Diamonds and Dust (Lonesome Point, Texas) (15 page)

He paused, gathering the courage to lay it all on the line. “But now I know pride isn’t worth the price I’ve paid. Fuck pride, fuck the past, fuck anything and everything that stands in our way. I can let it all go because I know that none of it is worth losing you. I don’t want to live another day of my life without seeing your smile, without being able to hold your hand and tell you that I love you.”

Tulsi covered her mouth with one hand, stifling a sob as she shook her head swiftly back and forth.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, hating himself for being unable to say the right thing no matter how hard he tried.

“Nothing.” Tulsi sucked in a breath, the hand covering her mouth falling away as it rushed out. “Everything. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do, Pike. I don’t know what’s right. I just… I want this so badly.” She swiped at her damp eyes, blinking hard. “I’m so tired of fighting to forget. It doesn’t work. I still wake up loving you every morning, no matter how much it hurts.”

“It doesn’t have to hurt anymore, baby,” he said, cradling her face in his hands and pressing a kiss to her forehead as her fingers wrapped around his forearms and held on tight. “Just love me and let me love you. All the hurt can be behind us if we decide it’s time to move on and get back to what we do best.”

“Hot monkey sex?” she said in a teary voice that made the words even funnier.

Pike laughed as he pulled back to look into her eyes, his smile widening when he saw the hope softening her expression. “We are good at hot monkey sex.”

Her lips trembled into a smile. “We really are.”

“But I want to take it slow next time.” He kissed her temple then her cheekbone, heart squeezing in his chest. “I want to drive you crazy and remind you why you don’t want to be with anyone but me.”

“I don’t need reminding.” Her hands slid up his forearms in a sensual caress. “No one has ever made me feel the way you do, and no one ever will.”

“Is that a yes?” he asked opening his hand to reveal the ring sitting in his palm.

Tulsi took a deep breath before reaching out and curling his fingers back around the two-carat princess cut, the biggest stone he could get at the Lonesome Point Mining Company. “I can’t, Pike. No one knows that we have a past and even if they did, we haven’t spoken a word to each other in seven years. If I put that ring on and walk back into camp everyone is going to think we’re out of our minds.”

“I don’t care,” Pike said. “I don’t care what anyone thinks but you.”

Tulsi smiled as she shook her head. “You always were a romantic.”

“Only with you.” Pike drew her into his lap, feeling like the luckiest man in the world when she came eagerly into his arms. “Just put on the ring and we’ll tell everyone else to mind their own damned business.”

“We can’t do that. It’s Mia and Sawyer’s wedding week. It’s their time to be the focus of all the excitement.” She ran her fingers through his hair, even that innocent touch enough to make him want to get her naked. “And I think we should take some time. As beautiful as that ring is, I’d rather wait to put it on until we’re both sure this time is forever.”

“So the second chance is official?” he asked, holding his breath until Tulsi slowly nodded.

“Yes,” she whispered, a smile stretching across her face. “It’s official, but let’s keep it between us, for now. Is that okay?”

“Anything you want, as long as I get to make love to you as soon as humanly possible.”

“I’ll meet you back here after everyone is asleep,” Tulsi said, a twinkle in her eyes. “And this time I’ll bring a sleeping bag so I’ll have something between me and the rocks.”

“Or you could be on top,” Pike said, his hand slipping beneath Tulsi’s shirt to cup her breast. “I love watching you ride me while I touch you like this.” Tulsi’s breath hitched as his thumb brushed back and forth across her nipple, teasing it until it pebbled beneath his touch.

Her fingers fisted in his hair. “I can’t believe this is real. I never thought… I couldn’t even let myself hope.” She trapped her bottom lip between her teeth. “But if you don’t stop that, I won’t be able to wait until tonight and you know someone is going to come looking for us sooner or later.”

Pike reluctantly slid his hand from beneath her shirt, knowing she was right. They’d gotten lucky yesterday, but he didn’t want to risk getting caught with his pants down by his baby sister a second time. “I’ll meet you back here as soon as everyone else is asleep, and by the time we’re done, there’s going to be no doubt in your mind that this is real.”

“All right,” Tulsi whispered, pressing a final kiss to his lips before climbing off his lap and shooing him away. “Now get going. You’ve already watched me pee, you don’t get to watch me brush my teeth until things are official.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Pike stood, adjusting his shorts so, hopefully, the hard-on straining the seams of his briefs wouldn’t be visible when he walked back into camp.

He left Tulsi behind on the riverbank, but as he walked away, he vowed that he would be watching her brush her teeth soon. If he had his way, things were going to be official before he left town, and not long after, he would be bringing Tulsi and Clementine back to Montana so they could all get started on making up for lost time.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Tulsi

Just leave the past in the past,
Tulsi chanted silently to herself as she joined the others around the campfire, staying warm as the desert temperature fell and the stars twinkled to life in the deep blue sky.

All these years she’d been terrified of what would happen if Pike were to learn the truth, but now he never had to know. He was the one who had insisted that the past was the past and nothing in it was worth losing each other again. He loved her, she could hear it in every word he spoke, feel it in every touch. He loved and needed her and she loved and needed him and nothing else mattered. Not even her lie. If she kept her secret, everything would work out the way it should have in the beginning. She and Pike would be together and Clementine would have a father who adored her.

Love was what mattered, not paternity, and Tulsi believed Pike when he said he couldn’t help loving Clem. Tulsi felt the same way. She would love any child of Pike’s because he or she would be a reflection of the man she loved.

Every secret dream she’d been too sad and defeated to believe in was coming true. So why did she feel so scared? And so certain that this miracle was going to turn to dust in her hands before she could wrap her head around the fact that her long-lost love had proposed and wanted to live happily ever after?

Because this is crazy. You’re living in a fantasy land. How can you leave the past in the past when Clem will be there every day, learning to care about a man she’ll believe is her stepfather? Every minute will be a lie. Every second.

You’ll spend the rest of your life lying to the people who matter most and if they ever do learn the truth it will destroy your family. You should tell Pike the truth now, before you get in any deeper, before you remember how easy it is to give him every piece of your heart.

“You turning in, Tulsi?” Mia asked with a yawn as she rose from her chair and slipped her hand into Sawyer’s. Ross, Meg, and Pike had already retreated to their tents half an hour ago and now only Tulsi sat in her chair beside the dying flames. “If so, I’m going to put out the fire.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll put it out,” Tulsi said. “I’m going to sit and stare for a little longer.”

Mia smiled, her face glowing in the warm orange light. “Okay, sweet thing. Thanks for coming. I can’t remember the last time I had such a perfect day.”

“Me too. Love you two. Sleep well,” Tulsi said as Mia and Sawyer turned away from the fire and her thoughts continued to tumble, tangling her heart into tighter knots.

On the one hand, she’d been lying to Mia for years, so it shouldn’t be that unthinkable to consider lying to Pike. But her lies to Mia had been different. Tulsi had truly believed she was doing what was best for Clem by living that lie. If she lied to Pike, she would only be doing what was best for herself, protecting herself from the fallout that would rain down if she told the Sherman siblings the truth.

In the long run, she might be able to make Pike understand—he realized he’d played his part in the death of their relationship—but Mia never would. For years Mia had stood by her, pitching in and helping out because she believed Clementine’s father was a deadbeat who wanted nothing to do with his daughter.

If she realized that Tulsi had known Pike was Clem’s father all along, Mia would hate her.

Mia doesn’t hate anyone, not since her crazy ex-boyfriend got what he deserved. If you beg her forgiveness, she’ll eventually forgive you. That’s what it means to be family.

Tulsi’s gut said she should trust in her love for Pike and Mia—and their love for her—to carry them all through the hard process of bringing the truth to light, but she couldn’t help thinking about her friend Marisol. Marisol had made a mistake, never intending for it to hurt or embarrass her family, but it didn’t matter. Her father had still disowned her and cast her out. Now, even years later, only one of her brothers would talk to her on the phone. Marisol had lost almost everyone who had once called her family and it didn’t look like those wounds would ever heal. Before Marisol and Bubba met and fell in love, she had been completely alone in the world.

The thought made Tulsi shiver, despite the heat warming her outstretched fingers. She would never make it alone. She wasn’t that type of person. That’s why she’d put up with years of Daddy’s painful jabs and disappointed looks. She needed her father, even if he wasn’t perfect, even if he didn’t love her the way she wished he would. She needed her reserved, soft-spoken mother, she needed her angry, hard-to-get-along-with sister, and she needed her best friends and her daughter most of all.

Clementine was only six years old, but she was a brilliant kid who felt things as deeply as Tulsi did. If the truth came out, Clementine would realize that Tulsi had kept her father from her. She would realize that she’d done without something all her friends had because her mother had lied to the people she loved. Clem would always love her—Tulsi had no doubt about that—but this was the kind of news that might dull the adoration in her daughter’s eyes.

Tulsi couldn’t bear for that to happen. If Clem ever looked at her with the same mixture of disappointment and distaste that Dale did, Tulsi would lose her mind. It would kill something vital inside of her, something she needed in order to get up every morning and fight to be the best mother and person she could be. And that would be no good for Clem or anyone else.

This see-sawing had to end now. She either had to tell Pike she’d changed her mind and send him back to St. Louis alone or she had to lock the truth away deep inside and do her best to forget about it.

“Don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind.” Pike’s soft voice came from just behind her chair.

Tulsi turned, looking up to see the dying flames flickering across his impossibly handsome face. When she saw the love and worry mixing in his eyes, she realized there was only one choice to make. It wasn’t just Clem she needed to protect, it was this wonderful man who had all but ripped his heart from his chest and handed it to her for safe-keeping. Pike had always been romantic, but he wasn’t the kind to beg. The way he’d humbled himself today left no doubt in her mind that he was in every bit as deep as she was. Whether they were soul mates, meant to be, or just addicted to each other, it didn’t matter. Neither of them was ever going to find forever with anyone else and they deserved that. They deserved love and happiness after all the years of pain.

“No,” Tulsi whispered. “I haven’t changed my mind.”

“Then let’s go,” Pike said, reaching for her hand. “I’ve got a lantern and my sleeping bag is already laid out by the river.”

Tulsi rose from her chair and took his hand, threading her fingers through his as they moved quietly across the campground. This was their chance to reclaim everything they’d lost and she’d be a selfish monster to take that away from Pike, or herself. Yes, she’d made a mistake, but she’d suffered for it. She’d been lonely for Pike for so long that she’d become numb to the misery in that corner of her heart. It wasn’t until he touched her yesterday that she’d realized that the wound from losing him had never healed. Even now, when they stopped by Pike’s sleeping bag and he set the lantern down and drew her into his arms, there was as much pain as pleasure in the embrace.

“I’ve missed you so much.” Tulsi wrapped her arms around him and held on tight, pressing her face into the soft fabric of his tee shirt and inhaling his Pike smell, that amazing smell that was home and happiness and heartbreak all wrapped together. “I can’t believe you’re mine again.”

“All yours. And I’m going to make you believe it,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as his big hands skimmed up and down her back. “I promise.”

“I wish you could make me forget, too.” Tulsi swallowed hard as she tilted her head to look up at him in the near dark. “I was thinking by the fire… All this time I’ve blamed you for shutting me out after that fight with your dad, but I did the same thing. I was hurt and scared and instead of telling you why, I shut you out and lost the most important person in my life.”

“This is the past thing again, Tuls,” Pike said gently. “I thought we agreed we had to leave that behind. Beating ourselves up isn’t going to change anything. We just have to move on and know that this time we’re going to fight like hell to hold on to what we’ve got.”

Tulsi reached up to cradle his face in her hands. “I will. I swear I will. But I need you to promise me something first.”

“Anything,” he said, turning his head to press a kiss to her palm.

“Promise me we start fresh tonight and nothing either of us did before matters,” she whispered. “Promise me, Pike, and I’ll never mention the past again.”

“I swear it,” he said in a strong, steady voice. “We start right here, right now, and when we look back on our lives fifty years from now, neither one of us is going to regret giving each other a clean slate. The only thing we’ll regret is holding on to things we can’t change.”