Expect Me (Rivers Edge Book 3) (20 page)

I stand up because the more my sister talks, the more I feel like slamming my fist through a brick wall. Guilt is a bitch, and my sister is working me over good right now.

“I’m such a douche bag,” I whisper.

“Yes, yes you are. But you don’t have to be, Travis. You can make this right.”

“How?” I ask.

“First off, you have some homework. Next, get that house done. You don’t need any more distractions. Plus, if you do get her back, you need a place for her and the baby.” Avery stands up and stands right in front of me. She places her small hands against my cheeks. “You can do this, Travis. Don’t give up on her, okay? She’s going to make this hard as hell on you. She doesn’t want your help or your apologies, but she needs them. She needs actions because how you handle this situation will speak louder than anything you say. Do it. Get your girl back,” she adds with a smile.

I smile for the first time in days as I hug my little sister. Who knew she was so wise?

“I gotta go,” I say as I turn to leave their dining room. Maddox walks back in from the living room with Bean who’s wearing much of the same as Maddox.

“Uncle Twavis! Where’s Jo Jo?” she asks.

“She’s not here right now, Bean, but I’m going to get her,” I tell my niece as I bend down and give her a big hug.

“Tell her that you wove her, okay? That always makes my mommy smile,” she says with all of the innocence of a four year old.

“That’s going to be the first thing I tell her, Bean. I love you, squirt,” I say as I head out the door and towards my truck.

I have only two months left until my son arrives. That’s two months to get the house done, my head on straight, win back the woman I’m madly in love with, and ride off into the damn sunset.

It’ll happen. It has to happen. Because the alternative is unthinkable.

*****

It’s been two weeks since I spoke with my sister about Josselyn. After I left, I went to the new house and got busy. I have a new deadline and a new plan. After work on Monday, I stopped at the public library and Erin hooked me up with a bunch of baby books though she made me work for it, too. Frickin’ women and their sticking together. I’ve read three of the books cover to cover since that day including as many as I could find on preeclampsia.

I know that it can be very serious and very dangerous to both mother and child. I learned that stress can be a huge factor which is part of the reason why I’ve stayed away. I haven’t called her since I talked to Matty that Saturday two weeks ago. I do, however, send her a text message every day. I don’t know if she’s getting them or reading them. But, I still send them. I will send them every day until she finally agrees to speak with me.

Today’s text is short and sweet.

I miss your beautiful smile

That’s all I say. Yesterday I told her I missed her laugh. Tomorrow, I’ll tell her I miss something else about her. And I do - I miss her terribly.

The house is getting so close to completion. This weekend, I’m painting. Hell, all week, I’ve been painting. I should have hired someone, but it’s too late for that now. I just need it done.

As I get all of the paint cans out of the bed of my truck from my recent trip to the hardware store uptown, I hear another vehicle pulling up the drive. When I turn, I see Mom’s car driving up the lane and park next to my truck.

Mom, Avery, Erin, and Holly all climb out of the car. “What are you guys doing here?” I ask.

“A little birdy told us you were painting this weekend, so here we are. Ready to paint,” my mom says with a smile.

“You guys are here to help finish with the painting?”

“If it’ll get you one step closer to finishing this house, then yes. We are here to paint,” Avery adds.

The girls all grab paint cans, brushes, and rollers and head up the newly paved walkway, up the newly constructed steps, and into the newly installed front door.

“Just tell us where you want us to start,” Erin says with a smile.

After everyone decides on the best course of action, we get the painting party underway. Mom and Erin are painting the guest bedroom downstairs and Avery and Holly are painting the kitchen while I take the nursery. It’s the one room I want to do myself. I chose a light shade of blue for the walls that I thought would go well with the sand colored carpet that Josselyn picked out all those weeks ago during our trip to St. Charles.

“This must be the baby’s room,” I hear from the doorway. I turn to see my mom standing in the open doorway.

“Yeah. This is it,” I tell her. She takes in the bright lighting and the open space. 

“It’s a great room,” she adds.

“I just hope it’s not too late to have him here, sleeping every night,” I say solemnly as I gaze down from the ladder at my mom.

“It’s never too late, Travis. The important thing is that you realize it and make strides to prove it.”

“I’m trying, Mom.”

“I know you are. Travis, just remember that love is work. Hard work. You have to work at it every day, and the important thing to remember is that life and love are never cut and dry, black and white. When you expect love to go one way, it goes the other. So, just keep doing what you’re doing and proving yourself, your love, to Josselyn. Even if you don’t realize it, she’s watching. She’ll notice.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I look up at the mostly blue walls in the room. “I just wish I knew where she was right now.”

“Well, that’s easy, Travis. She’s moving into Avery’s old house,” my mom says with a straight, serious face.

“What? She’s in Rivers Edge?”

“Now, don’t go telling anyone I told you this, but your brothers are actually helping her move in right now. Avery and Erin offered their services to get her back here, closer to you. And I’m pretty sure that was her plan. She wanted to be here, in Rivers Edge, so that she and your son are close to you.”

I absorb the information that Josselyn is back in town. And she’s not that far from me. I know that house all too well since Avery lived there for two years before moving in with Maddox.

“Just don’t go over there with barrels blazing, Travis. Let her get settled in her new place. Your sister and sister-in-law talk to her almost daily and have shared that she’s doing fairly well. Let her come to you, remember? You don’t want to upset her right now,” Mom says with a small smile on her ageless face.

“I remember. I promise not to go over there. Yet,” I say as I climb down the ladder and give my mom a big kiss on her cheek. I don’t know how she does it, but this woman always knows what to say, just when we need to hear it.

Later that night after the entire inside of the house has been completely painted and the girls headed home, I slowly drove towards Avery’s old house. I don’t want to drive down her street for fear that she’ll see me. So, I drive down a side street and turn around in the last driveway before her street. I can see her little Camry parked in the driveway and all of the lights on inside.

After sitting in someone’s driveway for several minutes like a crazed stalker, I finally get my first glimpse of Josselyn. She walks into the living room and is doing something in front of the large picture window. I can see her swollen belly as big as day. My fingers itch to touch her, hold her belly, as I wrap my arms securely around her. My heart slams against my ribcage at the thought of never touching her again.

I back out of the driveway and turn towards my lonely, cold apartment. Well, I’m just going to have to make sure the chance to never touch her again never happens. I will hold her, touch her, and love her for the rest of my life.

That, you can expect.

37 weeks - 9 months

It has been seven long weeks since I left Travis’s apartment and ran to Matty. After staying with Matty for two weeks - in his twin bed, no less, because he refused to let me sleep on his couch - I moved back to Rivers Edge and am staying in Avery’s old place. It’s small but cozy.

I haven’t worked in two weeks. In fact, I’ve been going to see Dr. Freeman every week for a few weeks now because of the preeclampsia. My feet, ankles, hands, and face are swollen to the point of pain, and it’s not going away. My blood pressure hasn’t gone down any, though it hasn’t really gone up too much either. I’m exhausted. I pee every three point two seconds. And to top it off, I miss Travis just as much today as I did the day I walked away.

I talk to either Erin or Avery every day, but I refrain from asking about him. I want to, don’t get me wrong, but I’m afraid if I hear how great he is, it’ll hurt more than anything. So, I don’t ask.

Today, I’m miserable. Literally, I’m so miserable I can’t stand. My limbs ache, my back is throbbing no matter what position I lie in, and to top it off, I’m having Braxton Hicks contractions like they’re going out of style. The only time I’ve gotten up out of my bed in the past two days is to get water or a little food. Until now.

I’ve been pacing the small confines of my living room for three hours. I can’t seem to catch my breath. I’ve honestly thought maybe I was in labor, but I quickly pushed that out of my mind considering I still have three to four more weeks to go until my due date.

Another Braxton Hicks contraction takes root deep in my belly. They seem to be getting more and more intense as the hour goes by. They’re also becoming more and more frequent which makes me think that maybe I should start to time them.

I glance up at the clock and note the time as two o’clock in the afternoon. It’s a dreary Sunday afternoon in very late October, and the weather hasn’t really made up its mind on what it wants to do.

When the next contraction starts six minutes after the previous one, I start to get a little concerned that these aren’t Braxton Hicks contractions at all. I think I’m in labor. I grab my phone and dial the twenty-four hour number for Dr. Freeman. Once I leave my call back information for the answering service, I dial the next number on speed dial.

“Hellllllooooo?” Matty’s voice echoes into the receiver.

“Matty, I think I’m in labor,” I say breathlessly and full of panic.

“Seriously? I’m on my way! I’m leaving the apartment right now and heading your way. Don’t go anywhere, sweetie.”

“Where am I going to go, Matty? I can barely walk,” I tell him between deep breaths.

Twenty very long minutes later, Matty is whipping in the driveway, car still running, driver’s door left wide open. “Joss?” he yells as he flings himself in the front door.

“I’m here,” I say as I come out of the bathroom.

“Let’s go,” he says as he grabs the overnight bag I deposited by the front door.

Once I’m securely buckled into his car, he tears out of the driveway like a NASCAR driver heading towards the hospital. “Are you going to call him?” Matty asks as he drives ten miles per hour over the posted speed limit.

“Yes, I just want to get to the hospital and in my room first,” I reply, holding firmly onto my stomach with one hand and the dash with the other as I breathe through another contraction.

When Matty pulls into the emergency room entrance, everything happens so fast.  Two nurses meet me at the entrance with a wheelchair; I’m whisked onto an elevator and ushered into a labor and delivery room. Matty follows closely behind, but as soon as I’m situated on the bed, they send him out to move his car and to check me in at the front counter.

I change into a hospital issued gown, am hooked up to a fetal monitor, and a nurse starts my IV all before Matty reappears. He whips my cell phone out of my purse and hands it to me. “You’re settled. Call him,” he says firmly.

I take the phone, but set it down on my lap as another contraction begins. They’re definitely getting closer and closer together now, and seems like just as soon as one finishes, another is beginning.  The tightness and the pain are almost unbearable.

“Matty, I don’t know if I can,” I tell him, breathing and panting through the searing pain ripping through my abdomen.

Matty walks over and grabs my phone from the bed. He gives me a look as if asking permission to which I shake my head up and down. He dials quickly and holds the phone up to his ear.

“Hi, who is this?” he asks. “Oh, hey Avery, it’s Matty. Is Travis there?” he asks and then listens. “Okay, well I need to get a hold of him as soon as possible. Josselyn’s in labor,” he adds and listens for several seconds. “Perfect. See you soon.”

Matty hangs up the phone and sets it down on the night stand. “That was Avery. The guys are moving Travis so she’s going to call Maddox. She’s with her mom and Erin and says they’re on their way here.”

“Okay,” I reply as my heart breaks in two all over again. I knew that Travis would be moving into the house someday, but knowing that he’s going to be there and I won’t be is killing me.

Dr. Freeman knocks on the door and enters my room. “Hi, Josselyn. How are you doing?”

“Okay, I guess,” I reply.

“I’m going to check you out quickly, okay? Do you know how long you’ve been in active labor?” she asks as she positions herself at the foot of the bed. Matty steps out in the hallway to give us privacy as Dr. Freeman gives me a quick exam. 

“I’ve had these contractions for two days but I thought they were Braxton Hicks. When they kept getting more intense and closer together this afternoon, I knew it wasn’t those practice contractions anymore,” I tell her.

“You’re about six centimeters already. You’re progressing nicely. I really want to monitor your blood pressure during labor. Did you decide on any pain medication?”

“I think I want the epidural,” I tell her knowing that I can’t take too much more of this pain.

“Okay. When you’re ready, just let me know and we’ll get it going,” she adds before leaving the room.

Matty knocks and enters a second later. “The waiting room is starting to fill up. Do you care for some company?” he asks just seconds before Mrs. Stevens gives a small knock.

“Can I come in for a moment?” she asks with the most friendly, motherly smile. A smile that instantly calms me.

“Of course. Come in,” I tell her.

“I just wanted to wish you luck, dear. I know it may not seem like it now, but this pain and discomfort will only last a short time. In just a little bit, you will be holding your son in your arms,” she says as she pats my forearm.

“I can’t wait,” I tell her as another contraction rips through my gut. Mrs. Stevens helps me breathe through it, holding my hand firmly within hers as I breathe in and out.

“Where’s Travis?” I finally ask as the contraction subsides.

“He’ll be here soon. When Avery called Maddox, Travis had left the house to run an errand. And since Avery had his phone that he left at my house, the guys were waiting on him to return so they could get him here.”

“Okay,” I reply, waiting, anxiously, for Travis to arrive. The thought of having him here with me is somewhat calming, too.

“I’m going to wait in the waiting room with the other girls. They all send their love to you,” she says as she bends down and kisses me gently on the forehead.

Just as Mrs. Stevens is walking out the door, the machine next to me starts making a loud squealing noise. Mrs. Stevens stops and turns towards the machine just as a nurse comes into the room quickly. The nurse walks over to the machine and watches the numbers for a few moments before she speaks. “Josselyn, can you turn on your left side, please? Your baby isn’t adjusting to the contractions too well right now, and his heart rate is dipping low,” she says very matter-of-factly.

Matty and Mrs. Stevens help roll me to my side - yes, I need help rolling. The machine instantly stops beeping. However, when the next contraction takes hold, the beeping starts up again. I try to not stress myself and just breathe through the contraction, but the thought that the baby’s heart rate is dropping is scaring the crap out of me.

Dr. Freeman walks in a few moments later and checks the machine. “Josselyn, your baby’s heart rate is low. I’m going to watch it for a few more minutes to see if we can get it to come back up, okay?”

I give her a nod as another intense contraction starts. My belly feels like it’s ripping in two as the pain tears through my abdomen. The beeping continues loudly.

“Josselyn, I don’t like the baby’s heart beat right now. It could be that the umbilical cord is wrapped around his neck and I don’t think we should wait any longer to see if it comes back up. I want to get you delivered as soon as possible. I want to prep the operating room right now for an emergency cesarean section. We need to move you to the operating room, stat,” she says in a calm, collected manner.

I start to feel panicked and can’t fight the on slaughter of tears filling my eyes. What if something happens to the baby? I can’t lose my son, too!

The delivery room is a flurry of activity between the nurses and the doctor all prepping me to be moved to the operating room. Mrs. Stevens and Matty each stand beside my bed, each holding a hand firmly within their own.

“Okay, Josselyn. We’re ready to go,” Dr. Freeman says as they wheel a gurney into the room. Everyone helps get me positioned onto the gurney with precision, and before I know it, I’m being wheeled quickly towards a waiting elevator.

“As soon as we get you in the operating room, Josselyn, things are going to happen very quickly. I can have your son out within minutes once we get you prepped and under. There will be an anesthesiologist there who is going to put you under. It’s faster that way and we can get the baby out quicker. Do you understand?” she asks as she helps push the gurney towards the elevator.

“Yes, I understand,” I say as the tears stream unchecked down my face.

As we pass the waiting room, I see panic on the faces of Avery and Erin. They both try to give me a brave smile, but I can see it in their faces. The fear. It’s the same fear on my own face.

“We’ll be right here waiting, Josselyn,” Mrs. Stevens says as they stop at the entrance to the waiting room next to Erin and Avery. Matty stops too, but I can tell it’s difficult for him.

“I love you,” he whispers as a tear slips down his face.

“I love you, too,” I say back just as we reach the elevator. But before they can push me into the waiting car, the second door opens and Travis, his father and brothers spill out.

They all take one look at me on the gurney and their faces fill with worry.

“What’s going on?” Travis asks through panic. He steps forward and grabs a hold of my hand.

“We are heading to the operating room. We are doing an emergency c-section to get the baby out. His heart rate is dangerously low and showing no signs of coming back up. I think this is the best option right now,” Dr. Freeman tells Travis as they push me in the elevator car.

Travis steps inside with us, his hand firmly latched onto mine. He crouches down so that his head is right next to mine, and wraps his other hand around my head. “I’m right here, Joss. I’m not going anywhere, okay? Do you hear me? I’m not going anywhere. Ever. You can push me away all you want, but I won’t go. I can’t go. You and our son are all that matters to me. You are my world and my life,” he says as I feel the wetness fall from his face onto my forehead.

The car stops and the doors swoosh open to the operating department. The staff push me through a few doors until I’m stopped at the entrance of my operating room.

Travis reaches down and wipes a few tears from my face, our eyes linked the entire time.

“End of the road for you, Travis. You can’t come in here because it’s considered an emergency. The nurse here will show you to the waiting room, and we’ll come get you as soon as we can,” Dr. Freeman says calmly to Travis.

“I want to go in,” he says as he battles his own emotions.

“You can’t, Travis. You have to stay here. She’s in good hands,” Dr. Freeman says as she sets her hand on his shoulder. “But we need to get her in there now and deliver your son.”

Travis looks back down at me, stray tears streaming down his handsome face. They start to push me forward into the room. Our hands stay linked as I move forward, but eventually I feel his touch slipping away.

“I love you! I love you, Josselyn, so damn much,” I hear him exclaim moments before the operating room doors close behind me, cutting me off from everyone I love.

The words wash over me and provide comfort as I’m transferred to the cold, hard operating table. The light above my head is blinding so I close my eyes and absorb the words Travis just spoke. He loves me. The realization brings more tears to my eyes. But this time, they are happy tears. Tears of joy and hope.

Suddenly, I am not afraid anymore.

I feel my gown being removed, exposing most of my body to the world. The cold liquid being spread on my stomach is startling.  “This is iodine, Josselyn. We’re prepping you for surgery,” Dr. Freeman says.