Everything I Need (2 page)

Sophia

“Hey girl, come check this shit out!” Frankie yells at me in excitement.

Frankie loves shopping and makes sure we do so whenever we get a chance. We’re in Miami for the weekend while the rest of the guys are back in LA. Most of them rent or own some kind of property there now; it’s just easier being so close to the studio.

Right now we’re in the middle of writing some new songs for our next album, which I’m really excited about. I know when I get back, it’ll be time to get in there and start pumping out some new material. So much has happened with us these last two years. We have overcome a lot of obstacles, but we all made it through. We’re finally getting recognition. I still can’t believe this is my life now! Going from bar gigs to festivals, then opening up for headliners, and now this . . .

Frankie lifts up a short, canary yellow sundress. It’s made up in this very thin, almost sheer, soft material. His eyes sparkle at the sight of it.

“Yeah, Frankie, it’s nice.” I nod once, looking over the dress, and he rolls his eyes at me.

“
Nice?
Woman, this is more than
nice.
”

He goes back to admiring the dress, then speaks again, more to himself than me, I think.

“I’m buying this for you. I can just see you wearing this when we’re out in Malibu or maybe Cannes . . .” His eyes light back up and he turns to me again, causing me to start laughing at him.

Slapping him gently on the arm, I go back to fiddling with the shiny bracelets that are on display. Frankie mumbles something and heads over to the sales lady with his purchase. Just then, my cell starts vibrating in my purse and I instantly know it’s one of my boys. Yes, I know; I actually have a purse now! It still doesn’t feel right on me, but Frankie has insisted. Now I have not just one, but many of them.

I pull out the phone and glance down. It’s my Jared. Tossing my hair over my shoulder, I place it up to my ear and smile.

“Jared, what’s up?”

Resting the phone between my chin and shoulder, I start fumbling through my purse to pull out my credit card.

“Lux just called. He didn’t want to bother you until you come back on Tuesday.”

“Is something the matter?” I cut Jared off, nervous as to why Lux called him and didn’t want to bother me. Jared laughs a little on the line and I don’t know what, but something is up. I can tell by his voice.

“Not exactly, no . . .”

Pulling my hand out of my purse, I rest it on my hip, staring at the perfectly put together mannequin in front of me.

“Jared, what? You’re kind of freaking me out.”

“Don’t freak out, Sophia . . . but we’re all here right now at the studio finishing up some writing, and . . .”

Come on, come on. I’m getting impatient now and kind of annoyed. I didn’t notice I was starting to bite my lip.

“You see, um . . .”

“Damn it, Jared. Just tell me! Is something wrong with the songs, or something? The studio doesn’t like them?”

“Oh no, girl, they fucking love them! It’s j-”

I hear the phone getting ripped from Jared’s hand and Roger’s laughter comes bellowing through the line.

“Sophia! The studio wants you to collaborate on one song with another rock performer.”

Oh?
This is new. I release the lip that my teeth have been gnawing on.

“And you’ll never guess who.”

He starts laughing again, so hard that the suspense is killing me.
Who, I wonder?

“Fucking Tristan!”

WHAT?
You gotta be fucking kidding me! I feel like all of the color in my face is now seeping onto the expensive marble floor.

Frankie looks back at me, raising one of his perfectly shaped eyebrows as I stand there, frozen. I must look like I’ve just seen a fucking ghost or something.

“Wh-what?” I stammer. The whole world around me seems like it’s at a standstill.

“You heard me. The studio wants you to join Undead for a song. I think that would be pretty fucking sweet, actually. Act surprised when Lux calls you, though. He may be pissed that we told you first. You know, he doesn’t want to spoil your vacation and shit.”

“O-okay. See you in a few days.”

And with that, I hang up on him.

Setting the bracelets back down on the counter, I turn and walk out of the boutique. Frankie comes up beside me, pulling me into his side.

“What the hell, girl? Are you okay?”

Shaking my head no, I stop abruptly and look both ways before crossing the street, not saying anything. I haven’t seen Tristan since Madison Square Garden, and I’m certainly not ready to be around him yet, if ever. I mean, I forgave him for being a typical male, but that still doesn’t take away the hurt he has caused me.

Coming up to a bench, I sit down on it and retrieve my phone from my purse. I hold my finger up to tell Frankie to wait a minute. I have to call Lux. After pressing ‘send’ on his number, I can barely wait through the few seconds of ringing before he picks up.

“Hello, Miss Ariel,” his voice comes through smoothly on the line. Why is he using my stage name? I cut right to the chase.

“Do I have to sing with Tristan?”

“Well, it’s nice to hear from you, too, Sophia. And yes. The studio wants you two to sing one song together. They believe it would work out really well and it will have some major profit for us.”

Rolling my eyes, I stroke my fingers through my hair.

“You got to be kidding me, right? I mean, can’t they find someone else?”

“No, Sophia. They love your voice and they believe it will complement Tristan’s very well.” He sounds a little agitated now, but I don’t care. I have to get out of this.

“I’m not doing it, Lux, no matter how much it is.”

My hand forms a fist on my thigh. I’m trying to control my breathing so I don’t look like I’m having a panic attack, or like a five year old that isn’t getting her way. Lux lets out a long sigh.

“Listen, Sophia. I know you two were . . . Whatever, that doesn’t matter now, but the studio wants this and they are not taking no for an answer. You signed with us, and the label, so you have no choice. I’m sorry.”

He goes silent on the line, and I close my eyes tightly, shaking my head.
This can’t be happening.
I nod and bite my lip.

“All right, I guess.”

“Thank you, Sophia. Enjoy your weekend and I’ll see you next week.”

“Bye.”

I can feel Frankie’s stare on me. Without looking at him, I drop the phone back into my purse.

“What’s going on, girl?” Frankie whispers.

Exhaling, I stand and straighten out my skirt, rubbing my palms against the smooth fabric.

“I have to sing with Tristan. It’s for the new album. The studio wants it, so I have no choice.”

I glance over my shoulder at Frankie who is still sitting there, cupping his mouth with his hand.

“Yeah, I know, hey? Kind of awkward,” I say, and gesture for him to follow me back to the resort.

Frankie catches up to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders. I can’t believe this. I’m actually going to come face to face with Tristan again.

We walk most of the way in silence. It’s a beautiful day out and I didn’t want to take the car earlier; besides, we’re right down the road. Walking right now is giving me time to think clearly. Try to, anyways.

I don’t really know what to feel right now. I’m angry the studio is making me do this, but I can’t help that feeling I get deep down whenever Tristan’s name is mentioned. It sends familiar tingles directly to my stomach and ah . . . other places.
Damn it!
  

Frankie clears his throat, then stops me by pulling my hand and stares down at me with soft eyes. This little shit smirk starts creeping its way across his face.

“First thing is, I think we are going to need a few shots.”

His smile lights up his face like the fucking Vegas strip. Staring up at him, I nod in agreement. Yes, I’m gonna need a few, for sure.
But what in the hell is he thinking?

Frankie grabs my hand with his long delicate fingers, squeezing tightly, and begins leading me through the lobby.

“This is gonna be something . . . that’s for damn sure,” he mumbles to himself.

************

It has already been a whole month since I found out from Lux that I would be working with Tristan. Thankfully, I haven’t run into him yet. When I got back from Miami, I was pushed right back into working on our second album. Busying myself with late night sessions again kept my mind off of him. I’m also really grateful we found Jeff, who is our new lead guitar player and is doing really well.

I’m so happy everyone has clicked with him. After my poor friend lost his battle to his demons, the studio started searching for a replacement. It took almost six months after Cory’s passing before we agreed on Jeff. He’s young, charismatic, humorous, and very talented.

I won’t ever forget the first time we met him. He was one of the finalists the studio chose to audition for us. Right away, I could feel the positive energy coming off of him. That, and he is an amazing guitar player. But what really sealed the deal with some of the guys, I think, is that he was there at our Seattle show, on our first tour. He had so many wonderful things to say about us and about Cory that we instantly clicked with him.

I laughed to myself when he brought up our last number, In This Moment’s “Whore.” He was going on about it being fucking awesome . . . if only he knew why I decided to throw that song in. I smile a little on the inside at the memory of the look on Tristan’s face when we exited the stage that night.

Chapter Two

Sophia

Here I am now, standing in my bathroom. Otep’s “Confrontation” is playing loudly in the background as I’m getting myself ready for the meeting, because that’s exactly how I feel about what’s going to happen today. Confrontation.

Lux called last night when I was leaving the studio with the guys to let me know I have a morning meeting with him and Tristan to go over the song and details of the recording.
Shit.
I knew it was coming. At first I thought it was going to happen as soon as I got back from Miami, but when nothing came up during the first and second weeks, I sort of got comfortable. Like, maybe the studio changed their minds or something. Tristan makes me very
un
comfortable.

As I start applying my mascara, I hear my boyfriend Benny walk into the bathroom.

“What is this?” he asks, holding his ears and looking at me in disgust.

Benny, my poor, sweet, lovable boyfriend, hates this kind of music. You know the saying, opposites attract? Well, that’s us for sure. But he is kind and gentle, and I adore him.

Rolling my eyes at him, I begin to screw the cap back on my mascara.

“Otep. Why? Don’t you like it?” I ask, peeking up at him through the mirror.

“No, I don’t,” he laughs at me. “She sounds angry.”

Turning around, I smile at him.

“I know.”

Giving him a quick wink, I busy myself again with getting ready, picking up my lip gloss next. If only he knew that this was literally a confrontation. But he doesn’t. I made damn sure that he never found out anything about Tristan and me.

Benny leans against the wall and combs his hand through his short, sandy blond hair and whistles.

“Damn, you’re looking exquisite.”

I laugh to myself.

“Well, I just look how I normally do on any other day, so . . .”

I didn’t really think about it. I’m not wearing anything special, just some jean cutoffs and a light blue button up plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up. My hair is in a very loose French braid.

I guess I
am
wearing a little more makeup than I normally would. Lately, Benny is used to seeing me with nothing on my face. Working twelve to eighteen hour days in the studio, I don’t really do anything special with myself. Today, however, I made sure to rock a little smoky eye and lip gloss. And when I say a little smoky eye, I mean little. I don’t have anything close to Frankie’s expertise.

“I just thought I would look a little presentable. After all, I’m going to meet up with Lux and go over this collaboration business he’s been speaking of.”

Benny smiles and embraces me from behind. I let the lip gloss slip out of my hands and I hold on to his arms, which are tightly wrapped around me. Closing my eyes, I let my head fall back. I feel at peace with Benny. Everything is easy and simple. And that’s exactly how I like it.

Benny leans down and whispers in my ear.

“What are we going to do tonight? After all, I won’t be seeing you for a month.”

My eyes flutter open.
What?
Oh, yeah. He has business over in Europe and I totally forgot. I hate that he works just as much as I do. I know I can’t be selfish, but I would like to just keep him here. Benny is a financial investor and his work has him traveling a lot.

Sighing, I turn slowly to him and he steps back a pace, looking down at me with his deep green eyes.

“Do you have to go this time?” I pout, but I know he does. Nodding his head yes, he smiles.

“How about I try and make reservations at Bouchon tonight?”

Hmm . . .

“That sounds nice, but what I would really like is for us to come back home and have a night here together. Maybe I can make us something? I really just want to be with you.”

Benny gives me a quick kiss on my nose and pulls back.

“Anything you want, gorgeous.”

“So, it’s a date?”

“Yes. While you’re out at your meeting, I will run home and grab my suitcase. I’ll just stay the night here before my flight in the morning. Is that okay?”

“Of course that’s okay.”

Just then, I hear my phone ringing and I give him a quick kiss before leaving the bathroom in search of it. I follow the sound down the hall, where I see it lying on top of my bed. I grab it and answer.

“Hello?”

“I’m so fucking hung over. Damn Jared . . . I should’ve known having him as a roommate would lead to trouble.”

What?

Roger clears his throat and continues. “Meeting with Lux, hey?”

“Yeah. Actually, I was just getting ready to head out the door.”

What does he want? I just want to leave and get this damn meeting over with so I can come back home and spend some time with Benny before he leaves.

“How you feeling about that?”

I glance over my shoulder to see Benny leaning against the doorframe. I smile at him and turn back around.

“What do you mean?” He’d better not fucking go where I think he’s going.

“You know, seeing Tristan again.”
He did!
Motherfucker!

I try to keep my composure so Benny doesn’t sense my nerves.

“I don’t feel anything. I mean, it’s just a quick meeting and I should be back home soon.”

There. That should throw Benny off and also let Roger think nothing is going on inside of me, when really there is.
Damn it.

“What the fuck? I’m not asking about how long you’re gonna be there, Sophia. I’m wondering if you need someone there with you.”

Awe my. I know I should be touched right now that I have such a great friend, but all I feel is annoyed. Why would he call here and bring up shit from two years ago? Yes, I might be thinking it in my head, but I don’t need him to add fuel to the fire.

“Nope,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I’m good. I’ll call you later.”

Before I can hang up, Roger starts talking again.

“Well, hell. If you’re not doing anything tonight, wanna come over? Me and the guys are gonna grab some beers and pizzas and maybe watch a movie or something.”

“Ah, I can’t. Benny is leaving tomorrow for a month so I just want to hang with him tonight,” I say as I fidget with some jewelry on my dresser.

“Oh. Okay, Sophia. Talk to you later.”

I press end and turn back around. Sliding my phone in my back pocket, I smile at Benny before I take off.

“I gotta go,” I say, wrapping my arms around his middle to give him a hug. I really wish he could come with me, but I know he can’t. Maybe deep down, I don’t want him to.

He smiles at me again before he gives me one last kiss.

“Call me after the meeting. I’ll be here.”

“Yeah,” is all I reply, going over to my end table to grab my keys and sunglasses before I leave.

I start out on the highway in my classic ’71 Chevelle. Oh, how I love this car! She was nothing much when I first bought her, but the guys sure do know a few things when it comes to engines and in no time, she became perfect. All I really had to do was take her to a paint shop to give her some shine again, so I decided on a glossy teal blue. It really goes well with the black rims Roger suggested I get.

My stomach begins to tighten and my palms begin to sweat as I get closer to my exit. Cranking my window down all the way, I lean over and try to find a song on my playlist. I decided on “Midlife Crisis” by Faith No More. No meaning behind it, just a good jam.

There, that’s better. I relax a little in my seat as the music begins to play, but eventually, my mind starts racing again.
How is this going to go?
Will Tristan be an asshole to me like the first time I met him, or will he try coming on to me again? I would take asshole over the other option. You see, I can easily be a bitch back to an asshole, but if he tries coming on to me . . . Well, that won’t be good. I can tell. I really don’t know how I would take that.

I’m going through so many emotions right now, but the ones that are most profound are excitement and apprehension. Why am I excited? Maybe because I haven’t see the guy in like two years and because maybe I fell in love with him, too.

Fuck!
I hate myself. I have to push that thought deep down and away so it never comes out again! I have a great boyfriend who cares for me and has never once cheated or hurt me in any way.

Every once in a while though, I have stopped and thought about Tristan, especially when news broke out about Undead’s cancellation of the rest of their European tour, and how Tristan took a break immediately afterwards. I couldn’t help but feel some guilt about it, because it was right after he told me he loved me, and I did nothing. I don’t regret it, though. Our situation should never have happened in the first place. I should’ve known better from the beginning. He’s probably forgotten all about that now. To him, I’m probably just some nuisance.

Finally I reach the studio and manage to squeeze into a parking space out front. I’m laughing to myself right now because parallel parking was never my strong suit in Driver’s Ed. Only now, instead of having a couple of shitters in front of and behind me, I have a Mercedes and a Bentley. The thought of my old car squeezed between these two luxury vehicles makes me laugh. But I know my girl is powerful. She could run circles around them. At least, I think so. I’m really not sure when it comes to horsepower and shit.

Once I know I’m good and settled in, I turn her off. Pulling my sunglasses off my face, I peek up into my rearview mirror.
Shit!
My loose braid from earlier is now barely hanging in there, with strands falling down all over my face. Brushing them away, I apply a little more lip gloss. Why am I being such a girl?

Maybe because of Tristan being here?

Damn.
Shut up!
I scream at myself on the inside.

Brushing that idea out of my head, I decide to just say ‘fuck it.’ Kicking the door open with my foot, I slowly pull myself out. The one good and bad thing about older cars is that the doors weigh a ton. I use my hip to shut it. After I’m done locking it up, I make my way into the building.

Okay, I can do this,
I repeat in my head, over and over again. Once inside, I greet the receptionist, miss Playboy, of course, and make my way to the elevators. As I hit the button, I stand there with my arms crossed, waiting impatiently. Come on . . . I so fucking hate this right now. All I want to do is get in and out.

Once the elevator opens, I let out a breath and step in. I must say I’m surprised once again that the whole way up to Lux’s office, no one has bothered to get on. When I arrive on his floor, I start trembling. I feel more nervous now than I ever did when I first came here two years ago, back when my band was getting signed. And over Tristan, no less. I really hate myself right now.

I’m standing in front of the double doors to Lux’s office. I wait there, unable to bring myself to knock or walk in. I haven’t bothered to tell his receptionist, Rachel, that I’m here, either.

Okay, breathe,
I tell myself, but what I really want to do is go running back to my car. Why am I being such a little bitch about Tristan? Yes, I had feelings for him, and yes, he hurt me. But lately, I haven’t been able to shake my dreams of his dark eyes haunting me, and now I’m here. About to come face to face with him again.

Biting my lip, I decide to just go in. Whatever. I can do this.
Strictly business,
I tell myself. Squeezing the handle tight, I exhale heavily before pulling the door open.