Everything I Need (11 page)

I stop myself from saying, when Cory died, this is what it felt like on my heart.

Gunner leans back into his chair, patting his stomach, showing that he’s full.

“That’s pretty fucking cool of you guys doing that in his name.”

I can feel my eyes becoming a little glossy and Gunner is slowly becoming a blur. I barely hear my own voice when I look down to check it out.

“Yeah, it is.”

Caleb must sense me becoming a little emotional at the mention of Cory.

“Got any piercings?” he asks. “Well, besides in your ears.”

Getting myself together, I look over at him. He’s sitting right by Tristan, whose eyes have sorrow in them and another look I haven’t seen in his eyes before. Not pity; more enigmatic.

“Nope. What you see is what you get.”

A mischievous smirk slowly creeps its way across Caleb’s face at that.

“Humph.” He cocks his head over at Tristan, who stares at him emotionlessly.

What the fuck is Caleb thinking right now?
Turning his gaze back to me, he playfully goes on.

“I have about fourteen of them.”

My eyes scan his face and chest, mentally counting to see if he’s accurate. Of course he has his nipples pierced, but I’m only coming up with thirteen. My eyebrow rises.

“I only see thirteen.”

Wait a minute.
Caleb’s smirk goes into a full-blown, all-teeth-showing grin.

“Well, if you want, I can show you lucky number fourteen sometime.”

He winks at me and begins to laugh. Oh my God, Caleb’s got a Prince Albert.
Figures.

Standing up so fast that his chair almost falls back, Tristan slams his silverware onto his plate with such force I’m surprised the damn thing doesn’t shatter, then storms away from the table and heads upstairs.
What the fuck?
All of the guys besides Caleb are still for a moment before going back to eating.

Caleb leans over the table toward me, winking again.

“I’m surprised I didn’t get knocked out, there. Just trying to get my boy to move faster, is all.”

He gives me his mischievous smile again and goes back to eating.

I’m sitting here with my mouth wide open like a damn goldfish, stunned. Why is he trying to start something with us?

“Um . . . I don’t know if you know this or not, Caleb, but I have a boyfriend.”

Laughing in my face, Caleb gets up from the table.

“Yeah, okay.”

Chapter Ten

Sophia

Even after being so wiped out last night when I went to bed, I still had a shitty time falling asleep. I just kept replaying the day’s events in my head, mainly when Tristan was so close to me that I could literally feel the heat of his breath caress my skin.

For a brief moment, I found myself getting completely lost in him. I know now he was just playing with me. He did call me out for “teasing” him, but he didn’t have to be so blunt about it. Then Caleb started that shit at dinner. I don’t know what Caleb’s game is, but I have Benny. Damn it, I would never hurt him; especially with Tristan. In the short amount of time we were together I actually gave him my heart, and it just wasn’t enough for him. I was a fucking idiot.

Neither before nor since then have I done something that fucking stupid with anyone else.
How does he do it?
How does he know how to crawl right under my skin and climb into my heart? Well, fuck that! I’m keeping my guard up today. I’m going go down there and do my thing and give my all to the song. Nothing more, nothing less.

Stretching, I roll out of bed. The sun is just starting to rise and the sight is incredible. The scene is painted in oranges and pinks, which blend so well with the turquoise of the ocean and the verdant landscaping. I have a genuine smile on my face now and I can tell it’s going to be one of those days . . . in a damn good way, of course. I know Lux has a gym here, so I take it upon myself to go get a little workout in before showering and meeting the guys to start recording. It’s still early, so I’m guessing they’ll sleep for at least another couple of hours.

My morning workout is so freaking relaxing. I start off with yoga out back, taking in nature to help me center. Roger calls me a hippie now that I’ve started talking more about energies, but I always blow him off. It helps me focus and stay positive. Being here, I fucking need it!

After yoga, I do a little cardio and toning in Lux’s gym. It’s smaller than some of the other rooms in the house, but it still has everything you could think of a commercial gym having. Large windows on the far left wall show off the beauty of the outdoors, which is reflected around the whole gym by all the mirrors on the far back wall.

After showering, I dry myself off with my towel and then I wrap it around my head to soak up some of the moisture in my hair. Fully blue lagoon style, I head back into my room. I don’t have to worry about peeping up here; my window opens onto the cliff overlooking the ocean.

Taking in the beautiful backdrop one last time, dread fills my stomach.
Fucking Frankie!
Just trying to find something that will cover me will be a challenge. I walk over to my suitcase and flip the top open. Kneeling down beside it, I try to search for anything I can use at all. I notice another pair of light blue shorts, almost the same ones as yesterday. Oh, well. As long as I don’t bend or even fucking stand in front of Tristan today, I should be fine.

Rolling my eyes at the thought, I pull a light gray t-shirt out to inspect it. Well,
I guess I could wear this
. . .
However, lifting it up to my chest, I notice that it will still stop short of my belly button by a couple of inches. I think Frankie literally did my shopping in the fucking pre teen section.
Fuck it!

After dressing myself, I sit at the edge of the bed brushing my hair when I hear my phone ringing. Placing the brush down beside me, I turn around and crawl to the other side to see who it is. Oh, it’s Benny! I wonder if he landed already? Gawd, I hope so. I swipe my finger across the screen excitedly.

“Hey, babe! Where are you?”

Sounding completely exhausted, he yawns into the line.

“Oh, I’m sorry, hon.” He yawns again. “Just a short layover in New York, then I’ll finally be home.”

Crossing my legs, I twist a piece of my hair around my index finger.

“Well, you’re almost home. Did you take tomorrow off to rest up before work?”

“No, but I’ll have a few decent hours of sleep in my bed, at least. I’m sure that right there will make a difference. Hey, how is recording going?”

Oh, God! I don’t know what to say.
So . . . this guy I used to be into wants to fuck me, and this song we’re doing is pretty brutal and brings up old feelings again
? Shit!

“Oh, you know . . . work,” I say faintly, trying to sound nonchalant about it. A weak laugh escapes my throat. Thankfully, Benny doesn’t catch on.

“I’m sure you’re doing great. Besides, being out there must be more like a vacation than work.”

“Yesterday was pretty much studio time as today will be, but I’m sure to start enjoying the island more once these few days go by and they don’t need me as much.”

“Really? I thought you would be having a little fun out there by now.”

Fun? I don’t think I will be having too much fun out here around Tristan. My mind running through the events of yesterday again, I think of something to tell him.

“We did grill out last night, though. I actually made Hawaiian tarts.” I laugh a little, all proud of myself about a stupid dessert.

“Hawaiian tarts?” he asks, confused.

“I used pineapple and mangos in them instead of cherries or whatever,” I shrug.

“Wow! That actually sounds pretty good. You may have to make them for me when you get home.”

His voice is starting to sound more carnal, and I realize that I haven’t been laid in about a couple weeks. I was on my girl time before he left and before that, he was busy working. Benny isn’t the kind of person to have sex with while I’m on it, either. I don’t blame him; it’s pretty disgusting. But, damn it! I’m always at my most ‘turned on’ at that time.
Except for now, being around Tristan . . .

Wincing at myself for even having that thought, I go on about how I would love to do that for him and that I miss him. We talk for another five minutes before he has to go. Hanging up with him, I feel exhausted all over again.

I brush my teeth and put a little eyeliner and mascara on before I walk downstairs, leaving my feet bare today. My toes look pretty at least, thanks to Frankie’s, “let’s get a pedicure” day before I left.

I’m surprised at seeing Tristan and Gage already in the studio. It’s only nine in the morning and I thought for sure it would’ve been another hour at least before any of them would be in here. At least Tristan has a fucking shirt on today, but damn it, it’s still mouthwatering.

He’s wearing ripped blue jeans that hang off his hips and a black, sleeveless shirt that’s straining to cover his chest. His hair is still damp and pushed back out of his face, curling slightly at the sides and behind his ears. He didn’t shave and his facial hair is already thicker looking than yesterday. My poor Benny. Even trying to grow a shadow takes him a week. But with Tristan, it takes just one fucking day.

I’m trying to be quiet, but they both look up when I close the door. Playing with the silver ring that’s on my right middle finger, I stand there looking back and forth between the two before I speak up.

“So. What are we going over today?”

Tristan’s eyes aren’t hard and I almost want to think that I see a faint smile on his face. He looks back over to Gage then casually leans back into the black leather chair, crossing his arms.

Gage stands quickly, holding a few sheets of paper in his hands.

“We’re going to try and cover most of the song today as we can, starting from the beginning. Maybe later, take a break to do some layers.”

Sounds good. Nodding my head, I take charge and start toward the booth. I want to prep it before I start singing, so I light the candle that I brought in there yesterday, a simple lavender one that will help bring peace and positive vibes to me. I also pull out of the little bag I left in here last night, reaching in and grabbing my braided sweet grass and rosary and laying them both on the table beside my candle. I smile to myself, so glad that Roger isn’t here. He would be laughing at this and teasing me all damn day. Well, now I’ve got something on him.
Foreigner!
  

I grab a bottled water from the fridge when I’m done setting up the booth and I notice Tristan has a sexy smirk on his face. I need to get over how fucking good he looks, especially when he’s smiling or just simply not being an ass.

“What?” I ask in a low voice. I don’t want to throw everything I just said about positive vibes out the damn window by sounding like a bitch and getting him going again.

“You ready?”

His voice is so deep. Somehow I feel like there’s more to his question than that.

Giving him a weak smile, I make my way back into the booth. After taking a drink, I inhale deeply through my nose and exhale slowly out of my mouth, getting myself prepared. Okay, I think I’m good to go. Placing the headphones tightly on my head, I lean over to the mic and let Gage know it’s good. Tristan is still sitting in the chair beside him, leaning back with his hands clasped together behind the chair.

Now, I know I have Benny, but I want to give my
everything
to this song. I’m not clueless. This song just has too many ties between Tristan and me. For me to do it at my best, I’m gonna have to go back there and open up every wound I ever received from him. The part I’m starting off with is in what I call my ‘pretty’ voice. Closing my eyes, I hear the tempo beat and the recordings from yesterday flow through my headphones.

Keeping my eyes shut, I place one hand on the headphones beside my face and every so often, I gently swipe the other over the mic or rest it on my hip. I didn’t realize I was even doing it, but when I open my eyes, I feel moisture behind them. A tear slowly escapes and runs down my cheek. That’s when it hits me. I love Tristan. How? I don’t fucking know, but in some way, back then . . . I did. Then, it fucking dawns on me. I still do.
Fuck me!

Trying to cover up, I plaster on the biggest, fakest smile that I can come up with. My cheekbones are practically aching. I don’t want to rub my eyes because then Tristan will know something is up, and that motherfucker doesn’t have the right to me anymore. I’m just grateful that they can’t really get a good look at my eyes standing back there. Reaching for my water, I take a long drink from it when I hear Gage’s voice come through sounding almost in awe.

“If you keep that up today, I think a hell of a lot will get done. You did amazing!”

Placing my water back down, I’m surprised Tristan didn’t put his two cents in. Nervously, I glance over at him. He’s still in the same position as before but his jaw is clenched and his mouth is in a tight line. His eyes though . . . those dark eyes look like they’re almost begging me for something. But I don’t know what. I get the incredible sense that Tristan is almost apologizing to me right now through his eyes. Like he knows where I was just at. Keeping my eyes locked on his, I hear Gage speak up again.

“Ready?”

Clearing my head, I look back over to him.

“Sure.”

And again, we go over more of the track. Finally, after a couple hours, I’m emotionally drained and I’m glad that my part is over for right now. Blowing out my candle, I take a small step out of the booth. Tristan doesn’t say anything to me when we pass, but a part of me is physically wanting to hold him right now.

I take a seat where he has just gotten up from. The leather is still warm from his body. Crossing my legs, I rest my hands in my lap as I lean back. Tristan tilts his neck right then left, stretching it out, slowly running his tongue over his bottom lip.
Damn.

Gage presses a couple buttons and clicks once with his mouse. Tristan’s voice pours passionately and intensely through the speakers.

I’m in a trance, mesmerized by him. I don’t even hear Caleb and Gunner come in behind me because I am so fixed on Tristan. He doesn’t keep his eyes closed like I did; instead he stares intently back at me as if we are the only two in here. My core begins to ache at his penetrating gaze and heat washes over my skin.

I need to get out of here for a little bit . . . shit is getting too intense for me. Glancing over at Gunner and Caleb who are smoking a joint on the couch, I nod with a tight, closed-mouth smile before leaving the room. Those few steps to get out of there don’t come fast enough, and I’m relieved that once the door closes behind me, I am able to ‘come to’ again, resting against the door. It’s almost as if I’m holding my breath underwater and my lungs are aching to take in air.

“How’s it going in there?”

Dave’s voice startles me, causing me to jump. When he notices, he pauses for a moment, his light brown hair hanging around his face. Swiping it out of his eyes, he looks at me in concern.

“Whoa! Sorry for scaring ya.” He holds out his hands defensively. “Need something to take the edge off?”

He pulls a joint out from his shorts and lifts it in the air. I raise my eyebrows at him. I think I might actually need that today. It would be Roger-style, like drinking before noon.

Squaring my shoulders, I give him a weak smile back and nod.

“Yeah.”

“Cool.” He smiles at me and I follow him out to the patio.

Dave doesn’t talk much while we are smoking. He just looks down, texting on his phone. Which, by the way, I appreciated. One thing about these guys, they aren’t as pushy as my boys. I love them, but my boys can sense something wrong and they won’t drop it until you either walk away or come clean about it. After Cory’s death, we made sure to be more ‘in your face’ when anything is wrong. I guess we’ll always feel guilty about what happened to our friend. But now . . .
Shit!
Can’t have anything run through your mind without one of them sniffing it out like a dog and getting all Dr. Phil on your ass.