of the flat. Most leases start on the first.”

I got a knot in my throat. “You’ll need some time to find one. So that pushes you back to, say, December twenty-eighth or so. That’s five weeks from now.” I really didn’t want him to give me an engagement ring at Christmas and then turn around and fly to England.

“See? You’re upset. This is the very reason why I didn’t want to bring this issue up. There’s only one solution here, and it is that I stay.”

“No. You go and I stay, and we get married next summer.”

He paused. “Really? You want to do that? How will I live in Oxford without you? You don’t know how Tuesdays and Thursdays torture me. I am distracted and mopey and completely worthless as an instructor. Last week, a young woman asked me if she could write her paper on how chivalric themes show themselves in
Twilight.
Laura, I agreed.
I agreed
!”

“You can’t turn this opportunity down! You may not have another chance! They’ve been very patient with you. I can’t let you do this to yourself!”

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’.”

“Tennyson isn’t the answer to everything!”

“Laura, settle down. You’re a bit loud, dear. We’re making a scene.”

“Well, I suppose we
could
go some place private to talk about this, but
no,
we’ve got our rules to follow.”

“Laura, don’t start. Please.”

“So this is our first fight.”

“Please lower your voice.”

“There’s a crack in American-British relations! Somebody alert the U.N.!”

“There is no need for sarcasm.”

“How could you not take this job? What is it? Are you too much of a gentleman? The rules of chivalry say turn down something spectacular to prove yourself?”

“Laura, please!”

“I’m going to make
you go! I’m going to take you to the airport myself and force you on a plane.”

“You’re going to release me?” He shrieked.

“No. I’m going to set you free to pursue your dream!”

“No! No! No! That cannot be borne! How will I see you? What about tea, lunch, and dinner? What about Saturday walks and Sunday social-stroke-cultural?”

“We’ll stay in touch. We’ll call and Skype and …”

“No! That is going backward! We
can’t
go backward! I must go forward or be released! Do you think the rules are there to drive my sweethearts crazy? No! They’re for a reason! They’re to help
me
! I take so much comfort in knowing
exactly
where we are at all times and that your respect for the rules will keep me safe. The rule that says
look me in the eye to release me
is so that there is no room for my misunderstanding. The reason that I don’t have a phone is so I won’t call you and text you a million times a day. Just last week, I begged Merle to drive me by your apartment because it was Thursday night, and I thought waiting until Friday night to see you was going to kill me. I think he turned the keys into a banana because he knew I wouldn’t touch it. I would have taken the T to your house, but I have no idea how it works. You have to understand, if I don’t have the rules, and if I don’t have you, I will go mad! The only option is that I stay!”

I was trying to keep it together. I wanted to scream and cry at the same time. “But I love you, you big goof! I want you to succeed. I want you to be the star at Oxford. I want be proud of your hard work and your passions. If I allow you to stay, then I’m not supporting you, and I can’t live with myself. You
must
go.”

He went pale. “Are you saying that you are releasing me?”

Eight different times, his friend or sweetheart had lost her patience with David Julius Arthur Bowles and his certain way of doing things. Eight times he suffered the humiliation of being released. Eight times—well maybe only seven if you consider the girl who didn’t know about
Lord of the Rings
—he mourned those losses. It was all due to his obsessions and his rules. If I knew David like I thought I knew him, he would have taken the blows badly. Merle was right; my loss would be the most severe. That frightened me.

But that’s not what frightened me the most. It was the way he was looking at me. He knew what was at stake here. There was an emptiness, a void, as if the light had gone out and there was no hope of rekindling it. He was paler than usual, and he trembled. He was bravely waiting for a blow. He was afraid of me.

The absolute worst thing about having power in my hand, even power that was freely given to me, was seeing in David’s eye a look of fear. David wasn’t sure I knew how to use my power. He thought I was going to abuse it.

“No! I’m not going to release you. But I’m not going to do what your mother did to your father. I’m not going to hinder you.”

“But darling, she did one thing that you have not. She
did
marry him. She bore him children. They had a short, miserable marriage, but it was one nonetheless. Why won’t you marry me?”

“We’ve known each other for two months; that’s not a lot. My parents were childhood sweethearts.”
There’s that word again.
“I thought I had plenty of time. I wanted to get past Amy’s wedding and then …”

David took my hands. “You
are
my madness. I knew you were a jewel when you sat on your hands and recited
Charge of the Light Brigade
with me in the tunnel.”

“It took me weeks to figure out why you did that.”

He looked at the table. “Because I have trouble controlling myself.”

“No, David, you do an excellent job of knowing your weaknesses and battling against them.”

“See, this is why I can’t go. If I am alone in England, without you and without my boundaries, I’ll be a mess. And I won’t have you by my side. Laura, oh, my dear, sweet Laura, I
knew
you were a jewel when you spoke of magic and
seeing
things and how you watched your mother support your father’s passion. I wanted you to be my sweetheart from the first page I viewed of your book. I have always loved you.
Please let me stay here with you and tell me what I must do next to be your
fiancée.”

“I don’t know.” I squeezed his hand. “Let me think about this. I know we’ll figure this out.”

“No, darling. You are the only one that can move us forward.
You
will have to figure it out.”

“Having power sucks.”

“Try not to say ‘sucks,’ love. It’s not very becoming.”

We sat, holding hands, for a long time.

“Laura, we have a long, stressful, emotional weekend ahead of us. I’ve found that whenever I don’t know what to do, or feel a bit overwhelmed, I create a boundary. I’d like to suggest that this issue stays in Boston. Could we table it until Sunday evening when we get back? Let’s have a rule that we cannot discuss it, cannot refer to it, and cannot even mention it to each other while we’re with your family. I think we’ll find that rule to be very helpful.”

“That’s a good idea.”

He stood up and kissed my hand.

“Where are you going?”

“I will not rest until I buy you flowers.”

Monday, November 19, 2012

332 Babcock Street

Brookline, Massachusetts

6:06 p.m.

I had always hated the Facebook page,
Romantic Updates From Laura.
The comments and updates weren’t from me at all. They had mostly been from Ruby. In the beginning, she had just teased me. After she and Russ had broken up, she became a little cruel. After she and I had reconciled, she started saying nicer things. Then, two weeks ago, Ruby and Grant had become
sweethearts
,
so Ruby forgot about
Romantic Updates From Laura
completely. Jessie and I created a page called,
Watch Out World, Ruby Is In LOVE!
We had 215 likes.

Today, though, I wrote on the wall of
Romantic Updates from Laura
for the first time. I had to admit, it was a lot easier to do this than to text everyone to come over, eat ice cream with me, and give me advice.

I wrote:

Good news: David has an offer at Oxford!

Bad news: It starts in January.

Good news: I want him to go! I’m so proud of him!

Bad news, but good news too: He refuses to go. He won’t leave me.

Good news: He wants to marry me!

Bad news: I don’t know what to do. Do I marry him NOW and go to Oxford? Do I agree to let him stay here? I want him to be happy.

Bad news: I don’t want to leave all of you.

Bad news: I’ll miss the playoffs.

Bad news: Heard the Queen was a Giants fan.

In a matter of hours, I had my responses.

Ariel:
This is so romantic! Marry him!

Miranda:
You’ve only known the man two months! What’s the rush? Hasn’t he heard of Skype?

Jessie:
Marry him! We’ll throw you a big sendoff party. Go register at Victoria’s Secret today!

Erin:
Ask for more details about his grandmother’s ring, then decide.

Julie:
He is your life. I know you love him. Go for it. Sigh. I’ll have to get another BC party buddy.

Katie:
Marry him! If you are half has happy as I am, then you’ll be VERY HAPPY!

Her fiancé, Ryan:
The Queen is not a Giants fan. My sources tell me she roots for Miami.

Anna, the lady who ran the cafe:
We’ll miss you.

Ruby’s sweetheart, Grant:
Sounds like he’ll do anything for you. He loves you. Marry him.

My sister, Molly:
I can’t wait to meet him!

My sister, Amy:
Is
this
your plus one??????

Jane and Brian, the couple who owned the tea shop:
The Queen roots for Denver. She’s got the hots for Peyton Manning.

Sharad, the man who ran Bombay’s Finest:
I can cater your reception!

Ruby:
David Bowles is worth it! He’s one in a million. Marry him as soon as possible!

Thursday, November 22, 2012

4561 Daffodil Lane, Libertyville, Illinois

8:15 p.m.

David pulled me aside after dessert. “Laura, can we find a place to talk? I need your opinion.”

“The game starts in five minutes. Are you ready?”

“Ready! Go Pats! Who are we playing?”

“The Jets. We hate them. I mean, we strongly dislike them.”

“Spoken like a true lady.”

My aunt Patti’s house was full of people and noise. I took David outside to her patio, even though it was starting to snow. The brilliant idea of leaving the Oxford problem back in Boston
was
very helpful. I told myself that I’d know what to do by Sunday. I knew that whatever he needed to ask me now, it had nothing to do with our future.

David took a deep breath. “I’ve been invited to the bachelor party tomorrow. Never fear, dear one. I’ve been assured that it’s
not
one of those type bachelor parties full of ungentlemanly behavior. This one, I am told, will be held at the best man’s house. The men of the wedding party and the groom’s friends are going to ‘
hang out.
’
There will be video games, poker, and something that appeals to me greatly, a game of
Risk.”