Discovery (Hybrid Book 1) (30 page)

“Yes it is.” His voice was gentle, but his admission still hurt.

“The Federation’s keeping an eye on their property eh?”

“Something like that. I promise I don’t snoop, unless it’s absolutely necessary.” There was regret in his voice, but whether it was because he was ashamed that he was spying on her, or because she’d found out about it, she couldn’t tell. The thought of him ‘listening in’ all the time was mortifying. She hadn’t hidden the fact she’d slept with Tenset, but having someone ‘listening in’ every time she went to the bathroom, or masturbated.... Even the workings of her own body weren’t private. She was merely a specimen to be monitored and examined in different situations.

“I don’t want to know.”

After a brief moment of silent tenseness, she felt him relax. He was probably heaving a sigh of relief that she’d let him off so easily. What a good little lab rat she was. She bet he was itching to scribble notes on her reaction. He must hate the fact he couldn’t publish any scientific papers on her or maybe he had and he just censored her access to them.

Letting him off so easily no longer felt like a good idea. She’d let a friend off, but friends didn’t spy on you and report your every bowel movement to their superiors.

“Actually yes I bloody well do want to know. What gives you, and the Federation the right to spy on my bodily functions? I'm not just some fucking performing chimp, I’m a person same as you and I’m starting to wish I stayed with Tenset, at least he was honest about his feelings and plans for me. I’m not sure I want to go back to being a fucking glorified lab rat.” Her voice rose as she spoke, and he pushed himself upright trying to calm her by holding her close.

“Get off me,” she pulled out of his embrace. “What are you Connor, my keeper? A performing animal trainer? Are you going to hand me back to the lab like a good boy when we get back? What happens if I stop co-operating? Do I get euthanized and dissected?”

The longer she thought about it, the angrier she became. She couldn’t believe she’d been this blind for so long. Everything was starting to fall into place. She wrapped her arms around her knees, ignoring the pain in her side because the pain in her heart was far worse.

“You’ve always been aware I’m considered property haven’t you?”

He didn’t reply.

“Those classes in the clinic, they were set up so the potential ‘candidates’ could meet their ‘assignment’ weren’t they?” She didn’t think he was going to reply, and he didn’t.

“I was so excited to finally meet people other than the clinic staff, but it was the first time I started to understand that my upbringing wasn’t typical. Before that, I thought it was normal to have one wall of your bedroom being entirely glass and to always have someone sitting in a chair watching you.

“You know what they told me? That I was so special I needed extra attention. I never questioned it, I felt like a fucking Princess in a tower. Instead, I was an exhibit at a science fair.”

“That was then Kittycat, a long time ago, things have changed, and I’ve...” She interrupted him.

“Don’t call me that. That’s a nickname a friend gives another. The other students at the clinic—were they all potential ‘keepers’ for me?  There were over forty of you, between the different classes. Where there ‘Chesara’ classes I didn’t get invited to? Exams on Weird Alien Women? I suppose you got A grades all the way, didn’t you? ” Her voice was getting steadily louder. She knew she should be quieter, that she was giving their location away, but the hurt just kept spilling out.

“I promise I’ll tell you everything you want to know, but you have to keep your voice down. Tamas will have found out we’ve gone by now, don’t let Tenset’s sacrifice be in vain.” His voice was soft, but his words twisted inside her like a knife.

“That was low Connor, even for you,” she managed to say as tears started to roll down her face.

A familiar hand reached out and touched her back. She wanted to flinch, to reject the offer of comfort from her ‘keeper’. But he was the only person who truly knew her, even if she’d just found out that she’d never really known him. She lay down on her side, facing away from him. She felt him put his shirt back on, then he lay down, and positioned himself up against her back.

“T
ell me about yourself Connor. The real you, not the ‘I’m a college kid that wants to join the diplomatic service,’ crap you fed me at the clinic.”

His mind floated back to those months, the faces they had shown her, compared with who they actually all were. The lewd joking in the barracks, as well as how they all wanted to use her to improve their careers and see the universe.  Discussions about what the selection panel looking for; did they want her coddled, her many mood swings humoured, or did they want rigid discipline to be imposed?

They had been told that the subject’s attitude towards the candidates would be taken into account, and strategies for getting on her good side were picked over, would flirting, friendship or dominance work best? None of them had ever considered what she felt about what was going on. She was an asset that needed to be manipulated and controlled. Connor decided that telling her everything would simply destroy her currently fragile psyche. Besides, he didn’t want to see any more of her tears, they hurt more than what Tamas had done to him. Keeping his voice low, he started to talk before she got upset again.

“We were the elite, chosen from the diplomatic corps, the military, and some from the academic world. You’re right about the classes, most of the ones you attended were for your benefit only. We’d already covered the history, politics and such, and we didn’t need all the medical classes. You scored higher on the human anatomy and physiology exams than all the final year medical students on Terra Prime.”

A hunting animal caught its prey and the squeal of the small victim made her startle, but after a few moments of listening to the leaves rustling in the dark, he continued.

“The other classes, the ones about you, and our possible roles were held in the evenings. We learnt about what little was known about your origins, your physiology, and what roles were available in connection with you.  Early mornings were for self-defence and physical training. I was aiming for a tech role, not security, or even any major interaction with you.

“I grew up on a trading freighter based out of Atros, but mainly going from planet to planet with my folks, assessing the worth of equipment and devices for trade. I seemed to have an affinity for all technology, but particularly alien tech. When I came of age, I had the choice of joining the crew permanently or leaving. My parents had always been far more interested in their careers. Father was the linguistics expert, the ‘first contact’ guy on the ship and Mother was the chief engineer. She always did refer to the engines as ‘her babies’.  He paused, hoping that she’d fallen sleep, she was so quiet.

“Go on.”

“When we stopped at Terra Prime I simply left the ship, going to the University to sign on for exo technology courses. I was apparently more successful at the interview that I thought, and I was head hunted by the diplomatic corps.  I spent the next couple of years in class, attending some seriously boring diplomatic functions, and getting to play with some seriously hot tech that was traded from the Garians.”

He felt her shiver at the mention of the large reptilian species.

“When did I come up? Did you go for my particular case, or were you assigned?”

“Bit of both. My expertise with alien tech made me a candidate, but actually meeting and working with a real ‘live’ alien was a tremendous pull, that and my willingness to have various bits of alien tech implanted.”

She rolled slowly over on her back, and although he couldn’t see her face clearly, he knew she was watching him.

“Why did they pick you?”

“I don’t think ‘they’ did, I think you did. The rapport between an operative and their charge is paramount, and you didn’t seem to get on with the two candidates who scored higher than I did in the tests. All Davis talked about was bending you over a desk, and Thomas was always trying to prove she was more attractive than you.”

“I remember Cath was a bitch, but Davis? What a dickhead, all he ever did was leer at me, creepy pervert.” She shivered at the remembered sly touches, having to squeeze past the grinning idiot when he wouldn’t move out of the way.

“I liked you from the start, not that you spoke to me much at first. You were quiet but friendly. The others all tried too hard, flirting or trying to ingratiate themselves with me. I was flattered by some of it, irritated and worried by most of it. I wasn’t used to interacting with many people.

“You didn’t do anything more than nod at me occasionally, and I started to wonder why you were different. It wasn’t as if you could blend into the background, being half a foot taller than everyone else. I think it was the fact that you treated me like a normal person, you weren’t creepy friendly or hostile, and you kept yourself to yourself. I never saw you whispering with the others.

Every time I glanced your way, you seemed to know it. You’d nod before sticking your nose back into your screen. Then there was the day that I really made my mind up about you. Do you remember the day I came and sat next to you? Davis and his cronies didn’t see me come in, and I heard one say something about keeping animals in their place. I had no idea he meant me until he added that he wouldn’t mind my place being in his bed.”

She turned over, and he could see her examining his face. He wondered what she saw. A keeper, a friend, a lover? He had no idea what he was himself anymore. All he knew was that he wanted to be with her, to protect her, and that his goal, no longer coincided with that of his employers. And he knew that neither of them had a choice in the matter.

“I always did like you best.” Her quiet voice said in the darkness. “I guess they picked up on that. I was so grateful when it was you who met me on board the Apollo. You always seemed to know the answers, and you never got upset when I was moody.”

He couldn’t help the slight snort of amusement.

“You? Moody? Never in a million years Kittycat. Now are you tired?”

“Just a bit.”

He pulled the blanket around her and tucked her in. “You always were a bit of a dormouse, now get some sleep.”

––––––––

O
nly a few minutes later, or at least that’s what it felt like, Connor was shaking her shoulder.

“Up and at ‘em Kittycat. Time to go.”

It appeared that dawn arrived with supersonic speed on this planet. She did the only appropriate thing and pulled the blanket over her head.

“Do you really want me to stick a squirrel in there with you?” She groaned and flopped the blanket down squinting against the early morning light. His cheerful smile did nothing for her humour. He hadn’t woken her for her turn at ‘watch’ and although she’d appreciated the extra sleep, he was still treating her like an invalid.

“Fine, I’m up. What’s for breakfast squirrel sausage and leaf loaf?”

He proffered the last of the biscuits. “Yum, you’re too good to me sweetie,” she announced, taking the small offering and biting into it. After the all too small breakfast, she slipped behind a tree to pee before they wrapped up ‘camp,’ and set out into the cool damp woods.

The woods started to thin around midday, and they continued on through scrub land, accompanied by the noises of insects advertising which bush belonged to them. The temperature rose steadily and she decided more talking would help distract her from the discomfort of her ribs, her empty belly, and the overwhelming fatigue.

“Why hasn’t the Apollo sent someone for us yet?”

“They’ll be looking, don’t worry, it’s only a matter of time,” he said before filling her in on Tamas’ ‘disease’ ruse.

She decided that ‘time’ was a very fluid concept. Right now, each minute felt like an hour, or at least it did to her poor feet and ribs. At least Connor had his own shoes on. Tenset’s were rubbing her raw. She wondered what sort of footwear Dakarans wore, if they wore any at all. She knew so little about her people, about herself, including the information Tenset and Tamas had been so keen to find out.

“Fancy spilling the information about pregnant Dakarans now? I might as well know what we could be in for ‘Daddy’.

She almost grinned at his rapidly paling face, until she realized that the joke would definitely be on her if either Tenset or Connor had ‘hit the mark’. She smiled inwardly at her phrase, they’d both ‘hit the mark’ exceptionally well, Tenset had done so twice, but it remained to been seen if she was pregnant or not.

“You do deserve to know, but they’ll hang my ass out to dry if they found out I told you, so play dumb if anyone ever asks. They lied to you about you being a foundling. Your mother was pregnant when she was found, I’ll tell you what we know, but unfortunately she wasn’t particularly forthcoming with information.”

“Where is she? Why were we separated?” she blurted out.

“I’m sorry Kittycat, she died soon after you were born, but she gave you your name if that helps, and she wanted you, loved you for the short time you had.”

Numbness was all she felt. Could she grieve for someone she’d never met?

“What was her name?”

“Panaya.” That one word changed so much. A feeling of connection bloomed within her. She’d always felt so alone, so different, and now she came from somewhere, from someone. Her one fear was that the details Connor held in his mind might be so sketchy, that she’d be left even more unfulfilled than when she’d known nothing. 

The sandy animal track they walked along faded into insignificance, as did the heat and her physical discomfort as Connor started speaking again.

“You don’t seem to be developing along human lines in terms of reproduction, despite having some human DNA. You don’t have a menstrual cycle, and the science bods think that’s because Dakarans may a have a modified oestrus cycle.”

She stopped in her tracks as she put two and two together, or rather his statement plus her recent nymphomaniac behaviour.

“You mean I’m going to go into heat like a bloody animal?”  She heard her voice rise in pitch. Strike one for cool, calm and collected.