Everything Changes (14 page)

Jase leered at him, grabbing his crotch. “Got your man card right here, baby.” Carey rolled his eyes.

Jase sat up, picking Carey’s shorts and underwear off the floor and handing them to him.

“I’m gonna take a quick shower, and then seriously, we need to talk. You need any help with anything?”

“Nah, I’m good.” Carey felt surprisingly relaxed, considering he’d just had his dick sucked by his best friend and then had said friend coming all over him. There was no awkwardness, not really, not like he was expecting. Jase was… just Jase, and now there was that extra layer of intimacy to their friendship Carey found himself basking in. He’d never been… intimate with anyone. Sure, he’d had a girlfriend or two, but nothing like this. Nothing that felt rich and exciting like this did, yet so comfortable and easy, no drama, no pressure.

Jase padded off to the shower, grumbling about dried come and itchiness, and Carey watched him go, admiring the flexing of his ass as he walked, the long, strong legs. He sighed, then pulled his clothes on, reaching for the prosthetic Jase had helpfully propped against the bed before he disappeared into the bathroom. He would fix them some coffee, and then they really did need to talk.

J
ASE
SOAPED
himself in the shower, a huge silly grin on his face. He tried to be realistic, tamp down the happiness a little until he’d talked to Carey, but damn, this was like a dream come true. A dream he’d held for so long. For the next five minutes or so, however long he had left of this shower, he was going to bask in the glow, pretend the real world wasn’t waiting for him outside this warm, steamy room. His mind traced over and over again the feeling of Carey under his hands, his mouth, the sight of him, his back arched in pleasure, pleasure he was letting Jase bring him. Carey had been so open, so giving, of his body and his emotions.

Jase flinched a little as he remembered the scene in the hallway the evening before, how he’d fallen apart in front of his friend, the burden he’d placed on him without meaning to. But if the whole fucking thing had a silver lining, it was that it had somehow knocked down Carey’s defenses. For whatever reason, Carey had finally allowed the intimacy between them that Jase had craved for so long. He hadn’t realized how much he’d needed Carey’s expression of thanks for saving his life, not because Jase wanted to be praised, but because he’d always wondered in the back of his mind if Carey had really resented him in some way for saving him, for not just allowing him to die in that bloody dirt, in that godforsaken fucking country.

No. Even if Carey had resented him and had never spoken to him again, Jase wouldn’t have changed a thing he did that day, at least in regard to his friend. The world needed Carey in it, and Jase would never see it otherwise. But Carey’s words had loosened a band Jase hadn’t realized constricted his chest all these years, and he felt free in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time.

The water started to run tepid, and Jase sighed, turning the water off and reaching for a towel. The little fantasy interlude was over, and it was time to face reality. He combed his hair, slapped on some deodorant, grabbed his clothes, and followed the scent of coffee to the kitchen, whistling as he went.

When he reached the warm, bright little room, Jase leaned against the doorway for a moment, drinking in the sight of Carey standing there, cargo shorts hanging low on his hips, T-shirt riding up just enough in back to give Jase a tantalizing glimpse of skin, soft skin burnished with a slight sun glow from their day at the beach. His eyes traced down to Carey’s legs, one muscular and dusted with hair, the other smooth and shiny, artificial but no less beautiful. Carey balanced easily on them, shifting his weight as he stretched and reached for coffee mugs and plates, his movements graceful and easy.

Jase couldn’t stop himself from walking over to him and wrapping his arms around Carey’s waist from behind, splaying his hands across Carey’s stomach and pulling him close. His heart sang when Carey didn’t stiffen or push him away, but turned his head for Jase’s kiss, resting his hands on Jase’s forearms as he leaned back against him.

“Mmmm,” Jase hummed, tasting Carey’s lips with his tongue. “Raspberry jam already?”

Carey grinned. “I was hungry, so I ate my muffin. God, that sounds dirty.”

Jase snorted, enjoying the lighthearted mood, kissing Carey one more time before releasing him and moving to the coffeemaker to pour himself a mug of coffee. He leaned into the fridge and grabbed a container of greek yogurt, accepted the spoon that Carey held out to him, and seated himself at the table, then sipped his coffee with a contented sigh.

Carey sat down across from him with his own mug, stirring the sweetener and cream into it thoughtfully. “So…,” he began. Jase arched an eyebrow at him, taking a huge bite of his yogurt.

“So… what?” Jase encouraged when Carey didn’t seem inclined to go on.

“How do we do this?” Carey waved his hand back and forth between them. “The fuck buddy thing, friends with benefits, whatever?”

Just like that Jase’s happiness dimmed considerably, and he swallowed hard, desperately trying to keep the truth from his eyes, just how much those words had hurt. They weren’t totally unexpected, though, and Jase thought it could have been worse. Carey could have said something like “Don’t ever touch me again.” But he hadn’t.

You can work with this, dumbass,
Jase told himself firmly.
It’s more than you had yesterday. It’s a start.
He bought himself a little time by swallowing another bite of yogurt and taking a sip of coffee, wiping his lips on a napkin.

“Well, baby,” he drawled, “the way I understand it, the usual thing is to fuck as much as possible.” He winked as Carey blushed, then grew serious. “What’s going on, Carey?”

Carey sighed, gripping his own coffee mug in his hands. “Jase, I—I don’t totally understand what’s going on with me. I’m so out of my depth here.”

“It’s me, Carey,” Jase said. “Talk to me.”

“All I know, Jase, is that you’re the most important person in my life.” Carey sucked in a deep breath. “And when I’m with you, I feel happier than when I’m anywhere else, or with any
one
else. Fuck, this sounds stupid.”

Jase felt that kernel of happiness cautiously take root again. Yes, he could definitely work with this.

“You know me better than anyone ever has. I’ve been shattered into a thousand pieces in more ways than one, and you’re always the one to put me back together. I don’t know, man.” Carey twisted his fingers together as he searched for the words. Jase waited patiently, though he felt like his coffee cup might well be ground to bits under his clenching fingers.

Carey kept going doggedly, although his face was flushed, with embarrassment or just strong feeling, Jase couldn’t tell. “You’re the only one who’s ever made me feel safe and cared for, wanted for who I am, no matter what. Even as far back as that night—that night that we—God,
especially
then. I was such a mess, Jase, and you helped me so much because you fucking
cared.
That’s huge for me; you know that. You stuck it out with me, and I’ve never had that from anyone. You could have just said ‘fuck it’ and walked away; most people would have. And I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had.”

“Never, Carey. I’ll never walk away from you,” Jase said softly.

“If you haven’t yet, Jase, then I know you won’t. After all we’ve been through, all I’ve put you through? This is something I’ve never said to anybody before, ever, and meant it: I trust you, Jase. With everything. And not only that, but I know you trust me, though God knows I don’t feel like I deserve it.” Carey took a deep breath, then blurted, “When we’re together, everything feels so easy and right. In every way.”

“Carey—” Jase whispered, but Carey wasn’t finished.

“And at the same time it somehow feels like it should be wrong. It should be wrong, Jase, but it isn’t.”

“Feelings are never wrong, Carey,” Jase said, reaching across the table and taking Carey’s hand, lacing their fingers together. He squeezed lightly, his thumb brushing back and forth across Carey’s knuckles. “Deep feelings grow out of shared experiences, from common ground, friendship, and loyalty. And we have that, don’t we? They’re not gender specific. We’ve gone through hell and back together and come out the other side. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Sometimes sexual attraction grows along with those feelings. I’ve had them for you for a while, and they’re not wrong.”

“They don’t feel wrong. I’m tired of fighting them,” Carey breathed. “Because it’s you, Jase. Only because it’s you.”

Jase stood up, moving over to Carey’s chair and straddling his lap, lowering himself carefully, his hands cupping Carey’s cheeks. He leaned down and kissed him softly, tasting coffee and jam, his tongue lapping tenderly at Carey’s lips.

“Remember what I said to you that night? Nothing’s changed. How do we get through things, Carey?”

“One day at a time,” they whispered in unison, their lips brushing together as they spoke those words, those words that had bolstered them both when things seemed at their worst.

“There’s just today, okay? We feel what we feel today, right now, and no one can tell us it’s right or wrong.”

Jase kissed Carey slowly, deeply. Carey moaned, and Jase nipped at his lips. “Let’s just go with it, Carey. Let’s just see where it takes us. It could be so good. So fucking good.”

Carey dragged his fingers up Jase’s back, digging in, opening his mouth wider for Jase’s tongue. They kissed hotly, messily, before Jase tore his mouth free and threaded his fingers through Carey’s hair, yanking his head back and latching on to his neck, sucking and biting.

“I want to eat you alive,” Jase growled. “You drive me absolutely fucking crazy. Is that wrong? Does this feel wrong to you?”

Carey tilted his head to the side, groaning as Jase closed his teeth on the tendon in his neck. “No,” he gasped. “I want more. Please, Jase.”

Jase stood and pulled Carey to his feet, then into his arms, gripping Carey’s ass with his palms and hauling him close. He thrilled at the feel of Carey’s arms going around his neck as they kissed passionately, standing in the kitchen. They strained together, their bodies not able to get close enough. Finally Jase broke the kiss, tracing Carey’s swollen mouth with his fingertips, growling softly under his breath at the sight of his stubble-burned cheek. “We’re getting some goddamn condoms ASAP.”

He took Carey’s hand and led him to the bedroom, not able to keep himself from kissing him over and over again as Jase helped him off with his clothes, then stripped his own. Jase reached into his nightstand, grinning as he found an almost-full bottle of lube rolling around in the back, holding it up triumphantly. Carey turned beet red, and Jase sobered, knowing how new and totally unfamiliar this was to him. He threw the lube onto the bed and pulled Carey back into his arms, groaning softly as their erections brushed together.

“Too fast, Carey? Because I can slow down. I just want you so much,” Jase breathed. “But I don’t want to scare you or make you uncomfortable.”

Carey brushed Jase’s hair back from his forehead. “Show me, Jase,” he said simply. “Show me everything. I’m ready.”

Jase fell back on the bed, stuck some pillows under his head, then held his hand out for Carey, pulling him down and encouraging him to straddle Jase’s hips. Jase drew his knees up and planted his feet flat on the bed, murmuring, “Lean back on me.” Carey did, leaning back on Jase’s upraised thighs.

“Is that comfortable for you?” Jase asked worriedly, his fingers playing over the edge of Carey’s prosthetic.

Carey grimaced a little. “I’d rather take it off when we’re in bed, if that’s—”

“Don’t you dare ask me if it’s okay. I want you comfortable.” Jase sat up and pressed his lips to Carey’s ear, playing them softly over the sensitive shell as he spoke. “Because when I make you scream, I don’t want it to be because of anything but pleasure.” He stuck his tongue hotly in Carey’s ear, reveling in the full-body shudder that went through him, the way his cock jumped where it rested on Jase’s stomach.

Jase fell back against the pillows again, watching in satisfaction as Carey moved to the edge of the bed, easing his stump out of the leg socket, his movements hurried and eager even as he handled the prosthetic carefully. He lifted himself back to straddle Jase’s hips, sighing in relief as he settled in.

“Much better. And I won’t break, Jase,” he said quietly, his palms smoothing over Jase’s chest. “I can handle any position, I think, except standing. Obviously.”

Jase ran his hands up and down Carey’s thighs, feeling the muscles in each leg, charting the differences. Carey’s support leg was nicely defined from constant use, the muscles taut and ropy. The muscles of the stump were a little different since it was subject to a different range of motion, more bulky instead of wiry. Jase didn’t see anything but grit and determination, courage and strength, and he couldn’t help but murmur, “So beautiful.”

Carey blushed, then leaned down, propping himself on his hands as he feathered his lips across Jase’s, teasing Jase with the dampness of his tongue, chuckling as Jase growled and chased his mouth with his.

“Sexy tease,” Jase purred, moving his hands to skim them up and down Carey’s back, digging in. Carey quit tormenting Jase and kissed him full on, then, their tongues driving deep, tasting, experimenting. Jase settled his hands lightly on Carey’s hips and subtly moved him into a rhythm, their erect cocks rubbing together, the leaking wetness from the tips easing the way.

Carey pulled away from the kiss with a gasp. “What now?”

Jase reached for the bottle of lube he’d tossed aside earlier, flipping the cap open and encouraging Carey to sit back up.

“Lean back against me.” He waited until Carey complied, then coated his fingers liberally with lube, taking Carey’s cock in his hand and stroking it from base to tip, covering the hard flesh with the slick, dribbling more out of the bottle onto his own abdomen.

Carey’s mouth fell open as Jase jacked him slowly, and his head tipped back, a long groan spilling from his chest. “Oh God,” he gasped.