Expect Me (Rivers Edge Book 3) (21 page)

The anesthesiologist at my head works on administering drugs through my IV. I don’t feel the contractions anymore. I don’t feel the pain. I only feel Travis’s love wash over me.

As the anesthesiologist says, “Ready” and the doctor asks for the scalpel, I keep my eyes closed and let the fog in my head take over. I remember Travis’s words. I remember his strength. I remember his touch. And as I drift in a deep sleep, I know that everything is going to be alright.

*****

I hear the distant beeping, but can’t seem to force my eyes open. I hear Dr. Freeman speaking but she sounds like she’s two blocks away. My whole body feels like it’s floating above the clouds. I’m weightless, free.

“Josselyn, time to open your eyes,” she says and finally sounds like she’s standing next to me. “Open your eyes. There’s a little man who is very anxious to meet you,” she adds.

My son. He’s here. I feel my eyes flutter as I struggle to open them up. When I do finally get them cracked open, the overhead light is blinding. It takes me a few blinks before I finally open my eyes and take in my surroundings.

“You’re in the recovery room, but we’re ready to move you to your own room. You have a beautiful little boy waiting for you up there. Are you ready?” she asks with a bright smile.

“Everything went okay?” I ask, my throat dry, my voice cracking.

“Everything went beautifully. The cord was wrapped around his neck but we were able to get him out safely. He’s breathing perfectly on his own and has quite the set of lungs,” Dr. Freeman says with another smile.

My bed is wheeled through several corridors, and I’m pushed onto the elevator and moved up a floor before I see the familiar hallways of the Labor and Delivery wing. I close my eyes as the exhaustion starts to take over again.

“Here we are,” Dr. Freeman says as the nurses push me to the big open space in the middle of the room for my bed. But the big vacant space isn’t what has my attention. Sitting in the chair next to where my bed is being deposited is Travis, and he’s holding our son.

My eyes lock on his crystal blue eyes and he gives me the most beautiful smile.  We stare at each other as they lock my wheels and get my machines and cords in place. A few moments later, the nurse turns to me and tells me she’ll be back in a bit, before quietly exiting the room.

Travis and I finally break eye contact, but only because we both look down at the little bundle wrapped in blue in his arms. He carefully stands up and steps towards my bed.

“I have someone who is very anxious to meet you,” he says as he leans forward. I reach up and gingerly take the little person in my arms. My son stirs a little but doesn’t wake up as I snuggle him against me, holding him for the very first time.

I’m instantly in love. His little face is slightly pink and perfectly round. He’s wearing a blue hat, but I gently lift it up and take a peek at his head. He has a full head of dark hair which makes me smile and recall the heartburn I’ve had the past several weeks. His little hands are curled into tight fists, and he sighs contently when I get him positioned in the crook of my arm.

“He’s perfect,” I whisper without taking my tear-filled eyes off of him.

“He is,” Travis whispers, happiness evident in his voice. “He looks just like you,” he adds.

I look our son over from head to toe again - well, what I can see - and finally look back up at Travis. He crouches down next to my bed and looks deeply into my eyes. “I’ve had this moment planned out for weeks, and now it seems like nothing I say is going to be adequate. Can I sit down?” he asks and points to the side of my bed.

I give him a quick nod and he cautiously sits down, putting his arm around my pillow and my neck. I slide comfortably into his embrace, letting his warmth wrap around me like a blanket. Travis reaches his other hand forward and gently rubs our son’s chubby little cheek.

“I did so many things wrong over the past several months, Josselyn. I have so many regrets. But you and our son are not one of them. How I treated you will forever haunt me. I allowed the house to consume me and took for granted that you would always be at home waiting for me. I was wrong. So very, very wrong,” he says as he stares into my eyes. I can see his hurt, his anguish, his fear.

“The worst of it was that I let you believe that you weren’t as important to me, and that’s unacceptable. You and him,” and Travis nods down to our son in my arms, “are the most important people in my life. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for everything that’s happened. But, I can show you. If you’ll let me.”

I look at Travis, really look at him. His strong jaw has today’s stubble growing in. His light brown hair is much longer than he usually keeps it and is curling around his ears and neck. His ocean blue eyes are boring into me as he waits with baited breath for me to say something.

“What do you mean, show me?” I finally ask.

“The house is done. Our house. I want you and this little guy to come home with me when you’re released from the hospital. I want to go back to our original plan and do this together. Because, frankly, the alternative scares the shit out of me,” he says seriously.

“We can’t go back, Travis,” I say. He starts to get a panicked look on his face so I quickly continue. “We can’t go back, but we can go forward. Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes,” he says as he absently strokes our son’s forehead.

I take a deep breath and decide to dive right in. It’s now or never. “Did you mean what you said when I was being taken into the operating room?”

“Yes. I meant every word. I love you so damn much it hurts. I love your smile, your heart, your passion. I love everything about you, and the thought of not having you in my life anymore feels like someone is cutting off my oxygen. I love you, Josselyn,” he says as he leans forward and places the lightest of kisses on my lips. “So fucking much,” he adds.

I pull away and look deeply into his eyes. “Well, that actually works out really well for me because I love you, too,” I tell him. Once the words seem to sink in, his face lights up in the most beautiful smile in the whole world. A smile that reaches my heart and sends butterflies fluttering through my stomach.

“God, I love you,” he says again before his lips capture mine in the most pure, magical kiss I’ve ever experienced. The kind of kiss that makes your toes curl and your heart burst in your chest. The kind of kiss that is full of promise.

Before the kiss can be taken to the next level, the little bundle of joy in my arms begins to squirm and lets out the loudest ear-piercing scream I’ve ever heard.

“He’s been doing that since he was born. I think he’s hungry,” Travis says as he leans down and takes our son from me.  “I didn’t let the nurse give him formula since I wasn’t sure if you were going to breastfeed or not.” Travis gives me a sheepish look. “We never really got to discuss that, did we?”

“No, I guess we didn’t,” I reply as I look at our son held securely in Travis’s strong, protective arms. “I think I want to try,” I say in a small voice laced with nerves and a little embarrassment.

I slowly bring myself to a sitting position using the remote control on the big hospital bed. Travis takes his free hand and helps adjust the pillows behind my back. When I’m all situated, Travis returns our son to the crook of my arm and helps position another pillow under my arm and the baby for stability. I look down at his pink, wrinkly face and can’t help the emotions coursing through my body. Pride. Joy. Love. An unconditional kind of love that I’ve never experienced before. I feel complete.

Travis helps me adjust my hospital gown until I’m exposed on one side of my top half. I have no clue what the heck I’m doing, but honestly, it doesn’t matter. My son seems to know exactly what to do and latches on to my breast like he’s been doing it for weeks.

“Huh, I’d say he’s a lot like his dad already,” I quip with a slight rise of the corner of my mouth.

Travis gives a full belly laugh as he slowly sinks back down onto my hospital bed. We both watch as our son eats for the first time. His eyes are closed as he steadily, yet insistently, suckles at my breast.

“So, tell me everything I missed when they wheeled me into the operating room. Hey, where is everyone?” I ask finally noticing that we’ve been alone for the past half hour with no interruptions. I also take in the two plants and the floral arrangement sitting on the table on the other side of the room for the first time since I arrived in my room.

“Well, the waiting room is packed right now, but I asked them to all wait until I come get them. I wanted us to have a little bit of time to talk and settle first.” Travis runs his large, calloused fingers along the crown of our baby’s head and his blue eyes remain locked on the baby. “Which reminds me, I probably won’t be able to hold them off too much longer. No one has seen him yet, and they’re all chomping at the bit,” Travis says as his eyes finally return to mine.

I’m sure my eyes show shock at his words. “How is that possible? They haven’t seen the baby?”

“Nope. Let me start at the beginning. When they wheeled you through that operating room door and lead me to a small waiting room just off the corridor, I paced that room and the connecting hallway like a caged animal. They offered to send for my family to come down and sit with me, but I didn’t want them there. I wanted to be here, alone, while I waited. I wanted to be the first person to see that doctor and talk with her.

“So after fifteen of the longest minutes of my life, a nurse finally came to get me. She led me into the small connecting room to your operating room. I could see you on the table through the glass window and the doctor working on you. But then my ears finally registered the high pitched screams and my eyes connected with the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen. This little guy was throwing a huge fit as a nurse was weighing him and checking him out,” Travis looks down at our son’s face again and smiles as the recollections.

“As soon as she was done checking him over, she wrapped him in a blanket, and put him in my arms. That moment was the second time within thirty minutes that I said that I was completely and utterly in love with someone,” Travis says with a beautiful smile as he gazes deeply into my eyes.

“So, after Dr. Freeman finished with you, she came into the little room and said everything went perfectly. She was concerned that you were delivering three weeks early, but when he arrived at seven pounds, three ounces and twenty inches long, plus his lungs were obviously healthy, she just assumed we got the dates a little off. She said the pediatrician we choose will come and give him a full check up tomorrow, but everything now looks good.

“The nurses wanted to take him to the nursery to clean him up then, so I figured that it was a good time to go tell my family and Matty about the baby. I had decided on my way up to the waiting room that I wanted you to see and hold him first. You were the one who did all the work, right?

“So, I went to the waiting room and told them that we have a son. They asked a hundred questions like what his name is, details on weight and stuff, and how you’re doing. And of course, they wanted to see him. When I explained that I wanted you to see him and hold him first, no one said anything cross. But, I imagine their silence is bound to expire very soon.

“As soon as I could get away from them, I went to the nursery where they had him all cleaned up and ready to go. I got to hold him there and watch him sleep until they told me they were moving you up to your room. And that leads us back to right now,” Travis says as he leans down and kisses our son’s head.

The baby isn’t eating any longer and is snuggled comfortably against my bare breast. I shift him up to my shoulder as I give the whole burping thing a try. “So, I guess we should go get everyone, huh?” I ask.

“Not yet. We have one more detail to finalize before they come in here,” Travis says as he helps adjust my gown to cover up my chest.

“What’s that?” I ask as I gently pat my little man’s back.

“I think he needs a name,” Travis says while gazing deep into my eyes. His stare is so intense. I feel like he can see straight into the depths of my soul with his hypnotizing ocean blue eyes.

“Oh, yeah,” I reply with a little chuckle. “Do you have any that you like?”

“Maybe, but I want to hear your suggestions first,” he replies.

“Well, I really like Grant for a first name,” I say and hold my breath a little waiting for his response.

“Grant? My middle name?” he asks with surprise evident on his handsome face.

“Yeah. I heard your mom call you Travis Grant once and it stuck with me. I really like it,” I tell him. “And I was thinking Michael for a middle name. Not only is it your dad’s name, but it’s actually my grandfather’s name. I was really close to him when I was a little girl,” I tell him, my voice barely over a whisper.

“Grant Michael Stevens. Wait? Are we giving him my last name?” Travis asks. I can tell he’s anxiously holding his breath now.

“Of course we are,” I say and I hear him audibly exhale.

“Grant Michael Stevens. I think it’s a great name,” Travis says as he places another kiss on Grant’s head.

Travis is so close now. I feel his body pressed against mine in the twin sized hospital bed – which isn’t really that comfortable with both of us in it – and feel his breath reflecting off of Grant’s head lying on my shoulder. Our eyes lock and the moment is suspended in time as we both convey our emotions and feelings into wordless communication. Then he moves – or I move, I’m not sure which – and our lips are touching as we express ourselves through a kiss. I could definitely get used to this kiss, everyday. Always. Just him.