Evan Arden 05 Irrevocable (28 page)

“Hush,” I tell her.  “Be patient.”

I watch as she bites her lip and grips the sheets.  I push into her again, farther this time.  I pull out slightly, then slide back inside.  Her ass is amazingly tight, and it grips my cock deliciously.  I do this a few more times as Alina squirms.  Finally, I’m completely inside of her.

I rest against her back, not moving my hips.  I let her body get used to me as I reach around and stroke her breasts and stomach.  Moving one hand down, I find her clit and circle it slowly as I start to thrust with the same rhythm as my fingers.

“Oh, God!”  Alina tightens her hold on the sheets and moans loudly as I slide my middle finger into her pussy.  I keep my thumb on her clit, rotating and pressing as she starts to move with me.  I add another finger, stroking slowly, and close my eyes to the feeling.

I feel a trickle of sweat run down my back.  Moving so slowly should be painful, but I revel in it.  It’s the ultimate control over passion.  Her ass is tight around my cock, and moving quickly will diminish her pleasure.  I want to feel her ass around me when she comes.

“I want to hear you screaming my name when you come,” I tell her.  “I want the whole building to hear you.”

Her head bobs as she tries to nod against the mattress.  I slap her ass again.

“You hear me?”

“Yes!” she cries out.  “Yes, I will!  Oh, fuck…”

I smile at her cursing, pull out until only the head of my cock is still in her, and then bury myself again.  Pressure fills my body, but I force it back down.  I feel Alina’s hips move as she presses against my hand, and I match her speed.

Her body is slick with her sweat combined with mine.  She turns her head into the sheets and then back again.  I can see her arms shaking as I keep up the slow, steady rhythm.  As her eyes squeeze shut, she yells.

“Evan!  Oh, God!  Evan!”

Fingers in her pussy.  Thumb on her clit.  Dick in her ass.  I feel her clench from head to toe, and I can’t control myself any longer.

My legs shake, my heart pounds, and the sound I make is nothing short of a scream.  Alina is right there with me, crying out as her fingers dig into the sheets.  I fill her as I call out again, and her body tightens around my cock.

I’m trembling as I hold myself inside of her.  My legs are trying to give out on me, but I force them to stay where they are for a few more seconds of ecstasy.  Alina’s breaths are quick and loud as she presses her cheek to the mattress.

When my cock stops throbbing, I pull out of her slowly.  I wrap my arms around her and pull her back to my chest before I drop down to the cold, hardwood floor beside the bed.  Panting against the skin on the back of her neck, I imagine I can still smell the hint of her lavender lotion on her skin.

Holding her as tightly as I dare, I press my forehead between her shoulders as she reaches down and runs her hands against the top of my thighs.  I hang on to her as I try to catch my breath.  There’s pressure behind my eyes that I don’t understand, but I hold it back.

“That was…that was amazing.”  Alina continues to pant.  “Seriously, Evan, how the hell did you get to be so good at that?”

“Practice.”

“Jesus.  Really, that was incredible.  Why haven’t we done that before?”

I blink a couple of times, wondering if Alina could possibly be any more perfect.

Untangling myself, I give her a push to help her up and then drag myself off the floor.  I pick her up again despite the protest from my legs, and lay her down in the middle of the bed before stretching out beside her.

It’s not even noon yet.

Wrapping my arms around her again, I drag her close to me

“All that shit from last night.  I didn’t mean it.”

“You were scared.”

I want to deny it, no matter how true it is.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.  I never want to hurt you.”

“You didn’t.”

“I could have.”

Alina turns and takes my face in her hands.

“You aren’t some kind of monstrous beast, Evan.  You’re just a man—a man who’s been hurt and is hurting now.  You were worried about Rinaldo and didn’t want me to leave you alone.  I understand.”

“I still shouldn’t have said what I said.”  I take a deep breath.  “I’m sorry for that.”

“Thank you, Evan.”  Alina smiles.  “That means a lot to me.”

“You mean a lot to me,” I say.  “I don’t want…”

I take a deep breath, and Alina keeps stroking my cheek.

“I don’t want you to leave.  I want you to want to stay.”

Her expression changes, and she looks concerned.  She runs her teeth over her lip before speaking.

“Are you really okay with me bringing my dog here?” Alina asks.  “You’re sure you’re not just saying that to keep me from leaving, but you really hate the idea?”

“I like dogs,” I tell her.  “I had one before.”

“Really?”  She raises herself on one elbow and looks at me as I nod.  “You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.  Loretta hates animals.  She almost threw us both out when I brought Maisy to the apartment.  Teto had to talk her down.”

“Maisy?”  For some reason, I picture a German shepherd when I hear the name.

“That’s her name.”

“Silly name for a dog.”  I wink at her.

“Are you going to pick on my baby?” she asks with narrowed eyes.

“Why would I pick on her? 
You
named her.”

“Hmm.  Fair enough.”  Alina settles against my shoulder and goes back to stroking my chest.

“I’m looking forward to it,” I tell her.  “I’ve missed having a dog around.”

“I always wanted one as a kid,” she says.  “My father wouldn’t let me have one.  When I found Maisy, we just clicked.”

“I know the feeling.”

She looks at me for a long moment but doesn’t ask any questions.  I’m glad of it.

I really hope she’ll stay.

I stand dumbly in the rain.

Black suit, white shirt, black tie.  I have to keep adjusting my grip on the wet, wooden handle of the casket, trying to keep my knees from giving out on me.  It’s not the physical weight but the emotional magnitude.

It’s not a dream this time.

There’s a big turnout for the funeral despite the weather.  Well-liked or not, Rinaldo was a big name in Chicago, and it looks like the “who’s who” of the city’s underworld at the cemetery.  Several people have even flown in from Italy to be here.

Lele and Lucia hold hands as they make their way to the canopy-covered grass and sit in the front row.  Jonathan, Paulie, and Nick help me position the casket on its stand above the large, covered hole in the ground.

Lele reaches out for me, and I take the seat beside her.  I stare in a daze at the immense flower arrangement on top of the casket.  I don’t hear the priest’s words, just Lele’s muted crying.  Lucia is speaking in calming tones to her mother, but I don’t know what she says.  Everything is bleak, dreary, and vague.

He’s gone.

I can’t fathom it.  As many men as I have watched die, I can’t wrap my head around this one man being gone from the world.  No more hospital visits.  No more inspirational talks after meetings in his office.  No more
son
.

As the ceremony ends, I feel as if I’m being shoved into the hole along with him.

A proper Italian feast has been prepared back at the church.  The crowd is smaller, but the whole place still feels claustrophobic.  There’s a decent-sized group looking at two giant posters filled with pictures of Rinaldo and his family, and people line up to offer their condolences to Lele and Lucia as they try to eat.

I don’t speak to anyone, and no one approaches me.  Even Jonathan keeps his distance.

Alina had offered to attend, but I told her not to.  I didn’t want a bunch of people asking who she is, or worse, knowing who she is.  Now I wish she were here.  Despite the crowd, I feel as alone as I ever have.

The only person who keeps his eyes on me is Paulie.  Rinaldo made it clear he is now my security.  I find the idea laughable, but he’s the only person other than Jonathan who knows I am now in charge.

Just call me capo famiglia.

I hear a few people speaking hushed words about who might be in control of the business, but I don’t offer them any answers.  They’ll all figure it out soon enough, and this isn’t the time or place for business.  A few of them glance at me, but I doubt I appear particularly approachable at the moment.  If any of them did care to ask me outright, I would be happy to take them outside and it explain in detail.

With a gun.

A lady from the church stops by and offers me a cup of coffee.  I take it without wanting it, and as soon as she leaves, I try to find a place to discard it.  The door near the kitchen is open, and I wander in to toss the cup in the sink.  Instead of leaving, I hang out in the doorway.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Lele crying and Lucia trying to comfort her.  Part of me wants to go over and help, but I can’t quite look Lele in the face just yet.  She’s been through enough, and I keep thinking about her other daughter, Margot, and how much more complicated everything is after what I have done.  If Lele knew I killed Felisa, it would devastate her.

I need to get her out of Chicago and back to Italy as soon as possible.

Lucia hugs her mother, says something quietly into her ear, and then heads away from the room toward a door behind the kitchen.  She walks right past me but must not notice me standing here.  I get a brief glance at her, wiping tears from her cheek as she rushes past me.  I’m pretty sure the direction she’s headed leads to the area behind the sanctuary where the altar boys hang out with their candlesnuffers.

I follow.

There’s a long corridor behind the door but no sign of Lucia.  I head down the hall, fairly certain it runs parallel to the chapel.  There are a few doors to the right and left, but I don’t see her inside any of the rooms.  I reach the back of the hall where it splits off to the left and right.

“Lucia?” I call out.

“Go away!”

I follow her voice to an alcove containing a small desk and a stack of Bibles.  She’s leaning against the desk with her back to me, her arms wrapped around herself as she shakes.

“Lucia,” I say again, softly.  I move up behind her and pull her back to my chest.  She turns in my arms and presses her forehead against me as her fingers grip at my jacket lapels.

She mumbles against my shirt, but I can’t understand her.  I take a half step back and take her face in my hands.  I wipe the tears from her face with my thumb, and she leans into my hand.

“I still can’t believe it,” she whispers.  “I keep looking up at all those people, trying to figure out why they’re here.  Then it hits me all over again.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“He was there—just lying there in the bed—and then all those monitors went off.  He…he was trying to breathe, but it sounded like he was choking.  Then the nurses were pushing me away, but they couldn’t help…”

I pull her back against me and wrap my arms around her, closing my eyes and trying to keep myself from crying in front of her.  I hadn’t been there when it happened.  I didn’t find out until Paulie called from the hospital and told me it was over.

I should have been there.

As I try to keep myself composed, Lucia suddenly places her hands on my chest and shoves me away.

“You said he was going to be fine!”  I feel like her eyes are digging into mine, and I have to look away.  “He was only supposed to have a damn bullet taken out of him!  Not this!  If you had been there with him…”

She gasps, a choking sound caught in her throat as her hands cover her face, and she throws herself back against me.

“Oh God, Evan!”  Lucia’s arms tighten around me.  “What am I going to do?  I can’t handle all of this—I know I can’t!”

“Shh…”  I don’t have any words that will make a difference, so I don’t offer any.  I hold onto her tightly as she cries against my jacket.

Everything that happens next is later a blur to me.

Lucia turns her face to mine.  Her cheeks are red and blotchy, and her eyes are bloodshot.  I stroke her cheek and look into her soft brown eyes as her hand reaches up around my neck.  A moment later, I feel her mouth on mine, and my body responds.

There is nothing gentle about the way I kiss her.  It’s frantic and nearly violent as I grab the back of her head and pull her mouth hard against mine.  She slides her hands inside my jacket, and I let go of her long enough to let her shove it off my shoulders, but I never release her mouth.  The jacket falls to the ground in a heap as Lucia attacks the buttons of my shirt with her fingers.

Reaching for her ass, I pick her up and drop her on the top of the desk.  Grabbing frantically, I push her dress up around her waist and pull at her hose and panties as she works to loosen my belt.  She releases my cock, stroking it with her hand as she leans back on the desk with her shoulders against the wall, her ass hanging right at the edge.  With a single step forward, I’m in position.

I thrust up hard, impaling her as I immerse myself in her flesh.  I pull back, thrust again, and her hands grip the back of my head.  She tucks her face against my shoulder to muffle her cries and wraps her legs around me.

Sweat from my forehead trickles down into my eyes.  I clench my teeth, trying not to scream.  I don’t even know what words would come out of my mouth if I did.  My mind has no idea what my body is doing.  I only comprehend the pressure behind my eyes and the heat around my cock.

Lucia moves her hands down my back and grips my ass, encouraging me to move faster.  Her quiet cries are sharp, matching my thrusts as her heels dig into the back of my thighs.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I keep pounding into her.  My body is on automatic as my brain tries to cope with everything inside of it.  I want all my thoughts to just disappear, one thrust at a time.

He’s gone.  He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone…

Lucia cries out again, slightly louder than before, and her body tenses around me.  She drops her head to my shoulder, and I quicken my movements.

My legs start to shake, and I place one hand on the top of the desk to keep myself upright.  I wrap my other arm around Lucia’s waist to keep her in position as she reaches around my back and grabs my shoulders.  I feel the quivering buildup in my balls, and a tingling sensation makes its way from my stomach to the base of my cock and explodes outward.

Grunting, I shove into her once more, emptying myself into her body as she tightens her legs around my waist.  We pant against each other, and her tears wet my shoulder as they leak through my shirt.

I pull out slowly, tucking my dick back into my pants as I help Lucia to her feet.  She makes eye contact for half a second before she wipes at her cheeks and reaches down to fix the straps on her heels.  Silently, I button my shirt and stare at the top of the desk.

I’m as dazed as I had been, holding Rinaldo’s casket.

“We should get back before someone notices,” Lucia says softly.

“Yeah.”  I nod.   “Do you want to go first, or should I?”

“I will.”  She uses her hands to fix her hair a little and then straightens her skirt.   “Do I look okay?”

She looks freshly fucked.  That’s how she looks, but I don’t say that.

“You’re good.”

She nods, stands still for a moment, and then reaches up to kiss my cheek before she departs.

A few minutes later, I walk out, still in a fog.

What the hell did I just do?

*****

I’ve been driving around in circles.

All the official services have been over for hours.  A few of the guys went to Sweetwater to toast Rinaldo, but I declined.  My head is still buzzing with the events of the day, and the last thing I want is a drink.  Jonathan gave me a lot of shit for not joining him.  He didn’t think I should be alone, but I didn’t want company.

I also didn’t want to look at Lucia.

I have no idea what happened in that little room.  One moment, I was trying to comfort her, and the next I was shoving my cock into her.  There was no thought behind it—just her body and mine together and the slight thumping sound of the desk as it connected with the wall behind it.  I barely even remember coming.

I’m supposed to marry Lucia.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that there will be no wedding.  I can only hope that Rinaldo didn’t mention the idea to Lucia or Lele.  As much as I want to honor his wishes, I can’t marry her.  I could never love her, and the whole idea of trying to set up a wife somewhere while I try to keep Rinaldo’s empire from crumbling around me during the transition is ludicrous.  I need to focus on setting myself up as the new boss.  I can’t do both.

I don’t want to do either.

Going home and crawling into bed sounds as good as anything, but for once, I know I won’t be alone.  Alina is at my apartment, waiting for me, and I don’t want to face her.

What am I supposed to say?  I don’t need it tonight? I already got some?

I don’t even belong to a gym where I can go shower Lucia’s scent off of me before coming into contact with Alina.  Yes, I’m paying her to be there, but I still feel guilty about what I’ve done.  Lia was the only other serious relationship I’d ever had, and I wouldn’t have dreamed of being with another woman when I had her.

What the fuck is wrong with me?  Why do I even care?

It’s a betrayal—that’s why.  I betrayed Alina.  We have an arrangement, and I went against it.  I fucked someone else, and I can’t take it back.  Loyalty is what I hold most dear.  I won’t stand for any kind of treachery from anyone around me, yet I, myself, had just betrayed someone.

Just like I betrayed Rinaldo when I killed Felisa.

What am I supposed to do now?  Tell her?  Keep it a secret?  I’m not even sure which would be worse.  Maybe if I just forget about it—hide it from her—she would never have to know I’d gone behind her back.  Then again, if she was still turning tricks on the street and tried to keep it from me, I’d kill her.

What if Alina got caught up in some moment of passion and then told me about it later?  Would I be more forgiving, hearing it from her mouth, or would I be just as likely to go ballistic?

I honestly don’t know if it would change the outcome, but finding out from someone else would definitely be worse.

Some things can’t be taken back.

I can’t go back and change positions with Zach.  I’d chosen the spot to set up, and he had been the one hit.  I can’t spin back the clock and save my unit from being ambushed.  I can’t return to that time and place and keep myself from being captured.

If Bridgett had told me herself that she’d been talking about me to someone else, would it have saved her life?  Or would her death still be a black mark on my soul as yet another mistake?

A whole list of things I have done more recently that can’t be reversed flood my head: killing Felisa; promising Rinaldo I’d take over the business and marry his daughter; buying Alina from her pimp…the list goes on.