Fallen (8 page)

“Don’t come looking this way now!”

“Get off of my phone Jay!” I screamed scared for what evidence he might have come across.

“What’s in the phone Ramae?” He held the phone out of my reach swinging it in the air preventing me from getting it back.

“Jay I’m sorry!”

My failed attempt to wrestle the phone out of his hands landed me on the floor from him flinging me off of him.

“This must be where the good stuff is.” He held the phone tight. “Get the fuck out.”

I sat in a daze for a second trying to get a hold of the situation. This was too much. I didn’t know how to salvage anything right then or even if I should at the very moment.

“Jay please, Jamir and Jalal wil be home soon.”

Sitting on the floor, helpless as ever, I begged Jay to calm down and talk upstairs. By now his eyes were dry but stil red. His demeanor grew colder and unforgiving and I saw little hope in his disposition to aid my request.

“Get the fuck out of my house.” He said sternly.

I hesitated for a minute before picking myself up from off the ground. Finaly I got up and made my way to the staircase to grab some of my things, but Jay’s hand wrapped around my arm to stop those efforts. I snapped around confused about his gesture, but his grip was too strong to get out of.

“You’re not taking shit out of this house! Everything in here belongs to us and the kids you don’t get to keep anything! Get the fuck out!”

Jay griped my arm tighter as he puled me towards the front door. I tried to hold onto the rail but that only caused him to drag me as I screamed and tried my hardest to hold on to my home, while he opened the front door to put me out on the front steps. Trying my best, I pushed and pushed my hardest against the front door but I was too weak. He slammed the door, tossed my ID out the mail slot, and put on the bolt lock.

Embarrassed, walking past my neighbors was like taking the walk of shame. They whispered and starred while I walked towards the bus stop. I didn’t know Kai’s number by heart so I couldn’t cal him, and I wasn’t ready to tel Porscha about my affair or anyone else. I just wanted to rest my head and figure out how I could make things better. I needed my home, my kids and my family. I wasn’t sure what Jay planned on teling the boys or even if he had plans on teling them. I just knew I couldn’t have my boys looking at me like a hoe.

Remembering I didn’t have my pocketbook with me I dug through my pockets hoping for enough money to catch the bus. Of course I didn’t have it, so this was going to be a long walk. We lived on the opposite ends of the city and this would take me at least an hour and a half. I was kind of nervous to go to Kai’s house. Not because of the drama, we brought that on ourselves, but because of that neighbor. I didn’t have a clue who it was that told Jay about me being over Kai’s, and I didn’t want them to see me again. If there was any hope for my marriage I knew that being seen over there wouldn’t be the best thing for me, but I didn’t know where else to go.

Taking my walking tour through the city I looked at al the cracks and dirt with an open eye. It’s rough out here. Driving past al the city pits you don’t notice how good you have it. I came too far to lose it al, I refused to start over. Maybe some couples counseling and a vacation would soothe things over. I never cheated before so I was owed at least one mess up right? My head and heart felt like a little man was doing the rain dance inside of them as I thought about Jay going through my phone. Al the text messages, pictures, and phone cals that he would uncover would end any chance we would have.

About two hours later I landed on Kai’s block happy to see his car sitting outside. What I wasn’t happy to see was Kai sitting on his steps laughing and smiling with one of his friends and two other females. I took a deep breath before I approached his house. Trying to keep my composure and tears from having a total fit, I let out a sigh of relief when I caught eye contact and he smiled back at me. Part of me expected him to be upset with me for popping up at his house unannounced, but his smile changed the closer I got, and he could tel something was wrong. I assume that seeing me walk down his block when there were plenty of open parking spaces gave it away, or maybe it was my tear consumed puffy eyes. My hair tousled and under my eyes was stained from leaky mascara. I looked like a raggedy mess in close eye sight.

Before I could get too close to the house, I saw him nudge his friends that he would be heading in and everyone began to scatter. They probably assumed I was his mom the way they al politely moved out of my way, the one girl making sure she spoke as I brushed past her. I remained silent and didn’t look their way as I walked unto the porch and into the house. Inside, Kai waited for me in his bedroom sitting on the edge of the bed smoking a blunt. I snatched it away from him and inhaled until I felt high enough to tel him what happened.

“Jay knows,” I swalowed a big gulp. “he won’t let me back home.”

“How did he find out?” Kai shook his head.

“Someone was watching me, wel watching us. A customer at the shop.”

“Why they hel would they care?”

“That’s what I said Kai.” I cried. “I can’t go back home.”

Kai let out a sigh. “Don’t worry Mae you can stay here. What about your stuff?”

“He won’t let me get that either, I don’t have anything. My clothes, car, he took my cel phone too.”

“Your phone? Shit do you keep it locked?”

“Yea.”

“Cool, wel we’l have to take you shopping. You can get another phone don’t worry about it. Just use my car when you need to, I got you.”

I couldn’t even think about going to work the next day. My mind was so jumbled al I could do was break into tears and cry into a pilow. As my eyes soaked the pilow case the sensation of Kai’s sweet lips on my neck softened the day’s events. Surrounding his arms around my body, my panting and outburst of cries slowed down until they came to a halt. I was here now, no need to cry. Everything that I didn’t have I took away from myself. Kai and I drifted away into a deep sleep holding each other tight. I was at least happy to have him, and happy that he didn’t turn his back on me like many men would.

We woke up two hours later to the door bel ringing, apparently it did work. Kai jumped out of the bed half startled and scrambled to look for his house slippers. He walked into the other bedroom before taking a leak then finaly made his way down the stairs.

The doorbel rang uncontrolably the whole time which made Kai take his time even more. I tried to ignore it, not like it was my place to answer it anyway, but I couldn’t ignore the urgency of the doorbel ringing.

“Who is it?” Kai yeled with his sexy bass voice.

“Layla!” A snappy sounding young female shouted back from the opposite side of the door.

Layla was one of the girls that he and Jason brought to Jalal’s graduation cookout. I never asked him if he was sleeping with her or not, but by the tone of her voice, it appeared something was going on between them. I sat up trying to hear their conversation a little better and why she felt the need to pop up at his house. Kai opened the door to a raging 20 year old ready to barge in.

“My girl told me you be having some woman in your house Makai! Let me in the fucking door!”

“What? Don’t ask me about anything that goes on in my house!” I could hear his response which was indifferent towards her feelings.

The front door slammed and the argument moved to the porch.

As soon as the door closed the sounds of feet shuffling took over the conversation and Layla yeling, “Fuck you Makai!”

Then the car door slammed and she sped off. I ran to the bedroom window to see what was going on but the covering over the porch prevented me from seeing anything underneath.

“Yea fuck you pussy.” I heard another voice yel.

I flew down the steps with no shoes on and bust through the door to see Jamir, Jalal and Jason punching and stomping on Kai. I was scared for Kai’s life knowing how much rage was in my boys to make them come over here. My yeling and shouting for them to stop did nothing at al. Kai’s aggression was directed towards Jason. Blood dripping from his mouth, he scooped Jason’s legs into a grip and slammed him on the porch. I could barely hold Jamir back when I saw Jalal pick up an old rusty metal shovel to hit Makai with.

“Put the shovel down!” I screamed feeling totaly out of control of everything occurring around me.

Kai whipped his head around to see Jalal approaching and quickly dug into his pants and puled out his gun on Jason.

Everything paused at that moment. The neighbors, my boys and myself al stood dead silent. I knew Kai wouldn’t shoot Jason, I knew he wouldn’t want to harm any of them. This was the only way to get them to back down before any more blood was drawn. Kai intensely directed for Jason to tel his brothers to get off the porch and for him to folow. I cried and cried for Kai to put the gun away uncontrolably but he wouldn’t until Jason folowed his orders. Jamir and Jalal stepped into the street and as Jason stood face to face with Kai not budging.

I ran over to Jason. “Go back home Jason please.” I begged, but his eyes looked passed me.

He pushed me out of the way and from in between him and Kai. Sweat poured from both of their faces and the snarl of a wolf overcame their features. Heavy breathing highlighted their bodies, they looked like animals about to kil each other.

My relief came from Jamir who yeled, “Somebody caled the cops!” Everyone into a scurried away from the house.

Luckily, you could see the two police cars on the narrow North Phily block two blocks up which gave everyone enough time to get away from the house. I watched my boys run to the bottom of the block to get inside of Jason’s charger, wait for the cops to double-park at the top of the block and pul off. Al the neighbors were back seated on their steps like a regular summer evening. No one spoke to the cops or even looked their way. Not sure who caled the cops, I looked around but al I saw was a bunch of young teenagers and adults in their early 20s, and I knew they weren’t the suspect.

With my boys gone I looked to make sure Kai was off the porch also. Kai was back in the house where I wanted to be but I wasn’t sure if I was welcomed anymore. I was losing everything around me and hurting everyone I loved. I wanted to leave with my boys but they wouldn’t want me with them. I wanted to apologize to Kai for bringing drama to his house, but I knew he probably just wanted to be alone. I stood in the middle of the porch feeling helpless and hopeless. Things had gone too far.

I finaly got myself together enough to make it in the house and up to Kai’s bedroom. His lip was swolen but the bleeding had stopped. The usual smel of incense and weed began filing Kai’s bedroom. Standing in the bedroom doorway, he watched the floor for a few quiet moments before looking at me.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry Kai.” I told him. how so But my words didn’t seem to phase his emotions at al. In fact, he appeared to be in a daze from the smoke in his lungs. Seeing his reaction made me hurt even more. “I can stay in a hotel if you want, I understsand.”

He stil didn’t speak. Kai reached into his pants and puled out his penis. Without thinking I dropped to my knees to show him how sorry I realy was.

I returned to work after a long week off. It was something that I had looked forward too. I had told my bosses that I had a family emergency that would cause me to travel out of state, and they wiling fuly gave me the time off. I was a little shocking, considering how tight they are about attendance and vacation days, but I guess everyone had turned over a new leaf.

Jay alowed me to come to the house to get my car keys after three days, but he made sure to add “Gotta make sure you can get to work to pay child support” before I got a chance to make it out the door.

It’s amazing how fast the dynamics of a relationship can change once it has gone bad. We were in love for years and yes I messed up, but his ignorance was beyond my understanding. I stil wasn’t alowed in the house or to get my things. None of the boys had bothered to cal my phone, and even if they did I wasn’t ready for that conversation.

Kai had lived up to al of his promises and took me to the mal to buy a few things and a new cel phone. We took a trip to Nordstrom and Bloomingdales where I found a few pieces that I had already been waiting to purchase. We gathered a few more items at Express so that I would be ready for the work week and of course Victoria’s Secret. I hoped my taste wasn’t too expensive for him to start off a wardrobe but we both knew I needed the cheering up.

Now that we were beginning to take things out in public, I felt a little odd about our relationship. Kai was obviously younger than me.

His style of dress, places he shopped and restaurants he ate at were different from my taste. But he was also wiling to try new places, and always wiling to try new things.

King of Prussia Mal was a mad house and a part of me secretly was embarrassed to be walking side by side with him. Now I knew that we assume that people are paying more attention to us than they realy are. Stil, being out with him gave me the impression that people were staring at me or assumed he was my son. I probably was just being insecure though, because I look good for being almost 40, especialy 20lbs lighter from when we first met! I was a size 8 and some twenty year olds couldn’t even say that! Even if they thought he was my son, those thoughts would’ve quickly ended at the sight of how Kai treated me. Very open and affectionate in public, anyone around us was bound to see us kissing, cuddled up, or his hands rubbing my ass. It felt good to feel young and wanted again, but it didn’t take away from not having my family or Jay.

I guess I am a person that’s never satisfied because I stil wanted both of my men in my life. Had I learned my lesson? No not at al. I was bound to get my husband back but I was also going to take advantage of this time apart. Everyone needs time a part right? Jay was someone I trusted and could talk about anything with. Our relationship was wel established and we clearly had an understanding for each other. I wasn’t ready to talk about inner issues with Kai, why would I? I wouldn’t talk to Jason about issues that I was having at work, emotionaly or anything else, and Kai and Jason weren’t that far off. That’s where things got twisted. Was I dating my son or someone my son’s age? Don’t birds of a feather flock together? I knew my son and al the rift raft he brought into females lives, so I wondered if that’s what I was walking myself into.