Difficult Lessons

Chapter 1

“Meg, I’m finally home.” Sara closed the door behind her and leaned against it. “I thought this day would never end,” she said as she dropped her keys and briefcase on the small square table beside the door and surveyed the spacious living room looking for Meg.

“Hey beautiful,” Sara said as she sat down beside Meg on the sofa. Meg laid her head on Sara’s lap. An audible purr of pleasure escaped as Sara stroked the golden strands on the back of Meg’s head. After a few minutes, she let out a loud meow and jumped off of the sofa, scampering off to wherever her hiding place of the day was. Sara mindlessly picked up the television remote.

“That time of year has arrived again. The state assessments are rapidly approaching for our schools.” The perky voice of the reporter was heard before the picture was even clear on the television. “The students must pass each subject area if they expect to get a diploma at the end of their senior year. Many of the students that we spoke with at Mills High School voiced their individual concerns regarding the coming week of testing. There is a lot at stake this year.” 

“I don’t need some reporter telling me what’s at stake next week. There’s a lot more than students’ diplomas on the line. Teachers’ jobs could be lost if the students do not do well this year,” Sara’s voice was full of contempt as she turned the television off.

Since the state implemented the new curriculum, students from Mills High School had performed poorly in several areas. The state school board was pressuring the superintendent, who was questioning the principal. He, in turn, was coming down hard on all of the teachers.

“Oh well. Testing is not my agenda tonight. Dinner and a night at Mel’s should keep my mind free. Mel and Kathy will provide some much needed entertainment and it will be good to see them. I haven’t been there since…”

Sara’s mind drifted back to the days when she was with Keri. They were inseparable. When Keri moved to Florida, Sara simply stopped going out. There were too many memories at Mel’s, and it was the only gay bar in town. 

Keri had tried to convince Sara to move with her. Every argument that Sara offered for not going, Keri countered.

“Sara, this is great opportunity for us. It is a serious promotion for me. You can easily find a job teaching somewhere in Florida. We can find us a great little house on the beach. What more could we want?”

“I would have to get certified to teach there. I don’t have national certification. It would cost me money to take the test. It takes a while to get results. There probably wouldn’t be any openings by the time I got all of that done. “

“We don’t have to worry about the money. I am getting a great bonus for the promotion. It will more than cover the move and getting you certified. I am sure that you could teach on a temporary or provisional certificate until you got your test results back. Your track record alone speaks for how good a teacher you are. Besides, even if you don’t find a job, we will be okay. You can sit back and take it easy for a year. Money is not going to be a problem.”

“What about Mom and Dad? I can’t leave them here with no one to take care of them.”

“Your mom and dad don’t need anyone to take care of them. They are fine. I’m sure they would want you to do what is right for us. If you did need to come home for anything with them, it is only a few hours’ drive. It isn’t like it’s on the west coast.”

“I just don’t know, Keri. Things just don’t seem right about this move.”

“Sara, do you want us to stay together?”

“Of course I want us to be together, but I think we are both looking for different things right now. We have to make some compromises.”

“Maybe you’re right. I am taking this position in Florida. I have to do it. It is a chance for me to start moving up in the company. I can’t compromise on that. I hope you find some happiness here, Sara. I do love you, but I can’t hold myself back for you.”

That was the last conversation between the two of them. Sara missed her, but there was nothing she could do about it now. 

The truth was Sara was scared to commit that much to one person. She loved Keri, but was terrified to give in completely to her. There was no logical reason for her feelings. Keri was a beautiful, caring woman. She did everything for Sara. She would have even supported Sara completely if she had wanted to quit working to move with her. 

Sara’s thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Sunshine. What are you up to tonight?” 

Sara cringed at her dad calling her that name.
When is he going to stop calling me that?  Sheesh! I am grown.

“Hey, Dad.” Sara’s tone was less than enthusiastic.

“Well don’t sound so excited to talk to your old man.” His voice was thick with sarcasm.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I am glad to hear from you. I just got home and I’m really exhausted.”

“I just saw a story on the news about the testing next week. It made me realize that I haven’t had dinner with my favorite girl in a while. I thought I’d call you up and see if you were free tonight.” 

“Can we make it some other time? I just want to take it easy tonight.”

Why did I lie to my father? I am thirty-eight years old. I could have just told him that I have plans already. Because he would put guilt trip on me or try to find out who my plans were with, that’s why.

“I know why you don’t want to have dinner with me.”

“You do?” Sara could not hide the surprise in her voice. 

“Yep. You have a date with some hot hunk and you don’t want your old pop to know about it.”

Trying to stifle the laugh was useless. “No, Dad. I promise you that I don’t have a date with any hunk, hot or otherwise.”

Why can’t I just tell him the truth? Because he would never accept the truth, that’s why. He took years to come to terms with the fact that I do not want to have children and he would never be a grandfather. That was enough of a blow to him. I can’t drop the lesbian bomb on him.

“Can we do dinner some other time? How about I take you for Chinese tomorrow night? Let’s say around seven?”

“I guess that works, Sunshine.”

“It’s a date then. Oh, and Dad?”

“Yes ma’am?”

“Don’t put on too much of that cheap aftershave.”

“Next you will be telling me not to wear my Bermuda shorts and sandals with socks!”

Sara was still giggling about the Bermuda shorts as she walked down the hall and into her bathroom. It would not surprise her if he did come out wearing them.

The heat of the shower seemed to revive her tired muscles a bit. Some days her body felt like she had done hard manual labor all day. It was nothing more than the stress from work. 

Sara opened the bottle of shower gel and took a deep breath. The fresh ocean breeze scent tickled her senses. Pouring the soap on the washcloth, she began her showering ritual as the bathroom filled with steam. 

Sara rubbed the cloth around her neck, across her shoulders, and down her arms.  Her pace slowed as the cloth passed over her breasts and down her stomach. Thoughts of Keri and how she used to pay special attention to certain areas when they showered together came flooding into Sara’s mind. Keri’s hands had been very gentle. Her touch had sent tingles to every nerve in Sara’s body. 

Stop it
, Sara said herself.
It’s been almost a year since she moved. She has gotten over you and you need to get over her
.

As she stepped out of the shower, her phone rang again. Wrapping herself in the towel, she raced to answer it. 

“Hello?”

“Hey honey. I wasn’t sure if you would be home tonight.”

“Where else would I be, Mom? You know I have no life.” Sara laughed.

“You really should get out some.” There was deep concern in her mother’s voice.  “That’s why I called. Why don’t you meet me for dinner at that little Chinese place that you like in town?” 

“Is this a conspiracy? Dad called just a little while ago wanting me to go to dinner with him. I told him I was really exhausted. I am going to make something quick here and then go to bed. It has been a long week.” 

“What’s wrong honey?”

“Nothing is wrong. We have just been trying to get our students ready for testing next week. It is so tiring.”

“Is it that time of year already? I didn’t realize it.’

“Yeah. We’re stressing as much over the tests as the students are, maybe more so.”

“Your students will do fine, I’m sure. They always do.”

“I hope so. Mills High’s students have done so poorly in recent years. They are really looking at us hard this year. Some teachers’ jobs could be on the line after this one. Now, about this meal, I told Dad that I would go out to eat with him tomorrow night. Can we do something Sunday?”

“Sunday sounds good. How about lunch? Chinese?”

“I am taking Dad for Chinese. What do you say to Mexican?”

“That sounds good. I haven’t had Mexican in a while.”

“Great. I’ll pick you up at about 11:30 Sunday then. I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too. You get some rest tonight.”

After drying and combing her short, blonde hair, donning her favorite pair of faded jeans and a red button-down shirt, she checked herself in the mirror.
Boots and a black belt will finish this look off,
Sara thought as she turned from side to side.

She checked herself in the mirror again just before she walked out of the bedroom.
How can people look at me and not know? Everything about me seams to scream butch. Oh well. If they choose not to see it, that’s fine with me.

Sara was not out to many people. Her mother knew, along with a few people at work that she knew she could trust. She had a small group of friends outside of the high school that she associated with. Most of them were gay, so naturally they knew. There were enough closed-minded people in town to make her life hell, which led to a deep fear of losing her job if she came out publicly. Sara had decided long ago that it was best if she just stayed in the closet.

Chapter 2

At least there isn’t a lot of traffic and I won’t have to wait in line at the restaurant. I guess there are pluses to living in a small town after all
, Sara mused to herself as she drove through town.

Sara took a deep breath as she got out of her car. The aroma of the Italian spices floating through the air made her even hungrier as she walked through the parking lot.

“Good evening and welcome to Italy’s Finest. Will you be dining alone or joining someone this evening?” The hostess smiled a beautiful smile as she greeted Sara.

“It’s just me this evening. Would it be possible to get a small table in the back?”

“Sure. Follow me please.”

Sara could not help but watch as she walked behind the young woman. Her white blouse and black pants seemed to hug each curve of her body. She was young and beautiful. Her long auburn hair swayed from side to side as she moved gracefully through the restaurant. Her innocent beauty mesmerized Sara. She seated Sara and left the menu. Sara’s gaze followed her as she moved out of sight.

  You are too much, Sara. She is too young for you. She is probably straight anyway. She would just break your heart.
Sara chastised herself as she began to look over the menu.

“Good evening, Ms. Carson. Can I start you off with something to drink while you look over the menu?”

Sara looked up surprised. “Jeff! When did you start working here?’

“I had to do something to help pay for college.”

“How is school going?”

“The classes are the easy part. The tuition is a bit more difficult. My parents aren’t helping me out anymore. I am waiting tables and doing any other odd jobs that I can pick up to pay for it. If you know of anyone that needs a handyman or someone to cut grass, let me know. I’ll even walk dogs.”

“If I hear of someone I will send them your way. What happened with your parents? That is, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“Long story, but we had a disagreement about a couple of things. They booted me out of the house and cut off the college money.”

“Oh no! Where are you living?”

“With a friend. She had an extra room. I am renting it from her. She needed a little extra income and I needed somewhere cheap to live. It works out good for both of us”

“I hate to hear that, but at least you have things together and you’re still in school.” Sara’s sympathy for Jeff was easily detected in her voice. “What kind of disagreement could cause them to cut you off completely like that?”

“They don’t like the person I am dating.” Jeff’s tone grew more serious. “Honestly Ms. Carson, you probably knew when I was in your class. A lot of people have told me that they knew in high school. I’m gay. My parents didn’t know until I told them a couple of months ago. They didn’t take it too well either. Things are hard right now, but I am making it. Anyway, what can I get you tonight?”