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Authors: Janine A. Morris

Diva Diaries (29 page)

BOOK: Diva Diaries
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Brown Sugar
ordan knew deep in her heart that she was ready for all the risk that came with taking the next step with Jayon. He had been stuck on his idea that they should take things slow, but she was completely fed up with waiting, all for the sake of the possibility Omar may decide he wanted her back. She had decided not to rush things, but the next time it got a little out of hand with her and Jayon, she wouldn't stop what was obviously inevitable. If they kept finding themselves in this predicament, it was clear that both of them wanted it.
They had just come back from a dinner with business associates, and Jayon decided to come in for a piece of her sweet potato pie before he headed home. As soon as she walked in the door, she kicked off her three-inch, $600 “whatever they were called” pumps. The last few hours of the night, her pinky toe was screaming for freedom.
Jordan walked in the kitchen and removed the pie from the refrigerator. She got a knife from the utensil drawer and walked back over to where the pie was. Jayon had been leaning on the counter, and as she approached with the knife he reached over and took it out of her hand. He started to cut her and him a slice, and as he lowered the knife into the pie, he asked her, “How big do you like it?”
Now, why is he messing with me
? she said to herself. She saw the smirk in his eye; he knew what he was doing. He was starting up, trying to see where her mind was and where he could take it.
Jayon played more games than a female, because he knew as well as she did that once she started to entertain this and took it there, he would be the first one to cry, “Let's be sure about this.”
“A decent size, but not too big—it's too late for all those calories,” she responded.
Pleased but disappointed with her somewhat perverted answer, he just continued to cut the pie.
Once he handed her a piece, she headed to the living room and plopped down on the couch. By the time Jayon followed behind her with his pie and a beer he had helped himself to, he had the remote in his hand, flicking through channels. Jayon sat down beside her and started to eat his pie. They both ate their slices as they watched a rerun of
. By the time the first commercial was on, she had finished her slice and placed the plate on the coffee table. He was still eating his and sipping on his beer. She lay down on the couch and rested her head on Jayon's leg.
It was late—she and Jayon had just had a fun evening together, and they were back at her house. She thought to herself,
I'm not making any moves on him. We decided to take things one step at a time and I need to just enjoy his company
. As she convinced herself to behave, she thought she felt a movement by her head.
Is that coming from Jayon's pants
? she wondered.
She sat still for a moment longer before she felt another movement. She rose from his lap and looked him in his eyes.
“What?” he asked with a smirk.
“Nothing,” she replied trying to act equally clueless.
“Why did you get up? You ready for me to go?”
“No, just didn't want to be rude and fall asleep on you. It seems like you're wide awake,” she said with a sly undertone.
Slightly laughing, Jayon replied, “Want to watch a movie?” He began flipping through channels before she could agree. When he arrived at HBO,
Brown Sugar
was playing, the movie that people would say Jordan and Jayon reminded them of. It was about two best friends that fall in love.
“Oh, lookie there,” she said. “You want to watch it?”
“Why not?” he said as he placed the remote down.
He took his shoes off and got comfortable on the couch beside her. They squirmed around until they were in comfortable positions to watch the movie. They were lying side by side, with Jayon's arm rested around her waist.
They had only missed the first fifteen minutes of it, and they quickly fell silent, their attention on the movie. She couldn't help but get distracted every time she felt Jayon make a slight move. His body lying next to hers had her a little distracted. There was a slight part of her that wanted him so bad it was hard to stay focused. It had been a while for her, and they had been fighting off so much sexual tension between them that this was just torture.
She thought Jayon could tell that her body was calling for him to do something. It seemed like only fifteen minutes into the movie, his hand began to slowly rub her thigh. She had told Jayon previously that made her weak, to feel a slow and light rub pretty much anywhere on her body was all it took to get her hormones going. She tried to ignore it, for fear that all Jayon would do if she acknowledged it was come to his senses and talk them out of it, like he usually did.
After a few more minutes she was starting to believe that Jayon, too, was ready. Neither of them was paying much attention to the movie; they were paying much more attention to each other's body language. He continued to caress her thighs and monitor how her body responded to his touch. His hand reached lower and lower, and it was pretty clear that neither one of them was any longer watching the movie. She began to squirm some, moving her leg so he could know that she was completely receptive to what he had been doing.
Once he was sure that she liked his touch, he reached over and started to kiss her neck. She didn't know what it was about the way Jayon kissed her neck, but it took her from level 5 to level 10 in seconds. Ever since the first time they'd fooled around, he had done that neck thing, and he had given her a new hot spot. After a few moments of letting her body respond to the seduction, she reached down and placed her hand on his belt buckle. She wanted to see his reaction, and she was surprised he didn't say or do anything. She started to slowly unbuckle his belt. He didn't stop her, he didn't slow down, and he didn't say a word.
In one movement she had his belt open, and she went to unzip him. As she reached into his pants, she felt his lower body pull back for a second. She slowed down, and then she felt him slowly relax again. She reached in and massaged him through his boxers. His erect penis jumped around to show its excitement.
By now Jayon's mouth had made its way down her neck and to her breasts. She slowly got up and also began removing his pants. This was usually around the time that one of them would stop the party, but neither of them did this time. Jordan didn't really know what to do next. The next thing she knew, she felt Jayon helping her get undressed. She didn't expect this.
Her mind started to panic all of a sudden.
Is this really about to happen
Once this happens, we can't go back
. In between each thought, she could also hear her hormones having thoughts of their own. They wanted Jayon, and they wanted him bad. They had withheld temptation too long, and it had been months with no nookie, so her body was ready for some action.
Within moments, Jayon had her pants off and was kissing lower and lower. Her body was going wild. She didn't have any more thoughts of hesitation; her thoughts were just the opposite—she was eager and anticipating what was to come. He kissed lower until he reached her jewel. He slowly began to lick her there and her body jerked back on the couch. He was passionately kissing her intimate parts, and the feeling was heightened by his thick, warm tongue. She silently moaned and panted, trying to hold in her screams. The pleasurable strokes of his tongue had her close to orgasm. As he felt her grow more excited, he grew more excited. He grabbed her ass and licked between her legs even harder. It was feeling so good, but she wanted more of him. She wanted all of him. She began to tug on his shirt for him to come on top of her.
“I want you,” she whispered.
She felt him slow down, and then he slowly crawled on top of her. Once he reached eye level, he looked at her and said, “You sure you ready for this?”
“I'm sure,” she replied, looking him right in his eyes.
She didn't have to convince him. With one push, she felt him thrust through her tight walls. His eyes closed with satisfaction. He was inside of her, and all of her welcomed him. Before he started to pump his body in and out of her, they reveled in the moment for a split second. She felt him nestling on the inside of her, and they both took a deep breath of contentment. Then, slowly, he began stroking in and out of her. He kissed her and nibbled on her neck and ears as he made love to her. Her eyes were closed, but at one point she looked at him and his were, too. He opened them to check on her and she was looking at him, checking on him. They both seemed to be doing quite all right. He was going at a slow pace, allowing them to enjoy each and every moment of this first time.
After a few minutes, she felt his body tighten up, and he quickly pulled himself out of her. There was a mess on her couch a few seconds later.
As soon as it was done, they were breathing heavily and slightly nestled against each other. Neither of them wanted to look at the other. Then it hit her—the emotions from what had just occurred. Tears began to roll down her face. There was no turning back.
“What's wrong?” Jayon said, panicking.
“Why are you crying?”
“No reason,” she said, trying to wipe her tears.
He just held her as tight as he could, and whispered, “Please don't cry.”
She felt bad, ruining their moment with tears. She wasn't crying because she was regretting what they had done. She cried because she knew that she and Jayon would never be the same, and even crazier, she and Omar would never be the same.
Eight Days Past Due
akota had been late before, but something felt different this time. She went through each day as if it was not on her mind, but there wasn't a day that went by that she wasn't worried about her “friends visit.” After the first week of waiting, and the first day she was feeling nauseous, her paranoia went into overdrive and she made a doctor's appointment.
Dakota had had a few scares, and a few run-ins with pregnancy. She was always either in a terrible situation with the possible father or she was very young. It wasn't long before birth control became a real close friend of hers. She did get careless with Tony from time to time, allowing herself to be too comfortable. Deep down, she had thoughts of having a child with Tony to be sure to have him around. It wasn't until now, with the thought of really being pregnant, that she realized that might only run him farther away. Still, now at the age of thirty-one, single and motherless, the idea of having a child had a little more of a thrill to it.
The first thing the doctor asked was, “Do you think you could be pregnant?” That's usually the question they ask to see if you're going to say “impossible” or “maybe.”
Dakota just responded, “I wouldn't think so—I'm on the pill.”
Dr. Rothstein continued to run her tests and ask questions. She informed Dakota that it could just be stress delaying her period and the nausea could all be psychological. A million and ten thoughts went through 'Kota's head while she sat there waiting for the results of her test. She had come to the realization that being pregnant would not be a great thing. She knew she didn't know how Tony would react; she knew she wouldn't even know if it was Tony's—she'd had her share of fun over the past couple of months. She also knew she was at a great point in her career, and that everyone would be judging her because she wasn't married.
Sitting there cold and alone, Dakota realized that this was a wake-up call, and she had to make some serious changes in her life. If she wasn't pregnant, she would use this chance—whatever number it was—to get her life on track. She never wanted to feel this way again—she was too mature for this; she was even too embarrassed to tell Jordan and Chrasey. She sat there hoping that this was all, like the doctor said, psychological.
About fifteen minutes later she was informed that pregnancy was very much a reality.
Wow, I'm pregnant. How? How could I have let this happen? I used protection every time—well, almost every time
, Dakota thought to herself. Once with David the condom broke, and with Tony one night they didn't have one and they were both so horny they had to do without, but he didn't come in her. There were other times where he would just stick it in once or so before he put the condom on, but that was only a small percentage of the time. Well, it didn't matter at this point—it was already done.
When the doctor told her, as if she was a teenage girl whose parents were going to beat her, she cried. She knew that was tacky but she was so upset, embarrassed, ashamed, disappointed, and scared all in one that all she could do was cry. Besides, her doctor was well aware that she wasn't in the most stable relationship, and that she wasn't planning to have kids. She knew more than anybody about her sexual risks, after she paged her on a weekend for a birth-control prescription when she'd misplaced her pack one day. She also knew from their talks during her checkup. That's why she gave her a look when she walked in the room to tell her. By the expression on her face, Dakota knew what it meant. Still, she told her the news with as much happiness in her voice as possible.
When Dr. Rothstein came in to tell Dakota, a bunch of negative thoughts filled her mind, way more than positive. After the tears began to slide down her cheeks, Dr. Rothstein tried to console her. She reminded her that she had several options, and she told her to go home and discuss it with her partner.
Which partner
? Dakota asked herself.
Dakota called Jordan and Chrasey right away, a three-way call as usual. They were supportive, sympathetic, and happy. Of course, they said they would support any decision she made, although they both felt strongly about abortions and expressed the hope that she didn't do that. They were also sympathetic, because they knew she was afraid about not knowing for sure who the father was. Still, they were both happy as well. They probably just wanted to be new godparents, and have a kid to spoil like she did their kids. She let them both know she thought it was probably Tony's, and after she spoke to him she would make a decision. They, like most girlfriends, advised that she not let him control her decision. “It's your body, and you're going to have to raise the baby,” Chrasey told her.
Her gut told her that it was Tony's, but she wouldn't know until the doctor told her how far along she was for sure. She knew she couldn't wait that long before she told him.
When it was time to call Tony, she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so anxious. She practiced over and over how she would tell him, then she finally dialed the number. When she called, she got his voice mail at first and considered leaving it on his answering machine. She decided against that because as much as she feared what it would be, she wanted to see his initial reaction. She called back twice later on until she finally got him. She told him that it was extremely important that he come over right away. From the tone in her voice, it wasn't hard for him to realize that it was something serious.
She still didn't know how she was actually going to tell him. She even doubted every ten minutes if she even
tell him. Hell, what if it was David's, or somehow turned out to be Darryl's, the guy from the club. They say no form of protection is one hundred percent, and it's times like these when you wished you'd paid attention in sex ed when they said abstinence is the best way unless you're prepared to have a baby with the man you're lying down with.
He stood looking out the window in silence. Dakota didn't know whether to be glad he didn't react in a loud and rude manner, or sad that he said nothing at all. He had been there for all of five minutes, and she'd told him that she'd gone to the doctor that day and the doctor had told her that she was pregnant. Before he could reply, she gave him the rest of the information. She told him that she had to go back next week to determine how far along she was. He hadn't said a word yet. She knew this was a big deal—for both of them. She had such a mixture of feelings about it inside herself, she knew that he was probably really bugging out over it.
A piece of her wanted to be happy about the news, but deep inside she was more depressed than she could ever imagine. It wasn't helping that the man she wanted to spend her life with had absolutely no words to say regarding the matter. What was making her the most uncomfortable was that until she found out how far along she was, she wouldn't even know who the father was. She didn't know what was crazier—that she wanted it to be Tony's, even though he was the least likely to settle down, or that she knew better and should have been wanting it to be David's—but she wasn't. She didn't even call David, and had no intention to unless, for some reason, Tony was ruled out and it had to be David's. No point in getting him excited for nothing.
Two minutes went by without Tony replying. Two minutes felt like a long time—she knew what was on Tony's mind, even though he didn't say it yet. The silence was stirring her emotions. Her eyes began to fill with tears. Finally he turned around and sat at the table with her. He hung his head low, apparently not wanting to ask, but he said in a mellow tone, “Am I the father?”
That's all it took—the floods came. The tears began rolling down her face like a broken dam. From her response, he could tell that it probably wasn't a yes. He waited patiently for her response anyway. Not once did he put his hand on hers, or say anything to comfort her. He just sat there as she wept. After a few minutes, she pulled it together and began to wipe her tears away. She tried to gather her thoughts and calm down. She wasn't sure what he really wanted to hear. She didn't know if not being the father would upset him or be a relief.
“Honestly, I'm not sure yet. I think it's yours,” she said in the lowest tone possible.
“And why does it have to be mine? Obviously you have been sleeping with other people.”
“Because I was protected with them, but it's just that you never know, I guess.”
“We used protection, too.”
“Not every single time, though”
Tony stood up from the table. “Well, when you find out ... you let me know,” he said as he got up.
She watched him walk toward the door, seeing if he was going to say something else. She wanted to ask him why he was leaving, or how he could just walk out on her at a time like this. Instead she just watched him open the door, step through it, and close it behind him. She sat there for about ten more minutes, drenched in her own tears. She couldn't believe he was so cold, but then again she couldn't blame him. Why in the hell didn't she know who her own baby's father was? She knew that was pathetic, so she could only imagine what it made him think of her. She just sat there until she finally made her way into her bedroom. Like many nights, she lay in the bed, crying and hugging her pillow. She didn't even have the energy to call Chrasey and Jordan back. She just wanted to go to sleep and wake up and it would all be a dream.
BOOK: Diva Diaries
12.42Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

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