Don't Tell Me You Love Me (Destiny Bay Romances~The Ranchers Book 6) (4 page)

He turned from her and looked around the little room. There were her old soccer trophies on a shelf beside a cup she won at a junior rodeo. The cup needed polishing. The rim was tarnished. Fingerprints were turning black across the name that had been engraved into the silver plate so long ago. Pretty soon you wouldn’t be able to read who had won it. But maybe she didn’t care about the past anymore. She was living a new life. Turn the page.
 

“Cheyenne,” he said softly, his back still to her. “Two weeks ago I was lying in a bed in Kuala Lumpur, listening to the noise in the street. At midnight it can sound like noon in some parts of that city. I was lying there, thinking about the old days, and suddenly….”

Turning, he met her gaze and held it. “Suddenly I felt…I don’t know. I felt like you needed me. It was like it used to be when we were together. The call was so clear, like a voice in my head. All of a sudden, I had to come to you.”

She was steeling herself. He could see the effort it cost her. But she didn’t waver.
 

“That’s a very effective speech,” she said coolly. “Very impressive.” Her chin rose. “But what about all those times where I really did need you? Over the last two years, there have been a lot of them. Did you sense it any of those times? Where were you then?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged and shook his head. “I can’t tell you that, Cheyenne. Maybe my radar was out of commission or something. I haven’t felt it for a long time. But I know I felt it this time.”

She wasn’t going to weaken. She had to put steel in her spine. “So what is it that you want, Johnny? A medal? A gold star after your name?” Her pretty face showed no emotion. “Or maybe to have your guilt blotted out?”

He knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted her. It swelled inside him with a growing urgency, pulsing in his veins, beating time right along with his heart. He couldn’t have her, but he had to touch her. Reaching out, he took hold of her shoulders and drew her nearer as he said, “I want to see the boy.”

“I don’t want you to,” she responded quickly, but she didn’t pull away. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and worried.
 

“No matter what you say, you know I’m his father.” He spoke softly, his tone gentle, and he dropped a light kiss on the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her hair. “I have a right to see him, Cheyenne. You can let me see him now, or I can come back with a court order. It’s your choice.”

She closed her eyes and let herself melt against him. Her cheek rested on his chest. “If I let you see him once, will you go away and never come back?” she whispered.
 

“No.” His arms slid around her, holding her close, letting him luxuriate in the sense of her. “How could I promise a thing like that?”

She sighed. He felt so good. She knew she had to leave him, but she couldn’t do it quite yet. “I don’t know,” she said huskily. “You used to take promises fairly lightly.”

“I was young. And very stupid.” He reached down and touched her chin, looking down into her beautiful face as he tilted it up. He was going to kiss her again, and she wasn’t going to stop him.
 

But something else did. Suddenly Lysette was there, rushing in like a cool wind. “Listen boys and girls, fun time is over,” she said conspiratorially, giving them a significant look. “Frank is coming in this direction. It might be best if we all skedaddle. What do you think?”

They drew apart, staring at her like sleep walkers and she threw up her hands in exasperation. “Hey, who wants to dance?” she cried, grabbing Johnny by the hand and pulling him toward the main room. “They’re playing the Wallaby Stomp. Remember when we used to do that one in high school? C’mon.”

He hesitated, looking back at Cheyenne. She bit her lip, then said quickly, “Tomorrow. Call me in the morning. We’ll make arrangements. You can see him tomorrow.” Turning, she slipped behind the stairs toward the kitchen.

“C’mon,” Lysette urged, dragging him along while she headed for the center of the group that was dancing. “If we don’t get you involved in something right away, you’ll be out howling at the moon in a minute or two.” She gave him a quick grin. “And that would be so darn embarrassing.”

He followed her lead, but his head was swirling with thoughts he couldn’t control. He barely heard the music. Dancing was an exercise in trying to avoid other gyrating dancers and soon he was looking for an exit strategy.
 

“Come on, get with it,” Lysette encouraged, snapping her fingers and wiggling her hips.
 

Johnny stopped in the middle of the dance floor and scowled at her. “You get with it,” he said, turning away. “I’m getting out of here.”

She was by his side before he made it out the door, and she walked with him back under the moonlight, taking his arm and leaning close.
 

“Well, so much for my little dreams of glory,” she said with mock sadness. “All up in smoke.”

“What are you talking about?” he asked her gruffly, putting an arm around her bare shoulders to protect them from the cool air.
 

She looked up into his dark face and smiled. “You and Cheyenne. You still love each other. That much is obvious.”

He grunted. “So what?”

“So what? So everything. If you’re still in love….”

“It doesn’t make any difference.” He frowned, looking around for where he’d parked his car. “She’s marrying Frank.”

“Are you sure of that?”

“Positive. She’s doing it for the good of the kid.” He looked down at Lysette and managed a bittersweet smile. “And you know Cheyenne. Duty always comes first with her.”

Lysette nodded ruefully. “Duty, honor, country. She should have been a Marine.”

He found his car and reached into his pocket for the keys, unlocking the door and pulling it open. Lysette watched, biting her lip and thinking, then reached out and grabbed his arm.
 

“Johnny wait. Where are you staying?”

“That old broken down motel on Via Verde.”

“No, you’re not.” She tugged on the fabric of his jacket. “Get your stuff together and come stay with me.”

He turned to look at her. “Lysette…,” he began warningly.
 

She threw up her hands. “I know, I know. I’m not getting you into my bed no matter how much I whine.” She grinned at him again. “But hey…we’re friends, aren’t we? We’re practically family. And I can’t stand to have you staying in that old motel when you could be staying with me. I’ve got an extra bedroom you can use.” She made a face at him. “There’s even a lock on the door, so you can keep me out at night…. if you must.”

He thought about it for a moment, then nodded slowly. “Okay,” he said. “I appreciate it.” His gaze swept over her as though he were seeing her for the first time. “I won’t be too much trouble. I’ll only be here for another day or two.”

She looked surprised. “Aren’t you going to stay for the wedding?”

He managed to look forlorn and cocky, all at the same time. “I don’t think Cheyenne wants me to.”

“Oh.” Lysette nodded slowly. “Probably not.” She met his gaze and they stared at one another for a long moment, thinking that over.
 

Finally, his mouth twisted into something resembling a smile. “Hey, get in Roomie,” he said, reaching over to open the passenger door. “I need to get home and get some sleep. I’m going to meet my kid in the morning.”

Chapter Four

The morning was bright, a symphony of sunbeams and gentle breezes, when Johnny walked into the kitchen of Lysette’s place, just back from a morning ride on one of her Mustangs. Lysette had a steaming cup of coffee and a plate of eggs and bacon waiting for him. She also had some news.
 

“I called Cheyenne to let her know where you were. She says eleven will be just fine, if you would care to come over and meet your child.”

“Eleven, huh?” He sat down and reached for the coffee, glancing at the clock as he did so. Eleven. Two hours away. Funny. For some strange reason he was getting nervous. “Thanks for taking care of that, Lysette.” He hesitated, then went on. “What else did she say?”

Lysette grinned at him. “He’s staying with you?” She managed to get just the right intonation on the last word. It almost sounded like Cheyenne.
 

Johnny didn’t smile, but a grim sort of humor simmered in his eyes. “She was jealous, huh?” he muttered, wishing it were true.
 

“Bingo. I must admit, I enjoyed it.”

“You would.” He frowned. Eleven. It was coming fast. He was beginning to wonder if it had been such a good idea to set this up. He glanced at the woman across the table. She was sitting back on her chair, feet on the edge of the seat and arms around her knees which were drawn up close to her chest. In the early morning light from the kitchen window, her face freshly washed and not made up yet, she looked like a teenager. “Don’t you have to get to work?” he asked casually.

“I don’t open the shop until ten. I’ve still got another fifteen minutes or so before I have to get ready to go.”

He nodded, remembering she’d said something about managing a dress shop or a boutique or something in Destiny Bay when they’d been talking the night before. He eyed the food she’d set out for him. It looked darn good—and very different from the meals he’d grown used to over the last two years. Suddenly he was hungry. He reached for his fork, but glanced Lysette’s way as he did so. “So what does the kid look like, anyway?” he asked gruffly.
 

“Like a kid.” She shrugged. “A very cute kid. But they all look pretty much alike at that age.” She threw him a piercing look. “You never have seen him, have you?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

He took a bite of scrambled eggs before he answered. It was every bit as good as it looked. “I’ve been gone. And I didn’t know about him when I left.”

“Is that the reason?” She frowned, thinking back. “But I heard….” She hesitated, deciding not to finish her thought, her eyes narrowing. “Is that right?” she said softly.
 

He shrugged. “The first I knew about the kid was when I ran into Jarod Piker in a bar in Hong Kong. He told me about him.”

“Really?” Lysette studied him. “That must have been some surprise. And what did you think about it all?”

He looked into her eyes questioningly. “What was I supposed to think? I was surprised. Shocked even. I tried to call Cheyenne, but….” He shrugged again, letting the rest of his sentence die. “Anyway, this isn’t helping me. I need to know more about this boy. I have to go over and meet him soon. What do I do with a kid his age? Do I pick him up? Do I burp him? What?”

She grinned. “You really don’t know beans about children, do you?”

“That’s what I’m trying to convey here. I need help.”

She gestured with her free hand. “Oh, what does it matter? Don’t try to fake it. You’re not really going in order to see Zachary, anyway. Anyone with any sense knows it’s an excuse. You’re going so that you can see Cheyenne again.”

He finished off a piece of bacon and looked at her mildly. “And your point is?”

She laughed. “That’s what I love about you, Johnny. You never did try to be something you’re not.”

“Oh yeah?” He wiped his mouth with a napkin and stretched back in the chair. “Maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I should try a little harder to be something else.”

Lysette sobered and a look of empathy softened her eyes. “I think it may be too late to change Cheyenne’s mind,” she reminded him. Her feet slid to the floor and she sat forward, her elbows on the table, her chin cupped in her hands. “She thinks you had something to do with her father’s heart attack, doesn’t she?” she asked bluntly.
 

Johnny didn’t avoid the subject. He looked her straight in the eyes. “She’s right. I did.”

Lysette caught her breath, startled. “What do you mean?”

“I knew he had a heart condition. I knew I should take it easy on him.” His eyes darkened. “But I was so damn jealous,” he said softly.
 

Lysette’s forehead scrunched in bewilderment. “Jealous? Of what?”

He swallowed hard and wet his lips before answering. “Of the way she loved her father,” he said huskily, his voice almost breaking. “ I couldn’t stand her putting anybody in front of me.”

The light dawned behind Lysette’s glittering gaze. She took a very deep breath and let it out slowly before she spoke again. “So first she was putting her father in front of you,” she mused aloud. “And now she’s putting Zach there.” Her eyes widened. “No wonder she doesn’t want you around.”

Johnny gave her a look of pure, unadulterated exasperation and threw his napkin at his empty plate. “I should have known better than to tell you anything,” he said grimly, shaking his head. “I give you one little fact and you blow it up into an indictment. This all has nothing to do with the kid. Hell, I’ve never even seen the kid!”

“But you’ll be seeing him soon.” She nodded wisely. “And he’s a darling. He’s friendly and funny and happy. Everybody loves him. He’s going to worm his way right into your heart.”

“Hmph.” Johnny reached for his coffee. He’d given up on confidences.
Women! Lord, give Lysette an inch and she grabbed a mile right from under your nose.
 

“You don’t think so?” she prodded.
 

He took a long sip and said over the rim of his cup, “I’ve never been much for kids.”
 

She put her head to the side, considering. “Maybe not, then.” She frowned. “Maybe it would be better that way.” She waved a hand in the air. “Maybe it would be better for everyone concerned if you could just go off and leave with no ties.”

“Probably.” He rose from the table, turning toward the interior of the house. He’d had enough of Lysette’s dramatics. “And that’s probably what’s going to happen.” He turned back at the doorway. “But I’ve got to see him once before I go.”

“Of course,” she said, but she was looking doubtful, and he left the room, heading for the bedroom where he’d spent the night. He needed a shower before he went over to see Cheyenne and the baby. He needed to wash away this feeling of doom that kept hovering over his head.