Everything I Need (9 page)

Crossing my arms, knowing it pushes my breasts up a bit, I give him a look like I’m impatiently waiting for him to move. His mouth is now set in a hard line and he narrows his eyes at me. He takes one step closer to me, almost invading my personal space again.
Shit!

He says nothing, just glares down at me before side stepping out of my way, moving toward Caleb and Dave. I’m not even going to look back at him. He could be waiting to see if he got some kind of reaction out of me and I don’t want to give him that satisfaction.

Trying to remain intact after what just happened, I continue through the door. Once I’m back out into the vast room again, I see Ryan making his way over from outside. His jet-black hair is dripping and he’s pulling a sleeveless shirt over his head.

“What up?” His quiet voice speaks first. Giving him a half smile, I nod.

“Hey,” I say back to him. Ryan glances over his shoulder and with his thumb, gestures to where the pool is.

“It’s fucking nice.” He laughs a little then walks past me, going into the room with the other guys. Ryan doesn’t say too much, unless he’s drunk. I barely hear that guy speak. It’s usually the quiet ones that you have to keep your eyes on. I know he’s harmless, but the other guys, excluding Tristan, all have cracked some kind of jokes by now, yet he just sits back and watches. Well, not really watches. I think most of the time he’s in his own little bubble.

I step out back to check the pool area out.
Wow!
I know I already thought of it before, but shit . . . it is just like the fucking blue lagoon out here. Pulling out my phone, I take a seat at the ledge of the pool, dipping my legs into the cool water. Ryan was so right. It is fucking nice. Warm but not too warm, it can still cool you down from being out in the sun. Sliding my finger across my phone, I tap on Benny’s face. It rings a few times before he picks up.

“Hey, hon! Sorry about that. I was actually just stepping into my room, perfect timing.”

Smiling, I start swirling my legs around in the pool causing the water to cyclone around my legs.

“This place is so unreal. It’s like paradise here. How was your day?”

I hear him sigh on the phone. 

“Long.”

Aw my, Benny’s usually so upbeat, I wonder what happened today for him to sound this way?

“Did something go wrong?” I ask him softly, trying to comfort him. He picks up on my tone and instantly tries to change the tone in his voice.

“Oh no! Nothing for you to worry about. Just long, is all. I’m glad it’s over and I’m glad you called. I wish I was there with you.” 

“Me too, babe,” I agree with him.

“Hey . . . I know it will be a while, but once your next tour is done, let’s try and go somewhere. I haven’t vacationed with you yet and I think that’s exactly what we’ll need when everything is done.”

I couldn’t agree more. I nod my head excitedly, even though he can’t see.

“Oh, babe! That would be so awesome. Yeah, it will take a while, but I would love to share this experience with you. I wish you were here . . .”

If Benny was here right now, I don’t think Tristan would be having this effect on me so much; maybe the only reason why he is, is because I may just be lonely and reminiscing about the man I wanted him to be. That’s a lie . . . I would still be having these feelings.
Fuck!

Scooting myself backwards so I can get up, I place my free hand down on the cut rock slab and push myself up. I need to keep talking. Clear my mind of thoughts of Tristan again.

“So when are you going to be back? I hope it’s before the tour starts.”

“Yes, it most definitely will be. The deal fell through so I’m catching a flight out of here tomorrow evening. I have to head back to the office the day after that or I would’ve contemplated meeting you out there.” He laughs a little but I know he’s serious. Just then, I hear Dave calling for me from inside the house.

“Sophia! Hey girl! Where you at?”

“Oh, shit, babe. I gotta go.” We say our goodbyes, then I hang up.

Turning around, I head back for the house. Dave is standing in what I guess would’ve been the doorway, grinning as he rubs his hands together.

“It’s time. Tristan is laying down some material to tempo right now. We want to hear you and see where we need to go from there.”

I feel my face light up and I’m actually excited. Okay, now it’s time to go through this. Other than Tristan making me feel uncomfortable, I do love singing and this song, from what I can tell, is going to be fucking killer.

Following Dave, I make my way back into the room but come to a halt immediately, staring. The recording booth has a glass door which you can see right through. Tristan is standing there with no fucking shirt on, singing heavily into the mic with his eyes closed. His chest muscles flex every time he belts out certain notes; it makes the tendons in his neck bulge slightly, too. It looks and sounds like he’s singing with everything he has in him and damn it . . . it fucking turns me on!

Chapter Eight

Tristan

To give the guys some idea of how it will go, I decide to just do certain parts and a sample chorus of the track. The only sound to go by is what Caleb laid down already; other than that, it’s this beeping tempo shit. I don’t care. After seeing Sophia again, dressed the way she is, I had to let off some steam.
Does she have any clue how beautiful she is?
And when she dresses like that . . .
Fuck!
I have to keep myself in check.

After she left, I let the guys know I wanted to lay something down. They were all for it, but trying to release in this fucking cube? It got pretty fucking intense, particularly with this song; it’s baring every part of me out there.

This isn’t the first time I’ve shredded some clothing while recording. Usually it’s the heat, but with this track I just felt like every piece of clothing I had on was suffocating me. Besides, I know Sophia and I know exactly what she’s doing.
Fucking tease.
So I decided to take my shirt off, feeling more open, more vulnerable.

Singing like this, not just without a shirt on, but really putting the lyrics out there, opens up every wound I’ve ever received in my entire life, especially these last couple of years. I guess that’s why our new album is different from the past ones. Sophia has unlocked a certain side of me, changing how I look at things now. I want her to know. I want her to know exactly what she’s doing to me.

After going over the chorus, I yank the headphones down so that they rest on the back of my neck. My adrenaline is so fucking high right now, but I don’t show it. Licking my lips to try to bring moisture back to them, I look up and see my girl standing there in the doorway,
paralyzed.

I can’t help it; the corner of my mouth raises just a bit, showing off the cocky grin I got going on. She thought she had the upper hand in this fucking game we’re playing, but that’s not the case. I know what she’s fucking doing and believe me, it’s working, but it still doesn’t sit right with me. She thinks she can prance around here, showing off her tight body and not expect me to do anything? She’s just standing there behind Gage and Caleb trying her hardest not to check me out right now, but I know damn well she’s feeling it, too. That’s right, Sophia. Eat it up.

Entwining my hands, I pull them behind my back to get a stretch, showing her what I know she wants to see. I don’t know this
Ben
guy, but I’m pretty fucking sure he has nothing on me physically. I’m also guessing he’s one of those sensitive types, too.
Fuck that.
Sophia is all woman, and she needs a real fucking man to love her, not some boy.

I can tell she’s getting uncomfortable now because once I’m done getting a good stretch in, she looks away quickly and moves over to the couch, keeping her head down when she takes a seat like she’s trying not to check me out. No, baby. Keep looking all you want . . . I’m yours.
Always.

I crack the door open, pushing it barely open with my index finger; Gage gets up, shaking his head and laughing.

“Fuck, man. Can you do that shit again?”

He grins at Caleb, who gives me the thumbs up. I grab a drink from the bottle and nod back at them.

Closing the door again, I shove the headphones back in place. These damn things bother the shit out of me. I’m just waiting for Gage’s go ahead, standing there with my arms crossed. Once I know he’s clear, it’s back on.

While singing the lyrics over again, I only have her in my mind. I’ve written this song as an,
“I’m sorry”
. . . not only for fucking that other chick, but for how I treated her like shit in the first place. I want her to know that now, my pieces are undone. She thinks the studio wrote most of it, but that’s far from the truth. It was me . . . only me.

Sophia

Tristan is starting to go over the same lyrics he was singing when I first came in here. Damn it! He caught me checking him out, and I know damn well he gets off on it. Well, I’m not the same woman he knew a couple years ago. Yes, I find him really fucking attractive, and I’m still pissed at what he did to me back then, but if he thinks that shredding some clothing and playing cocky with me is going to make me drop my panties for him, he has another thing coming!

I hate that I have to remind myself when I’m around him that I have a really sweet boyfriend. These old feelings that try to come up don’t make me like Benny any less. Benny is so kind and
takes good care of me. He would never even think of causing me heartache like Tristan has. Yeah, I may get a little aroused when I’m around Tristan, but hey, I’m only a woman. I’m not fucking dumb either. I won’t go and throw a good relationship away because Tristan thinks if he marches back into my life I will so easily bend for him.

Squaring my shoulders, I cross my legs and lean back into the leather cushions on the couch, keeping my mind off of him. I focus on peeling the label off my water so I won’t get distracted again. Dave leans back now too, folding his right leg over his left knee. He takes a hit off his cigarette and the smoke billows out of his mouth as he starts talking.

“Are you ready to go in there?” He tilts his head at me and smiles.

Shrugging my shoulders, I look back down at my water.

“I guess so. I’ve been going through it yesterday and a little when we were on our way here. I guess I’ll for sure know when I get in there, hey?”

I give him a sly smile as I peer up at him. Dave chuckles a little and nods, bringing his cigarette back up to his mouth.

After he takes another hit, he stubs it out in the ashtray he’s been holding in his other hand. Standing up, he tips his head slightly at Caleb.

“Better get over there and start seeing what I can lay down. Good luck.”

He grins again, before heading over to Caleb and Gage. Ryan is on the other side of me, zoning out. I can smell the chlorine heavily on his skin, almost making my eyes burn.
Shit.

I’m getting fidgety, I realize as I stand up again.
Fuck!
I need to relax. I should get a drink? Glancing over to my left, I notice that they have a mini fridge off in the corner by the door. I’m almost positive there’s something in there to help me ease up.
Fuck.
Look at me . . . turning into fucking Roger lately.

Peeking in, this little fridge has mini shots, beers, and even tiny bottles of wine. These little bottles of wine are so fucking cute! Bending over more, I reach back to grab the Merlot. I don’t usually drink a lot of wine, but I know this little bottle will be just enough to take the edge off without getting ridiculous.

Meanwhile, Tristan is done going over the part again . . . only two fucking times and it’s perfect! Caleb and Dave are both nodding their heads. Gage raises his thumbs up in the air, rolling his chair over to the side of the table.

“Caleb and Dave are going to do another run through of that last part you just did. Caleb wants to try something a little different, but your vocals stay.” Gage then glances over at me, his hat bent low so it’s hard to see his eyes. “Sophia, when I’m done with these guys, you’re next. Just one time through the chorus to see how it sounds, to layer over Tristan’s.”

Caleb leans back in his chair and Gage points for everyone to be quiet as he adjusts the room mic beside him with his other hand.

Using my foot to tap the fridge door closed, I turn on my heel. Tristan is standing almost right behind me, watching me closely with his arms crossed over his naked chest, just staring. Quirking my eyebrow up at him, I make my way back to the couch, twisting off the cap to my mini Merlot as I take a seat.

Tristan shakes his head hastily as he bends over to the fridge and grabs hold of a beer. With one fluid motion, he yanks the cap off and drops it to the floor. He keeps his eyes on me as he takes a long drink.

Holy shit.
His dark eyes greedily look me over as I sit here. I glance away, sipping on my wine in silence as I watch Caleb and Dave shred on their guitars, but I can still feel his heated stare on me.

Every once in a while, Caleb and Dave take a quick glance around the room at the rest of us while they jam. Tristan stalks over to the opposite side of the room and leans against the wall, lazily holding his beer between two fingers as he props his foot up on the wall. He looks like some dangerous predator waiting out in the back alley for his prey. A sexy as hell one.
Fuck!

I move my eyes over to Gunner who is just chilling at his drums, banging his head to the rhythm of the guitars. After a while, the guys stop playing and Gage taps a couple keys on his laptop, moving his mouse around. When he’s done, he tilts his head over my way again.

“Ready?” he asks, fumbling with some knobs on the deck.

Taking another sip, I slowly come to my feet. Caleb and Dave are both grinning like they just did something evil. I glance behind me real quick and notice even the quiet Ryan is staring up at me with a tight-lipped smile on his pale, stoned face. I don’t even want to look over in Gunner’s direction because Tristan is right there, and I kind of just want to get this first run over with to see what I need to work on.

My little bottle of Merlot is completely dry now as I step inside the booth. It smells of nothing but Tristan in here. His scent is so masculine, like earth and cedar. Breathing in heavily, it fills up my lungs to the point that they almost ache.
Fuck.

Even though this booth has a glass door in the front, it’s pretty fucking dark in here. I should grab a candle for the next time. I like atmosphere, especially when I have to dig deep and let go. Singing is the best fucking way of release for me.

Adjusting the headphones on top of my head, I stand here lightly outlining the tattoo on my right wrist with my index finger. It’s Cory’s name. The lettering is designed to look like frost splintering off a windshield or a windowpane, almost as if it pushed its way through my flesh, tearing at my skin when it did. It’s the one and only tattoo I’ll have ever have. All of the boys got his name done on their wrists too, but with different styles of fonts. I keep touching it until Gage gives me the go-ahead.

Taking in one last deep breath, I slowly exhale as I take hold of the headphones with my hands, closing my eyes. I hear the tempo beat and I know where to start from. Licking my lips, I begin to scream into the mic. From there, adrenaline courses through me and I’m ready for more.

This song is really unique. Some parts on my side are very “pretty” . . . soft like, where others are full blown, screaming rage. It actually is a fucking sweet song and I’m so glad now that the studio picked me for it. Right now though, this screaming part will be the back layer to Tristan’s vocals, which will be more singing style. After going over the chorus a couple times, I hear Gage through my headphones.

“Cool, come out and take a listen.”

Tristan is now standing beside Gage, leaning over the deck with his hands firmly resting on the desk. Damn, he’s a sight bent over like that, with the muscles in his back and chest flexing with every breath he takes. He must have come over when I started singing. Well, screaming. I didn’t notice it because I was too into the song and my eyes were closed.

Nervously, I reach behind me to close the door to the booth, keeping my body forward when I do. I don’t want to show my nerves too much, so stepping in closer, I shrug my shoulders.

“Did I do okay?”

Gage is nodding yes and looking down, but Tristan is shaking his head no, staring at me.
Fucking figures.
Annoyed now, it’s my turn to cross my arms over my chest and pop my hip to the side a little.

“What?” I blurt out in annoyance before I can stop it.

Gage pops his head up and glares at Tristan, then looks back and forth between the two of us. I hear Caleb cackling off in the corner but my peripheral vision can’t pick him up. My eyes are deadlocked on Mr. Fucking Know-It-All.

Pushing off the desk with his hands, he lazily stands straight. His chest is pushed out and his chin is pointed upward, with only slits of his eyes showing. He’s doing the same exact thing he did before, a long fucking time ago in the studio when I last recorded around him.

Well, that shit isn’t going to work on me anymore. He doesn’t intimidate me . . . okay, maybe a little. But he’ll never know. Releasing my arms, I stomp around the desk and peer down at Gage.

“Can you play back, Gage? I want to see how I sounded.”

“You sounded like shit, Sophia. Have some fucking passion when you sing.”

WHAT?
Motherfucker!
Facing him, I shake my head. I try to have my voice come out as calmly as I can, but I end up freaking the fuck out on him. I can’t hold back anymore about this shit.

“Excuse me! I have fucking passion! And I think I did one hell of a job! I just sang a part of the song where you can clearly read anger and sadness and that’s what I brought. It’s not like I’m singing pop or some shit!”

“Get your ass back in there,” Tristan says through clenched teeth, his eyes narrowing in on me. “ . . . Now! I said, do it over again.”

Fuck this.
I taste copper from biting my tongue so damn hard. I turn back on my heels. Caleb is just sitting there, looking down now. No cocky, smart-ass grin on his face now. Dave is grinning though, taking a hit off his cigarette, and Ryan? Ryan doesn’t know what the fuck is going on. He’s just flexing his bicep, checking it out.

Furious, but trying not to let it show too much so they don’t think I’m a fucking diva, I make my way back into the booth. No wonder Lux suggested two weeks. Working with Tristan, apparently, I’m gonna need it.

Adjusting the damn headphones back on my head again, I stand there, clenching my own damn teeth now to try and calm me down, but it doesn’t work. I start to hear the tempo again, and I let the fuck go. Holding tightly to my headphones, I wail into the mic. I feel like I’m going to shatter this damn door in front of me with all of the force I’m singing with. I’m so pissed at him right now that I take it out on the lyrics.

Eventually I start to reminisce about all the shit he put me through. His asshole ways to me before, his glares, his awful words, and then I picture
her.
That’s when it’s all out for me. I let go utterly and completely, closing my eyes so hard that it’s almost giving me a headache. But I don’t care. Going through every memory now, I start laying it all out there. This anger toward him, it feels so fucking good to release it like this. Part of the lyrics asks,
how could you?
And I so know what that feels like.

Everything goes blank. Benny is suddenly erased for this moment and I’m back with Tristan, loving and hating him all over again. I come to the part where it goes, “
I feel like nothing
.” That’s so how I felt after I caught him with that chick. I’m nothing to him. And that just pisses me off to no end.

When I’m finally done again with the same lines that I once did before, I yank the headphones off. I’m breathing deeply and my sheer blouse is sticking to my skin, smothering me. Now I can see why Tristan is not wearing a damn shirt. This is a fucking brutal song and I don’t know if it’s coincidence or what . . . but this track just feels like it’s hitting a little too close to home.

My eyelids are heavy now, weighing down on my eyes. I’m feeling as if I haven’t slept in days or something. Placing the headphones back on the mic, I step out of the booth, completely wiped out.

Gage, who is just sitting there in front of me, has his mouth wide open. Tristan’s massive body is hunched over the desk, but now he doesn’t have that cocky attitude or cold glare in his eyes. Instead, he almost looks lost. I know this fucking look on him too; I’ve seen it before . . . after the Detroit show when I sang “Scarlet” by In This Moment. Nothing pleases me more than this sight right now. A Grinch-style smirk makes its way across my face. I don’t think I have to redo that last bit now.

Trying to keep my grin at bay, I causally stroll up to the key deck, giving Tristan one last glance before gazing down at Gage. He looks up at me and slowly starts to smile.

“Shit! I think we got that in the bag.” He turns in his chair and looks up at Tristan, who I know is still staring at me, but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of returning his look. Instead, I keep my eyes on Gage.

“What do you think, dude?” Gage asks then looks back at me. Not giving him time to continue, I make my way back over to the fridge. I think I need Merlot number two for how this day is going to go. 

“She nailed it.” Tristan says softly, almost as if speaking to himself more than anybody else.

It literally halts me. Standing there, I glance back over my shoulder, shock clearly on my face. I can’t believe he’s not fighting me on this. He’s staring straight at the booth, not at me, not at anyone, breathing heavily. I know I should feel damn good, like I should be rubbing it in his face. But I can’t help a small part of me wanting to go over there and comfort him. Gunner breaks the silence by clapping a couple times.

“Fuck yeah, Sophia! Now, let’s get some drums in this shit!”