and continued calling until I finally fell asleep, a little after three in
the morning. It went to voice mail every time.
16
I resumed my calling seven hours later, desperate to explain to
Penelope that it wasn't how it appeared, but no one was answering.
Avery finally picked up the phone a little after noon, sounding
groggy and slightly hung over.
"Hey, Bette, what's up?"
"Hi, Avery. Is Penelope there, please?" I had zero interest in exchanging
any words with him past the required minimum.
There was a rustle and something that sounded suspiciously
like a whisper before Avery said, "Actually, she's at her parents' for
brunch today. Can I leave her a message?"
"Avery, please put her on. I know she's there and I know she's
upset with me and I want to explain everything. It's not really how
it looked." I was pleading.
His voice got lower and more conspiratorial; he was trying to
talk so Penelope couldn't hear. "Hey, Bette? Don't worry about it. I
would've rather been at Caleb's party last night, too. Trust me—if
there was any way I could've gotten out of that miserable dinner
last night, I would've been right there with you. Pen's just overreacting."
Of course Avery would know about the party. I felt ill.
"It wasn't like that, Avery. I wouldn't have rather been—" I realized
I was justifying my actions to the wrong person. "Can you
just put her on?"
There was some more rustling and a muffled call and then
Penelope was saying hello as though she didn't know I was the
one on the other end.
"Hey, Pen. It's me. How are you?"
"Oh, Bette. Hello. I'm fine, how are you?"
The conversation felt distinctly like dozens I'd had with my
overly polite but slightly senile great-grandmother. Clearly, Penelope
was every bit as furious with me as I'd feared.
"Pen, I know you don't want to talk to me right now. I'm sorry
if Avery tricked you into picking up the phone, but I really want to
apologize. It didn't go down last night the way it appeared."
Silence.
"I got a call from work saying that some people from the
BlackBerry account were in town unexpectedly and I had to go
meet them. I'm in charge of their event this week, and there's just
no way I could've refused to stop in and say hello."
"Yes, that's what you said." Her voice was ice-cold.
"Well, that's exactly what happened. I was planning to run over
there for an hour and do my thing and then hopefully make it
back before dessert. I was waiting for the car Elisa said she'd send
when Philip showed up. Apparently Elisa sent him to get me instead
of the car since the BlackBerry people wanted to meet him,
too. I had no idea, Pen, seriously."
There was a pause and then she said, very quietly, "Avery said
everyone saw you at some guy's birthday party downtown. That
doesn't sound like work to me."
I was more than a little creeped out by the "everyone saw you"
comment but rushed on to explain what had actually transpired. "I
know, Pen, I know. Philip told me that Elisa'd told him that we
were going to meet Kelly there."
"Oh. Did the meeting go well?" She sounded like she was
thawing a bit, but this next part wasn't going to do much to help it
along.
"No, I didn't even get to meet them. Apparently, they got tired
and headed back to their hotel after having a drink with Kelly. At
that point, it was one A.M.! I couldn't get back to you. I'm so sorry,
Pen. I left your going-away dinner because I thought I had no
choice, and it all ended up being for no reason whatsoever." It
sucked, but at least it was true.
"Why didn't you come to the Black Door?" she asked. But then
her voice softened. "I knew you wouldn't have left just to go to some
party," she said. "Avery kept insisting that you'd invented that whole
work story because this was going to be the most amazing birthday
party ever, but I didn't really think you'd do that. It just got harder to
believe when I saw you ride off with Philip."
I wanted to strangle Avery with the phone cord, but I was finally
making progress with Penelope and had to concentrate on
that. "You know I'd never do that, Pen. There was nowhere else I
wanted to be last night. And if it's any comfort, it was a horror of
an evening. Absolutely, positively, undeniably
not
fun."
"Well, I'm sure I'll read about it online this week." She said it
lightly and laughed, but I could tell she was still upset. "Speaking
of which, did you see this morning's edition?"
My heart skipped a very small beat. "This morning? It's Sunday!
What are you talking about?"
"Oh, it wasn't nearly as bad as some of the others. Don't
worry," she rushed to say. I knew she intended to make me feel
better, but her statement had the opposite effect. "Avery showed
me a few minutes ago. It just has some snarky comment about
how you were wearing a business suit to a costume party."
It was incredible! Relatively speaking, the installment was totally
innocuous, but for some reason it was even more upsetting
than all the lies and misrepresentations about my nighttime activities:
if I couldn't even make clothing choices without inviting public
commentary, there was not a shred of privacy left.
"Great. That's just great" was about all I could manage to say.
"Well, as evidenced by the fact that I did indeed wear a suit to a
costume party last night, you can see that I wasn't planning on
leaving your dinner."
"I know, Bette. We're past that, okay?"
We were about to hang up when I remembered that I hadn't
invited Penelope to the BlackBerry party.
"Hey, Pen, why don't you come on Tuesday? Bring Avery if
you want, or just come by yourself. It should be fun."
"Really?" she asked, sounding pleased. "Sure, that sounds great.
You and I can finally sit down and catch up. It feels like it's been a
while, doesn't it?"
"I'd love to, Pen. All I want to do is sneak off to some corner
and make fun of everyone we see, but I should tell you now that
I'm not going to have a free second. I'm in charge of the whole
thing, and I just know I'll be racing around, dealing with a hundred
things. I'd love for you to come by, but it won't be the best
night for catching up."
"Oh, right. Of course. I knew that," she said.
"What about right after Thanksgiving?" I asked. "We could have
dinner alone, just the two of us, before you go."
"Uh, sure. Why don't we play it by ear?" I'd lost her again; she
sounded desperate to hang up.
"Okay. Well, uh, I'm sorry again about last night. I'm looking
forward to next week . . ."
"Mmm. Have a good day, Bette. Bye."
"Bye, Pen. Talk to you soon."
17
When you're twenty-seven and the phone rings in the middle
of the night, you're apt to think it's some guy drunk-dialing
an invitation to come over and "hang out" rather than a workrelated
disaster that will surely change your life forever. Not so
the night before the BlackBerry party. When my cell phone blared
at three-thirty in the morning, I was certain I would have to
deal.
"Is this Betty?" an older woman asked as soon as I'd flipped
open the phone.
"Hello? Who is this? This is Bette," I said, still groggy even
though I'd already bolted upright and had a pen in hand.
"Betty, this is Mrs. Carter," the woman's voice said.
"I'm sorry. Could you say your name again, please?"
"Mrs. Carter." Silence. "Jay-Z's mama."
Aha! "Hi, Mrs. Carter." I thought about the way I'd separated
the invites on the party list and how Mrs. Carter was the only person
who was cross-referenced as "Celeb Mother."
"We are just so excited to be hosting your son and his whole
pos—uh, his friends tomorrow. Everyone's just really looking forward
to it!" I said, silently congratulating myself on the feigned sincerity
I heard in my own voice.
"Yes, dear, well, that's why I'm calling. Is this too late? I figured
a big party planner like yourself would definitely still be awake at
midnight. I wasn't wrong, was I, sweetheart?"
"Urn, no, not at all. Of course, I am in New York, so it's three
in the morning here, but please don't worry about a thing. You
could call me anytime. Is something wrong?"
Please no, please no,
please no,
I chanted silently, wondering what else I could add to
the $150,000 paycheck, penthouse suites at the Hotel Gansevoort,
and business-class plane tickets we'd thrown in for the man, his
mom, his superstar girlfriend, and his nine closest friends. When
I'd asked why they needed hotel rooms at all—even I knew Jay-Z
had a palatial New York pad—his mom had laughed and said, "Just
book it."
"Well, dear, my son just called and said he really doesn't see
the need to take a flight that early tomorrow. He was hoping you
could book us all on something later."
"Something later?"
"Yes, you know, a flight that gets in later than the one already—"
"I understand what you mean," I said a little too sharply. "It's
just that the event starts at seven and as of now you're all scheduled
to land at two. If we make it any later, there's a chance you
won't arrive in time."
"Well, I'm sure you'll figure that all out, dear. I've really got to
be getting some rest for our big travel day tomorrow—that LA-to-
New York leg always tuckers me out—but just fax me the confirmation
when it's all fixed. Ta-ta now." And she hung up before I
could say another word.
Ta-ta? Ta-fucking-ta? I threw my cell phone against the wall and
felt absolutely no satisfaction when it made a weak bleating sound,
right before the battery cover popped off and the screen went blank.
Millington had buried her face under my pillow hoping to escape my
wrath. I wondered if it wasn't too late in life to develop a severe and
all-consuming addiction to tranquilizers. Or painkillers. Or both.
Blessedly, the airlines were open all night, and I was dialing American
from my land line before I could damage any more of my belongings.
The operator who answered sounded just as tired and hassled
as I felt, and I braced myself for what would surely be an unpleasant
interaction.
"Hi, I have an annoying question. I made reservations for a
party of twelve to fly from LAX to JFK on your eight A.M. flight and
I was hoping I could change them all to something just slightly
later?"
"Name!" she barked, sounding not just disinterested, which I
expected, but downright hostile. I wondered if she was going to
"accidentally" disconnect me just because she didn't feel like dealing.