Defiance (New Adult Romance) (Isaac & Maya) (24 page)

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Do you want to get out of here?” she says seductively. “Maybe go for a ride?”

“No, actually, I don’t,” I say firmly.

“She won’t find out.”

This is not the time to be polite. Maya deserves better. “Look, I hate euphemisms, so I’ll just fucking say it. I don’t want you.”

Laurel appears to be a little surprised, but not offended in the slightest. Fuck. “I know how Maya is. She lets her men get rough. I can do that too, probably better than she can.”

“Wow,” I exhale, shaking my head. “Did you really think that would work? I do not want to have sex with you. And I don’t want you to suck my dick either, so stop licking your lips every fucking time you look at me. It’ll never happen, and your sister will never bring another man down here to visit, so you’ll have to find a different way to make yourself feel special when she comes around.”
Not that we are ever coming back here.

I turn my back on her and come face to face with Garrett on the porch as he steps out of the shadows. I guess I’m not the only sneaky guy in Maya’s life. His sister curses and pushes past us to get inside first. That’s when the fighting starts. Laurel starts telling her version of the story, a version where I came onto her, but Garrett is right there to clarify what really happened, word for word. The porch light flicks on to expose me in the night as
Darlene starts yelling at everyone for being so hateful and cruel to each other. Maya beams at me proudly from inside. That obviously made her day.

Garrett storms out of the house and grumbles, “Let’s just fucking go. I can’t take this shit anymore.”

Laurel and Darlene are screaming at each other in the background as I watch Maya hug her youngest brother, picking him up and pressing her forehead to his. Whatever she’s saying to him must be soothing because he wraps his tiny arms around her neck and squeezes. That’s the first time I’ve actually seen Maya with a little child in her arms and it’s exactly the way it was in my dreams. I don’t understand my body’s reaction at all, my heart pumping and stomach flopping as the corners of my mouth lift in excitement. It only lasts for a second until the chaos tumbles off the porch and onto the lawn.

Laurel glares at me as she climbs into her car to go home.
Darlene begs her favorite daughter to stay another night, but Maya says that’s she just too upset from this and seeing her father. We have to leave early in morning anyway so I can get back to work. I put Darlene at ease quickly, insisting that I’ve had a wonderful time considering the circumstances and telling her to let Maya know if she needs anything, with extra emphasis on the anything. By the time we leave she’s smiling and waving us off.

Garrett is fuming in the back seat after we check out of the hotel early and start the journey back, but Maya keeps smiling at me, biting her lip as she crinkles her nose. Who’d have thought this would have ended so perfectly, and early to boot?

An image of her with a little boy in her arms keeps popping into my head. We pull off at a rest stop about an hour into the drive, and I can’t take it anymore, lurching over the center console that separates us and attacking her with kisses until she can’t stop giggling.

“Isaac!” she squeals as she writhes beneath my tickling fingers on her flanks. Eyes widening, our happy smiles that were pressed against each other fade away and pull apart. Shit.

“Okay, that is the third time you’ve called him that,” Garrett informs us. “What is up? And if you guys say ‘it’s complicated’ one more time, I am gonna fucking snap.”

“Aw screw, it,” I say, tilting the rear view mirror so that I can peel these suffocating lenses off my eyeballs for the last time. “You’re brother’s cool, he won’t tell.”

“Yeah, but…” Maya hesitates.

Obviously I don’t give him the whole story and it’s peppered with a fair amount of misdirection. The great thing about 16 year old boys is that they really dig the secret agent shit, which is what I was counting on when I came up with this particular Plan B. It’s a big risk, yeah, but Garrett likes me and he won’t call Luke up and rat us out, especially now that he despises him and he fears for his sister. I’ll get a chance to pull him aside and make the importance of that excessively clear.

“Asheville, anyone?” I offer as we pull onto the highway.

33

Jace

I’m still calling her every day. Sometimes she picks up, usually she doesn’t. It’s been like this for months and I don’t know how much more I can take. Piper finishes telling me about some article she read and she’s waiting for me to give my opinion, but I just don’t have it in me.

“This isn’t going anywhere, is it?” I ask quietly.

“What isn’t going anywhere?”

“These phone calls. They don’t mean we’re getting back together, do they?”

Piper sighs raggedly. “I don’t know.”

“You have to have some idea by now, Pipes.”

“I thought you said we could start slow.”

“I did. But I don’t want to talk about politics, or whatever atrocity is in the news this week and how they got it all wrong, or how some fucked up mega corporation is dicking over some group of people and how much it sucks that nobody cares. Well, I do want to talk about that shit, but I thought at this point I’d at least be able to ask you how your day went without you hanging up on me.”

“I don’t… I’m trying, alright?” she says.

“No. It’s not alright. Are you trying to forgive me or are you trying to make this the longest, most complicated and painful break up in history? Or maybe you can’t decide because it doesn’t matter how you fucking feel about me or what I obviously feel for you, you’ll never be able to reconcile what I did with your complicated philosophy about life, love, and boundaries, or whatever else the problem is.”

“Why are you yelling at me?”

“I’m not…” Yes I am. “I’m sorry. I just get extremely frustrated sometimes. I
love
talking to you, it’s the highlight of my day, if I’m lucky enough for you to pick up. But I want to talk about something that really matters to us. Just to us, not the whole fucking world. Will we ever be the same or am I torturing myself for no reason? I need to know what’s going on in your head.”

“In my head?” she snaps. “You want to fucking know what’s going on in my head?”

I’ve never been happier to hear her get mad at me. “Yes. I really do.”

For a moment, I ready myself for that horrible feeling when she hangs up on me. Her breathing gets heavier and angrier and she lets out a frustrated sigh that borders on a growl. “I’m pissed off. And I’m fucking confused, I don’t know who I am anymore. I lost everything. My home, my best friend, my boyfriend, even my fucking cat.”

“I thought you were seeing Maya every week.”

“It’s not the same!” she rages. “I love her, but it’s
never
going to be the fucking same. In some ways it’s better, in some ways it’s worse. I guess this is what happens when you grow up and move on, but it’s still the last semester of our senior year. It wasn’t supposed to be over yet. We’re supposed to be on a last hurrah, and looking for jobs or applying for school, that kind of shit. I wasn’t supposed to be secretly helping Isaac ward off her fucking nervous breakdown, but that was the only thing left to do. And now that she’s pretty much back to normal, there’s like six weeks left.”

“I am so sorry. That really sucks, Pipes.”

“Yeah, my whole life fucking sucks, Jace. I’m completely miserable. I don’t like where I live or who I live with. I used to like them just fine, I’m the one that changed. I’m a bitter, angry bitch and I’m ruining relationships that I’ve had for years, relationships that I’ll need in the future, not that I have any idea what I should do with my life. I can’t talk to my parents. I can’t talk to other men, they all fucking suck compared to you, so thanks for that,” she growls.
You’re welcome.
“I used to think I was a great judge of character. Maya had me convinced that I had excellent intuition. I was fucking blindsided by this and pride that I didn’t know I had is so bruised and broken, I can’t fucking move on. So I talk to you, and yeah, about nothing, because if I start to talk about what really fucking happened, it just hurts so much I can’t stand it, and then I don’t want to talk to you. And hearing your fucking voice is basically the only thing I have to look forward to.”

“Piper…”

“I lost my faith in justice. I keep clinging to the idea that Luke will pay for what he did when this is over, but he probably won’t. Meanwhile, I’m the one that’s paying for it. I never did anything. I never hurt anyone. And I don’t understand why I’m the one that got punished the most. That’s what’s going on in my fucking head.”

I’m not surprised in the slightest to hear the phone go silent, but I still think that outburst counts as progress and I’m invigorated when I finally stop calling her back, not depressed. I need to give her some space after that. She doesn’t answer for a week, but she does text me to say ‘fuck off.’ Then one of my wildest dreams comes true. Piper calls me.

“Hello?”

“It can’t go back to how it was,” she slurs.

“I thought you stopped drinking.”

“I lied to you about that. I get hammered every fucking night just so I can fall asleep.”

That’s upsetting, but also encouraging because that means she’s still hung up on me. I’m such a dick. “Shit, Piper. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Seriously?” she laughs. “
You’re
calling
me
out on secrets?”

“Good point. Where the hell are you?”

“We won’t work, Jace. I’m not Maya, I don’t want to stay home and snuggle all day.”

Where the hell did that come from? “I know.”

“I’m going to grad school next year.”

“You passed the LSAT?”

“Of course I passed the LSAT,” she says, but her voice fades away at the end and there’s a crash. I think she dropped the phone. “I’m not going to give up and be some fucked up impoverished activist lawyer. That was a phaaaase.” Man, she is messed up. “I wanted to be a judge like my Dad my entire life and that’s what I will be.”

“Where are you Piper?”

“I’ll work constantly. It’s just a recipe for disaster because we’ll never see each other.”

“No, it’s not. This is what people do. They work with people they don’t like all day and come home to someone that they do like at night.”

“We’re both huge flirts.”

“No, we’re not. Well, I’m not a flirt, not anymore. I thought you said you hated other guys now.”

“Maybe I don’t,” she murmurs. “Maaaaybe that was a phase too, like an anti-rebound or something. I don’t know. We should probably just stay broken up.”

“Fuck that. Where the hell are you, Piper?”

“Why? Do you want to come get me?”

“Yes.”

“You can’t. You can’t just show up at this bar and take me away from everything. That’s not how it works.”

How I wish it fucking did. “Is your bodyguard still with you?”

“Nnnnnope!” she giggles.

“Then where are you?”

“Would you have been stalking me if you could have? Would you have started harassing me and showing up at school, stuff like that?”

“Yeah. I probably would have.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“I know,” I admit. “It has been extremely difficult not to do that. If I wasn’t so worried about them finding out, we’d be back together because once we see each other, all this hostility will disappear.”

“That’s not true.”

“You know it is. That’s why you won’t meet me anywhere.”

“Oh yeah? You think you’re so fucking special that I’ll see your eyes and just forget about what you did?” she snaps.

“Not forget. Just move on.”

“Oh, I have moving on covered, asshole. I fucked somebody else, Jace.”

My throat tightens up and my fists clench. “Really?”

“Yeah,” she rasps. “A rough, raunchy, rode him all night and then sucked his cock all morning revenge fuck. He had a bigger dick than you, too.”

“I… Are you serious?”

“It was huuuuge.”

“No, I meant are you serious about screwing somebody?”

“Of course I’m serious. It’s me we’re talking about. I wasn’t going to let you steal the fun from my last days at college.”

My heartbeat is pounding in my head and I think I’m going to puke. “I deserved that, I guess. I’m still here and I still want you. And no, I have not had sex with anyone else.”

“You’re lying,” she hisses.

“I’m really not. I can’t. The thought has crossed my mind, but if I do that, then it’s really over. And I’m not there yet.”

“That’s how I fucking felt, Jace. Like it would really be over.
Over
over. Done.”

Does that mean it is? “Piper,” I choke, my resolve not to break down dangerously close to crumbling. “Are you somewhere safe?”

“No,” she whispers. “No, I’m not.”

“Pipes, please just tell me where you are. Don’t make me worry about you all night.”

“Did you honestly keep your dick in your pants this whole time?”

“Yes, I did. I’m not even ready to go out and buy another girl a drink. I hardly ever leave the house at all. I am still completely fucking miserable, I can’t believe how much I still miss you. ”

“Really?” Her voice is so pitiful right now, I can’t stand it.

“I swear.”

“I didn’t fuck him,” she admits. “I started to, but I couldn’t go through with it. His lips didn’t feel right against mine. I kept wishing they were yours and that pissed me off so bad I just left.”

The relief is so overwhelming I nearly fall out of my chair. “When was this?”

“Last week, after our last phone call when I went off on you.”

“I don’t care which version of that story is the lie, I just care if you’re okay.
Where
are you Piper?”

“Right here.” As soon as she says that, there’s a knock on my door.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You can’t come here, what if someone sees you?”

“Then you better let me in quick,”
she whispers.

I run over to the door as fast as I can and pull her inside so quickly that I don’t have a chance to enjoy the sensation of her body in my hands. She cut her hair into a bob. Holy shit, it is ridiculously fucking hot. Our eyes lock and I realize that she isn’t nearly as wasted as I thought she was. Piper lunges at me, wrapping her hands in my shirt and pulling at it as she shoves her tongue in my mouth. I should probably pry her off and say all th
e things I need to say, but I can’t because I’m kissing her back as my fingers unzip her pants.

I try to get a few words in, but Piper isn’t ready to talk. We just start fucking like animals because we both need it and we aren’t ready
to get it anywhere else yet. The first time is just physical and feels like a one night stand, but this will definitely be an all-nighter. Somewhere down the line it turns into hedonistic, last time, one-for-the-road sex, at least for her. I can’t stand it because I’m desperately craving we’re-getting-back-together sex, so I tell her that I need a break. We smoke an inhuman amount of marijuana and it starts to get cuddly. Cuddly leads to serious real fast. Lots of kissing. Hand holding. I’ve never been happier to have Piper in my arms, to see her smile. I need to show her and my lips are worshipping her entire body like they never have before. I lick her and fuck her and love her until I’m so exhausted it hurts to move, but I keep going because this might be it. If she doesn’t want me back, she’ll never speak to me again after tonight.

At a certain point I just can’t go anymore, so there’s no reason for her to stay. The sun rises and I start sobbing with my face in her tits. I can’t say anything, there aren’t any words left, I’ve apologized a billion fucking times. She drags her fingers through my hair as I continue to unravel and then I hear Piper whisper something that I’ve been wanting to hear her to say for longer than I’ve been alive. “I love you, too.”

Flabbergasted, I lift my face and look at hers. She’s been crying as much as I have the whole time. Suddenly I have more energy than I did when this all first started and I finally feel her relax in my grasp when I drive inside of her.

I may as well have been run over by a truck when I wake up, but I don’t give a shit because I sense her next to me in the bed. Too bad it was some kind of tactile hallucination. When I open my eyes, she’s not there. Piper isn’t in the bathroom either and her clothes aren’t on the floor. Her keys are gone, too.

It feels like someone ripped my esophagus out through my throat and everything that it was attached to went with it. There’s nothing inside me at all, my body is collapsing in on itself, but the process never finishes. I’m just stuck in a vacuum of pain and regret until it fades to nothingness, but I’m still fucking here to wallow in it.

Piper doesn’t pick up the phone anymore. She probably never will again, but I’ll keep calling. And calling and calling and calling.