Everything Changes (7 page)

“Well...” she pulled her legs up on the counter
with her “...he told Justin he was glad we came with them.”

This made me feel better. Since we left, Parker
and I had only spoken few words to each other and now we’d kissed. That wasn’t
exactly my way of relationship building. I mean honestly, it sounded like
something you did in grade school. Was he going to pass me a note asking me to
check
no
or
yes
and then give it to Justin to give to
Addy
to give to me?

Not that I was any better, and unfortunately we
never got any better at it.

Justin stuck his head inside. “I’m sorry, but I
have to pee. I won’t listen, I promise,” he offered politely as he ran to the
bathroom down the hall from the kitchen.

Addy
giggled. “I think we’re done here.” She jumped down from the counter and
whispered in my ear as Parker went upstairs. “He likes you,
a lot
.”

Hearing that was a good thing because I was damn
near ready to bake his adorable ass cupcakes that spelled out “
Will you go
steady?”
in sprinkles.

You see notes worked for me. Adorable shy Parker
and his cute, soft laughs, those winks, and then that confident stare, all that
shit worked for me. I wanted more of it.

So there I was sharing a room with Parker for the
two weeks we were in Moab. I didn’t mention any of that when I called my
parents that night. I gave as little information as needed.

“Hey, Dad,” I said when he answered. I sat down
on the bed, eying Parker’s bag that he tossed there before sneaking outside to
unload the trailer.

I watched through the bedroom window as they
unloaded. Both the boys stripped off their shirts. You could tell they were
brothers if you know what I mean.

“How’s it going so far?” my dad asked.

“Yeah, we arrived about an hour ago.” I nearly
had to wipe the drool from my mouth when Parker picked my bike up with one hand
so Justin could untangle a tie down that was around the front tire.

“Well your mom asked about you this morning.” He
laughed but the sadness in his tone tugged at my heart. “I told her once again
that you were just away on summer vacation.”

It’s probably time I mention what’s wrong with my
mother. She’s not insane. She was in a bad car accident when I was four that
nearly killed her.

After suffering a traumatic brain injury, she
experienced short-term memory loss. She drank but never to the point where it
became harmful to her or others. She was happy and always smiling. That was all
that mattered to my dad and me. He frequently checked with the doctors as to
the damage her drinking may cause, but so far, nothing detrimental. We always
dumped out the bottles and filled them half full of water because she didn’t
know the difference.
 
Her liver had
probably seen better days but whose hadn’t? Hell, those Whoppers from Burger
King probably did just as much damage.

My mom didn’t have a driver’s license, for good
reason, and had no desire to drive anywhere anyways. She was my happy, slightly
unstable mom that I loved. She’d always be waiting with a pint of Ben and
Jerry’s if I had a bad day. She might ask why I had a bad day ten times in a
row, but she was still there for me regardless.

“So, no riding yet?”

“Not yet. I think the plan is for Thursday.” No
parent in the right mind would have let their underage child go away from the
summer with two boys, but my parents did. I had a hard time understanding why.
“What made you decide to let me go?” I asked.

“Justin. He’s very persuasive.” My dad sighed as
the tone in his voice changed. “You’ve helped me with your mom for so long and
never complained. You also never got to act your age. Now’s your chance kid.”
He laughed indiscriminately. “Just don’t get arrested, please.”

“Don’t worry, Moab doesn’t have much for a
seventeen-year-old outlaw. I think I’m safe.”

Rick laughed again. “I better get going. Your mom
is trying to bake a pie, but I’m not so sure about her and the oven together.
I’m also not sure what she used for ingredients.”

“Oh, well you better go help her. Give her a hug
for me.” I laughed and hung up.

Standing there at the window, I watched the boys
unload the rest of the gear into the garage. Looking around the room, I noticed
pictures of Parker and Justin from when they were younger on a bookshelf near
the window. My fingers traced the distorted metal edge of the frame to a
photograph with their father. It had to be him by the resemblance. They were
all dressed in riding gear, holding their helmets at their sides. Parker
appeared to be maybe twelve or thirteen. He looked different. Something about
him changed from that bright-eyed boy to the shy detached version he was now.
His dad looked more like Justin than Parker with his light brown hair and
blue-gray eyes.
 
All three had the same
O’Neil grin though.

“That was taken the last summer we were here with
him,” a soft voice said from behind.

I nearly pissed myself and knocked the frame over
when I saw Parker leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed over his
chest. Thankfully, his shirt was back on. “
Shit
, sorry. I didn’t mean to
snoop around in your room.”

“It’s all right.” Parker smiled. “I don’t mind.”
He moved forward, pointing to the photos. “That one there...” he gestured to
one on the left side of the shelf closest to me “...that’s my mom and Justin
when he was ten.”

“Where is your mom?”

His eyes darted towards the floor. “I’m not sure.
She left that winter. I was thirteen.” He sniffed, running his hand through his
hair. “We haven’t seen her since.”

Hearing the sadness in his voice made me realize
how broken all of us were in some way.
 
No one ever had it the way the Beavers did. Broken homes were all around
us.

Take a look at
Addy
,
for instance. Her parents gave her up because they were sixteen and didn’t
think raising a kid in high school would work. Justin and Parker’s parents were
both gone. My mom, well she clearly wasn’t well, but she was still with me. My
point was that you think your life is the only one like it but it’s not. There
were people who had it better, sure, but there were so many more who had it way
worse. And then there were the people who were right there with you, just
trying to make sense of everything the same way you were.

I didn’t want to see Parker broken. I wanted to
fix him and heal his wounds, but it was never my place to do so. The hardest
part for me was realizing I couldn’t fix him.

Looking over at Parker, his expression was
distant, so I looked towards the bed. “So we’re roommates, huh?”

Removing his hat, he chuckled, running his hand
nervously through his wavy hair again, causing it to stand on end. He tossed
the hat on the bed and leaned against the wall. “I can sleep on the floor. I
won’t bother you.”

He still had yet to actually look at me, so I
touched his forearm softly with my fingertips. “Don’t be silly. It’s your bed.
I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“I refuse to let you do that.” His eyes finally
met mine, and a smile tugged at his full lips. “You take the bed.” He tipped
his head to the bed.

Eying the bed, I realized it was king sized and
spoke before I could catch myself. “We could sleep together. I wouldn’t mind.”

There.
It was out there.

Parker coughed and then laughed nervously.
Silently, I added those particular noises to my growing list of noises he made
that I found so endearing. I was like one of those mothers to a newborn child
that cooed over everything the baby did whether it was a sneeze or a fart.

“As much as that sounds appealing, I would rather
not.”

Wow, rejection feels a whole lot worse than I
thought.

My face flushed even brighter than the
conversation with
Addy
. At least he didn’t reach out
to flick my cheeks like she did.

Parker seemed to realize my embarrassment and
stepped forward, his chest inches from mine, before he slowly moved his hand
under my chin, forcing me to look at him. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He
sighed, his eyes firmly on mine.

Up until then, I wasn’t sure I had made complete
eye contact with him during the day.
 
His
eyes, light and guarded, opened up to me. He was scared, terrified even. “I
kissed you…” his long fingers traced the line of my lips as he spoke “...I’ve
wanted
that kiss since the moment I walked into your dad’s shop six months ago. I’ve
wanted a lot of things for the past six months.” He leaned forward and placed a
soft kiss to my lips, and I automatically closed my eyes. “That’s why we
can’t
share a bed.”

“We can’t share a bed because you want more?” My
eyes remained shut.
 
I didn’t want to see
rejection again.

“Yes.” I finally opened them when I heard the
smile in his voice. “Very much so but…I’ve never done this sort of thing
before. I don’t know how.”

“Kissing?”

“No, I mean innocent girls like you who deserve
more than a guy like me.”

Say what?

“Oh, so you’ve…”

Please
for the love of God know what I’m implying.

“No…oh God...” he tried to backtrack quickly
“...that came out completely wrong…
shit
.” The hesitant side returned,
and he pulled away from me completely. “I mean girlfriends…or…
fuck
. I'm
making this way worse than necessary,” he muttered, sitting down on the bed and
shaking his head.

Justin and
Addy
with
their incredible fucking timing came into the room. “Hey, we’re going to get
dinner. Wanna go?”

Fuck the both of you.

“Yeah.” Parker jumped up with relieved
enthusiasm. “Let’s eat.”

Damn.

Against my desire to stay and actually speak to
each other, we all went to dinner that night at the
Fiesta
Mexicanna
restaurant. Once again, neither of us said
anything to the other. Parker didn’t really say anything to anyone and instead,
sat in a comfortable silence eating until a guy approached the table.

“Hey, Parker.” The guy looked confused for a
moment. “Is that you?”

Parker seemed apprehensive at first. “Yeah…” His
eyes widened. “Dusty?”

“Yeah, dude!” The guy smiled widely. “Holy shit,
it’s been a long time.”

Parker stood and shook his hand. “No kidding. How
have you been?”

“Good…” He pulled back to look at Parker,
sweeping his thick black hair from his face with a grin. “Man, I don’t think
I’ve seen you since the Ponca City Grand National Championship. What was
that…two years ago?”

“Yeah, something like that,” Parker muttered,
leaning against the table, his arms crossed over his chest.

I knew enough about Motocross to know there were
three levels to it. First, you had local, which was just your average track
where riders honed their skills and got over any nerves they had. Then you had
the regional level where you compete across state lines and usually lined up
next to semi-serious riders who had future Motocross and Supercross dreams. At
the top of that were national events. These were for the serious riders and
often times had the corporate factory sponsors backing them.

I also knew enough, through everyone else so far,
that Parker O’Neil was a professional Supercross racer. He didn’t act like a
professional racer, not that I knew of any, but it just seemed that he was too
shy for that. He never mentioned racing or the lifestyle I assumed he had when
he was racing. To me, he seemed normal, like any other seventeen-year-old kid.

Dusty laughed at something Justin said, drawing
my attention to them. “So you’re just here for the summer? When does the season
start back up for you?”

Parker took a seat next to me in the booth
without saying any more.

Justin took over. “Yeah, we’re here for a few
weeks, and then we’re heading to Anaheim. Parker has to be back in California
again by late November.”

Never mind the fact that I now knew that he
wouldn’t be staying in Washington, but I also couldn’t believe how quickly
Parker could shut down. It was as if a switch flipped.

Not knowing what to say, I whispered in his ear,
“Are you okay?”

Parker’s head tipped in my direction, leaning
against the top of mine. “You wanna go for a walk?” His words were mumbled, but
I heard the longing to escape.

Nodding quickly, he reached for my hand before
handing Justin some money. “We’ll meet you back at the condo later.” His eyes
glanced to Dusty. “I’ll see you around.” He patted his back once before moving
past him and helping me from the booth.

“Oh, well, I’m riding the Poison Spider Mesa
trail tomorrow.” Dusty raised his eyebrows at Parker. “You up for that?”

Parker scratched the top of his head with his
left hand, his right holding mine. “Not sure. Justin and I are taking the girls
out tomorrow on a ride.”