Faithful (19 page)

“Hi
, Leah, it’s Polly. How are you?” She must be ringing to check how I was.

I tried to pull myself together and sound normal. “Hi
, Polly, it’s so nice to hear from you. I’m good, how are you?” Well that sounded vaguely normal, didn’t it?

“I’ll be near your offices again later today and I wondered if you have time for lunch?”

Before I knew it I accepted. In the back of my mind I felt that having lunch with her would somehow bring me closer to Daniel and I grabbed the opportunity. It was only after we made the arrangements and I tried to turn my attention back to my emails that the anxiety crept in. Was she calling to check that I was OK after Daniel’s reunion with his ex-wife? Was she going to give me Daniel’s side of the story? To stop myself from talking myself into crazyland I went to check on Brendan. He was still smarting over the Palmerston deal aborting and was back doing full time PA work and he wasn’t happy about it.

I arrived slightly early at the restaurant. I wanted to have time to check my
makeup and decide what I would order before she arrived, that way I could spend all my energy trying to pretend I was fine.

“Leah!” she exclaimed when she saw me.
She was smiling brightly as she kissed me on both cheeks. She collapsed opposite me and deposited a couple of shopping bags either side of her chair. “It’s so good to see you. You look amazing. I love this place you picked,” she said as she looked. Juno was one of my favorite places in the City; it was small but very glamorous, with crystal chandeliers hanging all over the ceiling and baroque furnishings.

“I’m so glad you like it
, and you look amazing, too. Have you been shopping?” Polly then proceeded to pull various things out of bags for my reaction.

“I shouldn’t have been near any shops as I had a meeting by Liverpool Street
, but I so rarely come into London, I couldn’t help myself!” She was positively gleeful. Was she trying to pretend like nothing had happened? Perhaps she was trying to cheer me up. I didn’t say anything, taking my cues from her.

It was easier than I would have thought to chat about nothing in particular and to act happy and upbeat. She was so lovely and bubbly that I imagined no one could be unhappy around her.

After our plates were cleared she put her hand on my arm and leaned in to speak to me so no one else could hear. I tensed. This was it. This was when she was going to say something that would crush me.

“How are you getting on with Daniel being in New York? Are you finding it difficult?” I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say. Perhaps she didn’t know about his reconciliation with his ex-wife. “I’m sorry, am I being insensitive?”

I didn’t speak because I didn’t know what to say.

“Yes, it’s very difficult to be apart from him
, and I miss him dreadfully. I’m trying to use our time apart to sort out some stuff with my ex.”

She looked at me sympathetically. “You poor thing. Only another month to go. Are you going to go out to New York again before he comes back next month?”

She can’t have known about his ex-wife. In fact, she didn’t even seem to know about our time-out. I could do nothing but roll with it. “No, I don’t think I’ll make it out again. I’ve got so much to do.” It was the truth and that’s all I had.

“Well,
what are a few weeks in the scheme of a life together?” she squealed. “I shouldn’t say stuff like that, should I? I just can’t help myself. He just seems so happy with you, and I think you are just perfect for each other!”

I smiled and I felt tears well in my eyes
, so I took a sip from my glass of water and tried to make sure I didn’t get emotional. Well,
more
emotional, anyway.

Back at the office, because the
Palmerston deal had aborted, my workload was more manageable and I left the office just after 6 p.m. I headed home, picking up a bottle of wine on the way. It was a sorry state of affairs. Here I was, thirty, pretty much single, and headed home on a Friday night to drink alone. I was halfway through the bottle when Anna got home. She looked thoroughly pissed off.

“You
OK?” I asked. I tore my eyes away from my laptop, where I was pretending to be on Twitter but really I was back to cyberstalking Daniel.

“Actually, no, I’m in a foul mood. I’ve got far too much to do at the office and I’ve just abandoned it—if I worked non-stop for a week without any sleep I don’t think I’d get through it
, so really, what’s the point? I might as well come home and drink wine. And, I called Ben today and I didn’t get a response and he didn’t call me back, which is just bloody rude. I really needed a shag tonight. And what’s worse, I don’t think it’s just the shag. I think I might like him, which is really annoying.”

“Have some wine.”

“Are we self-medicating, do you think, drinking like we do?” Anna asked.

“Of course we are self-medicating.” We both laughed.

“So, you like this guy?” I asked.

“
All right, you don’t need to go on about it,” she snapped.

I laughed. “You are a crazy cow. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I do not.”

I didn’t say anything.

“But I just do like him. And I just don’t know what to do with myself about it,” she said softly.

“Well don’t ask me, I’m a complete
headcase. My fiancé ran off with a friend and Daniel was the love of my life and I pushed him away trying to do the right thing.”

“Leah
...” It was Anna’s warning tone. Without saying it she was trying to remind me what my therapist said. My therapist reasoned that if Daniel had gone back to his ex-wife while we were on a short break, which was by no means a certainty, then our relationship was never going to last in the long run and better to know now before I was in deeper. As Anna helpfully told me—I could have just watched Indecent Proposal for the same life lesson and it would have been about 500 quid cheaper—but still, it didn’t make it any the less right. At the same time I couldn’t help but wonder what if?

“Do you know what we need?” I perked up.

“What?” Anna was less enthusiastic.

“A night out. That’s what we need. A proper, dressed up to the nines, girls night out. None of this you taking me out for a quiet drink, trying to cheer me up or sitting here on this sofa moaning to each other. Tomorrow night we are going to go out and have fun. Let’s invite Bridget and Alice and we’ll go out and dance and laugh. We need a blow-out.” I was decided. This is what we needed to break the cycle of misery in this flat.

“OK. If you say so.”

“I do, and even if we have to fake it, we’re going to have fun. And I know I shouldn’t comment because I have no expertise in this area whatsoever, but give Ben a chance. It’s not like he’s not called you for weeks, it’s just been a few hours.”

Bridget and Alice were two of our friends from law school. The four of us were all friends but Anna and I were always closer and Bridget and Alice were closer to each other than to either of us. We were like two couples who liked to double date. We saw each other fairly regularly but I’d not seen anyone recently so we were well overdue for a night out. It wasn’t unusual for Fran to join our double dates but clearly things had changed. There was no way anyone was inviting Fran. Anna had filled in Alice and Bridget about what had happened with Charlie and me and both of them had tried to call but I just hadn’t been up to talking to them about it. We had all known each other long enough to accept these things about each other without holding a grudge. They knew that I wasn’t one for oversharing.

Anna was always the one that, although she didn’t crave being center of attention, neither did she mind it. Alice and I would run in the other direction when Anna and Bridget would insist on being the first on the dance floor, the first one with their hands up in lectures, the first one to be PDAing with a stranger at the law school ball, not caring what anyone else thought. Bridget was a more extreme version of Anna but less funny. A night out with Bridget was guaranteed to involve some sort of drama—one of us would be arrested or proposed to or come home in a different outfit from the one we left in. And drama that didn’t involve my love life was exactly what I needed.

After a run in the morning, after which I felt fantastic, I set about clearing out my wardrobe. It always made feel productive and renewed when I finished a clothes clear out. I set about pooling clothes into three distinct piles one for throwing away, one for taking to charity and the final one that needed dry cleaning or mending in some way. I was feeling very virtuous when Anna crashed in.

“Bridget has managed to get us into that private member’s club in Mayfair that you like.” My stomach dropped. I didn’t want to go to the Coltrane Club—that was Daniel’s and my place. Oh no, how did I tell her without sounding pathetic.

“So I thought we could get a cab to Berkeley Square because it’s so difficult to get to. We can find us some rich hedge fund guys who’ll buy us champagne. In the words of
... whoever ... the best way to get over a guy is to get under another!” Anna was really excited. It seems Ben was just a distant memory and she clearly thought that I should move on as well.

I was relieved. She meant
Lawtons, not the place Daniel and I had gone on our first date. I loved it there; it was a great way to start what was going to be a great evening.

“Fantastic
,” I said and I meant it. “What are you wearing?” My clothes were strewn about my floor

“Something short, something slutty
,” Anna said. She was on a mission.

I wore skinny jeans with my favorite platforms that were a Dune version of Jimmy
Choo patent leather wedges that I couldn’t justify spending £400 on and I backless bright blue blouse that looked quite prim from the front. I always felt great in that top. I didn’t have time to finish my wardrobe clear out. I could distract myself from my hangover tomorrow by throwing the rest out.

-

When Anna and I walked into Lawton’s, I could tell it was going to be a night to remember. All eyes were on Anna and her fantastic legs. It was just the reaction she was looking for. When we finally found Bridget and Alice, Bridget had already managed to convince the guys sitting next to them to buy a bottle of champagne. What a great way to start an evening.

I briefly wondered whether any of the people here knew Daniel. I felt sure someone here would know him. I told myself to snap out of it. As I said to Anna, even if we had to fake it, we were going to have a good time tonight.

The three guys next to us bought us a second bottle of champagne and then Bridget thought it would be rude if we didn’t ask them to join us. So, of course they did. There’s no such thing as a free lunch, or a free bottle of champagne.

Bridget got very friendly, very quickly with one of them. They all looked like they were mid-thirties and were well dressed. The one Bridget had her eye on (luckily, the same one who had his hand on her thigh) was very pleased with himself. He was one of those guys that has plenty of everything—
confidence, looks, money, women—everything a guy would want. You could tell he was a player. He was a better looking version of Charlie and watching him made my skin crawl. He was enjoying Bridget’s attention but his eyes flitted around the room every couple of minutes, just to make sure he wasn’t missing out on something better, someone hotter.

The guy next to me was less good looking and to be fair to him, he was really trying to be nice, asking me about my job, where I lived and all that stuff you’re meant to ask about when really he just wanted to know whether I was easy and he was going to get lucky. I did a pretty good job at faking it I thought. As much as he seemed like a nice guy, I wasn’t ready to start anything with anyone. Whatever happened with Daniel and me, I needed our break to recover
properly, and that’s what I was going to do. I couldn’t even flirt with the guy next to me. Just because Daniel saw our time-out as an end and was moving on like lightening didn’t mean I was going to do the same thing.

Eventually our group moved downstairs where there was a small nightclub. The guy that initially took an interest in me moved on to Alice, who was much more receptive and they were rubbing up against each other on the dance floor. It was as if I was watching everything from outside myself. I didn’t really feel part of the evening. I wondered what Daniel was doing, wondered whether his ex-wife was living with him in New York now,
wondered whether they would be remarried. Anna looked over me and I re-plastered my fake smile on my far too made up face. She had caught me and came over and dragged me to the bathroom.

“So I heard from Ben
. I had a missed call and then he texted asking me where I was and apologized for not being in touch.”

I could tell Anna was delighted but she was trying not to be too obvious about it.

“Right, that’s good. Did he offer any kind of explanation?”

“No
, but I guess he can’t say much on text. I’ll text him back tomorrow and see where things go.” There was nothing I could say, but it sounded like a bit of a booty call, calling at this time of night on a Saturday night when he’d dropped off the face of the planet.

“So what’s with the guy you’ve been dry humping on the dance floor
? Is he going to get lucky tonight?”

“
Urgh, no way. I’m faking it!” We started laughing. If we were both faking things to this extent, maybe it was a sign we shouldn’t be here.

We left Bridget and Alice at Lawton’s and headed home. Our hearts really weren’t in it and I’d had enough faking it for one night. It was just after midnight and I hadn’t really drunk after we had gone downstairs to the club so maybe tomorrow wouldn’t be a complete right off. I would have no excuse not to go for a run.

As we headed upstairs to Anna’s flat, there were big muddy footprints going up the stair carpet

“Gross, these carpets have just been cleaned. Some people are
ASSHOLES,” Anna screamed hoping to catch the attention of the upstairs neighbors who were three guys in their twenties and Anna was constantly battling with them over noise levels and the like. What weren’t so familiar were acts of deliberate vandalism. As we reached the front door, it was open and the door frame splintered – the door was broken down. I felt my heart speed up and the pleasant alcoholic fuzz was replaced by pure adrenaline.

“Those fuckers! I knew they would try and get their revenge for me breaking up that party last week.” Anna went to storm into the flat but I grabbed her arm to stop her.

“We need to get out of here. We don’t know if it’s the guys upstairs and we don’t know if there’s anyone in here.” I could tell Anna was going to start arguing with me until she saw on my face how serious I was. “Come on. We need to phone the police.”

Anna silently just followed me and we went to the end of the road, out of sight of the flat and I phoned the police. She was shaking and couldn’t speak so I spoke to the operator and gave them details of what had happened and where we were. Anna started to cry as the police cars turned up and I put my arms around her to try and comfort her. She wasn’t as tough as she made out. So much for our night of having fun.

The police established that the burglars were no longer in the flat and they asked us to go in so we could tell them what had been disturbed and what had been taken. We went in together clutching each other’s hands. It was horrible, knowing an uninvited stranger had been in amongst your things. My mind started racing to my most precious possessions and I reached  for my bracelet. My bracelet from Daniel that I never took off. That was the most important thing; he was the most important thing.

My eyes started to well up, I just wanted him to be here to blanket me in his arms and tell me everything was going to be
OK. I missed him so much. I would never again feel that comfort from him and I needed to be strong and get used to it. I had made my bed and I was lying in it, all alone.

As we made our way into the living room, nothing looked different. I’d never been burgled before so my only reference point was movies and detective shows. I expected everything to be everywhere but the kitchen and living room looked as we left earlier in the evening.

“They seemed to have gone directly to the bedrooms, and specifically this bedroom.” The female police officer was pointing at my room. So Anna and I headed there. My clothes were all over my bedroom floor as they were before we’d gone out, which I imagine why the police thought my room had been the target but the room was how I’d left it. My wallet was even lying on my nightstand from when I transferred my cash and cards into my evening bag. I went over to the bed to check my wallet and all the remaining store cards and credit cards were all still there—nothing was missing. I moved to my jeweler that I kept in a drawer in my wardrobe. The only proper jeweler I owned had been given to me by my parents or inherited from my grandmother and as I dived into the drawer as I came across each important piece my breaths got easier. None of it was missing.

“I don’t know what they took?” I spun
around to look at Anna. “All my jewelry and my cards are still here. Let’s go to your room.” We hurried out and went back through the living room and into Anna’s bedroom but everything seemed to be there.

“Were they looking for something in the wardrobe?” The policewoman asked looking at my clothes on the floor.

“No, I was clearing out my wardrobe. This is how I left it.”

“Would they have been looking for something in particular?” Anna asked no one in particular.

“Usually these are crimes of opportunity and anything that would be easily sold would be taken but all your electrical goods are still here and your wallet. It is strange,” the policewoman responded.

“Do you think they were interrupted before they got a chance to take anything?” I was trying to come up with an explanation, it seemed so odd. Someone had made a real effort to break to door down but hadn’t taken anything? It didn’t make sense. Before I could ruminate anymore Anna screamed at the top of her lungs and the police woman and I ran into Anna’s bathroom after her.

On the mirror over the sink someone had scrawled in lipstick “Two days.” My legs went weak and I grabbed Anna as we both collapsed. The relief that I had felt at nothing having been touch was replaced by fear. This didn’t feel like a crime of opportunity, it felt like we were being targeted. Two days? What did that mean? We were quickly ushered out of the flat and into the back of a police car.

“What’s going to happen in two days?” Anna was shuddering and could barely get her words out.

“I don’t know Anna, I just don’t know.” My mind was blank.

The police questioned us for hours, separately. It was awful, they were clear that the message was aimed specifically at one of us and that one or both of us knew what it was all about. I got questioned on my job, about ex-boyfriends, whether I or Anna took drugs or owed anyone money. It was all ridiculous
—neither of us were that interesting. But the police convinced me that they were right, that if I could just think hard enough then I would have the answer.

I went through the possibilities in my head. Could it have been Charlie? Was he trying to scare me? Frankly, he just wouldn’t have the bollocks to break into someone’s house and why would he? We had found some sort of peace with each other. What about Fran? I’d made no peace with her at all. I’m sure if she found out about Charlie and me meeting she would be pretty pissed off and her brother was a convicted criminal. But what would that message mean? And I’m sure she wouldn’t want to upset Anna. Fran didn’t make sense but nothing did. There was nothing at work that would
make me think it was connected to anything I was working on. It wasn’t as if I had Russian oligarchs or Sicilian mafia for clients. Most of my clients were in the FTSE 100!

It was about 4 a.m. when we got out of the station. There was no way I going back to the flat despite the police saying we could. Anna was still in no fit state to make any decisions
—she was barely talking—so I got the police to drive us to a nearby hotel.

“Who do you think it was?” Anna was turned toward me in the bed nearest the window. I was just climbing under the covers in my robe after a hot shower.