Dr. Chase Hudson (The Surrogate Book 2) (4 page)

He. Her roommate was a he. I felt a rush of something
weird. Foreign. It was a swirling, uncomfortable sensation in my
chest and stomach.

Jesus Christ.

Jealousy.

What the hell was wrong with me?

“Ah. I see. Have you ever let him give you a
massage?”

“What do you think?” she asked on a
half-laugh, half-snort.

I felt myself chuckle, working my hands up into her
sore muscles. “Why don't you tell me about him?”

“Why?”

“Because you are having communication issues. I
figure your roommate is a safe enough topic to get started.”
And also, I just wanted to know more about the man she let share her
life. Because that was what she did. Whether she realized it or not,
she shared her life with him. I was curious to see why he was
different. I wanted to know why he was allowed in when all other men
were kept at a distance.

“He's an asshole,” she said easily,
laughing.

Interesting. “Why is he an asshole?”

“He teases me all the time,” she told me, a
bit of bitterness rising into her voice.

“What does he tease you about?”

“The way I dress.” There was nothing wrong
with the way she dressed. Understated. Casual, but put together. She
pulled it off. It didn't exactly scream “take me”, but it
suited her. “How I am uptight and a little OCD about things
being clean. About my needing to get laid.”

She was right. He was an asshole.

“He sounds like a good guy,” I drawled and
she giggled.

“He's actually not a bad guy all in all. It's
just like... living with a teenage boy. He's a slob and has wild
parties all the time.” It was right then that I had their
relationship pegged. The jealousy vanished (as absurd as it was that
it existed at all in the first place). Ava and her roommate had an
adult brother/sister type of bond. He drove her nuts by being a dick,
but she loved him regardless. He, I was sure just by knowing her for
the matter of a few hours, loved her as well. He just was too
immature to show it. “Oh, and then there's the ear-piercing
screams...” she went on.

“Screams?” I asked, my hands pausing by her
hips.

“Yes,” she said, sounding shy. “From...
women.”

“Ah,” I said, smiling because she couldn't
see me. “Does that make you uncomfortable?”

“Only when I have to wake up in the morning and
explain to said women that Jake is gone, he won't call, and they'll
never see him again,” she said in a way that suggested it was
something she had to do frequently.

“Do you think that has had any effect on how you
view sex?”

“Not really. Except knowing with absolute
certainty that I don't want to do it with him.”

That was what I wanted to hear.

And she had come out of her shell to share a little.

So I could move on.

“Does this feel good?” I asked as her head
moved to the side so my hands could work her shoulders.

“Yes,” she said, her tone a little airy.

Fuck if the sound didn't send a stab of desire through
my system.

“Good,” I said, brushing her soft hair to
one side of her neck so my lips could press down into her skin again.
“Why don't you turn back around?” I asked, nipping into
her earlobe.

“Okay,” she agreed, her tone even more
breathy.

She turned and almost instantaneously, her eyes lost
focus. Her body went rigid. She was remembering something from her
past. Something that made her look both anxious and incredibly sad at
the same time.

“Come back to me,” I said, watching as her
gaze moved up to mine and the blurriness subsided. “What were
you just thinking about?”

Her eyes dropped from mine, watching the collar of my
shirt like it just became the most fascinating thing in the world.

“The last time someone kissed me.”

My hand went up to her face, stroking her cheek,
wanting to wipe away the look of mortification there. “Tell me
about it.” The panic rose up quick and strong. “You have
to put the work in, Ava,” I reminded her.

Her teeth bit into the inside of her cheek for a second
as her eyes dropped. But she started talking. “Jake was having
a party. There was a guy who... took interest in me...”

“Just one?” I asked, smiling, not able to
help myself.

Her brows drew together slightly. “Yes. Just one.
And he just... didn't seem deterred by my lack of enthusiasm. Then,
hours later, he finally leaned in and...”

“And what happened?” I pried, knowing she
was just going to let it hang there if I didn't force her to say
more.

“I handled it for a few seconds then freaked and
ran.”

“Hmm,” I said, my other hand going to her
face, cradling it. “What did he say?”

“I never saw him again.”

Jesus Christ.

He just... let her freak out and run and didn't even
try to figure out what happened? I knew my fellow men were clueless,
but fuck... who would pass up on a chance to get with her? Even if it
required a little work?

“A face like this, babe, he should have been
bringing you flowers and jewelry and chocolate until you got
comfortable with him and let him try again.” I paused, watching
the flush take over her features. “Do you have any idea what
men would do to possess beauty like this? And here I am, holding it.”
Now if only she wasn't my client... “Tell me you want me to
kiss you.” She needed to say it. I needed to feel her. Taste
her. “Ava, tell me.”

I watched as she slowly licked her lips. “I want
you to kiss me,” she said on a whisper.

“Thank god,” I groaned, leaning in,
grabbing her face, and pressed my lips to hers. It was firm, but
gentle, not wanting to scare her with the intensity of my desire. A
current moved through her body on a soft moan and her lips started
responding, begging for more. My head tilted, my arm going around her
back, deepening the kiss.

I got maybe a minute in before her lips went lax
against mine. Her body was stiff. She was completely checked out. She
didn't so much as open her eyes when I stopped kissing her and moved
away.

“Ava,” I said and her eyes shot open,
looking shocked. “On a scale of one to ten, how bad is the
anxiety?”

“Six or seven,” she said, her hand moving
up to close over her throat, like she was trying to break down the
barrier that wouldn't let her breathe right.

“Okay,” I said, moving away to sit back on
the couch. “Come here.”

“What?” she asked, taking slow, deep
breaths.

“It hasn't exactly escaped my notice that I have
been touching you and you have yet to put a finger on me. Come here,”
I said, holding an arm out. “Put your head on my chest.”
Her eyes, already big, got bigger. Her hand closed over her throat
hard. “At least try, Ava,” I coaxed.

Then she nodded a little and moved over toward me. Her
body pressed against mine hesitantly and there was a long moment
where I was sure she was going to back away before she finally
scooted in and rested her head against my chest. I let her have a
moment to adjust, to get comfortable, before my arm went around her.
“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“What's the level?” I asked though from her
steady breathing and her soft body, I knew she was nowhere near a six
or a seven anymore.

“Four?” she half-asked, half-declared.

“Be proud of the little victories, Ava,” I
said, taking my other arm and pulling her hand into mine,
interlocking our fingers.

When she didn't fight it, didn't struggle, in fact,
settled in more, I started stroking my hand up and down her back
slowly, enjoying the feel of her relaxing. It wasn't long, maybe ten
minutes passed at most before I felt her body completely sigh into
me, a small murmuring sound coming out of her lips as she fell
asleep.

She fell asleep.

On me.

She trusted me. Already. Therapeutically, that was
great. But also, it was just nice in general. It was painfully
obvious that she didn't trust anyone. But she trusted me. And all it
took was two hours of knowing me.

She woke up a bit freaked a while later, pushing off of
me, trying to shrug back into her shields. Then, voice shaky and
weak, she asked what the next session was.

The next session was something I had tried really hard
to not focus on while she was with me. That was because the next
session involved the both of us taking our clothes off. I was hard
enough just having her near me, kissing me, laying on my chest. I
didn't need to think about her doing those things while naked- those
fantastic fucking legs wrapped around me... her breasts pressing
against my chest... her nipples...

Okay. Enough.

I explained, soothing over her fears, reminding her to
be in the moment, not worried about the future. Then I walked her to
her car.

I unlocked the door to her little hatchback, watching
her shuffle her feet, awkwardly thanking me for walking her.

And I couldn't, or didn't want, to fight it anymore.

“We're outside the office,” I said, running
a hand through my hair. “I'm not supposed to do this...”
I was talking more to myself than her, but when I saw her brows draw
slightly together, I knew it was useless. “Fuck it,” I
growled and my lips crashed onto hers.

It was hard. Demanding. It was full of all the
repressed desire I had been trying to keep a rein on. First, because
it wasn't professional. Second, because I didn't want to scare her.

But apparently that was not a concern. With my lips
insistent on hers, her body came alive. It sparked like electricity.
And all I wanted to do was...

“Fuck,” I growled, pushing away from her,
running a hand across my brow. Fuck fuck fuck. “Sorry,” I
said, taking a deep breath as I reached out toward her, stroking my
thumb across her chin and lips where she had the slightest trace of
beard burn marring her flawless skin. “That wasn't exactly
professional of me, huh?” I asked, shaking my head at myself.

“It's okay,” she said, swallowing hard, her
face still flushed with desire.

“You touched me,” I told her.

“What?”

“You touched me. When I kissed you. Without being
told or asked to. You just did it.” Her eyes went surprised,
but there was a little light of pride there too and I felt myself
smiling at her. “Baby steps, but that's really good, Ava.”
I reached behind her, grabbing the door handle and pulling it open. I
needed her to go. I needed to get my head together. “I'll see
you Thursday,” I told her, watching her lower into her car. I
pushed the door closed, murmuring to myself, “I'm looking
forward to it.”

Because, fuck, I was.

And that was a problem.

After the Session

I went home frustrated. No surprise there. Sexually.
Emotionally. Professionally. Pretty little Ava Davis was creating all
kinds of problems. Problems that I should have been walking away
from.

I slammed the door to my apartment a bit too hard,
pulling at my tie until it loosened enough for me to feel like I
could breathe, moving over toward the couch in the living room and
lying down, hand over my head.

Things were finally in place. My psychology practice
was steady and stable. My loans were paid back. I had a nice place to
live. I had good friends. Life was going the way I worked and studied
my ass off to make it go. All those all nighters in college. All the
empty coffee cups. All the parties I missed. All the years scrounging
up every spare penny I could to pay the student loans. It was all to
bring me to where I was. Personally and professionally.

Apparently all it took to throw things into chaos was a
blonde haired, brown eyed wallflower with the sweetest little honey
voice and a heady cocktail of insecurities and anxieties.

I sighed, shaking my head at myself, letting the last
few sleepless nights catch up to me as I drifted off.

**

“Mom?” I called, walking in from school, my
little six year old thumbs tucked into the straps of my backpack at
my shoulders.

The other kids didn't get to walk home alone. Not yet.
Their parents said they were too young. It was too far. Bad things
could happen to them. I felt really grown up to be the only one who
was allowed to walk themselves home. It didn't even occur to me that
it was weird that my mom didn't come to pick-up and get me even
though she was home.

Besides, we didn't have a backyard so the walk home was
the only time I got to be outside all day except for recess at
school. I liked it.

The house was smoky. I knew from the assembly at school
that smoking was bad for you. I tried to tell Mom that when I came
home, but she waved her hand at me and told me that they calmed her
down when she didn't feel good. So I didn't think they could be all
that bad if they made her feel better.