Season of Change
Authors: Lisa Williams Kline
B
OOK
F
IVE
EASON
OF
C
HANGE
B
Y
L
ISA
W
ILLIAMS
K
LINE
For my parents, Mom and Big D
D
IANA
I
leaned up against Commanche’s warm, solid shoulder, rubbing my palms over his leg. His foot was soaking in a bucket of warm water with Epsom salts. He kept kicking at the bucket, trying to pull his foot out. He nickered with annoyance.
“Keep his foot in there!” Josie yelled from another stall. “Twenty minutes!”
I leaned my weight more heavily against Commanche’s leg, talking to him soothingly. “It’s okay, old boy. Not too much longer.” Commanche had gone lame,
and the farrier had come today. He’d taken off Commanche’s shoe, and drained an abscess. Now we had to soak his foot every day for ten days. And no riding him.
Commanche tossed his head and blew air through his nose. Kicked over the bucket, knocking me right on my butt in the wet straw.
That night, while we were brushing our teeth, I was trying to tell Stephanie about it. “So, anyway, I can’t ride him for ten days, and …”
“Shhh, listen!” Stephanie said. She put down her hairbrush, and touched my arm. I stopped brushing my teeth. We stared at each other in the bathroom mirror, both in our pj’s, listening.
When Mom and Norm want to talk about something in private, they go in their bathroom and shut the door. What they don’t know is that we can hear every word straight through the pipes that lead up to our bathroom.
“I can’t take off work.” Norm’s voice, louder than usual, came through.
“It’s on the weekend. You only have to take one day, Friday.” Mom’s voice sounded pinched and tight. Like when she was disappointed in me.
“I don’t see why we need marriage counseling.”
Stephanie gave me a shocked look.
“I just think we have a lot on our plates, like learning
to parent each other’s daughters. I know I could use some help. And I think you could too.”
“Are you still mad I didn’t go to Florida to watch Stephanie’s cheerleading competition?” Norm asked.
After a minute, Mom answered. “I think one of her parents should have been there to cheer her on.”’
“You were there!” Norm said loudly.
Stephanie blinked and looked away from my face in the mirror.
“Were you mad about that?” I whispered.
She shrugged, not meeting my eyes. “I was fine. I love Lynn.”
“I don’t understand anything about cheerleading,” Norm complained.
“You should learn.” I was surprised how harsh Mom’s voice sounded.
“I can’t believe you’re still giving me such a hard time about this!”
“I’m still mad about it!” Mom’s voice reverberated through the pipes. “She’s chosen to live with us rather than with her mother, which was a really tough decision. And I needed you with me when I had to deal with her father. You know how Diana is, and then add Steven to the mix. I needed you and you weren’t there for me.”
“I’m there for you!” Norm bellowed.
Stephanie looked at me again. “I don’t want to listen to this anymore.” She turned and left the bathroom.
Neither did I. “You know how Diana is?” What’s that supposed to mean? I know that Mom gets nervous when I’m with Dad. He takes me to do fun stuff that Mom thinks is dangerous, like parasailing. And yes, sometimes he forgets things, like I have to eat. And yes, sometimes he has a few beers and then drives, or loses his temper and yells.
Me going with him over spring break probably gave Mom hives from freaking out, but it had worked because Stephanie had a cheerleading competition in Orlando at the same time. So Mom, Stephanie and I went to Florida for a week but Norm stayed home.
Maybe Norm couldn’t go because of work. Or maybe he didn’t want to watch some cheerleading competition. I didn’t want to go, either, but Stephanie’s squad ended up performing right in Disneyworld on the Indiana Jones stage. It had turned out to be pretty cool. Plus, I’d been looking forward to seeing Dad, and things went really well with him for a change. I had alone time with Mom, so I was glad Norm hadn’t gone. I didn’t want to think about any of it anymore. I finished brushing my teeth, letting my thoughts float back to Commanche.
I headed down the hall toward my room, passing Stephanie’s. Above her bed hung a bulletin board plastered
with pictures of her friends in their cheerleading uniforms. “Anyway,” I said, leaning against her doorjamb, “I can’t believe it’s summer and I finally have more time to ride Commanche and now I can’t ride him!”
Stephanie didn’t answer. Then I noticed she was curled on her bed, facing away from the doorway.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She sat up and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand, staring at me with a shocked look on her face. “Didn’t you just hear the same fight I heard? Aren’t you upset? What if they get a divorce, Diana?”
“I didn’t think it was that bad,” I said, sitting down at the foot of her bed. “Mom and Dad’s were way worse.”
She rubbed her fingers over her eyes. “Mama and Daddy used to fight a lot and then when they stopped, they just gave each other the silent treatment and I hated that even more.”
“Mom and my dad fought twenty-four seven,” I said. “At night I used to put my pillow over my head. So, what’s the big deal?”
“I just guess I was dreaming,” Stephanie said, “thinking that everything between Lynn and Daddy was going to be perfect forever. Nothing is perfect. But when I think about the wedding two years ago, and being the junior bridesmaids, everything seemed so great. And with all the things that have happened,
they’ve always seemed to be really in love.” Stephanie pulled her hair back, as if starting to put it into a pony-tail, then let it fall back down on her shoulders again. Her hair always looked good. “Do you think they’ve fallen out of love?” Her eyes looked really scared.
“No!” My heart beat hard a few times. “You’re way overreacting, Steph. Relax.”
I hadn’t wanted Mom to marry Norm. I’d talked back to him, shouted at him, disobeyed him, and treated him as mean as I could. I’d been mean to Stephanie too. And now, well, maybe it would go back to being just me and Mom again. So what? Wasn’t that exactly what I’d wanted?
S
TEPHANIE
I
couldn’t sleep that night. Daddy and Lynn fighting made me feel sick to my stomach. It brought back all kinds of bad memories.
A bunch of people I knew had gone to the beach to celebrate the beginning of summer, so for a while, I texted them back and forth. My phone lit up the darkness of my room.
I got up, went into the bonus room and turned the DVR on low. I watched some TV and painted my toe-nails the brightest pink I could find.
I couldn’t believe Daddy and Lynn were fighting! After Diana and I had been through so much to try to understand each other and get along.
I mean, I’d been counting the days till this summer. I started my first summer job, teaching tumbling and gymnastics to little kids at the Gym Zone. The kids seemed so sweet. I loved it.
Diana just got her license, so she was supposed to help drive me to work. Her driving practically gave me a heart attack, but it was so cool to have our own transportation and our own jobs. She had a job, too — at a fast food place called Cosmic Burgers, where she had to skate out to the cars balancing their orders on a tray.
I hoped Diana and I would keep getting along this summer. I still felt guilty about what had happened to Diana; I’d told my friend Colleen she liked animals better than people and then everyone started calling her “annn-i-mal.” Diana said she understood I didn’t do it on purpose and she forgave me. She’d even helped me try to get along with my stepbrother Matt.
Now, what if Daddy and Lynn got a divorce? Would I go back and live with Mama? With Matt there? My stomach twisted into a knot. Maybe I’d just go live with Grammy or something.
Just thinking about it made me mess up the polish, and I had to start over. After three coats of polish, I went back to bed.
The next day, I had the worst headache, so I went into Daddy and Lynn’s bathroom looking for an ibuprofen. On the counter beside Lynn’s makeup case I found a brochure with the title, “Renew Your Marriage.” On the front was a picture of a couple standing on a mountain path, with their arms around each other, gazing across the valley to the pale purple mountains beyond. I felt like I was snooping, but I still paged through the brochure, looking at photos of other couples sitting with the counselors. The brochure said that the counselors, Jon and Olivia, were married to each other. Olivia had a kind face and dark wavy hair. Jon had a beard turning gray. On the back of the brochure was a photo of a couple sitting across from each other at an outside cafe, staring lovingly into each other’s eyes.
In the middle of one of the pages, I read:
“And if you do decide to divorce, Jon and Olivia can help you navigate this difficult passage. They can help you with breaking the news to the children, with making plans to separate, and with keeping lines of communication open.”
A tingle of alarm crept down my neck and shoulders. I put the brochure back where I found it, then headed upstairs and into Diana’s bedroom. She was lying on
a large stuffed horse she used as a pillow and texting. Probably Noah, that guy from her Spanish class last year. She was always talking to Noah these days.
I stood in the doorway, nervously drumming my fingers on the doorjamb. “There’s a marriage counseling brochure in Lynn and Daddy’s bathroom.”
Diana shrugged. “So?”
“So, it’s serious. It’s this kind of counseling retreat. These therapists who are married to each other, Jon and Olivia.”
Diana sat up and crossed her legs Indian-style, and said, in a theater voice, “
Jon
and
Olivia
.”
“It really scares me.”
“Listen, when you compare Mom and Norm’s arguments to what used to happen at my house before, they’re nothing. Trust me.”
“What do you think we should do?” My chin trembled, and I tried to stop it. I hated crying in front of Diana. She was so tough.
“Nothing. Don’t tell them that you saw it.
I nodded and wiped my eyes. “Okay. Let’s wait and see if they say anything to us.”
So when Lynn and Daddy sat us down at the kitchen table a few days later and said they had something to talk to us about, we both acted surprised. I sat in my seat, the one that faces away from the kitchen counter, and glanced over at Diana next to me as she sat in
hers, her long blonde hair still flattened from wearing her riding helmet that day. It’s funny how we all keep our same seat at the kitchen table. Like each person has their own place in the family. How would it change, if we were all separated?
Lynn traced the outside edge of her placemat, kind of nervous. “Norm and I are going away for a long weekend together.”
“Where’re you going?” Diana asked.
“To a place in the mountains.” Daddy grabbed one of the candlesticks and started using his fingernail to peel away caked candlewax. “Not too far from the ranch we went to a few summers ago.”
“But it’ll be just us,” Lynn added.
“Why would you want to get rid of us?” I said, trying to make it sound like a joke even though my entire insides were shaking. “I mean, we’re so perfect and awesome in every way.”
“We just need some time to ourselves.” Daddy used the tips of his fingers to sweep together a small pile of candle shavings.
“Ooh, TMI, too much information!” Diana said quickly, putting her hands over her eyes.
I laughed, but then I said, trying to sound casual, “So, just a little vacation?”
Daddy cast a look at me, then at Lynn. “Yeah, just
a little vacation,” he said, concentrating on the candle shavings.
Diana shot a quick glance at me. “Where will we stay?”
“With Grandma and Grandpa Roberts,” Lynn said. “They’ve been wanting you to come for a visit to the lake, for a while.”
Grandma and Grandpa Roberts were Lynn’s parents. They lived at Lake Norman, thirty miles north of Charlotte. I’d only met them a couple of times. Usually, when Diana visited them, I was with Mama. “Me, too?” I asked.
“Your mom and Barry had already planned a weekend trip to Asheville,” Daddy said. “But Grandma and Grandpa Roberts said they’d love to have you both.”
“Wouldn’t it seem weird for me to stay with them, since I hardly know them? Maybe I could go to Asheville with Mama,” I said, knowing the minute I said it that Mama, and definitely Barry, wouldn’t want me coming along. A flush of anger sneaked up my neck. Mama kept asking me to move back, but she was never around when I needed her! Where else could I stay? Maybe with Colleen.
“We thought it would be better if you stayed together,” Daddy said. “Since Diana’s grandparents offered.”
“But what about the Gym Zone? I’m supposed to work Saturday morning.”
“Grandpa said he’d take you.”
Great. So that argument wouldn’t work.
“And I have to go to the barn on Saturday,” Diana said.
“Grandpa and Grandma said they’d work it all out.”
Diana and I exchanged another look. A long weekend with no friends and no way to get anywhere. With Diana. “I just feel like … you’re treating us like babies. Why can’t we stay on our own? Or why can’t I stay with Colleen?”
“I said, because we think it’s better if you’re together,” Daddy said, with a final tone in his voice.
“So … what are you guys going to do on your long weekend?” Diana asked.
“Just spend some time together,” Lynn said. “Things have been so hectic lately, Norm and I feel like we need to reconnect.”
Note to self: They definitely didn’t want us to know it was marriage counseling.
“Cool,” Diana said noncommittally.
“Great,” I said. Which was exactly the opposite of what I really thought.
Later Lynn asked Diana to sweep the back deck and I had to shuck corn for dinner. I sat at the picnic table,
tearing off the green husks and the corn silk while Diana swept.
“Mama keeps saying she wants me to live with her, but every time I need to stay with her she’s out of town,” I said. “I mean, she said she would chaperone the cheerleading trip but that fell through. And now this weekend she and Barry are going on a trip to Asheville.” I ripped half a corn husk from an ear. “I’m so mad at her.”
“I know how you feel. My dad’s done stuff like that lots of times.”
“It feels weird to be staying with Grandma and Grandpa Roberts. I’ve only met them a few times,” I said.
“When Mom and Dad were married, we hardly saw them at all, but Mom and I started seeing them more after the divorce. My secret theory is that they didn’t like my dad. But they like Norm.”
“What’s it going to be like, staying there?”
“They’re really smart,” Diana said. “Both of them were college professors and so they’re really into school. And if Grandpa Roberts finds out you can’t ski or kneeboard, plan on being out there in the water until you turn into a prune.”
“What if I don’t want to learn?” My chest tightened with fear.
“Too bad.”
I sighed. “Great.” I gathered the corn husks and put them in a plastic bag. “Well, I’m going to talk to Mama about this when I have dinner with her this week. Maybe she’ll change her mind.”
Wednesday when Mama took me to the Italian restaurant near her neighborhood; she started talking about Matt as soon as we sat down. Matt had been drinking last Christmas Eve, wrecked his car, and ended up in the hospital.
“Matt’s changed so much since the accident, sugar,” she said, after we ordered, as she carefully folded her napkin in her lap, and brushed her hair behind her shoulder. “I believe when he thought he wasn’t going to get the movement back in his hand, it really scared him. He was so grateful when it did come back. And now he’s got a job at the carwash. And he’ll be taking classes at the community college this summer to catch up.”
“That’s good.” But what was I supposed to say? Matt had been nicer to me since the accident. But I knew where this was going.
Mama reached across the red-checkered tablecloth and took my hand. “I want you to move back in with us, sugar. I miss you so much.”
I was silent as the black-shirted waiter came and refilled my Diet Coke.
As soon as he left, I pulled my hand away. “I miss you too, but Mama, I really need to stay with you this weekend, and you and Barry are going to Asheville! When I need to stay with you, you’re never home!”
“That’s just this weekend,” she said. “It was just bad scheduling.”
“But you missed my cheerleading competition, too! You said you’d chaperone and then you didn’t.”
“Well, these are both trips Barry and I had planned for a while,” she said. “Your father and I never focused on each other the way we should have, to nurture our relationship, and I’m not going to let that happen again.”
And then I said the thing I thought I’d never say out loud to her, or to anyone, really. I couldn’t help it. It just slipped out. “I just feel like when you have a choice between me and Barry, you always pick Barry.”
“Stephanie!” Mama’s jaw dropped and her brown eyes went wide. “I can’t believe you would think that!”
My face got hot, and I looked away from her. I almost said I was sorry, because I never want anyone to be upset with me. But what I said was true, and then I thought about the way Diana doesn’t back down. I set my jaw and glared at Mama.
The server came. “May I take your plates?”
I had hardly eaten any of my ravioli and Mama had barely touched her chicken piccata. We had him
box them up and then we didn’t speak the whole way home. I was so mad I could cry. When I got out of the car, she didn’t say anything. She just looked straight ahead.
“Thanks for dinner,” I said in a flat voice. Then I slammed the car door.
Mama had texted me several times since then, but I ignored her.