Everything Changes (6 page)

Sensing he was uncomfortable with the
conversation, I changed the subject. “How many times have you been to Moab?”

“Every year since I was eight…” his voice faded
and then he sighed “...except for ‘95.”

I knew enough about Parker through my own
discoveries that ‘95 was the year his dad died, but no one knew
how
he
died.

I wanted to ask but I also didn’t want to make
Parker uncomfortable. Surely, asking how his dad died would make him
uncomfortable. Any time anyone asked why my mom was the way she was, I got
uncomfortable as if it was an invasion of privacy. I didn’t want to make Parker
feel that way.

From what
Addy
had
planned, we would be in Moab until the week after the Fourth of July, and then
we were heading to Anaheim, Justin’s and Parker’s home town, and then back up
to Washington.

When we stopped that night, we found a campground
outside Salt Lake City and set up the tents.

Parker and Justin watched in amusement when
Addy
and I tried to put our tents together again.

“You know, we could help,” Justin offered as he
ate a bag of chips.

Parker didn’t say anything, just smiled of course.
I began to think that was all the asshole was going to do, but when
Addy
walked to the bathrooms and Justin followed, Parker
spoke again.

It was just before sunset when Parker looked up
at me. “Would you…” he stopped with a sigh and looked at his feet “...Do you
want to take a walk?”

I must have been staring because he suddenly
started backtracking.

“We don’t have to…I just…there’s place up in the
canyon to take pictures. I just thought maybe you might want a few pictures of
your trip.”

Oh
right, pictures. Memories. Hell yes I wanted memories of this trip.

“Yeah, sure, that would be great.” I bolted to my
bag inside my tent and was back by his side within a minute.

In all my excitement, I grabbed my camera but
forgot a sweatshirt.

When the sun set, I froze my ass off and was no
longer excited about that trip to watch the sunset. It left me seeking warmth
and wanting it from Parker, something my conscious must have planned all along
when I forgot the sweatshirt.

Parker noticed and stopped walking to pull his
sweatshirt off and handed it to me but never said anything.

I was so cold at that point, I didn’t care and
pulled it on.

I tried not to be so obvious, but I sniffed that
black sweatshirt like crazy.

Parker chuckled at his Lucas Oil sweatshirt on
me, his hands buried in his dark gray shorts. “It looks good on you.”

“Thanks.” I smiled, stopping to dump the sand out
of my flip-flop. “I’ve always worn sweatshirts pretty well.”

With a soft laugh, Parker stopped walking and
turned to me. He half smiled at me, making me want to do things to him, naughty
things.

We were just about six inches from each other.
Every so often our shoulders touched when we stepped over rocks. But when he
stopped, I felt a strange connection pulling me towards him. I’d never been drawn
to someone the way I was to him, aside from my mom. This was different. I felt
like I wanted to know him and that, strangely, I already did without trying
to.
 
As I said before, most people
annoyed me. He didn’t and that annoyed me.

His eyes shined like a mirror with the moon
light. “We should probably get back, huh?”

“I doubt they’ll even notice we’re gone.” Putting
the lens cap back on my camera, I looked up at him. “
Addy
is one tracked when it comes to Justin.”

Parker laughed. “Yeah, my brother is pretty taken
by
Addy
too.”

“It appears that way.” We could see them from our
place in the canyon. Justin was sitting next to her with his arm around her
looking at the fire.

We sat down beside each other on a rock when
Parker nudged my shoulder with his. “He’s a good guy. You don’t have to worry
about her.”

“I know…” With the darkness surrounding us again,
the courage I had the other night returned. “What about you…are you a good
guy?”

He was quiet longer than I expected before I
finally figured he wasn’t going to answer and stood up. Parker reached out a
grabbed my hand. “I can be a good guy.”

“Can or are?” I asked looking back at him. I had
absolutely no experience with boys and couldn’t understand any of his
responses.

The moon illuminated the side of his face, and
even in the darkness, I could feel the hesitation to answer. “Can.”

It was an honest answer.

There were times when my brain told me I was
getting in over my head, but I was also seventeen that summer and went wide
open into whatever it was that Parker and I were forming.

“Rowan?” Parker asked when he stood up to walk
back to our camp. His hand touched mine and then gripped a little harder
forcing me to look at him. Our fingers intertwined, mine soft, his rough.

“Yeah?” I turned to face him, and he was suddenly
mere inches from me, so close his breath was on my neck and blowing across my
face.

Parker tipped his head and smiled. “Can I kiss
you?” He held my stare for a moment, the nervousness in his voice was sweet
knowing he was just as wary as me.

I think I nodded but I wasn’t sure what my
reaction was. Closing my eyes, it felt like it was all happening so fast, but I
didn’t want to stop it. I wanted this.

He was so vulnerable, so confused that I wanted
to ease that.

I swallowed my nerve and all my fear and closed
my eyes.

Parker’s mouth inched closer to mine, and then he
kissed me.

The only thing I remember was how amazing it
felt. It was so much more than I ever imagined it would be, and believe me, I
imagined it a time or two.

My first kiss happened when I was thirteen, and
that was nothing like this. Parker seemed to be some sort of an expert. He was
gentle but provided just enough force to let me know he wanted the kiss. His
breathing was ragged against my lips as though he was trying to control it but
couldn’t. Obviously, he wanted the kiss and that did things to me, made me feel
more.

To be fair, my breathing wasn’t any better. My
arms wrapped around his neck tightly, like I had
  
the poor boy in a headlock. Stretching on my
tiptoes, I leaned into the kiss with as much of myself as I could. Our lips
fumbled at first, trying to make sense of this kiss and its context.

Parker was the first to let his tongue graze my
bottom lip ever so slightly. His arms tightened around my waist, holding me securely
against the hard sculpted lines of his chest.

The kiss seemed to last forever, but not nearly
long enough before we pulled away. Parker looked down at me with curiosity.

“I’ve always
wondered
about that,” I
whispered against his lips, wondering where the shy side of me disappeared to.

“I’ve always
thought
about that,” he
whispered, pressing his lips to mine once more. He let out a little gasping
laugh, and I could almost feel the heat rising between us.

“Well, now we both know,” was my next response
when he pulled back again.

Parker smiled but didn’t say anything else.

“Should we get back?”

His eyes glanced down my body and he winked.
“That’s probably a good idea.” It was that confidence under the shyness that
most people failed to see. But that same confidence came and went as quickly as
it appeared, and he protected himself with a wall of tires. A wall I’d spend
the next five years trying to break down one tire at a time.

I liked to think that night in the canyon I
knocked down a few, but in the same sense, a few were added...only with me.

CHAPTER 4

Rowan Jensen

Waiting
Zone

The area where the
riders (up to fifty) must wait before being called up before the start of the
race.

June
22, 1997

The drive from Salt Lake City to Moab took about
four hours that morning, and there was absolutely no talking from Parker or me.
As you can imagine, the girl in me kept thinking he wanted a take it back or
something, but he never said anything. He smiled twice and winked once but no
words since he said, “That’s probably a good idea,” last night.

For a seventeen-year-old girl that was very
confusing. I knew that he liked me, and I still thought his shy side was
adorable but it was confusing. Here he was on summer vacation, with me, kissing
me, and talking only to me. He’d asked me to go with him, and actually spoke to
me in that intimate way that made me feel like I belonged to him or something.

Again, my mind was over-analyzing everything.

Before I knew it, we were arriving at the
condominium Justin and Parker apparently owned since their dad died. Parker
certainly wasn’t hurting for money.

Having raced as a factory rider last year in the
AMA, word was that he had a hefty bank account and bought not only the truck he
had with cash but also this condo.

Once we arrived, I had a feeling by the way they
acted that they must have spent every summer here. They seemed comfortable as
they showed us around the thirteen hundred square foot, two-bedroom condo. It
came complete with its own pool and hot tub that I was totally pumped about.

That was when
Addy
hit
me with some rather alarming news. She wanted me to share a room with Parker so
her slutty ass could stay with Justin. You see, the condo was beautiful
but
it only had two bedrooms. Apparently Justin and
Addy
would occupy one room, and shy boy and I would be shacking up in the other
room. My first thought involved a vision of Parker and me tangled in sheets
while I tried every position I’d ever seen in Cosmo with him. That did things
to my panty area, and I had to focus on other things and not panty changing
things. My second thought was when did they get so close, anyway?

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Nervously, I
stole a brief glance at her right before she flicked my heated cheeks.

“Why wouldn’t it be? Listen, Rowan, I’m seventeen
and still a
virgin
.” She implied virgin as though she was the last one
on the face of the planet. “I plan on changing that, and Justin is the right
guy.”

“You just started having conversations with him
the other day. Now you’re ready to drop your panties for him?” It wasn’t that I
held onto virginity like the Holy Grail or anything, but I did believe in
waiting until the right time and right person. I saw too many girls my age
rushing into it only to have the guy never talk to them again. I didn’t want
that for
Addy
or myself.

“Rowan...”
Addy
took a
dramatic sigh and bit her lip “...Justin and I have been dating for about two
months now.” She refused to make eye contact with me.

What the hell?

I didn’t say anything. What could I say? I thought
I was her best friend, and she doesn’t tell me something like this?

Blinking in disbelief, I asked, “Why didn’t you
tell me?” Dropping my bag on the floor in the kitchen, Parker and Justin
shuffled in, both with confused expressions.

Addy
quickly pushed them back outside onto the balcony off the living room before
turning back to me. “I never meant to
not
tell you. I didn’t want to
hurt your feelings since you were so caught up with Parker and all. You guys
are so shy, and Justin is
not
. If it wasn’t for him, we’d be just like
you two
—
kissing
and then not speaking.”

I was about to say something before I realized
what she said:
kissing
. Last night when we returned to the campground,
neither one of us said anything. I wasn’t about to tell her in the car this
morning with Parker sitting right there.

How did she know?

“Parker told Justin.” She answered my unspoken
question. “Justin told me.”

Well shit.

I could see Justin and Parker on the balcony
outside leaning against the railing talking. Parker’s dark gray T-shirt moved
with the subtle wind. His white hat made the strands of curled chocolate hair
peeking out the sides noticeable.

“What did he say to him?” My eyes stilled on
Parker until
Addy
squealed in delight.

Addy
lived
for gossip and faithfully watched Jerry Springer. She thought that shit was
real and would argue with you if you told her it wasn’t.

She jumped on the counter in the kitchen and
spilled. “Well, last night when they were in their tent, Parker told him he
kissed you.” Her eyes widened with animation. “He told Justin how much he liked
it and hoped you did too.”

My checks flushed in a way that made the
blistering Utah sun feel like the fucking moon. “Anything else?” I squeaked
out, breathing deeply.