Envious (13 page)

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, clasping her hands in her lap.

“Why’d you even bother coming if you felt this way?” Spending the next two days with her knowing he couldn’t touch her would be torture.

“Hannah overheard me talking to my sister about it. She was so excited to spend time with Bianca, and I didn’t want to disappoint her. Besides, I’d like to think we can still be friends. You’re an important part of my life. If we’re going to be business partners… Are we still going to be business partners?”

Chris was an expert at separating his business and personal relationships. He had to be since he worked with his stubborn old man every day. “If you want to, I’m still in.”

“I do want to,” she said quietly. “But I’ll understand if you need to back out.”

At the next stoplight, he looked her in the eye. “You won’t give me a chance to prove it to you, but I’ll never let you down. My word is my bond. If I say I’m going to do something, I do it. If I say I’m going to love you forever, you’ll have my heart until I draw my last breath.”

***

Katie couldn’t get Chris’s words out of her head. Was she being a fool to shut him down without giving him a chance? It had been almost a week since they’d returned from Tulsa. Chris had emailed her a few times to give her a status update on their business plans, but he’d never stopped by or attempted to call. While she hated to admit it, she missed him.

Katie took Hannah to Cassidy’s for her weekly semi-private swimming lesson with Shyanne. While they were occupied with their instructor, Katie enjoyed a glass of sweet tea with her mother and sister.

“So how’d things go in Oklahoma?” Liz asked, sipping of her drink.

Katie eyed her mother before shooting her sister a dirty look. “Funny, I don’t remember telling you about that, mama. How’d you hear about it? As if I didn’t know.”

“If your sister didn’t fill me in on what was happening in your life, I wouldn’t even have known your husband moved out,” Liz said, giving her daughter a sharp look. “You wanna tell me why you didn’t think I deserved to know that little tidbit?”

Katie winced. “I’m sorry. I know I should have told you, but everything happened so fast.”

“How do you feel about it?” Liz reached for Katie’s hand. “I mean, really?”

“I’m okay. Which I guess says it all. I shouldn’t be okay. My husband, the father of my child, walked out on me. I should be a mess.”

“Not if you have a hot man like Chris to take your mind off your troubles.” Cassidy grinned.

“Have you been told to mind your own business yet today?” Katie asked, glaring at Cassidy.

Cassidy shrugged. “I figured I’m already in trouble. Why not go all in?”

“How would you like to go in”—Katie inclined her head toward the Olympic-sized swimming pool—“head first?”

“Fine,” Cassidy said, sliding her fingers across her lips. “I won’t say another word about a certain sexy—”

“Shut up!” Katie blushed when the young swimming instructor frowned at her.

“That’s enough, girls.” Liz rolled her eyes. “I swear you two are worse than the kids sometimes.”

“I’m going to go in and call Drake,” Cassidy said, swinging her legs over the side of the lounge. “He wasn’t sure if he would be home in time for dinner tonight, and it should be just about ready. You wanna stay, Katie?”

“Thanks, but I started dinner in the slow cooker before I left the house.”

“Look at you,” Cassidy said, grinning. “Using a slow cooker. I remember when you needed help boiling water.”

Katie smiled in spite of her foul mood. She would get the last word in. “And I remember a time when you couldn’t afford a Happy Meal. Times sure have changed, haven’t they, sis?” Cassidy slipped her large round shades down over her eyes and purposefully nudged Katie’s feet as she walked past.

“I don’t know why you girls seem to get off on giving each other such a hard time,” Liz said, watching her granddaughters in the pool. “You’ve been like that ever since you were their age. I thought you would’ve outgrown it by now.”

“Cass knows I love her.”

“Is there any truth to what she said about Chris? Are y’all seeing each other?”

“No.” Katie tried to ignore the twinge of disappointment. She’d been the one to decide that was for the best. She had no business questioning her decision.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re not too happy about that?” Liz’s silver eyebrows shot up. “Please tell me he’s not the reason your husband left you.”

“No!” Katie lowered her voice when the swim instructor shot her another look. “How can you even ask me that? You think I’d mess around on Lee? With his best friend?”

“No, I don’t think you’d do that.” Liz sighed. “But the heart wants want it wants, doll. Sometimes we can’t help ourselves.”

“As long as I have free will and a conscience, I think I can control myself, mother.” Liz was “mother” when Katie was annoyed, which happened a lot. Liz claimed because Katie was the baby, she felt the need to protect her. Katie suspected her mother just felt guilty for being an absentee parent while she was growing up.

“Does Lee know you and Chris have feelings for each other?” Liz tilted her head so she could watch Katie’s reaction.

“I just said we weren’t seeing each other.”

“But that doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings for him.”

Deciding it was pointless to argue, since she was certain she’d look guilty as sin if she tried, Katie said, “Lee and I have talked about it. He encouraged me to give it a shot with Chris, but only if I’m sure I’m looking for more than a brief affair.” Her cheeks burned when she realized what she’d said. She and her mother had never discussed sex, and that certainly didn’t seem like the time to start. Katie reached for the rainbow-striped towel on the bottom of her lounger. “It’s almost time for the girls to get out of the pool. I should help them.”

Liz reached for her daughter’s arm. “The lesson doesn’t end for another ten minutes. That’s plenty of time for you to tell me why you’re running scared.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re afraid of taking a chance on Chris. Why?”

“It’s too soon.” Katie didn’t understand why she was the only one who thought so. What happened to waiting a respectable amount of time after her husband walked out to begin dating? Katie knew some women would use their husband’s best friends to get even, but their situation wasn’t like that. She cared about Lee, and she had too much respect for Chris to use him that way.

“Says who?” Liz sprayed another layer of sunscreen on her legs. “Girl, don’t make the mistake of caring what anyone else says or thinks about you. You need to follow your heart.”

“I have a little girl to consider. She’s trying to adjust to her daddy not being there all the time. The last thing she needs is to have some other man hanging around.”

“It seems Chris was always hanging out at your house when Lee was living there. I’m sure Hannah’s gotten used to having him around.”

Katie would never admit it to her mother, but just last night, Hannah had asked why Chris never came around anymore and said she missed him. She wasn’t the only one. Katie had found herself wandering to the front window after she tucked Hannah in, pulling back the curtains to find out if there was a light on across the street. There wasn’t. Not even when she took one last look before bed. He was probably out on a date, she thought miserably.

“Honey, I know you’re trying to do right by your girl. I admire you for it. I wish I could say I did right by you and your sister when you were that age.”

Katie knew her mother regretted the choices she’d made, but Katie didn’t hold it against her anymore. She knew Liz had been sick, just like she was when she’d been popping pills. “We’ve all moved on. It’s time to stop beating yourself up for the things you can’t change.”

“I know Cassidy and I have moved on, but have you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your sister learned to love herself, and she’s found a man who loves her. I’ve learned to forgive myself, and I’m working on loving myself a little more every day,” Liz said.

“You’re saying I don’t love myself, that I haven’t forgiven myself for making such a mess of my life?” Katie knew she shouldn’t feel so defensive. Her mother was only trying to help, but Katie wasn’t in the right state of mind to face her past today.

“Don’t get me wrong, I think Lee’s a decent guy. I’ll admit I haven’t always felt that way about him, especially after I learned what happened between him and your sister.”

“Mama, that’s ancient history. Lee’s not that guy anymore.”

Liz frowned. “I know that. Do you think I would have encouraged you to stay married to him if I didn’t think he had it in him to be a good husband and father?”

Katie had confessed to her mother nearly two years earlier that she and Lee weren’t getting along well, but her mother encouraged her to try to make it work for Hannah’s sake. She’d stayed, but she hadn’t tried all that hard to make her marriage better. As sad as it made her, she and Lee had already been too far gone by that point.

“Part of me feels bad I did that,” Liz said. “Maybe I should have encouraged you to get out back then. If y’all were miserable, a baby’s no reason to stay together.”

“We weren’t miserable.” At least, she hadn’t been. She didn’t know if she could say the same for Lee.

“But you weren’t happy, which is almost as bad as being miserable.” Liz chuckled. “Take it from me. I spent most of my life somewhere between unhappiness and misery.”

“Yeah, but not anymore, right?” Katie said, hoping her mother was as happy living with her family in Nashville as she seemed.

“Happiness begins with forgiveness and letting go of the past. For me, forgiving myself and learning to let go was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I knew I had to do it if I had a prayer of staying sober. I don’t want my grandbabies to have a nana who’s a drunk,” Liz said, her lower lip trembling. “I want to be better for those girls. I only wish I’d had that epiphany when you and your sister were their age.”

Katie swung her legs over the side of the lounger and reached for her mother’s hand. “Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself. At least you stuck around, which is more than I can say for a lot of parents.”

“Maybe you would’ve been better off if I—”

“Don’t say that. Don’t even think it,” Katie warned. “Our childhood may not have been perfect, but there were good times. I choose to hang on to those and let go of the rest. You need to do the same.”

“I do.” Liz kissed the back of her daughter’s hand. “Most days. But you know how it is. Sometimes those nasty memories come back to bite you in the butt.”

“Don’t I know it,” Katie muttered, thinking about how often she’d get flashes of the addict she used to be and cringe at that mental image of herself.

“But you’re not that girl anymore. You’re someone a man like Chris would be lucky to have by his side.”

Yeah, right!
Katie was caught off guard when her inner voice shouted that. Was that the reason she was afraid to take a chance on Chris—because deep down she didn’t feel worthy?

“But you don’t really believe that do you?” Liz sat up straighter.

“I don’t know,” Katie whispered. She wouldn’t lie to Liz, not given how far they’d come to repair their fractured relationship. “I’m not sure how I feel.”

“Can I give you a little piece of advice?” Liz asked.

“Sure.”

“Figure it out, and soon. Men like Chris won’t wait around forever.”

Chris didn’t feel like going home after work, so he decided to pass by Jimmy’s bar. At least one or two of his friends were usually there playing darts or shooting pool. He should be able to get in on the action. Anything to take his mind off Katie. That woman was driving him crazy, and he didn’t know what the hell to do about it. As soon as he walked in, he spotted Lee sitting at the bar. As he got closer, he realized it was actually Drake. To most people, they looked identical. Those who knew them well saw the subtle differences, the most obvious being Lee’s perma-stubble. Drake was always clean shaven.

“Hey, buddy,” Chris said, slapping Drake’s back as he straddled the stool beside him. “Can I buy you a beer?” Even though Chris had always been closer with Lee, he and Drake went back just as far. Chris considered him a friend. They had worked together to try to get Lee the help he needed when he hit rock bottom. Even though their efforts had been in vain, they’d developed a connection only those who’d done battle together could understand.

“I think I’ll stick with this,” Drake said, lifting his glass of vodka. “I’m on my way home in a bit. I was just grabbing a drink with Indie while she waited for her date.”

Chris spotted one of Drake’s employees, Indie Eaton, sliding into a booth with a tall, good-looking guy who appeared too conservative and uptight to appreciate Indie’s quirkiness. “Do you have a minute to talk?” If anyone could shed some light on how Lee really felt, it would be Drake. Chris didn’t want to believe Lee may have said something to discourage Katie from having a relationship with him, but everything seemed to have changed after their talk.

“I always have time for you,” Drake said, smiling. “What’s up?”

“Has Lee said anything to you about me and Katie?”

Drake quirked an eyebrow and leaned back on his stool. “I didn’t know you and Katie were an item. When did that happen?”

Chris ordered a beer. “We’re not together, but—”

“You’d like to be?” Chris nodded. Drake asked, “How does my brother feel about that?”

“I was hoping you could tell me. He says he’s fine with it, but something’s spooked Katie, and it seems like it might be something Lee said to her.”

“Did you ask him about it?”

“Not yet.” Chris knew he’d go crazy if he didn’t confront Lee. His friend wouldn’t purposely put the kibosh on his relationship with Katie, but perhaps he’d done it subconsciously because he still had feelings for her and he wasn’t ready to see her with someone else. Chris could certainly understand that. Seeing his ex with a new man had stung for months after their separation.

“I suggest you start there,” Drake said.