Destined to Feel (27 page)

Jeremy was not happy with seeing them on my body — understandable, I suppose. He said whenever he sees them he can’t help but blame himself for everything I’ve been through. So instead, we have been making very gentle, exceptionally romantic love in the shadows, completely absorbed in the mystery of our togetherness and deliberately avoiding the future that awaits us when we disembark.

Over dinner last night on the outside deck, he asked me to describe exactly what I went through at the Xsade facility, in excruciating detail, as only Jeremy can. He wanted to know my answers to the questionnaire, how I was feeling at every step of the process, what surprised me, what made me scared — everything. At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk about it, or wanted him to know, but he sat there, encouraging me to speak and to open up to him. He listened patiently for hours, absorbed in every word, every facial expression. Once I began, and lost any sense of inhibition, I couldn’t stop talking. I realised I needed to talk about the fear and anxiety I experienced, how I felt about him when Madeleine Jurilique made me doubt his love for me, and my anger towards him at his supposed betrayal.

He showed more concern for my emotions than my accusatory words as I continued my story. It was just the therapy I needed. His body language changed almost imperceptibly when he asked thoughtful questions about my experience in the ‘orgasm factory’, as he liked to call it. I think it helped him come to terms with the fact that they didn’t keep me in some hideous dungeon, and made the whole situation more bearable and light-hearted for both of us. His eyes were blazing with concentration as I explained the actual experiences I observed and was intimately involved in. He didn’t judge me, my actions or responses, just listened attentively as though he needed to intimately understand my perspective. I somehow felt cleansed during this process.

Knowing everything he had been through as well and his desperation to ensure I was part of his life, along with his need to protect both me and my children, reinforced the unbreakable bond between us, that our lives should be lived together, never apart, from this point forward.

Jeremy

It is our last night together on the boat, as we near Barcelona before flying to the United States.

Alexa is wearing a sexy black negligee and I’m in my boxer shorts. We’re just chatting and I have the great privilege of admiring and stroking the luscious silky curves of her body. Her reactions to my touch are even more pronounced since we last met, it’s incredible. She believes we are going to Boston to meet up briefly with Professor Applegate and for me to pick up some things before escorting her back home. I can’t stand the thought of her travelling without me, her abduction is still far too raw in my heart; I don’t imagine that will change for quite some time.

Leo, via Moira, has insisted that Martin and Salina escort us at all times until we find Madame Jurilque and understand exactly what her intentions for Alexa might be. Once again, I’ll be forever thankful that Leo is part of my life. I’m completely indebted to him.

I’m thrilled that I’ve been able to arrange, on the sly, with Robert for him to fly over with the kids and meet us in Orlando, Florida. He’s actually a great guy. I can reluctantly understand why Alex would have chosen him to be a father to her children. Since Avalon and the momentous conversation between Alex and Robert regarding their true feelings about their marriage, he has been in regular touch with Adam, Leo’s brother. So the kids will stay with us and he’ll fly on to London and finally meet with Adam, after all these years; it will be interesting to see whether it all works out. I hope so.

I figured Disney World would be the perfect place for me to get to know Elizabeth and Jordan and would distract Alexa’s mind from everything that’s happened recently. Although I have to admit her resilience has been astounding and her libido has been on fire. I was anticipating having to be very patient with her, give her time to recover after everything she has been through, but she seems almost insatiable. I’m certainly not complaining, but I know that being reunited with her children needs to be our priority…and sooner rather than later, so we can work out how to best reorganise our lives, together rather than on separate sides of the world.

Everyone is so excited about arranging this as a surprise for her and I’m grateful Elizabeth and Jordan have managed to keep it that way, even though we’ve had a few close calls, which makes me laugh. Alexa is completely puzzled as to what they could be planning, but seems happily distracted and I love to see her this way. For the first time in weeks, I feel like everything could actually work out for us.

I’m gently stroking her inner wrist and playing with her hair. ‘So you honestly want this, Alexa?’

‘Yes, I do.’

‘You certainly seem more assured of your desires and arousal since your experience at the orgasm factory.’

‘I’m very sure of my desire for you, Jeremy, and your innate ability to arouse me.’

‘Thank you, I’m very pleased to hear it.’ And relieved, I have to admit quietly. ‘So you really want to play…’

‘More than you can imagine. I want to play now. It will be different when we are with Jordan and Elizabeth. We’ll be parents first and foremost, not lovers. It won’t only be our time.

My focus will be on them. This moment is just about us and I don’t want to waste it.’

She breathes a deep sigh before straddling her legs over my body and pinning my hands either side of my head, a position I have her in regularly. I can’t help but smile up at her glowing face, her dark hair cascading past her shoulders, but not quite touching her breasts. I know she isn’t strong enough to keep me in this position, she knows it too.

‘So lovers it is then.’

As if guessing my thoughts she says, ‘For now, absolutely. It feels good to be on top.’

‘I’m starting to wonder if I should be a little concerned about how much you’re beginning to like this position.’

She laughs. ‘Not as much as I like others, though…’

She is certainly more playful and even more — dare I say it — abandoned than she ever was during our weekend away. Doubt shades my mind, but she seems happy, more confident, in her body and in our relationship. Perhaps the purple pill factory really did provide her with an opportunity to appreciate her sexual self. She certainly looks and feels sensational! My whole body agrees with that thought. Well, if the love of my life wants to play, who am I to deny her?

‘And you trust me?’ I ask her.

‘Yes, I trust you, Jeremy. What do I need to do to prove it to you? I understand now why our weekend together was so extreme, so many different forces at play. But, more than anything else, I know you did everything because you loved me, you wanted me back in your life and you were protecting me and my children.’ She strokes my cheek softly. ‘You keep forgetting that even though I didn’t understand how and why everything was going on at the time, like I do now, I made a choice. I chose you — every step of the way that weekend. You pushed me further than I’ve ever gone and I loved it. I might have questioned it, but I loved it. You tapped into the essence of me, opened me up like no other — as you said, like the roses blossoming. And here I am, a little tarnished, but certainly still blooming. Because I love you and I know you love me, always have and always will. Believe me, that instils more trust than I ever believed possible.’

The faith in her eyes is almost enough to undo me. What a speech. I wasn’t expecting such eloquence, but it is also exactly what I needed to hear. ‘You honestly never cease to amaze me.’

She peppers my face with light kisses, her delicate lips barely touching my skin as she continues to straddle my body. She rubs her cheek against my three-day growth. I still can’t believe she likes the feel of it. ‘You and I, we’re destined to be together, we know that now and I can’t wait for our new life to begin. We still have issues we need to work through and we will.

But for now…’

‘Yes, Dr Blake?’

She slides her tongue teasingly along my lips. ‘Well, right this minute, Dr Quinn, it’s playtime.’

‘It certainly is.’

I flip her over so our positions are exactly reversed, the only difference being that I know she can’t extract herself from beneath me unless I let her. I return her feathery kisses before upping the intensity and devouring her delicious mouth and she squirms with delight beneath me.

I remain straddled over her body as I reach to the bedside drawer and pull out two black leather wristbands, each with a connector, just like the ones from our weekend. I watch her face carefully as she registers exactly what they are.

‘Do you want to play this much, Alexa?’ I will never force her to do anything she doesn’t want to do, ever again, even if I believe she wants it. I’ve learnt my lesson.

She nods her head. Her nipples become instantly erect at the sight of the bondage restraints.

She readily offers me her free wrist so I can wrap it in the black leather. The look in her eyes tells me she is already moist below. I feel myself spring to life as I do the same to the other wrist. She is watching me intently, always more quiet in these circumstances than at any other time. I know it is because she is so in the moment with me, fully absorbed in what will happen next.

I slip the strap of her negligee over her shoulders. As soon as she explained to me how she felt about seeing the two couples together in the circular room, I noticed the timber beam in the corner of the room and have been waiting for an opportunity to use it. But only when she was ready, and it seems she is more than ready now.

The first time she had seen another woman come, and the way she described it and described her response to it, made me stiff while I listened to her, watching her sexy mouth form the words. I didn’t dare interrupt; I needed to know everything, every detail about how she felt and what she experienced, so I could learn more about what drives her arousal, to prove to her and to myself that I can fulfil her sexual needs. I lift her carefully off the bed and over to the beam and her eyes widen in surprise. I can’t decipher whether she had noticed it previously, but there is a cheekiness about the way reacts that makes me think this is what she may have been hoping for. My intentions are clear now at least and she smiles knowingly, raising her arms above her head. Wow, she has become so much more proactive in her own submissive way. I attach the two connectors above the round wooden beam, connecting her wrists together, and move back a step to take in the sight of her bound, beautiful naked body.

‘Are you comfortable enough in this position?’ Her silence continues as she nods her assent.

She is stretched out, on the balls of her feet as if she is wearing high heels. Her body is to die for, her round breasts teasing me to take them in my mouth but it’s not time for that. I absorb the visual feast of her waist, her hips, her stomach. My attraction to her is absolute. I walk deliberately around her, admiring her backside as much as her front, gently kissing the blade of her shoulder as I pass. I return to her face and cup her cheeks in the palms of my hands staring intently into her eyes, boring into her soul. I kiss her deeply until she is breathless, sighing audibly against her bounds. God, I’ve missed her so much. She is my world. She has been denied me for so long, in so many ways, and now she is mine and I am hers. I’m ecstatic that this has finally become my reality.

I lean down to kiss her belly and am enticed to poke my tongue firmly into her bellybutton, the core of her being, keeping it hard, and swirling my tongue around before sucking her skin back toward me. She gasps and I look up at her face to monitor her response. My hand slips between her thighs to physically confirm the look in her eyes. There are barely any remnants left of her small bruises, but I remember exactly where they were on her body and now I have free access to replicate each and every one of them, with my own mouth. For once in my life, I don’t follow a methodical process or have a definite plan. I listen and watch her body and how it feels beneath my touch to determine where to suck and nibble and bite. Something carnal within me ignites and seems to be driving my desire to mark her, to override where I know the others have been with their mouths on my woman. I can’t stop as my tongue, lips and teeth intensify their ambush on her most sensitive areas.

‘Oh, god, Jeremy.’

‘Do you like this?’

‘Yes…but…’ I suck her nipple slowly, and widen my mouth to absorb more of her breast, using the pressure of my tongue to great effect before biting the bud of her nipple and simultaneously stroking the inner layers of her labia.

‘Oh god…’

‘Yes, but…what is it, sweetheart?’

I repeat my actions on the other breast while continuing to entice her vulva with the strokes of my fingers. ‘I’m listening.’ Her moans intensify and I’m pleased I locked the door to our room. ‘Would you like me to stop?’

I spread her legs open so my mouth has access to her inner thighs and continue my nibbling and sucking of her soft white and pink flesh, knowing some will leave marks and others won’t.

‘No…no, don’t stop.’

There is a gorgeous sheen heating her skin and her eyes are beginning to glaze over with the intensity of sensation. I ease off, not wanting her too close this soon. We’re certainly not done playing yet.

I step away from her body, my eyes intensely admiring its beautiful form.

‘You look stunning, Alexandra. You are oozing lust and love, I’m in awe of you. I swear I could play with you all night like this. How have we never entertained this position before?’

‘Please, don’t just look, touch me. I need to feel you.’

‘I need a minute, sweetheart. You are getting hot and bothered too fast.’ She sighs in frustrated response, left dangling in the corner, eyes glazed over with desire.

I walk to the bedside drawer and return with two items.

Her eyes widen even more as I place both of them on the edge of the bed and sit beside them.

Fascinating…her eyes are telling me a thousand words, she is licking her bottom lip, but remains defiantly silent.