Everything Changes (16 page)

“All right, I’m not one for nude photography so
let’s go.”

We found our clothes and dressed quickly, but he
stopped and pulled me against his chest before getting on his bike.

“I love you,” he said, not looking at me. His
eyes closed and a small smile tugged at the corners of his perfect lips. My
fingers reached out to run across his collarbone. I laid my head against his
chest, focusing on his beating heart instead of the words spoken, blinking
incessantly as I attempted to process what he had just said. As the words hung
in the air, his heart beat rapidly, his breathing erratic.

There were a thousand things I could have said to
him in that moment, most of which were completely cheesy, but instead I said
nothing just as he said nothing when I cried.

He confessed his love and I said nothing. I let
out my fears and he said nothing.

I don’t know why I never said it. I did love him,
but my lips wouldn’t form the words.

Parker didn’t seem to notice as he gazed intently
at the rising sun, our insecurities ascending with each color revealed. I
didn’t know if he was actually looking for me to say it back to him either. I
honestly think he was just relieved to say it.

Just the same, I wasn’t looking for comfort when
I cried per se. It just felt good to feel comfortable enough to let it out.

That was one trait the two of us never lacked. We
felt so comfortable around each other that we didn’t
need
to say
anything. But sometime words would have been nice.

CHAPTER 8

Rowan Jensen

Wheelie

When a rider throttles
up quickly and the front wheel lifts in the air. Riders often do this
deliberately as a celebratory maneuver at the end of a race.

July 5,
1997

How are you supposed to feel the morning after?

I wondered how
Addy
felt, and then I wondered why I hadn’t asked her. I had heard some feel guilt,
shame, maybe even regret from the activities the night before. I guess how you
felt the next morning depended on the circumstances that led up to the morning
after.

I didn’t feel guilty or ashamed.

Not me. You couldn’t have wiped the grin off my
face if you tried. Sure, it hurt last night, but I was his. In the light of the
pale moon, we shared something together. Something neither one of us had ever
done before. At that moment, I didn’t care if it never happened again because
it happened once.

No one could take that away from me.

All my concerns last night seemed so shallow. He
really did
only
want me.

After the sun began to rise, we rode back to the
condo. All the while, I smiled like a fool as I held onto his waist with my
head tucked against his. I replayed every touch, every kiss, and it was
perfect. I wanted to fist pump the air, but I didn’t.

Parker’s breathing was light, his riding style
with me on his bike careful but still relaxed enough that I knew he wasn’t
uncomfortable with me on there.

He made love to me twice
and
he told me he
loved me.

Thinking of love made me realize I said nothing
to him about loving him back. He also didn’t seem to mind. He was smiling just
as much as I was. And if you knew Parker, he never smiled that much.

When we pulled up to the garage doors, Parker
leaned the bike to one side and then reached with his left foot to flick the
kickstand down as the garage door slid open.

I maneuvered myself from the seat to stand in
front of him. He grinned looking down at me. “Nice hair.”

“Thanks, I spent hours on it.”

“It shows.” He laughed, throwing his leg over the
bike to stand on the opposite side as me, still gazing down at me. Then he
leaned forward against the side of the bike, and I did the same. Soon our lips
were touching, followed by our hands. Flashes of last night surged through me.
The way his hands felt over my body, the tender way he kissed me, all reminders
of our time together.

He was so much more than I expected him to be and
perfect for a seventeen-year-old girl like me. I was just as shy as he was.
Together, we opened up a little. Not a lot but enough that we were something
together.

He tasted like Parker: sweet and salty all at the
same time. His lips were soft but hungry. I could tell within minutes things
were heating up once again and knew for sure when he moaned softly.

“You’re killing me, Rowan.” He used his hands to
push me back a little, his head dropping to my shoulder, shaking side to side.

“Let’s go up to your room,” I suggested in a
voice I wasn’t sure was mine.

Where did this girl come from?

Parker didn’t seem to care and took my hand to
lead me up the stairs to his room. There were people scattered everywhere
throughout the downstairs sleeping on the floor and up against the wall.

“It’s better than years before.” We stepped over
a group of girls that were half-naked, lying with a couple guys which was a
little weird. Parker just shook his head as we climbed the stairs. “At least
the cops weren’t called.”

I let out a soft chuckle but didn’t say anything.
My mind was on Parker, not these people.

Beer bottles were scattered on the stairs along
with more people and clothes. It looked like a frat party in there.

Once we were inside the room, his playful grin
darkened as he stepped towards me. “Now that I have you alone again…” He picked
me up bridal style and then tossed me on his bed, pouncing. It was nice to see
the playful side as opposed to the shy side. Don’t get me wrong, I loved shy
Parker, but his smile and the way it touched his eyes could sway any emotion.

“I’m scared.” I cackled, squirming away from him.

“Don’t be scared.” He buried his face in my neck,
his teeth teasingly nipping at my skin. “I would never hurt you.” Though he was
being playful, the tone of his voice held the meaning in his words. He wouldn’t
hurt me, at least not intentionally

He pulled back, holding himself up on his arms as
he hovered over me. My legs wrapped around his waist. His head bent forward so
our foreheads were touching and he winked.

I wanted to tell him that I loved him, the moment
seemed fitting, but I didn’t. I was scared.

He pressed forward, his lips touching mine.
Wrapping my arms around his back, I pulled him closer so his weight settled on
me. To me, there was something about feeling him like this.
 
Watching him day after day since he came to
our small town back in April, I wondered what it would be like to touch him,
kiss him, and of course see his penis.

Come on, I was seventeen. Of course, I wondered
what it looked like. I guaranteed all girls my age thought about that. If they
said they didn’t, they were lying. I was sure of that.

I wasn’t disappointed either, though it was
larger than I imagined. I thought he had a very nice penis.

All this penis imagining got me hot and flushed
and mostly bothered. I felt it through his shorts when he pushed against my
hips through his shorts as we kissed. Parker rolled to his back, pulling me on
top of him, his hands guiding me against his chest.

Things were heating up just as they always did
when Justin knocked on the door. “Rowan, are you in there?”

Parker sighed heavily, closing his eyes. “Fuck…go
away, Justin.” He leaned forward, the muscles in his stomach strained as he
sought out my kiss.

“I
really
need Rowan.” Justin’s voice was
frantic.

“Come on, Justin, get lost.” Parker was still
kissing me but something about Justin’s tone made me look at the door. “I don’t
knock on your door.”

“It’s
Addy
!” Justin
stressed, his fist hitting the door.

I shot out of Parker’s grasp, tripped over shoes
and clothes, and threw the door open, half dressed. “What’s wrong?”

“She’s…” I didn’t let him finish before I was
running down the hall to his room despite being in just a pair of shorts and my
bra.

Addy
was
slumped against the bed with a bottle of honey in her hand and spilled orange
juice around her. Justin came into the room followed by Parker.

“She said she needed honey and orange juice.”
Justin knelt next to the bed, rubbing her back. “I gave it to her and then she
passed out.”

“How long has she been like this?” I noticed
Parker kneeling beside us with a bottle of water for
Addy
.

“Just a minute or so.” His eyes got wide. “I came
to get you right away.”

“What happened to her?” Parker asked, standing
near the door.

“Justin…she can’t take her medication and not
eat.” I scolded him as I examined her pulse. She was breathing fine.

“What medicine?” He looked over at me.

I should have known she wouldn’t tell him. She
never told anyone in fear they wouldn’t accept her.

Addy
was
diagnosed four years ago with Type One diabetes and was insulin dependent. For
this reason, she hid it from everyone except Mia and me. I thought, or I should
say I hoped, that she would have told Justin.

“She’s diabetic,” I said to the both of them as
Addy
started to come around.

Both Parker and Justin just gawked at me as
though I spoke Greek.

Addy
seemed
upset when she realized what happened, so I asked Justin and Parker to wait in
the hallway. They did without another word and closed the door behind them.

“
Addy
,” I spoke softly,
handing her the water Parker gave me. “You should have told him you were
diabetic. You can’t keep something like this from him.”

She only nodded. She felt terrible enough without
having to worry about making us mad. Diabetic seizures weren’t pretty. Just
like any seizure, you were sore, disoriented, and exhausted.

I managed to get her to eat some oatmeal and
drink another glass of orange juice before checking her blood sugar again. When
I first checked it, it was around thirty five. Now we had a cushion and it
showed one thirty nine. Next, I called Mia to make sure I didn’t need to take
her to the doctor or anything and then reassured a very disturbed Justin that
Addy
would be fine.

“Very few people know she has diabetes, Justin,”
I explained when he thought she might have been afraid to tell him. “It’s not
something she broadcasts.”

“I can’t believe she wouldn’t feel comfortable
telling me.” His brow furrowed as his memory of her appearance came to him.
“Now those bruises on her stomach make sense.”

Addy
was
now curled up on his lap sleeping in the living room while Parker and I sat
across from them on the other couch.

Gently, Justin rubbed her back. He seemed sincere
but I could sense that he was slightly offended that she didn’t feel
comfortable enough with him to tell her secret. It wasn’t that
Addy
didn’t want to tell him. It was that she didn’t want
his pity. Anytime someone found out her parents gave her up and then she had
diabetes too, they had the same pitiful look that screamed, “That poor girl.”

Addy
was
far from that poor girl. She was brave. The best friend anyone could ever want.
She was loving and funny. She didn’t need pity. Brushing her blonde hair from her
neck, Justin’s fingers traced circles along her collarbone, his eyes downcast
so he could watch her sleep.

I wanted to give them some time alone, and I also
knew
Addy
would be fine, so I asked Parker if he
wanted to come with me to do some laundry. Their washing machine had some
questionable substance in it from last night. Judging by the smell coming from
the laundry room, I was sure someone died in there. Not really, but it smelled
rancid.

Parker decided to stay and clean up since Justin
had no plans of leaving
Addy
. I tried to tell him she
would more than likely sleep for the next twelve hours straight, but he still
wouldn’t leave her side, and I understood. One time I spent four days next to
her when she switched medication just to make sure she would be okay. Being an
only child,
Addy
was the sister I never had.

We had plans to leave tomorrow and Parker wanted
the place clean before they left.

I rode my bike into town, the cloud cover was
nice for a change. It was still hot outside so I wore my usual tank top with my
riding pants.

It took me about two hours to get all of our
clothes washed and dried.

Going to town
alone
was suddenly a bad
idea when I rounded the corner at the laundry mat and ran into Dusty. Noticing
I was alone, he smiled and stepped towards me. I wasn’t afraid of Dusty. I
really had no reason to be but the way he made small talk about the weather
seemed shifty to me.