Fallen (2 page)

Standing at 6’3 and 230lbs, Ja lead his footbal team to many wins.

That’s what calmed him down and got him into colege. Jalal didn’t start playing until his Junior year but was a natural. His coach had a lot of faith in him and motivated him like his Daddy and I couldn’t. The cutting of classes and fights stopped as his dedication to the team grew. Jay and I became so proud of him and how far he had come.

Not only in a couple months would Jalal be going off to colege, but he would also be leaving that fast ass little girlfriend Kahliyah he had. I’ve caught him and Kahliyah in the basement having sex at least five times in the past year. You would think the girl would be ashamed! Coming over my house wearing the shortest thing she could find and his dumbass just starred with his tongue out and didn’t even see what she realy was! The coach told him if he kept his grades up his first year, that he would talk to his friend who coaches at Penn State and get him on the team! I’m so happy for my baby because I know he can do it. That Kahliyah’s talking ‘bout she’s going to Penn State with him. That girl won’t even graduate this year from high school because of her grades, how is she going to make it to Penn State?

Jason my oldest, was just living life right now and I can dig it. He’s stil unsure about where he wants to go in life but I can understand that. Right now he’s just helping Jay run the shop and can’t make a decision about school but I know he’l be alright. He’s responsible and has a business mind so either way he’s gonna get his money. A Natural born hustler I’m glad I never had to deal with him and jail as much as his mind is on money. Since he was 8 years old he has found ways to get his own money, seling candy, pencils, pens, whatever he could get his hands on. In high school it was CDs, DVDs, and T-shirts. Jay put him on to pocket books for the girls and they flocked to him in no time. Since then it’s been parties and other events with his circle of friends, I’m realy proud of him. I tel Jay one day he’s gonna take that business from underneath him. An extremely nice dresser and always keeps his beard cut, my son is handsome. It’s no wonder why al the ugly gold diggers with two and three kids by age twenty chase him and his orange Charger around the city. He doesn’t care and he’s not going to settle down with them anyway. Jason keeps about three or four ducks that are extra fly around al the time, but I know where his heart is.

Joe walked into my cubicle just as I was tossing my food in the trash. My boss always found a way to ruin my lunch. Joe stepped inside with a screwed up face.

“Did you finish the work I gave you?”

“Yes” I said knowing that wouldn’t be the right answer.

“Hmph, wel I’m sure there’s something I could use your help with. Have you seen Tori?”

“No” I lied.

“Wel I thought she just came out your, um, cubicle.”

“That was an hour ago,” I shrugged. “I have no clue where she is. I’m your secretary, not hers.” I smiled.

“And a damn good one Ramae. I’l be back with some paperwork.” Joe returned shortly and kept her word.

Back to work and it never seemed as if I left. Two more hours before work is done and I get to go home to my black satin sheeted king sized bed and cuddle up with my own self. I had to laugh at that because Jay says that if I could have an affair with that bed I would, and I do every day at 4:30. Don’t misunderstand sex with Jay is stil good, but lately my drive has been geared like never before! Jay just hasn’t been able to keep up or completely satisfy what I need. It seemed like after every round I’m just left prepared for the next. I don’t fault him because he does his job, I just have extra hormones popping off I guess. Plus, I can get to spots that he can’t It’s amazing how slow time goes when you’re waiting for something to happen, and how fast it goes when things are happening. I knew today would be one of those days. A lot of sirs and ma ms throughout the day, lots of typing and paperwork topped with endless coffee rounds and errand running for the boss. They have me feeling like a 1940 negro up in here with al the ass kissing I have to do. So many times I wanted to quit but a grown woman cannot complain. I have good benefits and security in my company and I know they appreciate my work. An occasional spa treat along with other little perks keeps me relaxed and is their way of payback for stressing me out.

I sucked it up and helped out Joe. My girl Tori decided to come over to chat it up some more. I loved her and she definitely added spice to my work day. Not only does she know al the Inside tidbits about everyone in the office, but she has her own juice to squeeze. For the past three months she’s been sleeping with one of our managers, Joe. Yes, She comes to me with al kinds of details that I could use for blackmail if it ever went that route. Joe has had it out for me ever since the relationship began with Tori and looks at me as if I’m trying to take Tori away. Oh did I mention Joe is married and is short for Josephine. If this was the TV show Friends they would be the Rachel and Monica of the office. No one knew about the lesbian affair going around the office. Two beautiful lipsticks would sure rock the boat this office was riding on and Joe’s happy little three year marriage.

Somewhere between the office and happy hour they found out in the car ride over to the bar that they both were closet freaks. And somewhere between the car and the door Tori made a move and it was a scandal ever since.

The funny thing is the role of who the boss was had definitely switched in their relationship. Joe is no match for Tori. Tori buys her panties and tels her what to wear to work, had her dye her hair black and made her start wearing high heels. They’d pretend like they’re the best of friends as they’d go “shopping” at lunch time but I knew what they’d realy do. An hour break is more than enough time to drive to Tori’s apartment which is a 3 minute care ride from the job. Tori must give her the business because Joe has a huge insecurity now. She eyes every female in the office as if everyone in here is gay. The fact is no one knew Tori was bisexual but me, and I have spent too many years perfecting my oral on Jay to waste it on something far from a stick. The thought of even getting that close to a woman’s vagina makes me gag.

I grabbed my bag and headed out the door with not a minute to spare. Traffic was good and I was able to reach my home in less than 25 minutes. A quick meeting in my bedroom and I was ready to deal with the family. I prepared dinner as usual and waited for my men to trolop through the door. By 5’oclock I had three different text messages saying that each of my boys would be at a friend’s house and to save them a plate. The nerve of these Negros to ask for something and not want it when they got it, typical! Not even my darling Jamir would be home on time to enjoy my cooking. That left dinner for my husband and I to share alone.

“What’s cooking good looking?” Jay walked through the door.

“Meatloaf, smels good right?” I kissed my husband with a kiss that I hoped would lead to more.

“It sure does, where are the boys?”

“I don’t know out. I cooked al this for nothing, I didn’t even want meatloaf.”

“Wel it looks good to me, let’s eat.” Jay rubbed his stomach.

“I got something better for you to eat.” I grinned.

“We got potatoes to go with that meatloaf?” He said.

I laughed at his appetite because I knew he was innocent. The only problem was it had been a week since Jay and I had had sex and I didn’t know what to make of it. Usualy when we went through our breaks he blamed it on work and I felt less attractive until he proved otherwise. Sometimes we could go three weeks with no action. I knew the shop had been realy busy with income tax season, and they were understaffed so he was exhausted, but I wasn’t feeling it this time.

“Baby how about we go out tonight?” I said.

“Not tonight Mae,” He shook his head and turned on the television. “Your birthday is coming up.”

“So we only go out for birthdays now?”

“No that’s not what I’m saying.”

“Wel then what’s the problem?” I asked ready to smack the remote he was holding upside his head.

“Mae I’m tired. If you want to go out then cal Porscha, I’m sure she’s not busy.”

Jay refocused his attention to the television set. This routine was growing old. I threw up my hands and took my seat next to him. We sat around the living room relaxing to episodes of SVU whiling discussing our plans for the weekend. This was life; nothing new, nothing different and very ordinary. I guess I should’ve accepted it by now but I hadn’t. Perhaps if this was a new adjustment it would be easily grasped, but this was an old routine. The inside of me secretly desired some spice, I guess that’s why I indulged in work related drama and my own four play. I tried to show Jay that we could catch up on the things we missed out on now that the boys were almost grown, but he had already accepted life. I thought maybe it was me. I knew I wasn’t the young gem he used to show off, but not being it and not feeling like it is completely different. I don’t think Jay realized that by acting like an old married couple he makes me feel like he had no spark for me.

Jay and I fel asleep before any of the boys made it home, which meant before 10’clock. With my body relaxed and tucked in tight I danced on a dream cloud that knew my footsteps very wel. So wel, that as I fel deeper into my sleep, my footprints became embedded deeper into the cloud, so that I could always find the way back to my comforting place. In my dream I was 18 again. My perfect body, 5’5

lean with creamy smooth light skin, and my long hair flowed in the breeze. I didn’t have stretch marks, loose thighs, or a protruding bely.

My waist line didn’t overlook my belt strap and I stil had the perfect coke bottle shape that I was originaly blessed with. The kids weren’t there and neither was Jay, just me and Porscha cruising down Spring Garden Street with some of our old high school friends. I felt free of obligation and ful of fun and excitement. That old feeling that I hadn’t felt since I was young raced through my body. The feeling that life had begun and was nowhere near ending .The feeling that I was living a dream that others wouldn’t want to wake up from. Who would’ve thought that one day I would be considered in the group of “others”

The weekend came and went just like any other. It’s as if we wait al week just to get a snipped of what life should be like; easy as a Sunday morning. I accomplished al of my normal weekend tasks consisting of laundry, food shopping, house cleaning, and whatever other running around that I could complete during that time. I also found time to sneak away with Porscha, a boutique on 2nd street we like to go to caled BaZoo. The boutique was modern and classy, like a drop of LA in Philadelphia. Once you were considered a VIP like myself and Porscha, your shopping experience would be complimented with a class of champagne, even more of a reason to spend money there.

“Girl, look at these.” I was holding a sexy red pair of eye candy with a peep toe and large brown stone over toe’s opening.

“Those are hot Mae. They’d go perfect with the leopard bra and panty set you just bought.”

“Together? I was thinking more like for work.”

“Yes together,” she said then let out a laugh. “your husband would love you in them.”

“No, Jay would like that purple snakeskin pair better. He always had a thing for animal prints.”

“Wel get them, whatever floats his boat.”

“Porscha please,” I said. She obviously didn’t know my husband as wel as she had thought. “this boat ain’t been rocked in the longest.”

“Is that because of you, or the captain?”

“It damn sure ain’t because of me. Jay is boring now, period. He’s so caught up in the shop he doesn’t even bother with sex. I’m better off using my best friend.” We both laughed at our code word for a vibrator.

“Your freak ass. Y’al been married al this time, I’d be tired of having sex with you too.”

“That’s not funny Porscha.” I shot a glare at her.

“I’m just joking. Wel you just need a little spice in your life, that’s al. Get in where you fit in.”

I laughed. “Yea, I’ve been thinking that too. But I’m tired of fitting it in, I need the real deal.”

“I’m sure you’l get it soon.”

After two hours, my good friend had to rush back home to pick up her little Jayla. Glad those days were over! My boys were grown now, and I had the freedom that I had desired watching them grow up. Although it was rough having them young, I can’t imagine doing it at this age. The bottle making, diaper changing and potty training was not something I longed to venture in again. I wouldn’t have the energy to deal with any of those boys at 38. Nope not at al! Plus I have the finances that I didn’t have when I was young and I can enjoy them al to myself! Yup being a young mom paid off in some way I can actualy admit.

Wel course, my night didn’t end anything like I had planned. After a hot bath filed with milk, lavender scented bath salts and baby oil, I was fuly prepared to give my man what he truly needed, me. I put on that sexy leopard outfit and those kinky red shoes and laid in the bed waiting for him. After an hour of prepping myself, and another hour laying on the sheets alone I walked down stairs to find my husband Miler lighted up, and passed out with an old episode of NYPD Blue on.

“Jay wake up!” I said and shook his body.

“Huh? You finished yet?”

“Yes I’m finished, I was finished an hour ago. I’ve been waiting for you to come upstairs, damn.”

“I’m sorry Mae,” he said and sat up in the chair, “you know I’m not even worried about al that. We could’ve been done with the business by now.”

“So you don’t like what I have on?”

“I do. But I also would’ve liked you in a baggy t-shirt and a scarf. You know that shit don’t matter to me.” Jay slouched in the chair.

“You ready now?”

“No.” I said. I sat next to him and picked up the remote control. “Go head Jay, what are we watching tonight?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means.”

“So we’re going to argue about this? I asked if you’re ready.”

“And I said no. I don’t want it anymore, and you don’t realy want it either.”